I wake with the sun shining, taking a few minutes to blink into awareness. My head lays back against the glass of Daryl's truck door, my body still stretched along the seat and my feet still in Daryl's lap. He sits with one arm draped over the steering wheel, the other hand resting on my ankle, rubbing small circles over the top of my foot, and leaning forward looking out in the distance. I admit it's new. Last night and the night at the CDC are the two times I have had decent sleep in weeks. My back is a little stiff from the angle I'm laying in, but I slept through the night.
"Mornin'." Daryl looked towards me as he felt me shift a bit and gave my ankle a gentle squeeze.
"Mornin'." Offering him a sleepy smile as I sit up and slowly pull my feet from his lap. "Did you sleep at all?"
"A bit, never really one to sleep much. How about you?" He asks, sitting back in the seat and watching me pull on my black boots and roll my shoulders back.
"Better than I have been, thanks for the lookout." Turning my head to yawn before looking out the windshield at everyone waking up and coming out of the cars. "Looks like we're heading out early," I add.
"Looks like. Let's go get the morning report." In the last part, he jokes as he opens the truck door, squinting a bit in the morning sun.
I follow suit. Once out of the truck I stretch my hands above my head and push up on my toes. I wiggle a bit, working the kinks out. Settling back on my feet, I take my hair down, redo my ponytail and settle my gun holster back in place before looking over to see Daryl leaning against the truck.
"Whatcha looking at? Ain't ever seen a girl stretch before?" I tease as I catch him chuckle.
"Yeah, but not squeak and wiggle at the same time." He laughs rolling his shoulders a bit with a faint yawn.
"You're such a pain in the ass." I laugh and walk towards the group, shaking my head.
"Takes one to know one." He jokes.
As we approach I can hear Shane already talking about downsizing vehicles, and conserving gas. I nod in agreement, everyone still feeling the effects of the CDC. A lot of us are tired and weary. It puts some things into perspective for us. Daryl heads over to start helping Rick, grabbing the gas can John offered him to go with the one in the bed of his truck. I head over to John's van where he and Joanne are talking with Joshua and Abby.
"Howdy, morning bird." Joanne chuckles, taking my hand in hers and squeezing it. Her eyes show she is tired, but fighting it off.
"I'm thinking Shane is right, the smaller the caravan the better. Leaves us a better chance of not running into any snags." John explains as he places a loving hand on Joanne's shoulder.
"I'm for it. As long as we can get to Fort Benning, I say whatever we need to do." Nodding, rubbing a hand over my bare arm.
"We've got a few spare gas cans, gonna be a bit cramped, but we'll make the best of it," Joshua explains, holding up two gas cans he found in an abandoned truck.
"Let's get it going." Abby motions, her and I rounding up supplies, helping move gear into Dale's RV and John's van, it has more room. We work in silence for a moment, everyone knows we have to get a move on and we aren't in a position to lose time. We're sitting ducks and we pushed our luck last night.
I reach into John's van, grabbing and holstering my other gun before exhaling. I agree it's going to be a tight fit, but we are gonna make it, we're adapting quickly. Hey, at least we all showered last night!
"Sleep well last night?" Abby asks as we pretty much play Jenga with the gear and load it into the van, her voice softer than normal which means she didn't sleep very well.
"Actually yeah, after I talked to Daryl." Shrugging, biting my lip as if I am a bit shy about it.
"And he isn't as bad as you thought?" She chuckles a bit, pausing to secure her guns and holster.
"I misjudged and I admit, I was a total and utter cunt to him. He didn't deserve it. We decided to start over, and talked a bit last night til we fell asleep." Standing up straight and putting my hands on my hips I stretch, still feeling a little cramped from last night.
"Good. I'm glad because we gotta all stick together." She nods, mirroring my actions and yawning.
"So how's it looking?" I ask as Shane walks over and offers us a smile.
"I think we'll be okay, ready to ship out." Nodding towards John's van. "You guys got room for Carol and Sophia?" he adds.
"We can make room. No problem." Abby adds.
"Thanks, ladies." He gives us a boyish grin noting he winks at Abby.
"So?" Raising my brow as I look at Abby.
"So what?" She responds, acting like she doesn't know what I am talking about. The smile she has doesn't lie.
