On a side note this will be my last fanfiction ever. Because I am enjoying drawing fanarts on Deviantart and Instagram a lot more than I write fanfictions. 100 fanfictions is enough for me. If any of my followers want me to co-author a fanfiction with me they're more than welcome to. However, it must be on the condition that the person I'm co-authoring with publishes the fanfiction and not me.
So without further ado. Let me introduce you to my Farzar fanfiction!
Farzar Presents
A Narwhal Puppy Production
Hurricania
Part One: From Bazarack's Point of View.
In a place known as "The Netherlands" there was an evil kingdom aptly named 'Bazarack's Kingdom' where he ruled hoping one day to take over the planet of Farzar. However, "The Netherlands" was getting hit extremely hard with a Category 6 Hurricane named "Cania". Bazarack was in his throne room trying to look for a news channel with no luck at all. Bazarack was always in a state of panic when it came to Hurricane. He has always believed that a Hurricane can destroy his whole kingdom that he had built from the ground up.
Also in the throne room were all the other members of the Alien Armana. Clitaris, Silah, Gorpzorp, Fump, and Quarf. "Son Of A Bitch! Mother Fucker! Where have all the news channels gone?" Bazarack demanded. "Our electricity is out and probably won't be back for a while!" said Fump. "But I want to keep track of this fucking hurricane! Do any of you have a walkman that plays old cassettes?" Bazarak demanded.
Everyone was silent. "Some fucking help you all are!" Bazarack yelled. Silah asks Bazarack, "Why is tracking down this hurricane so important to you?" "Because I need to know if it's going to blow away my kingdom! I can lose everything! DOESN'T ANYBODY UNDERSTAND THAT! Not only that, if I don't do anything to try to help you guys out, King Renzo can defeat me and throw me in solitary!" Bazarack explains his intentions who then says, "There's also a plus side to all this, hoping that King Renzo will lose everything in the hurricane."
Clitaris says, "Yeah, every time this happens you're always afraid one of us is going to die. It never happens." Gorpzorp sees Quarf walking off somewhere, "I'm going to go see what Quarf is up to." Gorpzorp is now following Quarf. A thunderclap is heard.
Quarf was in the bathroom he looked as though he was searching for something he was hiding. Digging into the bathroom tiles on the floor, Quarf found something that looked like shrooms. Gorpzorp spots him, "Quarf? What are you doing?" "BAH! Gorpzorp! You scared the ever loving urine out of me!" Quarf yells out. Gorpzorp asks, "Whatcha got there? Have enough for everyone?"
"No, but promise you won't tell. All right? Be really cool about this." Quarf warns Gorpzorp. "Okay, I'm listening." said Gorpzorp. "They're shrooms. Psychedelic drugs. Makes you see weird things and be happy for a while. Since I figured we're going to be stuck here for a while with this storm, I thought it would be a good way to pass the time." Quarf explains.
"Okay, I won't stop you." said GorpZorp. "You're going to be cool about this, and not tell Bazarack?" asked Quarf. "No I won't. I'll keep my word." said Gorpzorp. Quarf eats the shrooms and and begins to get high. "Nice trip you seem to be having there, Quarf. I feel it too, think it's called a contact high." said Gorpzorp.
Back in the throne room, Bazarack was crying his eyes out. Then begins ranting. "Nobody cares about Hurricane Cania but me!" Fump is looking at Bazarack like he was insane. "Neither of you have anything I can use!" Fump says, "We threw all that old techno stuff you gave us because we thought we didn't need it."
"Besides, who could've forseen this?" Clitaris implied. "I give you guys everything and you all throw it away behind my back! You are all a bunch of selfish little bastards! Selfish! Selfish! Selfish!" Bazarack shouted at everyone. Clitaris, Sliah, and Fump all sneak away.
"Sheesh, I've never seen him like this before." Fump says. "He always gets like this in an event of a disaster." said Clitaris. "You've told me many times." said Silah. "Yeah, but what's the reason?" asked Fump. "He's always been afraid that somebody will steal away his kingdom, money, one of us. This hurricane shit all goes back to when he was a kid when he thought he lost his dad in one." said Clitaris.
