Summary: The morning after Daryl and Murphy's one-night stand. Murphy has to confront her issues and why she has a dislike for Daryl.
Trigger Warning: Suicidal Thoughts.
I wake with a groan, on my stomach, face buried in my pillow, and blankets laying halfway across my back. I might have a mild headache, but nothing I can't handle. I remember last night, all of it. From downing a bottle of Southern Comfort to fucking Daryl Dixon. Mismatched eyes finally open as I lift my head, looking over to see Daryl gone already. Good. I didn't need to do the walk of shame, and I'm relieved over him not being one for small talk.
Holding the sheet to my chest, I sit up slowly and yawn. It takes me a minute to right myself before I brush my tangled hair from my face. I ache, but it's not a bad ache. I can almost still feel the way Daryl ground his hips against mine and the fingerprints I know are on my hips and thighs.
"Hey, still in there?" I heard Abby's voice accompanied by a knock on the door.
"Um yeah…" I mutter, wondering how she knew where to find me.
"Well, good morning, sleepy head." Abby grins as she steps through the door and closes it behind her, holding up my bag of fresh clothes.
"Morning, yes. Good, I don't know. How did you know where to find me?" I ask as I stand up, grabbing my old shirt and shorts to slip on before taking my bag.
"Well, you didn't come back to the room last night. I went to the rec room to find you and heard your little sexcapde with Daryl." She teases, rocking back on her heels and pulling her damp, brunette hair up into a ponytail.
"Don't start," I grumble, slipping my feet back into my boots.
"I'm not doing anything. I just think it's funny. One minute Daryl's existence annoys you and the next, you wake up in his bed." She giggles and slides her hands into the pockets of her shorts.
"Yeah well, drinking will get to ya." Shrugging.
"Bullshit. I've seen you drink Irish and Scottish men under the table. While this may have been drunken fucking, you knew what you were doing." She laughs.
Rolling my eyes, she was right. I knew what I did, I knew what led up to it and I knew I enjoyed it. I have a very pleasurable ache between my legs, Daryl's touch still lingering on my skin. I watch Abby snicker and bounce up on her toes before poking my nose.
"Secret's safe with me. I'll grab your holster and meet you in the dining area. Need me to send Daryl to help you wash your back?" She teases.
"I hate you." Flipping her off with a grin, walking out with her to head to the showers. Luckily I'm able to make it from my and Abby's room to the showers with no issue.
My shower doesn't take long, just to refresh and wash my hair. The warm water feels good on my aching muscles, and for a moment I lean forward and rest my forehead on the tiled wall. My eyes close for a moment as I sigh, trying to will away the sudden rush of tears that want to force their way out. I can do this. I can do this. Now is not the time to be weak. Stuff those feelings down and press on.
Last night flashes in my mind. The way Daryl picked me up, rough hands gripping soft flesh. The way he kissed me, bruising but driven like he was trying to suck the soul right out of my body. The sound of my name on his lips, in that raspy tone… The way he licked his fingers and looked me in the eyes. The very thought of that makes me whimper. While it was a one-night stand, fueled by alcohol, it was still the closest thing I have had to intimacy in years. Down to him telling me all I had to do was tell him yes. He asked for my consent and didn't expect anything.
That thought makes the dam break and the tears fall. My hands come to rest on my cheeks as I cry. One night and Daryl made me feel things I don't think I ever truly had. All I've ever known is violence, roughness, and uncaring. Toby would grab me, toss me around and use me. Daryl however, his grip was tight and I had a few marks, but they weren't placed there with malice. I can almost say I felt safe. I hate myself. Not because of what happened last night, but because of what I let my life become. What I robbed myself of. That's what brings the tears. How one man made me feel in one night, more than I have ever felt in my twenty-nine years of life.
When I turn the water off, I just stand there for a moment with my forehead still pressed against the wall and my shoulders still shaking with my tears. I haven't allowed myself to cry like this in so long, that I'm almost scared. Soon my tears turn to laughter. Not because anything is funny, but more because of how stupid I feel. My brain is now telling me I'm stupid for reading this much into a one-night stand.
After a few more minutes I pull myself together, bring my hands up to wring the water from my hair, and wrap a towel around my body, having to hold it together as I walk toward the sink because these towels aren't made for the curvy gals. Taking the towel, I bring it up to dry my hair the best I can before hanging it on the rack at the back of the door.
