Summary: Murphy finally talks to Daryl and finds she may have more in common with him than she realizes.
We found a place to camp for the night, we'd driven out of the city and most of us were tired. It looks to be an abandoned park, which hid us from view. We also needed a game plan. Fort Benning was a place Rick had mentioned, he was hopeful there was help there. Even if Jenner said this was worldwide, we could still have hope. Never hurts to have hope. I'm trying. My default is to turn off everything, it's how I've made it this far, even before the end of the world.
Currently, I find myself sitting by the small fire we had going, adjusting my holster and ensuring I had at least one of my guns at the ready. I rub a hand over my face and listen to everyone around me. Shane talking with John about rationing ammo. Joshua sits by the RV with Andrea and Dale, there is some tension there. Especially when Dale pretty much forced Andrea to leave the CDC when she had made her choice. Joanne is sitting at a nearby picnic table talking with Carol as Sophia and Carl play cards.
Looking over I see Daryl sitting on the tailgate of his truck, inspecting his leftover arrows, which I have seen him recycle. Smart.
"Go freaking talk to him." Abby nudges me as she sits down in the lawn chair by the fire.
"Who?" Like I don't know.
"Daryl. Seriously. He shielded us back there and he didn't have to." She explains.
I roll my eyes, knowing she's right. I did need to talk to him, even if it's just to say thank you. Pushing up off the ground, I dust my shorts off and slowly make my way over to him, noting he sat a bit away from everyone. I do owe him, owe him an actual conversation too if we are being honest.
"Stop undressing me with your eyes." He chuckles and doesn't look up.
"Are you always a smart ass?" I grin. "Can I sit?"
"You gonna behave yourself?" Finally looking up and raising his brow.
"Promise. I just wanted to thank you for shielding Abby and me." Taking a seat on the tailgate of the truck, letting my legs swing gently as I lean back on the palms of my hands.
"Of course." Looking over at me and nodding.
I stare at the ground for a moment, unsure of what else to say, but I know I owed him a talk. I hear Daryl sigh and catch him setting his bow and arrows down before giving me his full attention. He's been pretty forward with me, I'll admit it shocks me. I can tell he wants to talk, and even though he isn't much in the way of words, he still tries.
"So, when are you and I actually gonna have a conversation? Because you either glare and mutter at me or you're ready to take my head off." His tone was low, which made his voice gravelly.
"I'm sorry. You've not done anything to me and all I've done is judge and compare you." Looking up at him I meet his gaze, biting my bottom lip for a moment before releasing it.
"That don't come from nowhere. You ain't gotta tell me, but you and I gotta learn to coexist. The enemy is out there, not here with us." He states.
"His name was Toby." Sighing and looking away, down at my boots and suddenly noticing how tattered the black leather is. "He wasn't a good man. You were right, when you said I was abused. We'd have these drunken fights. He used to beat me, then one day I fought back. I didn't submit and cower. That set him off. So we would bloody eachother up. It was almost a nightly occurrence near the end." I shrug, lifting my hand and rubbing the tip of my nose.
"Toby… Nice to know I was compared to such a stand up" His tone is tense, but I can tell it's not directed at me, perse. I can understand, he may look similar to Toby, but that's where it ends.
"At first. I judged you by your appearance and anger, even if I understood why you were angry. I was waiting for you to lash out, go after someone other than Rick and Shane." My voice is small as I sigh. Pretty sure he could pick up I was implying one of the women in camp. I finally looked up at him apologetically.
"For the record, like I said before, I ain't ever laid my hands on a woman. I've knocked a few assholes on their ass for that shit." He explains, just like he did at the CDC.
"I know that now. I realized I was being harsh and I shouldn't have been a complete bitch. Especially since you've done nothing to me." Biting my lip once more before remembering what he said about me biting them and releasing it.
"I get it. But, that's in the past. I ain't him, won't ever be. If you can accept that, then I say we move forward. Not like we're gonna escape each other." He snorts, clearly wanting to steer away from any further awkward talks.
I smile, nodding as I finally look up at him. I can see he's a good man, knowing Toby would have left Abby and I. Daryl seems to care about everyone, even if he doesn't show it. Clearing my throat, I sit up straight and cross my legs as I turn to face him. Brushing loose hairs from my face, I offer him a smile.
"Murphy McCourt. Former med student." I smile and extend my hand.