"Oh I see. Bazarck thinks history will repeat itself." Silah said. "You know, maybe we should do something to help Bazarack feel better." suggested Fump. "Great idea, if he'll go for it." said Clitaris.
Walking back into the throne room, Clitaris calls out to Silah and Fump, "Hey guys! Want to play a game?" "GAME! THIS IS NO TIME FOR GAMES!" Bazarack shouted.
"Well, we figured we can try to make you feel better..." Fump says but was cut off. "NO! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT! YOU GUYS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT OR THINK ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE UNLESS IT'S ABOUT HURRIANCE CANIA!" Bazarack demanded.
"Don't you think you're taking this too hard? You need to get your mind off this." said Silah. "She's right. We are going to be stuck here until God Knows When. So how about we play a game?" asked Fump.
Bazarack considers it, "Hmm, you know you're all correct. It's just that I almost lost my Dad in a storm like this. Now I get scared that my whole kingdom will blow away and I will lose one of you!" "We know the story. You were at the movies, the power went out, and you thought you lost your Dad and it turns out he was okay after all." Clitaris recalls the story.
"Okay! A game it is! What shall we play?" asked Bazarack. "How about Finger Bang!" said Fump.
"Sounds like fun! Who wants to go first?" asked Bazarack who then decides to be first, "Okay guess I will! BANG BANG!" Fump joins in and says, "Try this on for size, BANG BANG!" "Oh yeah, you guys won't get me! BANG BANG!" Silah says. Clitaris wants in, "I'm going to blow all your brains out! BANG BANG!" Fump, Bazarack, and Silah all look at Clitaris like he was an annoying needy friend. "Oh nobody wants to get Finger Banged by you, Clitaris!" Bazarack stated. "But this was my idea, why are you putting me down?" asks Clitaris. "That's for throwing away those old school walkmans I gave to all of you! And for undermining me about the Hurricane when I told you the reason why I am so scared!" Bazarack says.
"Yeah, why don't you go Finger Bang yourself!" Fump said. Clitaris walks away shamefully. Silah looked concerned as she didn't like how harsh Bazarack can be with Clitaris at times.
"Great! I'm bored again!" Fump ranted. "I got it! Let's play charades!" Bazarack says. Clitaris sneaks back in and this time keeps his mouth shut. "Okay, I guess we can go for that." Silah agrees. Bazarack makes the 'movie' signal for the charades game, "Uh, is it a movie!" Silah says. "Good good! Now try to guess!" Bazarack says. Bazarack pretends to give himself a shot. "Uhh, needle?" asked Fump. "No, no!" Bazarack says. "Shot?" asked asked Silah. Bazarack continues to pretend to give himself a shot. "A movie about drugs? I got it! Contraband!" asked Fump. "No! Not that!" Bazarack says getting frustrated. "Uhhh, is it Easy A? That had drugs in it." asked Silah.
"I know it's Traffic, right?" asked Fump.
Still pretending to give himself a shot, Bazarack gives up and screams, "IT WAS THE MOVIE BLOODSPORT YOU DUMB FUCKS!" "Oh okay." Fump says. "Guess we won't be playing charades." said Silah.
"Just for that, you all have to sit here and watch me make villain laughs!" Bazarack says. Sitting on his throne, Bazarack does a series of laughs.
"BWAH HAHAHAHAHA!" "HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!" "CAW CAW CAW! CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW!" "HO! HO! HO! HO! HO!" "HAH! HAH! HAH! HAH! HAH! HAH! HAH!" "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!" "HEE HEE HOO HOO!" Then Bazarack starts laughing like Beavis and Butthead. "hee hee hee hee hee huh huh huh huh huh huh huh! That was cool!"
"Man, the rain is really coming down." Clitaris said but was ignored. "Yes it is. Kind of nice for us to be all together like this." Silah says walking up to her husband. An eerie drone and sucking sounds are heard outside. Quarf walks into the throne room and begins to hallucinate that Bazarack was Godzilla. Silah was Cody Zamora from the movie Bad Girls. Clitaris was Frank Drebin from the Police Squad movies. Fump was Charlie Chaplin.
