It's been a long day for Buck. Though he could argue and say it's been a long six months of dealing with the team's scorn and harsh comments after the lawsuit. Buck sighed as he stepped into the loft. A place that's never really been home, just a place to rest at the end of the day, but not a home. He found it ironic how far he's fallen. There was a time when he stood tall and proud. Now he was merely a shadow of the man he once was.
Perhaps it was time to leave and head back to who and what he really was. He had thought that he could run from his past, but he realized that he no longer could.
Because when the 118, people he thought were family but who viewed him as nothing more than a dumb puppy and nothing else, when he had done all he could for them, people he had treasured in the depths of his heart, had cast him aside like yesterday's old newspaper, he knew it was time to let go.
Mind made, Evan started the process of reintegration into the Navy.
Slowly over the next few days, while ignoring the increased pettiness displayed by what was supposed to be grown adults, but was children masquerading as grown-ups, Evan started clearing out his locker and severing his ties to Los Angeles. His resignation has already been typed out and signed, he was heading to HQ after his shift, after that, it was just a matter of sorting out his will in the event of his death. Most of it would go to Christopher, regardless. Maddie had made it clear where she stood when the chips fell, as Evan learned very quickly during the lawsuit debacle.
As Evan left the locker room heading towards his Jeep, Mitchell, a B-shift firefighter, saw him and glared at him, roughly shoulder-checking him as he walked past Evan. Evan simply grunted in irritation and stepped to the side. Walking on as though nothing happened. No longer caring about Station 118 or their actions. He also no longer felt the need to feed into their sense of importance by looking to them for help, when he damn well knew none would be found from them.
That night after shift Evan stepped into HQ and waited for Chief Alonzo's secretary to call him in.
" Mr.Buckley Chief Alonzo will see you now." The Secretary said with a friendly smile on her face. 'How strange to be on the receiving end of a stranger's smile after weeks of scorn from those close to him', Evan thought with a sigh, getting up from the chair.
"Thank You," Evan said, stepping into Alonzo's office.
"Firefighter Buckley? What can I do for you?" Alonzo asked quizzically.
"I apologize for the unannounced visit, chief, but I wanted to give you this in person. I figured it was the least I could do." Evan said, handing the envelope over to Alonzo.
"What's this?" Alonzo asked, taking the envelope from Evan.
"My letter of resignation, sir. I would also like it kept quiet until my last day at the 118. I will tell Captain Nash myself that I'm leaving. When the time comes." Evan said straight-faced and calm.
"What do you mean by resignation? Firefighter Buckley, you fought like hell to get back to your team. What changed?"
" I fought sir, you're right about that, but it would seem I was the only one fighting to get back to my team. While the 118 could no more have cared than they would about a piece of lint. The last six months have made it clear that the team is still following blindly behind a man so caught up in his insecurities that he would continue to abuse the power given to him by the City of Los Angeles and the LAFD. Captain Nash has made it quite clear how he played his cards. I'm done playing Captain Nash's games." Evan said.
Alonzo frowned, reading through the resignation letter,
" I see, well have you thought of going to a new station? With your qualifications and experience, there are quite a few stations that would gladly take you." Alonzo started hoping to sway Evan.
" I'm afraid not Chief. My mind is made. I will always be thankful for the time spent as a firefighter, it's given me a piece of myself back, which means more than you could understand, chief. But I also know that I'm done with letting other people set the standard of what they expect of me. Of being what they want me to be to satisfy their needs. I kept quiet in the beginning about the 118's ideas of me simply because I felt no need to do otherwise. Regrettably, a mistake in hindeside. One I don't intend on repeating."
"I see. Well, I have to say this is a sad day indeed." Alonzo said. "If I may ask, where do you go from here?"
" Home, sir. I'm being taken out of the reserves and placed back on an active duty team." Evan said.
"Well, I don't know what to say. This isn't something that I was expecting. Of course, I knew you were military but did not think you would go back to active duty."
"Neither did I sir, but I also know running from who I am is no longer an option."
"Very well. Firefighter Buckley, it has been an honor to have you as a member of the LAFD. If there is anything you need, please don't hesitate to contact me." Alonzo said as he and Evan stood up shaking hands.
"Thank you chief I will call if needed and the honor was mine," Evan said leaving the office.
Over the next two weeks, Evan spent his days on shift quietly working on his chores, and his free time was spent finalizing all the things still left.
10 minutes before what was the last day of Evan's shift, Evan walked past the 118 team and to the kitchen, feeling the glares on his back and ignoring them, he walked to Bobby and asked if they could talk in private.
Bobby turned from his spot by the coffee machine, annoyed, and spat out "What is it, Buckley? If this is about your return to the rig, I told you don't ask me when you can come back on the rig. That's my choice to make and the team doesn't trust you yet."
Evan sighed, " Very well, if you wish to have this discussion here, then fine by me. This Captain Nash is my letter of resignation. You and your crew has made it quite clear where you all stand regarding this whole mess. I admit that there were mistakes made on my part, however, you are not blameless in this case. And you know that. I was cleared to work by more doctors than needed to do my job. You thought otherwise. I also have no desire to work in an environment that fosters toxic behavior anymore." Evan said in a cold and detached tone of voice.
"What do you mean by resignation? You can't just resign! You don't have my approval" Bobby said with a hint of smugness.
"You will find I can and have in fact resigned captain. And as it's already been approved by Chief Alonzo, you will get your floater here by tomorrow to take over for me. My locker is already cleared."
"You went to the chief?" Bobby growled
"Yes, I did. The fact of the matter is, I don't trust you and I am not going to keep giving you the chance to play your little power games with my life or my livelihood."
"How dare you say that? I did what was best for you!" Bobby hissed.
"Did you Bobby? Do you really think that? Or did you do what was best for your own conscience?" Evan said softly.
"You are still a kid, Buck. You don't know when to reign it in."
"Funny thing is, I'm not some naive kid, Bobby. Even if you and the 118 think I am. None of you ever really tried to get to know me." Evan said with a shake of his head walking to the stairs. At the top of the stairs, he turned around and looked at the 118-this place was home for 3 years, helped to mend the pieces of his shattered heart somewhat.
The team looked at him with gaping mouths and shocked eyes. He looked his old team in the eyes briefly, before addressing them all.
