Lilith left Mother Superion's office weary and tired. Mother Superion had racked her over the coals. She had been punished with laundry duty for 8 months. Even Lilith didn't understand why she had been that reckless, She had charged in to fight 8 demons on her own. She shouldn't be alive not for timely intervention by Ava.
She had been confident but now she was reckless with no regard for her own life. She wanted to prove herself, She was never going to bear the Halo nor did she want to anymore. It belonged to her girlfriend. She yearned to make her name for herself, She wanted to be a nun who was remembered, she had to live up to her family name.
She found Bea anxiously pacing near the stairs. Lilith looked away, She was not ready to face her. She was awash with guilt. She sometimes forgot that people cared for her. Her parents would be proud of her if she martyred herself. It would break Bea and Ava. They would miss her.
She felt Bea's soft arms on her hips pulling her towards Bea as she hugged her forcefully. Bea was not given to the public display of affection at all.
"I'm sorry." She whispered, Trying to calm herself down as much as she could. Bea hugged her tighter. Bea pulled away from her, She led her to Armory which was thankfully empty in the middle of the day.
"What were you thinking?" She asked softly. Her first instinct was to be defensiveness but she restrained herself, Bea was close to tears. She needed to be mature.
"I don't know." She whispered, " I wanted to prove myself." She looked down, She didn't want to debase. Bea's earnest eyes had a way of loosening her tongue. She didn't deserve her, she didn't deserve Ava either. She tried to blink away tears but Bea caressed her face.
"Please take care of yourself, I love you." Bea hugged her again, She sighed in relief. She was not ready to talk yet. Hugging Bea made her feel like an idiot. She had risked her life for honor and legacy, She had been doomed if not for Ava. No legacy was worth not hugging Bea for as long as she could.
The inevitable conversation came late that night. Ava was still away for an assignment. Facing Ava would be even more difficult. Ava was there, She had seen everything. She was half glad that she could compose herself before facing her girlfriend.
Bea called her over to help her. She needed help cutting onions.
" I have known you for a long time and you were never this reckless." She whispered.
"I am sorry."
Bea sighed, " I want you to take therapy seriously, Mother Superion is not going to send you back onto the field for a long time. Please don't treat it as a chore that needs doing." She whispered
She nodded, Bea knew her so well that it was scary sometimes.
"I know we are in a profession where our lives are constantly in danger. We can't change that but I will do everything that I can to grow old with you. Lilith, baby, I want to see your hair turn grey. I want to spend every single moment I can with you and Ava." She said
She wanted to respond with words but it seemed that her brain had deserted her at this moment. So she just kissed Bea. Lilith was the luckiest woman in the world and she was going to enjoy her good fortune as long as it lasted.