"AAAAHHHHH!" Quarf sees them all run to the bathroom. "Hmm, what's with Quarf?" asked Fump with concern.
Gorpzorp goes into the bathroom only to see Quarf standing on a stool next to a mirror. Quarf was about to cut his ear off. "Quarf! What the hell!" yelled Gorpzorp.
"I'm going to cut off my ear to prevent the wedding of Renzo and Flammy!" Quarf announces. "NNOO!" Gorpzorp screams as Quarf cuts off his ear. Gorpzorp grabs Quarf and tackles him to the floor, "What the hell are you trying to do?" Quarf yelled!" "Those mushrooms are messing you up!" Gorpzorp says as he leads Quarf into the bedroom.
Now Gorpzorp has Quarf in his bedroom and Quarf still feeling the effects from the shrooms says, "Lesbians and deaf women wear the same clothes. Is that right?" asked Quarf. "Yes they do. You are right." Gorpzorp assures him. "Taking these shrooms was a huge mistake!" Quarf says. "Just stay calm. Ill help you through this." Gorpzorp says.
Quarf says, "Bazarack is going to be so mad at me." "It'll be our secret. I'll stay here all night if I have to." Gorpzorp says. As Gorpzorp was trying to calm Quarf down, he began to have an even worse hallucination. He begins to see himself in a medieval setting. Quarf finds himself being chased by Frodo, Bilbo, Legalos, and Gollum.
"LEAVE ME ALONE! I DON'T HAVE THE RINGS!" Quarf shouted at them all. Frodo throws a mace in Quarf's direction that makes him trip. Gollum jumps at Quarf and slaps him up and screams, "GIVE ME BACK MY PRECIOUS!" "NNNOOOOOO!" Quarf yelled as he was being slapped around by Gollum. The scene changes into another medieval setting. This time Quarf finds himself in the movie A Knights Tale.
Quarf was now in the middle of an arena during a tournament. A knight comes charging at Quarf. "Heath Ledger! I thought you were dead!" Quarf says. The knight reveals himself to be Bazarack, "I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU, NEPHEW!"
Running away from the arena, Quarf's hallucination scene turns back to Farzar as he finds himself being chased by Bazarack, Clitaris, Fump, and Silah. Who all end up running by Quarf.
Silah says, "Wanna have sex!" Bazarack says, "What did I tell you about drugs?" Clitaris sings, "The Wheels On The Bus Go Round and Round!" Then Fump turns into a bee. Gorpzorp turns into a snake and also begins to chase Quarf and hisses at him. "YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE YOUNG MAN!"
"Oh come on! You too? We're all supposed to be evil! I thought you would be okay with doing drugs!" Quarf yells at Clitaris, Bazarack, Silah, Fump, and now Gorpzorp who were all in hot pursuit of Quarf.
"We may be evil but we still have our principals!" Bazarack says. "Shame! Shame! Shame!" Silah's voice echos. "You're a teenage and we're adults!" Fump says. Outrunning being chased, in the hallucination, Quarf runs to a secret door and goes in. Bad choice because Quarf falls into a black hole into oblivion. Lucky Gorpzorp was beside Quarf to snap him out of it.
"QUARF! QUARF! QUARF! CAN YOU HEAR ME!" Gorpzorp demanded. Quarf comes back to his senses and sees Gorpzorp.
"Gorpzorp! I had a terrible dream!" Quarf said with relief. "You were having a bad trip. Come on let's get you some water. We cannot let Bazarack know you were taking drugs." Gorpzorp says as he was leading Quarf into the kitchen to get something to drink that was next to Bazarack's throne room.
As Bazarack, Silah, Clitaris, and Fump were all bored in the throne room. Clitaris was reading a porno magazine, Silah and Fump were just staring into space.
Then Bazarack comes up with an idea to keep them all occupied. "I got it! How about we all have a sing along? I shall pick the song. How about we sing the theme song to Star Trek the Next Generation? The one where George Takei joined the cast! You are welcome to join in!"