"It's been a joy working with you all for a bit, but I am no longer sure that I can say it was an honor. Stay safe out there though. You have families that need you."
"What about your family? They…we need you too." Hen said regaining her senses.
Evan shook his head softly, looking at Hen,
" This was never a family Hen, at least not mine. That was the mistake I made. I let a yearning for family turn me into whatever it was you wanted me to be. I allowed the comments about my supposed lack of intelligence to go because I didn't really care. Granted I thought it was meant as a joke the first few times. But then I realized that you all are very narrow-minded. And the jokes? They weren't funny." Evan said, looking pointedly at Chim.
"Buck! Please don't do this?" Hen said in desperation, seeing Buck step towards the stairs.
"What about Christopher?"
Eddie demands, finally getting to his feet. " Are you just going to abandon him?"
"Don't you dare bring Chris into this. You made it very clear that you didn't want me to have contact with either of you." Evan growled at Eddie, his eyes flashing coldly. " I have always and will always love Chris. And he knows that."
Evan turned and walked away while the 118 stood in shock.
1 hour later*
Evan was walking through his loft making sure he had everything packed when there was rapid thumping coming from his door. Evan looked over with a frown, shaking his head, he yelled out " Alright! Alright, I'm coming!"
Once he reached the door and opened it the whole of 118 and Maddie pushed past him. Stopping at the sight that greeted them in surprise. All Evan's stuff was packed. Boxes stacked neatly against the wall. Furniture wrapped in protective plastic.
"What the hell Evan?" Maddie asked in shocked irritation.
"You can't just pack and move without telling me."
Evan snorted, " Believe it or not, Maddie I can in fact do what I want without your permission. You seem to forget. You are my sister, not my mother. You also don't get a say in what I do or don't do when we haven't spoken in 3 months."
"That's not fair Evan. I'm just trying to help you do the right thing." Maddie said her eyes flashing in annoyance.
"Right for whom exactly, Maddie? You or me ?" Evan said quietly. "You think you know me Mads, but the reality is you know what you want to know. What's comfortable for you to know"
"Evan…" Maddie said, looking away from Evan. Not knowing what to say, she remains quiet.
"Buck where are you going, huh? What station is gonna look after you? You know you're a great guy and you have the personality of a golden retriever, but who's gonna pull you back when you act stupid?" Chim said with a smirk.
"Gee Han, why don't you tell me how you really feel?" Evan scoffed. " See this is one of the reasons I can no longer look at any of you and think 'family ' or 'team'. You act like you are a team, but you Han? You are an insecure and petty individual. One who for some unknown reason seemed threatened by my mere existence in your precious station. And I'll kindly ask you to refrain from calling me a dog, thank you very much. My ability to do my job well is something I take pride in. And always have, for the record. That you never bothered to see that is on you man. Not me." Evan said in a brisk and emotionless tone.
"Buck don't be impulsive. Take a couple of days off then you come back to the station and we can talk. You can be back on the rig at the start of next week." Bobby said in a slightly desperate tone.
Evan laughed softly, shaking his head. " Your house, your rules. Right, Captain Nash? I'll pass thanks. I've already given my resignation and will start with my old team next week."
"Old team?" Eddie asked in disbelief. "What old team? You only ever worked at the 118 with a team."
"That's what you believe, Eddie. I never said that and you also never asked about what I really did in the past, now did you?" Evan huffed out.
" I'm joining my old SEAL team. And before you say I didn't have a team, Bobby, yes I did. Had one for 8 years. You assumed I rung out. I never told you I did."
With that Evan walked to his door. Expression clear on his face. They have overstayed their welcome. As they moved to the door, the 118 had a sinking feeling that, once they walked through the door, they would never see Buck again, that they had finally pushed one step too far.
Once they crossed over the threshold, the 118 looked at Buck, regret clear on their faces. But it was too late, they could all see that Buck was done waiting for them.
The following morning found the 118 around the table,
a somber and desolate feeling in the air. Like the air and warmth in the station has been sucked out of the station. Perhaps it had been. They all knew that their behavior had been cold and at times cruel but never had they imagined
that this would be the outcome.
"Come on guys, this is Buck we're talking about!" Chim finally said, "no way he walks away from firefighting. And no way would he have the heart to be a SEAL! He's just sulking right, Bobby?"
"I don't think that's what's happening here Chim, Buck's been different. And you saw him last night, hell the last six months, he has been different. Not cold just civil, like we
were only strangers existing in the same space." Hen said.
Hen sighed sadly, disappointed that she fell
into the same line as the others, never once asking how Buck was, yet Buck had often asked her how she and
Karen were doing. How Denny was doing. So much for marching to her own drum. Hen bereted herself mentally.
"What did Buck mean when he said he was cleared by more doctors than needed, Bobby?" Eddie asked with a frown.
Bobby sighed, accepting that he could no longer hide what he did and his part in the lawsuit.
"Buck was cleared to return to duty. By multiple doctors."
"What do you mean he was cleared?" Hen asked in confusion." I thought that you said he wasn't cleared for duty yet and that it was Buck who was pushing for a return before he was ready that led to the lawsuit?"
"Are you saying you lied Bobby?" Chim asked in shock. "Come on Cap, you wouldn't do that.'
"Except this time I did, Chim, and I can't say I did it because Buck wasn't ready, because the truth is I wasn't ready. He was though. I just couldn't bear to see him hurt again. And I needed to protect him, I couldn't separate the professional from the personal." Bobby said.
"But..."Eddie trailed off, realizing that nothing he said could change how he acted.
How any of them acted really. They followed Bobby's lead and never once did he ask Buck what was going on. Never did Eddie ask Buck for his side of the story. And he claimed to be Buck's best friend Eddie thought in disgust.
Just then footsteps were heard on the stairs. Turning they saw Chief Alonzo and another firefighter come into the loft.
" Captain Nash, good morning."
"Morning chief. What are you doing here?" Bobby asked.
" Well, I see all your firefighters are here. This will be quick then. This is firefighter Marshall Denvers, he will be the floater on your team until a replacement can be found." Alonzo said while gesturing to the green-eyed man who would fill in.
"Of course. It's a pleasure to meet you." Bobby said to Denvers
"I'm Captain Bobby Nash, that's Hen and Chim. And over here is Eddie Diaz, he will be your partner on the rig." Bobby introduced the team, pointing out as he went.
"Pleasure is mine captain, Nash," Marshall said politely.