"He wasn't winking at me and he seemed pretty into the conversation you both were having last night. You told him about that time you got drunk and sang Bed Of Roses to a door." I laugh as we move and try to organize a place to fit Sophia and Carol.
"He's nice, I like talking to him. Don't get me wrong, he's an asshole, but he's nice to me." She laughs, sure she was crushing on Shane but didn't see anything coming out of it.
"That's what matters." I tease and roll my eyes.
We chuckle and work, managing to clear out part of the very backseat for Carol and Sophia. It's not much, but it will give them a place and help get us where we're going. I note the tight fit, biting my lip for a moment and pondering. Six people in a black Astro van would be fine, if not for the duffle bags and gear crammed into the point it presses against the back window. Looking over my shoulder, I see where Daryl has opted for Merle's bike over the truck and has siphoned the gas from the tank.
"Give me a minute?" I ask.
"Sure, I'll make sure everything is locked and loaded." Abby nods, making her way toward the RV, chuckling as she knows where I'm heading.
Tucking my hands into my pockets as I walk, looking at Daryl who is settled on the leather seat of the bike. I offer him a smile when he looks up, returning with a faint one of his own.
"Suppose you don't need a biker bitch, do ya?" I laugh, squinting one eye at him and rocking back on my heels. We're making progress.
"To go with the crazy bitch I already have? This another one of your personalities?" He laughs, raising a brow at me. I kinda like he speaks whatever is on his mind, something telling me that is how he has always been.
"Fuck you." I snort but am amused. "And yes I know I already did that!" Realizing what I said and blushing.
"I suppose I have a use for one, if anything, to hold my crossbow." He jokes and shakes his head. His blue eyes reflect that he's happy we're making progress, but knows there is a ways to go.
Rolling my eyes, I look over and motion to Abby. She gives me a thumbs up, grinning at me asking Daryl for a ride to make more room for Carol and Sophia. I pick up his crossbow, unholstering one of my guns and tucking it into the bike's black saddle bag, on top of Daryl's duffle bag. I note there is not a lot in there, but don't say anything. Gently swinging the crossbow over my shoulder, I secure the strap across my chest before straddling the bike behind Daryl.
"Hey, who said I was your crazy bitch?" Settling my hands on his hips, peeked over his shoulder, and rested my chin there as I realized what he said before.
"Cause you ain't crazy to no one but me, I get the crazy and you can be a bitch, so therefore, you're my crazy bitch." He laughs and looks over his shoulder, settling back for a moment, pressing to my chest.
"I hate you, Dixon." Snorting at him.
"Sure ya do." His lips brush the side of my temple as he laughs, looking forward and starting the bike up. He's amused and happy I'm not at his throat. I know had we continued it would have gotten more awkward.
My arms slide around him, lacing my fingers against his stomach. I notice his solid frame, lean but at the same time firm. Subconsciously, I lean against his back as he pulls toward the front of our caravan. I lift my hand to wave before placing my arm back around Daryl.
It's a freeing feeling, I can see why people love to ride. The wind in your hair and feeling like you're almost flying. My arms have stayed around Daryl as we ride, my forehead resting on his shoulder for a moment to block some of the wind for a moment. I can feel his shoulder shake a bit. He's laughing at me and I'm laughing at myself. My fingers press into the tan fabric of his shirt as I bask in the safe feeling he gives me. Since our talk, I know he has had a shitty past like me. We are both products of the people in our lives.
When I feel the bike slow I lift my head, looking out into the sea of abandoned cars. Miles of them. It's haunting to know some people thought they were getting out, abandoning everything they own and that not being the case.
"This outta be a tight fit." I hear Daryl mutter as he circles back toward the convoy. I can hear a bit of irritation in his voice as he circles back, pulling up next to the RV and motioning for Dale to lead the convoy after him. It looks grim. I'm hopeful though. I have learned you have to be or you might as well already be dead.