Now Bazarack was beginning to hum the song, "DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH! DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH!" Silah and Fump were looking at him. Clitarius was as well but with a look of contempt. Gorpzorp had Quarf drink a whole bunch of water however nobody seemed to notice. Bazarack was singing the Star Trek theme in an annoying sense.
"DAH DAH DAH! DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH! DAH DAH DAH! DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH!" Bazarack then sings the theme song even louder. Silah and Fump just looked at him. Clitarius was getting madder by the moment. Quarf was done drinking water and felt better after that bad trip he had with the shrooms. Gorpzorp told him, "You okay now?" "Yes I am! Feels so much better!" Quarf said.
Gorpzorp and Quarf walked into the throne room as they witnessed Bazarack singing the Star Trek theme song. "See? Nobody noticed you were on shrooms. So you were never on the hook to begin with!" Gorpzorp assures Quarf who laughs, "Good old Bazarack! Always making an ass of himself!"
Bazarack relentlessly continues to sing, then Clitaris lets out a big cough that totally disrupts Bazarack's singing. "GOD DAMMIT CLITARIS! There you go again with that nervous cough! Do we need to get you a mother fucking chest X-Ray?"
Clitaris's cough was actually a post nasal drip allergy. Bazarack, however did not want to see it that way. Bazarack has always believed Clitaris's cough was a 'nervous cough' because he thinks Clitaris is always severely stressed day in and day out. Every now and then, Bazarack always nitpicks on Clitaris's cough and thinks he needs a hospital. Standing up from the floor where he was laying to read his magazine Clitaris decides to lay into his leader once and for all.
"I am getting pretty sick and tired of you nitpicking at me about my cough!" Clitaris shouts at Bazarack. "HEY! Don't you dare shout at me! I am your leader! You treat me with respect!" Bazarack pointed out. "I do NOT need a fucking chest X-Ray! How many times do I have to tell you my cough isn't a nervous cough! It's a post nasal drip!" Clitarius sneers at Bazarack.
"How long has it been going on for! You've been coughing like that for over 10 fucking years! You should've gotten fucking help for it by now!" Bazarack spat back. "It's a seasonal thing! Not a stress thing like you want to think!" says Clitaris
Silah, Fump, Gorpzorp, and Quarf were all looking at Clitaris and Bazarack with fear in their eyes and total silence. To them, it looks like Clitaris and Bazarack were on the brink of killing each other.
"HEY! Don't start your shit with me! Here I am trying to put on a brave front for all of you here. Deep down inside I am scared shitless about this stupid ass hurricane that nobody asked for..." Bazarack begins, then Clitaris said, "I just want you to stop nitpicking about my cough! You act like I'm going to die at any moment and.."
"All right! I'm getting pretty revved up here! Now I'm really mad! I'm about ready to hurt somebody! If you don't stop closing in on me! It's going to be you!" Bazarack warns his adviser.
"You want to hurt me! Go ahead and do it!" Clitaris eggs on Bazarack. "Don't you dare act Italian with me!" Bazarack warns him. Clitaris kept repeating, "DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!" "Don't make me! Don't make me! So you better SSSHHHUUUTTT UUUUPPPP!" Bazarack lets out a high pitched squealing scream.
"DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!" Clitaris screams back with a terrible rage. Then Bazarack walks up to Clitaris and begins to strangle him and punch his face. "You should stop, Clitaris! You're acting like Tony Montana!" Bazarack says. "That's another thing when I stand up to you, always assume I act like some Italian in a gangster movie. I got news for you! This is the planet Farzar! There is no Italy!" Bazarack and Clitaris were running toward one another like they were going to battle each other. They both charge at each other and shout, "DDDDDIIIIIIIEEEEE!"
That's when Silah steps in, "SSSSTTTTTOOOOOOPPPPPP!"
