You are Beautiful

Chapter 1

"Thank you all for your kind words and your support, but I need to find my own way in this world now." Said Beatrice as she left Mother Superior and the others.

She walked to the exit, while thinking only of one person, the same person she has thought about for every second, minute, hour, and day since she left this world. Ava.

It's always Ava.

She couldn't get her out of her mind, though if she was being honest, she hasn't really tried.

All she has now are her memories, her thoughts, her dreams of their future together that would never happen.

She thinks of their time together sharing a tiny flat; awkwardly passing one another on the way to the bathroom each morning. Catching Ava stare at her. Wondering every day if she felt the same way.

Beatrice took a deep sigh before exiting the building, only glancing back once – with tears in her eyes – thinking about all the amazing people - mostly women - that helped save this world, by giving up their lives.

Beatrice got into her car, wiped the tears from her eyes then started the engine. Pulled out of her parking space, and drove off, not knowing where she is going, but believing it is where she needs to be.

…

(27 days later)

Beatrice woke up in a sweaty panic, clucking her chest. As she started to wake up properly, tears began to fill her eyes once more. She pulled her knees up to her chest and quietly sobbed.

She's had been having this dream every other night since she arrived back in London.

Beatrice thought that she would much rather this dream to any other she had been having. Especially compared to the nightmare of reliving the horrific moments of when her sisters died right before her eyes. The opportunities missed with Ava. The times she could have said something to Ava but didn't. And the last moment she held her close, before she slipped from her grasp, never knowing when she would see or feel her close again.

- No this dream was a happy dream: images and thoughts of what could happen one day. Beatrice's hopes and dreams of what could be, one day. When Ava comes back to her. This dream starts the same each time:

Beatrice lying in bed, in her bed, this bed, next to someone snoring very loudly. She then laughs ever so slightly while trying not to wake this noisy lady sleeping beside her. She turns towards the noise. Then she settles back down resting on her elbow, her face come into focus.

Ava, it's always Ava.

She feels butterflies in her stomach, she feels the emotion move through her, into her stomach, into her chest, to rest in her throat. She tries not to blink, wanting to memorise every inch of her face. She reached out to touch her face, to make sure she is real. And of course, like in every dream before, she felt her soft and beautiful skin. Her check sits perfectly in Beatrice's palm. Like it was always meant to be there.

Before anything else happens, Beatrice wakes up every time.

She lay in bed for 20 minutes sobbing into her pillow, trying to stifle her cries. Crying to silence the pain in her heart, knowing that Ava isn't lying there. She isn't snoring. She's not here, with her.

Slowly Beatrice sits up in her bed, she looks around the room. This is her childhood home. This is the bedroom she was in for years. She knew she had to come back to her parents at some point. Confront them, tell them how they made her feel. So she could move past them, but it hadn't gone to plan.

The room was just as non-Beatrice-like now as it was when she was a child. It was pink. So very pink. So very feminine. Beatrice always loved colour, she loved colouring and drawing as a child, she liked spending time on her own. But when she was outside, she was climbing trees, playing football, or playing hide-and-seek with the boys from a few streets over. Her parents of course did not approve of this behaviour. They tried to force Brats, Barbies and an assortment of dolls on their daughter. Gradually over time they had taken away her the majority of toys and games she enjoyed and replaced them with toys "right for a little girl". Even as a child Beatrice was a stubborn person, instead of giving into her parents, she took up reading. As a way to escape her pretty pink prison.

Once she was showered and felt presentable Beatrice headed downstairs to grab something for breakfast, though at this time it was more like lunch. While taking a seat at the counter Beatrice noticed the date on kitchen calendar.

Fuck, she thought. - Her parents would be back today.

When Beatrice left her sisters, she travelled across Europe hoping to feel Ava during her adventures, but that hope died after 14 days. That's when she decided that if she was going to find a life that suited her, she had to speak to the people that made her feel like she wasn't allowed to be herself.

She knew very little about her parents lives since joining the order, but she would never forget the address of her first home.