"A word captain, if you would?" Alonzo gestured for Bobby with his head.
"Of course chief." Bobby said in compliance.
Once Bobby reached the chief, Alonzo spoke.
" Captain, don't run this one away too. You already cost us a good firefighter when you pushed Buckley to resign. I never thought I would see that young man choose to go back to war, but here we are." Alonzo said quietly to Bobby.
"Sir, how exactly is he going to a war zone? He isn't military." Bobby stated, truly confused.
"Captain Nash, firefighter Buckley, was active service in the Navy for 8 years. After a mission went bad and he was injured, he was placed in the reserves. That he is military is not a secret Bobby, it's in his file."
"I didn't know that he served" Bobby admitted in shame. Kicking himself for not reading through Buck's whole file properly, simply assuming that Buck washed out of BCT
"Clearly not Captain. Othewise you would have treated him fairly like you have the others on your team and not with prejudice." Alonzo said sternly with disappointment.
"Yes, sir," Bobby said weakly. Once the chief left, Bobby turned to look at his team, realizing just how quiet the station was. How fractured the team had become in recent months. And he had the feeling it would take a long time to recover, if they ever truly did. With a weary sigh, Bobby joined what remained of his shattered team.
In San Diego, Evan grinned at his old team-his team now. It seemed almost like a dream but he knew it was time to accept who he was and live life to the fullest. Lt.Cmdr Evan Buckley, Navy SEAL team 3. He had missed this; he admits to himself, listening to the laughter of his men. Knowing that he would die for them, if it came down to the wire
and so would they too die for him. There was a sense of family and camaraderie that made it all worth it.
It was a hot and stifling day in Tehran where the team was settled in for some recon on a target that is suspected of involvement in the 2 attacks on US personnel, the intel was not the best, which had the team a little concerned but there was little to be done about it. They were Oscar Mike regardless. They knew that the target was meeting someone…who this mystery person was, remains to be seen.
But for now, Evan settled into his chair in the open air market glancing around casually . Khan, their team sniper giving the team updates from his position as overwatch, while the other four men blended into the crowd. It seems surreal for Evan to think, 8 months ago he was in LA fighting a battle that was lost before it even started. But he was happier than he had been in a long time.
"Panther? We have movement. 3 o 'clock and approaching fast." Khan said.
"Affirmative. Got the target Stinger." Evan said.
"Got the target"
"Positive on the target"
"Got him"
"I've got a visual."
"Now we just gotta wait for this mystery guy." Khan grumbled.
"Guys I got a possible target headed our way. Looks like a 6 ft 1, 200 pounds. Caucasian male. Brown hair. Tanned skin" Danny said from across the road.
"Copy. We have jackpot. Danny, make sure you record this meet. I want to know what this guy has planned. Copy?" Evan ordered.
"Copy, I've got him miked," Danny said.
What happened next caught them all off guard. The explosion that ripped through the plaza was so stunningly unexpected and violent, that those on the ground were tossed around like a doll swiped by an angry child. By the time the dust settled, Khan was peeking through teary eyes, ears ringing, while yelling into his comms. But there was only static. With a curse, Khan packed up his gear as fast as he could and ran down the stairs. When he reached the ground floor, it was utter chaos that meets him. People were staggering around dazed, confused, and screaming in terror and pain.
The injuries on the outer edge seemed minor...cuts and bruises, mostly, and did not concern Khan overly. It was those towards the center of the plaza that concerned him.
For the most part, the team was on the outer edge of the blast and he found them easily enough, it was their CO , whom he had yet to hear from, that had him concerned.
Their CO was almost in the epi-center of the blast. Could he have survived a hit being that close to the blast? Running with the team to where their CO had last been spotted, there was just mass
destruction, their targets both were dead, nothing but a stain and pieces of flesh remained, but where was Evan?
It took the team almost 10 minutes to find him under the dust and rubble. He looked dead was all they could think. With shaking fingers, Mike-their team corpman, reached for his neck, hoping to find a pulse, sagging in relief when he felt a faint one against his fingers.
"I've got a pulse!" Mike yelled out, the whole team jumping into motion, and started clearing what debris they could around him, while Mike tried to stabilize him.
Yanking compression bandages out of his pack to stem the bleeding he could see. He Instructed Danny to get a CASEVAC on site immediately. They all knew this would be bad, that their friend was in for the fight of his life.
The next few hours were spent getting patched up, and pacing, while figuring out what the hell happened out there. Nothing they had on intel suggested an attack.
There had been no chatter and that made the team mad. Why have intelligence analysts let the intel slip through the cracks?
Hours later, the team sprung to their feet when they saw a bloody and tired-looking surgeon, his face grim, looking at them, he said simply "He's alive. But that is the only good news I have, I'm afraid. The commander lost a lot of blood, both from the penetrating wound to his flank and the internal bleeding. His chest was almost crushed by the concussive blast. His ribs are all either cracked or broken. He is bruised and battered. His left arm is also broken in 2 places." the doctor said.
"Well okay so he's hurt, we already knew that doc, why don't you skip the pretty words, give it to us straight? What aren't you telling us?" Dave snapped.
The surgeon sighed. "Of course. Commander Buckley has a head injury that I am frankly concerned about. His skull was badly fractured. Due to the swelling and the bleeding in his brain,I'm afraid the commander slipped into a coma. I am sorry to say that the commander is extremely critical. I am not very optimistic about his chances of survival. You can see your friend shortly and once he is more stable he will be transported to Germany for observation. If he makes it through the transport and remains stable in Germany, we can transport him to Los Angeles. Hopefully, his family can say goodbye to him."
"He hasn't got much in the form of family, doc. But thanks." Cole replied, getting a nod of acknowledgement from the surgeon.
"Well boys, let's go keep panther company for a bit. Then we are gonna get these bastards for what they did today. And we will bring the rain" Mike said.
"Hoo-ya" four voices echoed. moving to join their CO.
The pale figure in the hospital bed seemed to still for their liking, their friend and brother was never that still, even in sleep, he always seemed to be in constant and perpetual montion. It only seemed to drive home how bad this was and that they still could very well end up burying a brother.
Four months later...
The day started out like any other day, sunny but with a sense of something missing for the 118. But then again, something has been missing for the last year and a half ,if they were being honest. No one knew where Buck was or how he was doing. The constant flow of floaters is a never-ending reminder of the family member they wished to see but most likely, never would.