Bazarack and Clitaris freeze instantly. Bazarack walks away, "Goodbye Clitaris! You're on your own! After this hurricane! I'm throwing you out!" Clitaris felt really bad and hurt at the fact that Bazarack could abandon him. "No please! Don't fire me! Being your servant is the only job I have!" Clitaris begged. "Too bad! Have fun living in the streets, you psycho son of a bitch!" Bazarack shouted back.
Silah decides to have a discussion, "Okay! That's enough! We are going to have a talk about this! Bazarack! Get in here!" "This isn't going to be a Pow-Wow is it?" asked Quarf. "No, Clitaris is the instigator here, not you!" Gorpzorp says. Fump was speechless and sitting on the corner rocking back and forth.
Bazarack begrudgingly marches back to the throne room. Silah rips into his husband Clitaris who was going to be the scapegoat about the debacle between he and Bazarack.
"Clitarius sweetie! What's the matter with you? I've never seen you get so violent with your boss before!" Silah shames her husband. "I just wish he would get off my ass about my cough!" Clitaris answers.
"Where does this thing come from within you where you have to act Italian with me? You're my second in command! You should be more submissive to me!" Bazarack says.
"Look at all what we're going through here. A hurricane with no end in sight. We ran out of electricity and who knows when it'll be back..." Clitaris explains.
"Honey, honey honey. There's something bothering you! And that isn't it." Silah says. "It is! What the hell do you want me to say is bothering me!" Clitarius hones in on Silah with a mean look on his face.
"Oh my! Look at that dirty face!" Silah said to Clitaris is if he were 6 years old. "Dirty face? What am I? Your grade school aged son?" said Clitaris feeling insulted. Silah continues, "I know this is a terrible situation with the hurricane. That doesn't give you a free pass to be violent with your boss."
"I am just sick and tired of being on the brunt end of Bazarack's wrath all the time! I want him to treat me like an equal. Guess I was ready to explode on him." Clitaris says. "Then stop acting like Joe Pesci in Casino!" Bazarack retorts.
"I just lashed out at Bazarack only this one time, and you all are treating me like I raped him!" Clitaris speaks out. It actually was the first time Clitaris was able to stand up to his boss. Because Bazarack was in charge, Clitaris had to be the one who was shamed and punished.
"I know what we can do. How about we continue this discussion with a calming cup of tea." Gorpzorp suggested.
"This isn't a fucking discussion! This is a shaming session!" Clitaris rants. "Yeah! And you deserve it you sick bastard!" Bazarack says. Silah begins to lecture Clitaris.
"You've heard the story about how before I met you I was in an abusive relationship." Silah begins. "Oh no, not this story again." Fump said to himself.
"My ex-boyfriend used to beat me. Sometimes it would make me angry and whenever I went after him, he hit me back very hard. I got it in the eye and the shoulder. Then the next day, I went to the doctor and as you know. Doctors are trained professionals to see if bruises are punches. The doctor saw my bruise and asked if somebody hit me. I was able to convince him that nobody did. So let this be a lesson to you, sweetie honey. If you try to go toe to toe with anyone stronger than you in any way. You will be the one that gets hurt." Silah lectured.
"What the fuck is this! A Public Service Announcement!" Clitaris yelled. Bazarack stands up from his throne, "No! We're trying to teach you a valuable lesson here! Now I have something to say! What if I bruised you and King Renzo were to see it? That means, King Renzo will overthrow and defeat me. I'll lose everything here in New Amsterdam that I've worked so hard to build from the ground up. Then my reputation as a ruler will be tarnished then I'll probably go to prison forever! Then you lose your job as my servant and you and Silah and all of my other henchmen will be thrown into the streets. And whose fault will it be? Yours Clitaris! Yours!" Bazarack ends his speech by pointing at Clitaris's face.
"Bazarack is right. You remember that next time when you get too mad at someone to a point that you want to hurt them. Trust me. I should know." Silah says in a soft and sweet tone pointing to her eye and her shoulder to remind Clitaris of what she went through with her then abusive boyfriend.
Clitaris is feeling both angry and ashamed at the same time. Fump suggests, "I think we need to stay away from Clitaris for a while." "Good idea." agrees Gorpzorp.