I startle a bit, fingers tangling in Daryl's shirt when the bang of Dale's radiator echoes. Looking over my shoulder, I don't miss the way Daryl's stomach tightens a bit under my grasp or the gentle pat he gives my hand. I would worry later about how I went from just despising him, to feeling safe and welcoming his comfort. It could be our last night and realizing he isn't Toby and never will be. Toby could never be a tenth of the man Daryl has shown himself to be. Once Daryl parks the bike, my hold loosens as he looks over his shoulder at me. His blue eyes are softer than they usually are and I offer him a small smile as I step off the bike. I stretch my legs a bit, getting some feeling into them after being on the road for a bit.
"Guess we should see what the hold-up is." Nodding, unholstering his crossbow, and setting it down on the seat. Daryl agrees with a nod, also stepping off before grabbing the bow.
I can hear John and Dale talking, everyone gathering around under the shade of the RV. I have to agree with Dale's sitting ducks comment. It's not like we can stay here overnight. Leaning back on my heels for a moment, I cross my arms listening to everyone converse. Shane suggested that in the sea of cars, there should be a radiator hose. It's clear everyone is antsy and there is a bit of heat-induced anxiety.
"I think food and water, take what we need," Abby speaks up as she steps beside me, holstering her other gun. We both turn to look at Lori when she says this is a graveyard and she's unsure. Part of me, I agree and the other part knows you have to do what you need to survive.
"Lori, darlin' I know where you're coming from, but we have to be selfish right now and think about ourselves." Joanne smiles, but she was an older southern woman, where she is being kind, her tone suggests you don't push the issue.
"Abby and I can scour for water." I nod, Abby and I bumping elbows
As I walk by Daryl, his hand brushes my hip, but when I look up he's already heading down the highway. Touch. He isn't good with words. Just like last night, his hold on my ankle is still there this morning. The pat of my hand when I jumped at the busted radiator. Seems to be his way of expression. A small note, I could explore later if that theory is correct.
"How are you feeling, babe?" I ask Abby as we walk between cars, staying low but also making sure to keep our eyes peeled so there aren't any surprises.
"Worn. To be honest, when I said I wanted to get away from everything, this wasn't it." She chuckles, popping the hatch on an old ford wagon. Her voice is softer than normal, I can tell just how worn she is but is keeping her spirits high.
"At least we got each other." I nod, laughing as we fistbump, trying to keep our morale up. I rummage through the backseat of an old suburban and smile when I find a small tote bag filled with water bottles. Standing up, I hold the bag up towards Abby.
"Jackpot." We both chuckle as I set the bag down by my feet and continue to rummage, finding more cloth totes of granola, trail mixes, peanut butter, and crackers.
"Do you think Lori was right?" I hear Abby ask as she sets down a small bag of what looks to be nuts and dried fruit before looking towards me, brushing her slightly tangled brown ponytail over her shoulders and wiping her hands on her jeans.
"Yes and no." I express myself as I stand up and walk around the suburban to face Abby. "I think we're doing what we need to do to survive. Joanne was right, we have to be selfish here. I feel bad, but at the same time, I'm choosing me for the first time and my friends."
Abby nods, offering a smile. I know she is conflicted and I can understand. We gather our bags, heading back to the RV and van to load up. I don't miss the smile Abby gives Shane as he takes the bags to load up on the RV. I get weird vibes from Shane, but Abby has always been a good judge of character. Just with Shane, I can't put my finger on it.
Me, I admit, I have shut down any emotions or feelings I have about this, I should mourn the dead. I should feel guilty, but I don't. Just like the guilt of leaving Toby behind. Does it go further than that? I shake my head, getting back to scouring. No time for self-pity.
"You okay Murph?" Joshua asks as he walks with me, Abby having stopped to help Shane load up. Joshua is a quiet one. Tall and lanky, his long black hair is tangled and messy like mine.
"Yeah, just thinking is all. You know how I get." Offering a smile.
"Yep. That's why I asked." He gives me a nudge. He has been with me through everything, I couldn't ask for anyone better to be at my side. His hazel eyes are soft and caring, but they look a bit worried. He has always been one to wear his emotions and heart on his sleeve and never hide. He never bought into the whole 'men don't cry' bullshit.
Before anything else can be said Rick is motioning for us all to get down, nodding towards a horde of walkers. We scramble, getting under cars. I don't show that I am a bit afraid, not of the walkers, but of my chubby body rolling under a car. I may not be insecure, but I am also practical. Great, fat girl gets eaten by a walker. There's a headline.