Eddie was worried about Chris, he seemed quieter and more subdued than usual. And so did Carla for that matter. When he asked her what was wrong, she would brush it off, saying it was nothing.
Little did Eddie and the 118 know that their world would ground to a screeching halt merely a few hours into their shift.
It was 6 hours into a 24-hour hour shift when they heard boots in the apparatus bay.
Glancing downstairs, they all froze seeing the digital camouflage dressed man, walking toward the team. This was a man on a mission, and nothing and no one would stop him.
"Can I help you?" Bobby asked.
"My name is Chief petty officer Mike Miller, I'm looking for A-shift?" The man said briskly.
Cold dread ran through the 118 at those words. This didn't sound good at all.
"You found A-shift," Bobby said and swallowed thickly with emotion. "This is my team. Eddie, Hen, and Chim. And I'm Captain Nash. What do you need Chief Miller?"
Mike looked at the team, seemingly assessing them and finding them lacking. With a deep sigh that sounded truly world weary, he glanced around them then shook his head.
"Look Captain, I'll be honest, I'm not sure this is even a good idea. The commander left LA for a reason. And from what I've gathered the 118 played a big role in the decision to leave. But right now? He needs all the support he can get. He needs family. And as much as our team wants to be right there with him we can't. We are being spun up soon as we still have a mission to complete. And one person at his bedside and one on the phone isn't good enough for me or the team." Mike said with a glare at the team.
"I'm sorry Chief. I'm confused. Exactly who are we talking about here?" Bobby asked in a desperate bid that his suspicious aren't right. Hoping and praying that they weren't talking about Buck.
Mike snorted, and with a raised eyebrow said," you know who I'm talking about captain. I'm talking about Lt. commander Evan Buckley. SEAL team 3 commander."
Bobby had his suspicions since he saw the camo dressed man. But to have it confirmed? That was like a bucket of ice cold water to the whole teams system.
"What?I…" Bobby started then stopped. Clearing his throat, he spoke again. "What happened to Buck?" He asked, voice cracking at the end.
The whole team seemed frozen in icy terror. Waiting with bated breath.
"Four months ago our team got tagged for an assignment, standard by all means. A simple observe and report with a HVT grab. Mission went sideways. We didn't have full intel. Our observe and report turned into a mass casualty detonation. Multiple soft targets wounded in an open air market. Commander Buckley was on the ground closest to the HVT, when a second man approached our target. We suspected the meet. We didn't expect the explosion that tore through that plaza. The commander was the closest, like I said. He took the brunt of the blast. When we found him he was torn up pretty badly, and had penetrating trauma to his flank. His pulse was also weak. We learned he had swelling and bleeding to the brain. He slipped into a coma a few minutes after we arrived at the base trauma center, unfortunately." Mike said,clearly lost in that awful day.
'Oh Buck' was all that ran through the team's mind.
"How's he doing now?" Eddie asked dreading the answer.
"Critical, but miraculously holding on. He's still fighting which honestly Is a miracle. The first surgeon who worked on him was grim to say the least. He felt that the commander won't make it through the night, much less the transport to Germany, and even if he did there was still a chance he could die once brought to the states. He made it, fortunately but he is still critical and in a coma."
"Wait, why are we only just hearing about this now?" Chim asked.
"There wasn't much to tell. He was in Germany until a week ago when the doctors felt him stable enough to travel. And we notified the person he has on his file, a Mrs. Carla Price. She has been with him since we landed on the tarmac. She's also had the phone on speaker more times than I can count. Letting the boy Evan cares about, talk about his day or read him a story. Between Mrs Price and little Christopher Diaz, it seems that his vitals are improving. The doctors aren't keeping the crash cart as close anymore. Which let me tell ya? That's a relief for us as a team. But we need more people there. Which is where you all come in. You need to figure out your crap. Figure out if you can let the past go and be there for your friend. For someone who once called you all family or are you gonna turn your back on him. I don't know what happened to make you all drift but it's the past. The choice is yours." Mike intoned. Voice deep with emotion for his friend and brother, fighting a fight he might very well still lose. Hoping that these people, the ones Evan still thought of and had loved so fiercely would rally behind the man and help fight the fight.
"We leave tonight, the choice is yours to make. He is at Cedar-Sinai, room 1002, 2nd floor." And with a nod he turned on his heel and left.
The team was left reeling, emotions and shock throbbing through them all making the guilt and fear almost chocking in it's intensity.
"Eddie? Did you know about this?" Hen asked turning to her friend.
"What! Why would I know about this Hen? I am just as shocked as you are." Eddie said with a glare at Hen.
"Uh, maybe because Carla and Chris know?" Chim said.
"Look all I know is that Chris has been quiet for a few days and Carla has been acting distracted and is also quieter than usual. When I asked both of them if there was anything going on or if there was something I should know, I got brushed off or told it's fine. Which, clearly it's not! But no I didn't know. I would have told you if I knew. God, don't you think I want Buck back too? That I want to talk to my friend again. Hell this station has not been the same since he left" Eddie hissed.
"Alright guys. Arguing won't help Buck. Now we all have a choice to make. We have to either put the past behind us and hope we can earn Bucks trust back or we keep living in the past that drove him away. Choice is yours to make. But I'm going to the hospital after shift." Bobby said decisiveness clear in his voice.
Later that night( after shift
After a truly hard day at work the 118 found themselves in the hallway door by room 1002 of Cedars, never before has a hospital room felt so intimidating to them all. Ironically a group of first responders, terrified of what lay beyond the door they needed to go through.
"Come on guys its just a door. It won't bite." Chim chuckled nervously.
"Yeah, it's just a door." Eddie agreed with a stoic look.
"If it's just a door why does it feel like its more than that?" Hen whispers looking at said door then the rest of her team.
Bobby sighed and squared shoulders. Looking at the team he nodded his head and went into the room first, the team following behind Bobby. Once inside they all sucked in a deep breath.
Buck looked the same yet so different it was a shock. He looked older somehow. He also looked so young. To young for the amount of bandages and leads running from his body and connected to all the machines around him, keeping him alive. The bruises and black stitches that were uncovered a stark contrast to the paleness of his skin.
"Buck? Son we're here for you, okay? You just keep on fighting." Bobby whispered, placing his hand gently on Evan's forehead.