One by one, Bazarack, Silah, Fump, Quarf, and Gorpzorp all leave Clitaris in the throne room. Feeling alone and abandoned, Clitaris is now hearing all the words he had heard from Bazarack and Silah echo in his head. Without electricity and the internet. Clitaris just sits in the dark with nothing to do. Alone.
Sodikken's Hansel plays throughout. Reflecting on how he reacted with Bazarack. Still in the throne room. Clitaris can hear Bazarack talking to Silah, Fump, Gorpzorp, and Quarf about his behavior towards Bazarack. The howling sounds of Hurricane Cania were keeping him awake. The sound that annoyed Clitaris the most was the wind sounding like a horn that was passing gas.
Silah said, "The worst thing about that spat was Clitaris's attitude.
Bazarack says, "I know. I can't get that image out of my head from him getting so hyper on me!
He reminded me of my crazy uncle. That look he got on his face!"
Fump asks, "Should we go see a shrink after this is over?"
Gorpzorp added, "Nah, maybe not. The shrink will find out we're evildoers."
Quarf says, "Yeah, we don't want that."
Silah says, "I'm worried..."
Bazarack says, "I am too. He acted like he wanted to overthrow me so he could take over."
Silah said again, "I know right. What if this becomes a new pattern with the two of you?"
Bazarack said, "It'll take me a long time to get over this."
Gorpzorp said, "I bet. How will you two get along in the future?"
Fump adds, "Or the near future for that matter. How will you and Clitaris get along during the aftermath of the hurricane.
"The thing is Clitaris sounded really sick. So I was concerned." stated Bazarack.
That's when Clitaris decides he's had enough of them all smear campaigning him. Now Clitaris stands from the floor and says to himself. "Now I must know what I have to do." For now, Clitaris wants to sleep and wait until the morning.
After the following night, Bazarack, Silah, Fump, Gorpzorp, and Quarf all got up. The Hurricane was still raging. Clitaris walks in with hesitance.
"Uhhh, good morning?" Clitaris announces himself.
"Oh good morning." Bazarack greeted.
"So are we all on the road to being cool again? Sorry about my outburst last night." Clitaris says extending his apologies.
"Of course. You're my husband and you deserve a second chance." Silah says.
"Better hope Bazarack gives you a second chance." laughs Gorpzorp.
"I already have. I really wasn't going to throw you to the wolves, anyway. I just said that out of anger." Bazarack said.
"Thank Ozner!" Clitaris sighs with relief.
"Even though there's no internet, electricity, and everything else. We will still stand together." Fump says.
"Exactly." Silah says. "We're survivors not victims!" said Quarf.
"We need to stay united so we can defeat King Renzo! There's no way I will ever kick out any of you." said Bazarack.
Clitarius decides to take the blame for everything. "Just want to say that my outburst yesterday. I was really mad at myself. Bazarack, you are an outstanding evil leader, all that yelling and screaming I did to you was really about me being a terrible husband to Silah and an awful helper to you."
"Well why in the world did you put us through all that?" Bazarack asks.
"Well, it doesn't matter." said Gorpzorp. "From now on I'll be the lightning rod that absorbs all the evil dysfunction." Clitaris says. "Now that being an upstanding assistant!" Bazarack said.
"What will we have for breakfast?" asked Quarf. "That leftover pizza from yesterday will be good." suggested Fump. "Sounds okay to me." Clitaris says. "In the meantime, don't get into any physical spats you two! You both scared the living bejesus shit out of me!" Fump says
"You were a cock sucking piece of shit last night!" Bazarack barks at Clitaris's face. "Yes, yes I was." agrees Clitaris. "Think we can all agree with that!" laughs Silah.
All of the members of the Alien Armana decide to stand together and get through the Hurricane. And find ways to defeat King Renzo and his royal family. In the meantime, Bazarack never found out that Quarf was doing shrooms and Gorpzorp helped him out.
End Of Part One. Stay Tuned For Part 2. Where we see how King Renzo and The Shat Squad deal with the danger that is Hurricane Cania. The fanfiction is not done yet!
In the meantime, please review!