"Daryl Dixon. Drifter and mechanic. Pleasure to meet you, ma'am." He laughs, caught off guard at first but complies as he shakes my hand. He shakes his head after and mutters "crazy woman."
"Pleasure to meet you too, sir." Flashing him a cheeky grin when he releases my hand.
"You're an odd one." He laughs.
"So I've been told." I laugh softly.
Daryl chuckles and shakes his head as I lean back on the palms of my hands again. I cast my gaze up, noting the clouds and the way they shielded part of the moon. Rain. I could smell it in the air, and feel the dampness that lingered in the chilled night air. I hear Daryl quietly checking over his crossbow, my mind drifting a bit. Part of me wanted to bring up last night. I don't normally do one night stands, then again the only man I had ever been with was Toby. Subconsciously I chew on my bottom lip, for a moment wondering if Toby was still out there. Also wondering why I cared so much. I feel like a broken record. My brain, being an asshole and trying to convince me how broken I am. Poor, broken Murphy. Always a victim. Nothing will ever change. Anxiety is a bitch.
"You need a map?" I heard Daryl ask, causing me to look from the sky to him.
"Sorry." I chuckle, knowing what he meant
"I ain't good with words, never have been. Not sure what to say here, or if anything needs to be said. But, I'm willing to listen." He offers, setting his crossbow behind him once more and giving me his full attention.
"How do you do that?" I ask curiously.
"Do what? Know when you're lost in your head and when you're thinking so fucking loud I'm surprised you don't draw walkers?" He raises a brow.
"That. You are the first person to ever say that to me. Most people let me just stay in my head, but you've called me out on it." My mismatched gaze meets his blue as I lean forward and rest my forearms on my knees and keep my legs crossed. "I know I asked back at the CDC, but I need more clarification."
"I pay attention. I didn't really pick up on it until recently. You zoned out at dinner the other night. The few times I looked at you, you were miles away. Not hard to tell when someone is on autopilot. When I found you in the rec room... No one downs a bottle of Southern Comfort, not without a reason. Fuck, I had my reasons. I was pissed and wanted to get wasted and sleep." He explains, keeping to himself the fact that after we fucked, he heard the change in my breath that told him I was holding back tears.
"It's what I always do, bottle my emotions and thoughts and then drink them away. Kinda how I've survived over the years. I turn on autopilot and for a while, I can function and not have to deal with anything other than the basics." Shrugging softly.
"I get that. Kinda why I like to keep mostly to myself, until you know, crazy fucking brunettes come along." He chuckles. I know he is trying to keep things light, and I appreciate it.
"You know, you aren't as mysterious as you think you are." Snorting at him.
"You're right, I ain't. I'm just an asshole, never pretended to be anything else. Never saw the point." Looking down, picking at the fray in his tan pants.
"Guess that makes me a bitch?" I ask, slightly amused.
"Darlin' you already know the answer to that." Raising a brow at me.
"Yeah, I do." Lifting my hand, poking his arm as we laugh.
It was nice, I admit part of me is still weary, but that's the survivalist in me. Be prepared for anything. While I felt Daryl could look right through me, clearly he saw things in me, and habits I didn't know were apparently "loud." I look over to see Abby looking back and grinning before she turns back to her conversation with Shane. I go to speak but feel a few drops of moisture falling on my nose, I look up just in time for the rain to start falling. I have to laugh, looking around while everyone scrambles to get into cars and RVs. Daryl hops off the truck's tailgate and motions for me to hop into the cab. We're quick to get in, just missing the heavy downpour that starts.
I laugh, laying my head back on the seat and looking over at him. His smile catches my eye, I haven't seen him do it much. It's nice. Lifting my hand, I brush wet strands of dark hair from my face and laugh once more.
"Of course, that'd happen." Kicking off my boots and turning sideways on the tan seat, crossing my legs.
"My guess is we'll be stuck in here a while, don't look like it's gon' let up anytime soon." He observes, looking up through the windshield before settling back in the seat and resting his head back against the window.
"So, what's the story of Daryl Dixon?" Giving him a curious look.
"Whatcha mean? Not much to me. Whatcha see is whatcha get." He raises a brow as he looks over at me.
"Are you from Atlanta? What about your family?" I ask, my eyes gentle and silently saying I want to get to know him, but understanding if he doesn't since I haven't really been his biggest fan.