The rest of the team shared their own little encouragements as they settled around Evan.
"Oh, good, looks like your not alone anymore commander. I'm Michelle." A friendly and warm voice said from the door causing the team to look up and see a middle-aged woman with blue eyes and a warm and inviting look on her face, smile bright.
"Well folks, he looks better. I know it doesn't seem like it. But his vitals are better and his's more than just holding on. He's fighting to come back. I can tell he is a tough one. So don't lose hope. Just keep talking to him. Okay? And if you need anything, please just call me and I'll be right here." She said with a warm smile.
Later that night
The team and Maddie had been sitting in silence since they arrived. The regret was palpable in the air as the team stared at Buck. The fear of whether or not he would wake and if so, would he be the same person they once knew hanging over their heads like demociles sword.
They glanced at the door when they heard it open. Standing there, were five men looking grim and tight faced. The glares on their faces left no doubt as to who these men were. They were the men Buck had served with, they were his new family.
"Well, I must say, I'm surprised that you pulled the stick outta your ass. But good choice. Evan needs his family here now, whether you deserve to be here remains to be seen." Mike said as he took a seat in the corner of the room.
"What is your problem, man?" Eddie said in frustration. "We are here and we want to help Buck. We care about him too"
"Well lets hope you keep up caring and don't just leave when the going gets tough. Evan needs people in his corner even when he gets hardassed." Dave grunted with a glare at them.
"Why do keep calling him 'Evan ', he hates it. Only his sister calls him that." Chim said with slightly smug look.
"Hate to break it to ya, but he's always been Evan. That's what his family called him 8 years ago. He still goes by Evan with people who are family. Buck was his attempt at putting distance between who he was and who he wanted to be." Cole said simply.
"What happened?" Eddie asked with slight trepidation, his imagination starting to run wild. He knew that things got bad in the army. He could only imagine what Buck had been through with his time in the Navy. He only knew a little about what the SOGs had to deal with and the risks they took. The things they saw could break a person. It just made him regret his actions even more so and also made him respect Buck even more.
"Let's just say things went pear shaped on an OP. He ended as a POW due to bad intel. Took us 6 months to find and rescue him." Mike said his gaze lost in the past.
"Oh God, Buck." Bobby murmured while Hen gasped in shock.
" Oh Dios mio, Buck lo siento." Eddie said his pain evident in his eyes.
There was a huff heard in room, everyone turned to look at Maddie who had thus far been quiet, and raised their eyebrows at her in question.
"If Evan hadn't been looking for attention then he wouldn't have been hurt. God knows he does these things to get hurt just for attention." Maddie spat.
The tension in the air intensified significantly after her statement.
"Well that's quite the statement to make ma'am. Your brother chose to do something good and that's what you have to say?" Dave scoffed with a growl, both teams looked irritated and shocked by her words. Chim being the only one to seem indifferent to what Maddie said.
"Maddie that was uncalled for and frankly, disrespectful to your brother." Bobby said with a frown. " I know there was some differences between your brother and I, but you don't have to be so rude towards Buck."
"Oh come on, Bobby seriously! You didn't even want him to be on active duty when he was with the fire department. And for good reason! It's been what? A year and here he is again hurt and looking for attention." Maddie said in anger.
"Ha! That's just rich. He didn't ask for this to happen woman. He got bombed! He sure as hell didn't ask for that! And that you would even think something like that is sick." Danny said, anger
and disgust clear in his normally calm and neutral voice.
"Hey! Don't you speak to Maddie like that. She's his sister, I think she knows him better than you!" Chim sneered.
Suddenly, there was a laugh heard from Mike.
" You know I think it's become very apparent that you don't and will never know your own brother, Miss Buckley. Everything you just spewed out of your mouth was a bunch of hogwash and you will never find a better, more kindhearted man than Evan Buckley. The fact that the commander has to call you his sister is actually sad." Mike said shaking his head.
"How dare you?!" Maddie screeched
"Maddie? I think it's time you and Chim leave." Eddie said abruptly, his voice clipped.
"Eddie…?" Chim said.
"No. You need to leave now." Eddie said speaking over Chim. "We need to support Buck and this isn't going to help Buck. Especially not some seriously negative babble from angry people. If you can't leave the past at the door, don't come in. And that's final." Eddie said decisively.
Everyone agreed as they looked at Maddie and Chim.
"Fine, come on Howie, lets go home." Maddie huffed taking her bag and heading to the door, Chim behind her.
"Well… that happened." Cole said shaking his head.
"Doesn't matter. We are here now and we just keep talking to Buck and we pray he pulls through." Bobby said sitting back down next to Buck's bed.
The team nodded and settled in to keep vigil over Buck.
2 weeks later
It had been two weeks since they learned Buck was hurt. Two weeks since Buck's team had been called back. There was no news from the SEAL's nor was there any improvement on Buck. He remained comatosed and it was starting to worry the team greatly.
Eddie had in a desperate bid allowed Christopher to see Buck in person…hoping and praying that Buck would miraculously sense Chris and wake up,even if he knew logically it made no sense.
Everyone was getting concerned, it's been close to five months that Bucks been in the coma. Five months since the initial incident that injured him and the doctors were getting concerned about the lack of improvement. There was also hushed and aborted conversations by the medical staff about Buck being to far gone to come back, that perhaps his mind is also starting to die, because there seems to be less activity in his brain on a daily basis.
The 118 minus Chim were sitting with Buck after shift when suddenly Hen interrupted the silence.
"What if Buck isn't fighting to come back? What if he thinks there is nothing worth fighting for anymore?"
"He is fighting Hen. That's why he's still here. He hasn't given up yet, and neither should we." Bobby stated firmly.
"Yeah, besides Buck would never give up on his Superman." Eddie said with a sad smile at Hen.
"I hope you're right Eddie, I really do." Hen sighed respondent.
It was as month five was edging into month six when after a 8-hour shift, Eddie and Chris were sitting with Buck, that Eddie noticed something different, Eddie had felt it when he entered the room. There was a tension in the air thick and noticeable. Eddie had immediately looked to the monitors connected to Buck, but nothing looked off so Eddie had shrugged, brushing it off as fatigue and stress after a full day at work and the constant concern buzzing through his mind.