Joshua senses this like he always does and grabs my hand, pulling us both under a Dodge truck. My mismatched eyes silently thank him, he has always been able to sense when something was bugging Abby or me. He keeps hold of my hand, nodding and silently reassuring me. My heart is in my throat, eyes closing for a moment to rest my forehead against the pavement, Joshua squeezing my hand. I can tell by the slight tremble he's the same as me, trying to take calming breaths. I give his hand a squeeze, eyes focused on one another as I try and provide him the same comfort as he provided me.
Opening my eyes, I can hear the sound of the horde fading as they finish passing. Joshua and I stay still, looking under cars. I can see John, Joanne, and Abby under a semi-trailer and breathe a quiet sigh until I hear Sophia scream. Eyes search wildly for her and catch her running into the woods being chased by a walker. Joshua and I both roll from under the truck, pulling our weapons as everyone gets to their feet. I see Rick, Shane, Glenn, and Daryl take off after her and the walkers.
Joshua and I run towards the others, doing a quick scan of the area to ensure there are no more surprises. Lori is comforting Carol, Joanne joining them and she whispers a prayer for Carol and that Sophia is brought back. I would comfort her, but I am not sure how. I am not good at comforting, as I have stated in the past. Especially about children. I know a psychiatrist would link it to my childhood trauma and maybe they'd be right.
Holstering my weapon, I watch Joshua head out into the woods to lend a hand, offering Carol a sympathetic smile as John and Dale work on getting the RV fixed. Abby offers to keep watch, as I head over to check on T-Dog who's bleeding badly and sitting on the ground, with his arm wrapped in a makeshift tourniquet. I offer him a faint smile, motioning for him to give me one second.
It doesn't take me long to get the emergency kit from John's van, or well the makeshift and the t-shirt I had left in the backseat. I know there isn't much I can do, but attempt to stop the bleeding and hope we can get back to moving. Hurrying back over, I dropped to my knees and gently patted his cheek as he drifted off.
"Stay with me, yeah? I can't do much, but let's see if we can get the bleeding to stop." He gives me a nod with a heavy breath, dark eyes meeting mine. While not panicked, I can see the fear laced in his gaze. "Try and stay awake, okay? I wish I had something for the pain, but I will be as gentle as I can."
I assure him with a faint smile. I try not to let on that I'm worried we may not be able to stop it. Med student mode activates and I am working around the tourniquet, leaving it on as I pour water from the kit onto the wound to flush it out. Not gonna do much, but I can ensure it will flush a lot of stuff out. When he hisses, I murmur "sorry." There is not much in the way of bandages, a few rolls, and some duct tape. Working quickly, I replaced the tourniquet with a tight strip of duct tape, rolled the gauze around the wound, and pressed my t-shirt over it as well.
"Hey…" I murmur, taking T-Dog's other hand and placing it on the makeshift bandage. "I need you to keep your hand right here. You're doing great."
With a nod, he does as asked while I am quick to place a few rounds of duct tape around his arm. I fall flat on my butt after looking at him as he chuckles a bit.
"Thanks, doc." Winking at me, breath heavy as he manages a pained laugh.
"Guess I could call myself that. Was in my third year of med school." I chuckle and shake my head. "That should hold, but no more wild stunts." I joke.
"Well damn, guess the strippers and pole dancing I planned to do are out." He chuckles.
"Eh, give it a couple of days. Then we'll see." I laugh and pat his outstretched leg as I lean back against the car behind me.
"Will do." He salutes me.
"So what did you do before all this?" I ask, looking to keep my mind, and his, busy for a while.
"I played college ball. I also helped out at the local church and drove the van for 'em." He shrugs softly. "The college ball gave me a high pain tolerance." He nods, motioning to his injured arm.
"You're a good guy. The world needs all the ones it can get." Nodding.
We continue to talk, just randomly about things. Who our favorite sports teams were, laughing about high school and just bullshit in general, both using it to keep the worry and panic at bay over losing Sophia and being stuck on the highway. In the back of my mind, I'm praying, even if I have doubted anyone is listening. I still pray, because Sophia was worth it and was more important than my doubts and issues with the almighty.