"Yeah." I watch him chew his lip for a moment and ponder, blue eyes weighing the odds, so to speak. "Mom died when I was little, dad was an alcoholic. And well, you know about Merle." He shrugs.
"We should start a club. Shitty parents and all. We can make buttons and eat squirrels on Tuesdays." I joke, gaining a laugh from Daryl.
"Nah, Tuesdays call for deer." He jokes back, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel.
"Fuck yeah." Fist pumping and grinning after.
We both laugh, deep down both feeling the scars our parents left us with. The doubts and fears. Even years later, I can still hear the words of my mother telling me she wished she had gotten rid of me. I can see it in Daryl's eyes, his life has not been sunshine and roses either.
"Parents are overrated anyway." He shrugs. "Though gotta ask, not many women named Murphy runnin' around, least not that I've seen. Where did your parents come up with that?"
"Dad was Irish, I'm named after his father and mother. My full name is Murphy Rowan McCourt. I used to hate it, but now I feel like it makes me a bit different." Giving a small shrug as I listen to the rain coming down and sigh in contentment, it always calmed me.
"That's a pretty name. I like it." He grins at me.
"Glad you approve, 'cause it's the only name I got." Poking my tongue out at him playfully.
"Stickin' your tongue out at people ain't polite." He teases me, reaching over and gently flicking the tip of my tongue.
I squeak and laugh, shocked at his actions and amused. Swatting his hand, I bring my feet out and rest them on his lap because I'm a brat. I admit I am surprising myself and also getting to see the side of Daryl I was clearly blinded to in my dislike of him.
"Just for that, you are gonna have my feet all up in your lap." Teasing in return.
"Oh no anything but that. Pretty sure I had more than your feet in my lap before." Snorting playfully at me, his blue eyes amused and relaxed a bit.
"Daryl Dixon!" I laugh and lean forward, giving his arm a gentle punch. "You really gonna bring that up?"
"Just statin' facts, kitten. Just statin' facts." Resting his hands on my ankle and giving it a squeeze. This time, I didn't correct him for calling me kitten.
"Yeah well, you weren't pushing me off. You looked like you were enjoying it." Settling back against the truck door, making sure it was locked.
"I was, and you were too. You can't deny it." Raising a challenging brow.
Pretty sure I'm blushing. Daryl and I laugh and I note that we both are relaxed and just letting the conversation happen. This is the first real conversation we've had with one another and I admit, I'm enjoying it as much as Daryl is. We're seeing sides to one another that we hardly show. Also helps there is no one else around, everyone is hunkered down in cars and RVs.
"Anyone ever tell you, you're a pain in the ass?" Grinning at him.
"Takes one to know it." He laughs and gives my ankles a rough squeeze.
His hands are rough, but his touch, at least with me, is gentle. When he smiles at me, it makes me smile in return. I also can't help but notice how blue his eyes are, and how he seems to radiate the same energy as myself in terms of our pasts.
"I know we started over, I just wanna say it again. I'm sorry for the way I treated you. Toby was an asshole. He would have never shielded Abby and me, he was selfish and would have left me for dead. I mean, I did the same in a way, left him. The day I left with John and Joanne, he wasn't home when I got my stuff. I left with no note or telling him anything. I compared you just on looks when you are nothing like him." Biting my lip, my gaze finding his.
"It's okay, I promise. Not like I wasn't being an asshole back there. I know it may seem like it, but I'd never leave you or anyone to be hurt. I know what it's like, to be left and not cared about, I don't wanna make no one else feel like that. 'Cept that Toby guy. He needed to be left. I'm sorry he hurt you and I'm glad you see I ain't him because if I had ever met him, I'd hurt him." I can tell his words are genuine, and even though he isn't good with words, he knows how to make his point.
"Thanks, Daryl. For giving me a second chance." Holding out my hand for his.
"Of course, I'm glad you ain't trying to claw my eyes out no more." He jokes to lighten the mood as he places his hand in mine.
I wrap both my smaller hands around his larger one and hold it in my lap. There is a comfortable silence, one that doesn't need anything more said. We found common ground, and while we are still working out the kinks, I can say I am quite happy to call him my friend.
I smile when he looks at me and tells me to get some sleep, his gaze telling me not to argue. Of course I was going to, but rolled my eyes instead and settled back, still holding his hand in mine as I lay my head back and listened to the rain outside. I drift off feeling Daryl's thumb brushing soft circles against the top of my foot.