After helping Chris settle in the chair next to Buck and handing Chris the current book he was reading to him, Eddie sat down in the chair on Bucks other side. His gaze fixed in the wall over Christopher's shoulder. His mind in a haze as he listened to the story Chris was reading. After an unknown amount of time had passed he was brought back to his senses by the very insistent voice of Chris calling out to him.
"Dad?"
"Daddy!" Chris called out.
"Shh mijo don't yell, it's a hospital. " Eddie chastised Chris gently. "You know better mijo."
"Lo siento. But dad look" Chris said pointing in excitement at Buck. Eddie followed the boys little finger to look at Buck. At first he saw nothing different and was about to tell Chris that maybe it was nothing, but then he saw a slight twitch on Buck's hand. His eyes flew up to Buck's face and saw nothing. With a disappointed sigh he looked at the machines monitoring Bucks vitals. And had to keep from getting to excited, there was a notable change in his vitals. Eddie could feel the rush of anticipation and hope coursing through his veins. Looking at Bucks face, there too he could see changes. His face didn't seem as pale. And his heart rate wasn't as low. With a shaking hand he called the nurse, who rushed in taking a quick glance at Bucks vitals, rushing out to get a doctor.
The next hour was spent pacing the hallway, Bobby and Athena as well as Hen were all there. Carla had taken Chris home as it was getting late.
It was as hour two was giving way to hour three that a Doctor came to them, and for the first time since Buck was admitted to the hospital was there a glimmer of hope in his eyes and a small smile curving his lips.
"First of all, the commander is still out, however it would seem, it's just that deep sleeping. His vitals are strong. His heart rate and pulse is stable his temperature is going towards normal. His brain activity is also within normal range. I do believe that given time, he will be just fine." The doctor told them with a smile.
The relief that ran through the 118 was palpable, Hen and Karen were smiling with tears shimmering in their eyes. While Bobby and Athena pulled Eddie into a hug joy and happiness visible on their faces.
"Thank God" Eddie murmured softly, running his hands through his hair.
"Go home and rest. He's not going anywhere and you all can get some proper rest. The commander is lucky to have you all as his support." And with that he left.
The tension that was left in his wake was close to what they had felt a year previously. Gnawing guilt and regret.
"It's us who are lucky. Better question is will Buck even want us here after what we did?" Hen asked trepidation clear in her voice.
"What I did you mean." Bobby said with a sad sigh.
"Bobby! Enough." Athena said in warning. "What's done is done. Focus on what you all can do to repair what broke between all of you and just give him time. He's been through a lot. And it's not over yet. He's going to needs support from all of us. Especially since its been clear that Maddie isn't going to be here to support him."
"What that woman and Chim is think is beyond my understanding, honestly." Karen said with a sigh and shake of her head.
"They made their choice." Eddie said with some anger coloring his voice.
The following evening Eddie and Chris along with Bobby, Athena and Hen sat down in Bucks room, softly talking amongst themselves.
Chris was quietly reading to Buck, when there was a soft groan heard. Everyone was quick to look at Buck holding their breath. They heard another groan and this time Buck had a slight frown on his face. Eddie stepped up to the rail of the bed and looked at Buck.
"Come on Buck, por favor? Open your eyes."
It was at that moment that cloudy blue eyes opened to slits then slammed shut again at the brightness of the room groaning.
"Hang on Buck. Bobby the lights." Eddie said.
After a few seconds Bobby flicked off the light and Eddie turned back to Buck.
"Okay Buck try now?" Everyone stepped closer as Buck slowly opened his eyes.
"Ouch, somebody get tags for the bus that hit me?" Buck grumbled softly, before looking at the room, briefly making eye contact with the team, before locking eyes with Chris. His smile was bright as he held out his hand to Chris,who eagerly grabbed hold of Bucks hand.
"Hey buddy. Its so good to see you. You've gotten really big Superman!" Buck said with mock severity, causing Chris to giggle before gently giving Buck a hug.
"I missed you Bucky!" Chris said quietly, before promptly bursting into tears, his head resting on Bucks shoulder.
"Hey, whoa buddy, easy I need you to breath. Easy kid easy. Eds? Put him on the bed, please?" Buck said looking at the man in question.
"Buck… Are you sure that is a good idea?" Eddie asked quietly, so as not to disturb Chris. Concern for Bucks injuries clear in his face.
Buck just gave him a look so icy that the team can honestly say unnerved them.
"Eddie just do it. Im fine." Buck said forcefully.
"Alright." Eddie said and with that helped Chris settle down laying next to Buck, little face pressed tightly into Bucks shoulder.
"Hey, I love you little man, and I'm sorry I scared you. Scaring you was never what I wanted."
Buck said soothing the little boy that he held so dear in his heart. Buck said nothing just held onto Chris, gently carding his hand through the boys mop of brown hair lovingly. While the rest looked on with tears in their eyes.
After a few minutes, Buck felt Chris's weight increase on his side as the boy went limp with exhaustion. And looked down at him with a gentle smile.
That smile however, hardened to icy chips as he glanced at the 118 present. The look left no doubt as to who was looking at them now. No longer was it Chris's Bucky looking at him with a loving smile. No this was Lt. Cmdr Evan Buckley, SEAL team leader. This was the hardened soldier. Not the loving goofy firefighter they all thought they knew.
"My team?" He asked crisply
The team glanced at each other. Unsure of what to say. How much he even remembered.
"Well?" Buck asked impatiently, clearly unhappy with the delay in his question being answered.
Eddie took a deep breath and said," your team was here, but they had to go back out to complete the mission. Don't know where though. That was a month ago. They have since gone silent."
Buck sighed and dipped his head in acknowledgement then asked them, " How long?"
"How long what Buckaroo?" Athena asked gently.
Buck looked at her briefly, his icy expression softening slightly. And asked again
"How long have I been out?"
"A little over six months, baby." Athena said laying her hand gently on Bucks arm.
Buck only gave a soft sigh before gazing back down at Chris.
"What do you remember?" Hen asked softly.
Buck glanced back up at the team, his eyes going dark. He huffed a small and bitter sound.
"What do I remember? Everything, Hen. From when I last walked out of station 118 to the moment my world lit up in an excruciating haze of agony. That answer your question?" Buck asked bluntly.
Hen sucked in a gasp of air. Eyes bright,"oh Buck. I'm so sorry."
Buck looked at her, face stony and blank.