I pull fresh clothes from my bag, stuffing the old ones in their place. After pulling on my jean shorts and long-sleeved henley, I stuff my feet into my boots and do a quick braid of my hair to keep out of my way. After checking my face in the mirror, I sigh and make sure any evidence of my crying is gone. Slinging my bag over my shoulder, I head out of the bathroom and meet Abby in the dining area.
"Well, look who decided to join us." Joshua laughs as I plop down in a chair.
"I had to put my face on." I tease. Daryl glances at me before going back to talking to John.
I smile at Carl who offers me a bowl of cereal, which I accept graciously. I listen to everyone talking as I eat, sighing to myself because try as I might, I'm not able to push last night with Daryl out of my mind. Not like I've had one-night stands, but I'm sure you aren't supposed to linger. I have already told myself it won't happen again. While he made me feel things, I can't let it be more. Toby wasn't always an abusive dick. He was sweet once and I won't risk it.
"You okay, honey?" Dale looks over at me, placing a hand on my shoulder.
"Yeah, just tired. Trying to adjust and all, thinking I may sleep some more." Offering a smile as I polish off my cereal.
"If you need anything, just let me know." He offers a smile.
"I will." I lean over and press a kiss to his cheek and smile at him.
Dale pats my knee and gets up to get coffee. Again I glance at Daryl who this time is looking right at me, his gaze once more feeling like it's going to pierce through me. Biting my lip, my gaze drops from his and onto my empty bowl. It's too fucking early to be this deep in any kind of emotions. I don't want any of them.
"Been meaning to ask you ladies, I take it John and Joanne taught you to shoot?" Shane flashes a grin, though I note how it seemed to get a bit brighter for Abby. While the question may seem random, I know it's more meant to flirt with Abby who he has been flashing those boyish smiles at.
"Yeah, John here always says you gotta know your weapon or it will bite you in the ass," Abby explains.
"They may not be blood, but I have always wanted to protect my girls. I wanted them to have ways to protect themselves." John smiles.
Breakfast was a little more small talk before we dispersed. Everyone went their ways, me opting to walk back towards the rooms. Part of me wanted to hide and sleep, the other wanted to venture a little further down the hall, to a certain redneck's room. That alone confused me.
"You're back to starin' at me." Daryl's voice draws me out of my thoughts.
"What?" I snip, realizing I was leaning against the doorframe of my room, staring down the hall at Daryl.
"I said, you're back to starin' at me. Did I somehow offend you already?" He chuckles and rolls his eyes.
"Ever think I just don't like you?" I challenge him.
"Maybe, but I ain't stupid. There's more to it. I know I ain't easy to deal with, but you? You marked me before I ever uttered a word to ya." He challenges me in return and takes a step toward me.
"Maybe because I know all I need to know already." Lifting my chin, aware I'm being a bitch. I want to back down, but my pride won't let me.
"Knew enough to ask me to fuck you last night." Flashing me a cocky smirk.
"Fuck you, Dixon." I huff.
"We already established that you already did that." He snaps.
I growl, striding up to him to stand toe to toe. He glares at me, tucking his chin a bit as he has a few inches on me. My mismatched, hazel, and green gaze stared right back at him. He doesn't move, just stares at me. Stupid move and by now, Toby would have decked me. He hated any pushback and maybe I was waiting for it. Maybe I was waiting to see when Daryl would have enough and hit me.
"Anyone ever tell you that you think too fucking loud?" He snarks.
"Anyone ever told you that you're an asshole?" I retorted.
"Every day, kitten." The smirk and the accent make me wanna scream.
"I'm not your kitten." Huffing.
"Sure thing, princess. Anytime you want to pull that stick outta your ass, you know where to find me." He whispers and brushes his lips against my ear before he pulls back. With a cocky grin, he leaves the door to his room open as he walks inside.
Standing there for a moment, a mix of emotion and fighting against letting it out. My mental dialogue coupled with Toby's voice tells me I'm weak. My fist clenched at my side, asking myself why I'm fighting this. Why do I let Daryl get to me the way he does?
"Seriously girl, either come in or take your ass on. I can practically hear your brain churnin'!" He calls from inside the room.
"Okay, that's the third time you have said that to me. What the hell does that mean?" I ask, walking into the room and closing the door. My eyes narrow as I look toward him.
"It means I can almost hear the gears in your head turning and the look in your eyes tells me what I need to know." He states from the leather chair that sits opposite the door, his arm laying over the back of it.
"What could you possibly know about me?" I ask, crossing my arms, in an almost bratty manner.