"And what pray tell are you sorry for? What exactly is that you all are doing here? Because if it's just you all being here to sooth your own guilt, you know where the door is. I appreciate you all being here. But if it's just cause I'm injured then please, leave. " Buck said coldly.
"No Buck! That's not why we're here. I swear. Ever since you handed in your resignation,it's haunted us. Haunted me. Every mistake Every cruel word I laid on you came back and it hurt. I've had months to reflect on what I did and allowed to let happen. And as a Captain I let the team and most of all you down. And for that I am truly sorry." Bobby said tears trailing down his cheeks.
" And I'm sorry I didn't stand up for you Buck. I have no doubt that if our places were reversed, you would have stood up for me. I told you on your first day back that I marched to the beat of my own drums, but then like a fool I just followed the team…followed Bobby. Never once did I ask you how you were or ask your side of things. And for that I'm very sorry. And if you feel you can never forgive me for my behavior,I'll respect that. I promise." Hen stated with a tearful smile.
Eddie took a deep breath and looked at Buck, the icy look in his eyes so unnerving and spoke from his heart.
"Look there is no words to describe how truly sorry I am. I was a ass to you and I had no right. You were my best friend and I sure as hell didn't act like a good friend to you. I took my anger at Shannon, my parents and the tsunami and the world in general out on you and I had no right. I also knew I was hurting you by ignoring you and keeping Chris away from you and that's unforgivable. I love you like a brother Buck. And it took me losing the best person I ever had the privilege to call friend to realize what I did wasn't right. Took me hearing that I was a fool, to acknowledge that I was scared and running away instead of just being your friend. I said I'd always have your back. And I dropped the ball on you. I'm not expecting you to forgive me but know this. I won't keep you from Chris. He needs you just as much as the rest of us do. Whatever you decide, I'll abide by your wishes. I promise." Eddie said looking at Buck, everything in his eyes stating the truth of what he just said and more.
The silence that followed everyone's apologies was nerve-wracking.
Buck gazed at them, assessing and searching for any hints of a lie. Finding none he sighed. Looking down at Chris. Thinking ' Oh, how I missed you little man ', rubbing his back in a soothing manner when the boy made a restless noise of distress.
Buck sighed again and looked up. " Look, it's late. And I'm tired. And frankly? You all look like the south end of a north bound mule. Go home and rest. I'm not going anywhere right this second anyway. I need time to figure out what to do from here on out."
The team all looked like they wanted to protest the idea, but a glance at Buck proved that Buck was indeed tired and worn out. Reluctantly, they gathered their stuff and Eddie picked up his son and cradled the boy in his arms. With a nod at Buck,they departed for the night, promising to return the following day.
Following afternoon
Evan had spent most of the night and the day, thinking about everything, from his team currently out there, without him and about the life he had thought he left behind 14 months ago. It wasn't lost on him who hadn't been present the previous evening. Not that he was surprised.
He was also very surprised by the about face the 118 had made. He just didn't know if he wanted to let his guard down with them. He won't lie and say he hadn't missed them,because he had. But could he trust that they wouldn't just revert to their previous behavior when the rosy glasses slipped down a little. Could he trust them to keep their word? Could he try to rebuild a relationship with the people he once called family? Was that a possibility or even an avenue he wanted to explore?
Just as visiting hours started, Evan heard the familiar clicking of crutches coming towards his room, instantly smiling when Chris and Carla came into the room.
"Bucky! Your awake." Chris said moving as fast as his little legs could carry him, letting Carla help him onto the bed so he could lay down next to Buck at Buck's insistence.
"Oh, Buckaroo, it is good to see those baby blues." Carla said softly, gently running her fingers through his hair.
"It's good to be seen Carla. And you look beautiful as always." Evan said smiling at her his sunny smile that brightens up any room.
"I see you cleaned up a bit baby that's good." Carla murmured.
"Yeah. I was feeling muggy. Figured getting clean would help. Not that it was much, mind you. Doc doesn't want me to shower just yet. But soon hopefully I can stay on my feet long enough to shower. Then I can get out of here." Evan huffed.
"Mmm, don't go rushing yourself and if you need help you know I'm there in a flash. Okay, promise me Buck" Carla said in a serious tone.
"I promise, Carla if I need anything, I'll call." Evan said honestly.
"Good." She said settling in the chair next to Evan.
As the 118 came in they all made a conscious and unspoken effort to keep things light for now. They knew that with Chris quietly playing on his tablet under Bucks arm, now was not the time for anything serious.
The time for that would come soon enough.
A week later Evan was discharged and sitting under a shaded tree in Bobby and Athena's backyard, looking at the kids playing. It was peaceful.
"Hey, I figured you could use a drink. It's not a beer but I guess it's better than nothing." Eddie said, holding up two glasses of lemonade. After handing Buck one he sat down next to him and simply observed the same peacefulness Evan had just enjoyed moments before.
With a sigh, Evan turned to Eddie and said softly,"I'm not mad about what happened back than, you know, I figured you were going through some stuff. I just wish you had spoken to me first. Before things got so bad, Eds. I know about Lena taking you to that fighting ring. You could have gotten killed. I've lost too many people I care about Eds. I don't want to add your name on the list of people I lost."
"That was a stupid move on my part Buck, and I know now that it wouldn't have solved anything. It didn't solve anything. Just made it worse, really." Eddie admitted.
"Look I would like to think we can move on and build a better friendship than before, but and I mean this Eddie, I need you to respect my choices too. Me coming back as a firefighter might not happen. I still have a contract with the Navy and if I'm medically cleared, they will change my status to active duty. I have to see this through Eds." Evan said in a serious tone of voice.
"I know Buck. And I've got your back. I'm not making the same mistakes as I did in the past."
Eddie replied.
Suddenly, Bobby and Hen were there too, saying that they were with Eddie. That they didn't want to lose him again.
Buck looked at them thoughtfully, assessing them and nodded. "Alright, as long as you all accept and respect my boundaries, I've got no problem with letting the past be the past."
"What about Chim and Maddie?" Hen asked, slightly curious about what Evan would do. She just couldn't believe her friend would turn so cruel and uncaring. It's like she no longer knew who he was anymore.