He stares at me for a moment, I stare right back. Neither backing down, because we're both far too stubborn. All my years with Toby I've learned not to back down. Daryl's different, I can't put my finger on it and it's driving me nuts. Daryl watches me for a moment, leaning forward to rest his forearms on his knees. His brow raises and he gives me a once-over before shaking his head.
"Your eyes narrow when you're lost in thought and you bite at the skin on your lip, that's why they're cracked and to the point, they bleed. One night at camp, I watched you and it even took you a moment to realize you were bleeding. You get so deep in your head, that I'm surprised you don't need a map. You've got scars and the first few days we were in camp, you had black eyes and a busted lip. Don't take a rocket scientist to figure out someone hit you. You flinch around people, but not everyone. Only Rick, Shane & I. People you think pose the biggest threat to you." He pauses, almost sizing me up.
"I fought back." My normal tone gives way to a tone that shocks me. It's a bit raspier.
"Course you did, because you're a crazy bitch. Don't mean it doesn't bother you. The way you stare at me, I'm almost positive I remind you of the cocksucker who beat you. Because out of all of us, even fucking Shane, I'm the one you have the vendetta against. Last night and right now are the longest you and I have ever spoken, yet you glare at me like you want to claw my eyes out." Standing up, he takes a few steps towards me, but slow enough as if he was trying not to startle me.
Staring at him, unsure of what to say or do, because he was right. He saw through my act and that shocked me. Then again, I should have known. He's a hunter, he pays attention. Would that make me his prey? Shaking my head, I step back. Taking a deep breath and stowing my emotions, swallowing them down before looking at him.
"What are you a fucking expert now?" Snarking.
"Nope. Just smarter than people think I am." He takes another step toward me as if he wants to prove a point.
"If you say so. Last night happened, that's it. Doesn't mean I have to like you." Taking a step back, I sigh and shake my head.
"You're right, you don't, but you can at least be fucking civil." Raising his brow before shaking his head. "For the record, I ain't him. I'd never put my hands on a woman, I'd stomp any man's ass who did. Imma lot of things, a woman beater ain't one." He adds.
As I'm about to retort, I hear the air shut off. Daryl pauses as well, walking over to hold his hand to the vent, confirming nothing is coming out. We're underground, so that's a problem. Turning around, I open the door and peek my head out, locking eyes with Shane.
"Hey, did your room lose air?" Raising my brow.
"Yeah, just now." He replies, everyone else peeking out as well, Daryl stepping behind me to look out.
We all step out, following Rick and doctor Jenner down the hall. I listened to him explain that the building was shutting down. It was losing power and soon it would "decontaminate" which means self-destruction. I'm stunned, I didn't come all this way to fucking die. Yeah, I may have questioned letting go, but on my terms, not a fucking building's. Chaos ensues, everyone demanding to be let out. Again, I stow any emotion that can hinder me and hit autopilot again.
Jenner tells us how easy it would be to simply give in, and opt out. Reminding Rick of his words about not wanting his family to live like this, in a world where not even the next day is promised. I can hear him and Rick, but slowly my mind starts focusing on escaping. Getting out. Have to move. Have to leave. Over and over. Like a broken record.
I can't begin to explain what happens next. I run and help everyone gather their things, quick to fasten my gun holster and grab my bag. Abby grabs my hand as we run down the hall, my own coming out to grab Carol's as Abby grabs Sophia. My adrenaline is pumping, and the only thing on my mind is getting out. Getting those I love out. While I may have a fleeting thought of wanting to die, I don't want them to. I want them to live and that's what keeps me going.
I can hear John and Rick yelling, everyone taking what they can to try and break windows. I can hear Sophia and Carl crying, Abby yelling a slew of the word "fuck." Shane tries to shoot at the glass.
Rick yelling "look out" stops us, grenade in hand. Everyone backs up, ducking down and hiding their heads. As I curl around Abby to shield us, I feel someone else cover us as well. Closing my eyes, only opening them at the sound of glass shattering. Looking up, I see the person covering us was Daryl. As he pulls Abby and I up, we thank him and grab our stuff, making a run for it. My heart pounds and my breaths are heavy as my combat boots pound the pavement and carry me to John's van where we all dive in and are quick to pull away, just as the building explodes.
I can't help but stare, finally realizing how close to death we were and how Jacqui chose to stay. I can't blame her. I feel Abby lace her fingers with mine as I stare out of the window as we leave the building to burn. Emotion is there, but I'm not sure how to express it, unsure of what to do, other than stare. I wish I was better at allowing myself to feel things.