" Maddie made her choice and opinion about me clear a year and a half ago. She will forever see me as the kid she had to raise. The one she left behind. Maddie also unfortunately, has the uncanny ability to turn events to fit her needs. She made it clear that she didn't want to be in my life months before the ladder bombing happened, months before I deployed really. As for Chim? He's easily swayed by a woman as we've seen in the past with Tatiana. He is also never been a fan of me Hen, he's just been good at being subtle with his snide remarks." Buck said with a shrug. His opinion on the matter clear. He was done jumping hoops for his sister and anyone else for that matter.
It was two months after Buck left the hospital,that he stepped into the 118. Looking healthy as he stepped into the loft greeting those he knew from before, nodding to those he didn't know.
"Buck? Kid what are you doing here? Come on I'll make you a grilled cheese sandwich." Bobby said heading to the kitchen. A smile on his face.
"Naw, don't worry about it Bobby. I'm good thanks."
"You sure? It's no trouble. Really."
"I'm sure." Buck said his laugh echoing through the station. A sound that the 118 had thought they would never hear within these walls again and felt their hearts fill with joy.
"So what are you doing here? I thought you had an appointment this morning." Eddie said handing Buck a mug with coffee in it.
"Thanks and I did have a meeting. Just got back actually. I'm cleared by the navy to return to duty, should be getting my papers soon enough." Buck said taking a sip of his coffee.
"That's good right? I mean it's what you were hoping for, right?" Eddie said.
"Yup, sooner I get cleared the sooner I get back to my team. Then hopefully I can get some time off soon. Take Chris to the zoo like he asked. Or maybe the Observatory. He's been on a space kick I see." Buck said with a laugh.
"And whose fault is that I wonder?" Eddie grinned playfully at Buck, glad to have his brother back again.
"You good Bobby? You and Hen have been real quiet over there." Buck said looking at them curiously.
"I'm good Buck. Just glad you are back on your feet and healthy. And we are talking again." Bobby said warmly, swallowing his fear. Telling himself it's not his place to tell Buck what to do or not do. He was a grown man. It was time to respect Buck and treat him as such.
"I'm good Buck. Just like Bobby I'm really glad to see you here again." Hen said with a bright smile.
Just then they saw Chim and Maddie crest the top of the stairs. They both stopped when they saw Evan sitting calmly drinking his coffee, while looking at them. His face blank.
"Evan. What are you doing here?" Maddie said in a displeased voice.
"Hello to you too, Maddie. Nice to see you. How have you been?" Evan said sarcasm dripping from his voice and the tension in the loft rose considerably.
"Watch your tone Buckley! That's your sister you are talking to." Chim said in a aggressive voice.
"Oh I'm aware Han, thank you very much. I was however not talking to you. Now was I?" Evan replied, his tone of voice cold and his eyes glacial. The friendly man that once sat there gone, replaced by the dangerous and highly trained soldier the team had come to realize has always been there.
"Chim" Bobby said in warning.
"Evan apologize! Now. That is no way to speak to Howie. That is no way to speak to family." Maddie scolded.
Her eyes grew wide and her face paled when Evan chuckled low and cold, the sound so menacing it sent chills down everyones backs.
Chim and Maddie took a step back when Evan stood up from his chair. His bulk and aura dark and imposing.
"You're right Maddie, I wouldn't speak to family like that. Fortunately, I don't consider Howard Han or you for that matter, to be family. I'm done jumping on your say so Maddie. And I'm not going to stand for you thinking I'm in need of a mother or that you can be my mother. I needed a sister then not a person who jumps ship when it's get to rough waters. You made your choice and you chose sides. As for you Han? I don't have the time for your petty childish bull." With a final glare at the speechless couple, Evan
turned to look at Bobby, Hen, And Eddie, giving them a warm smile and a nod, he turned on his heel and left.
By the end of the week those from the 118 and their families who mattered to Evan stood at the airport hugging Evan and telling him to come home safe.
With a nod and smile he said he'll do his best and hugged everyone. Giving Chris an extra tight hug he whispered in Chris's ear, " look after your dad and yourself kiddo. Next time I see you we'll get your dad to agree and we'll go do something fun, okay? Maybe you can plan the trip while I'm out. How about that bud?"
"Okay Buck! I'll plan the best trip ever." Chris said with joy lighting his little face.
"That's my boy." Buck said ruffling Chris's hair gently.
With a last look at the people he once again could call friends and family, he stood tall and proud in his uniform as he made his way through the crowd. Now the 118 could only pray for his safe return as he waded back into the fray, as the soldier he was always meant to be.
Epilogue
It had been a long 4 years, but Buck was home and where he belonged. It had been good to reconcile with the 118. Much had changed.
Chim had moved to a new station and no longer had much contact with the core 118 team, lest they crossed paths on a scene due to his caustic attitude. And from what he heard Maddie had given birth to a baby girl. It saddened him slightly that he would likely never know his niece but there was no changing now. Maddie still refused to accept that Evan was not a child but an accomplished and decorated veteran. Bobby and Athena was doing well. While Eddie had finally met a woman he loved and that fit in well with the dynamic that was the 118 family. Chris also adored her and was flourishing with how well his life was and best of all, he had his Bucky back again.
As for Buck? He had his family and they were stronger then ever.
After several years of missions and minor injuries, and plenty of visits back to LA. Evan had retired as Commander of SEAL team 10. He didn't regret anything, it had after all led him to the life he now had.
He would never have met the beautiful,feisty woman he now called his wife, Amelia the mother of his two children, twins-Emma and Conner…and hadn't that been a surprise, if he had not rejoined the SEALs.
Amelia was the woman who healed the last of his broken heart when she came into his life three years ago, a force to be reckoned with in a busy hospital cubicle, after another thankfully minor injury had sent him home for a month. They fell in love quickly and were married within a year. And almost nine month to the day they were married, their world got a little louder and whole lot happier when the twins were born.
"You ready for today baby?" Amelia asked and laughed in delight when Evan pulled her into his arms and spun them around, putting her gently back on the ground he kissed her on her lips and grinned.
"Born ready. I'll see you tonight. Enjoy your day off and have fun with the kids." With a kiss to Amelia's lips and a kiss dropped on each toddlers head Evan left the house.
He was starting another adventure, he had been approached by many houses but SAR had appealed the most to him. He knew that it was the best place for him to utilize the skills he had, no longer did he feel the need to suppress who he was or hide. He was ready to be himself.
He had his family at the 118 and he had his wife and kids. He could ask for no more.
FIN