(Hello my wonderful readers! You are looking radiant today, as always. This lovely little one shot is based on Sam Smith's Stay With Me, with a little bit of my own spicy trauma. Writing is cheaper than therapy ok?! Let me be! Moving on lol. All jokes aside though the abuse depicted in this story can trigger past, and current trauma. The depiction of OC's father also does not reflect how my own father treats me; my dad is great. If anything this is a better depiction of a couple exs. Anyway, disclaimer here. If you have past trauma that can be triggered by reading about someone else's, this is not the story for you. Now Jim Kirk and the reader are both traumatized beans. Our poor OC has had more than her fair share of abuse, and Kirk is out to show her what true love the image in her mind is all wrong. And yes, our favorite playboy has fallen for our beautiful mess of an OC, scars and all. Here is our cheat sheet, (Y/N) - your name, (e/c) - eye color, (h/c) - hair color. As always I don't own Star Trek, or its characters. Or Stay With Me, but there will be hints of it in the story. *SIGH* Only the OC is mine. And the trauma….. MOVING ON! Holy crap, I'm so sorry this is so long. I hope you all enjoy! Please review! On with the story!...Finally.)

It was supposed to be a one night stand. It was, in fact, a momentary lapse in good judgment. You didn't know if you regretted it or not though. Captain Kirk was an amazingly handsome, and successful young man. And while the bragging rights of 'I slept with the captain' would be very nice, almost everyone had them. So you just kept it to yourself. But this was different from the one night stand you had planned; he kept coming back, and you just couldn't bring yourself to say no. Not that you wanted to. This was a very bad idea, you were aware, but stars above you loved it. He had even started taking you to the mess hall for dinners, or just spending time in the others quarters.

Unfortunately you had fallen for the Captain, but you knew he wouldn't return your feelings. Ever. He never displayed the signs of love you had been shown, or had seen as a child. Honestly you were afraid to love; love meant bruises, cuts, and excuses. It was something you didn't want again. You thought. Your father had loved you, and your mother very much. Which meant he beat you within an inch of your life many times, and he was justified every single time. You were a horrible child, and you never fully understood why you had been taken away. He did what he did for your own good.

Kirk, or Jim as he had asked you to call him, never made you feel anxious, never hit you, and never belittled you. The only time he screamed was when you made him scream your name in pleasure. Thank goodness the starship's quarters were soundproof. He did the exact opposite of all the things you saw as love. He spoke softly to you always in an absolutely adorable energized voice. He was always saying how smart, and kind you were. And he worshiped your body, even with all your scars.

Your head had not been in a good place because of all this, and on top of all that you had been feeling sick. Nausea, stomach pain, appetite loss, and several other things had been plaguing you the last 48 hours. Stress was to blame, you were sure, and refused to go to sick bay. All of this led you to Uhura's door. You had to get this off your chest.

You knocked on her door praying to whoever would listen that she was there as your right side gave a painful throb.

A few moments later her door slid open revealing her extremely worried face; she knew the second she saw you something was very wrong. She grabbed your arm effectively dragging you inside.

She pulled you to her bed, and forced you to sit down before looking you in the eye.

"You look like shit, what's going on with you?" She questioned suspiciously.

"Hello to you too Nyota. I missed you as well," you sarcastically remarked

"(Y/N), can you not be sarcastic just this once? I'm serious, and worried," Uhura deadpanned.

"It's this guy-"

"Please tell me it's not who I think it is," She interrupted you, and you just nodded," It was a one night stand; what's got you so worked up? Please tell me you haven't fallen for him."

"I've been sleeping with him," you quickly confessed, interrupting her rant.

"You're joking right?" She stammered after a moment of silence.

"No," you whispered, wincing slightly as another sharp pain hit your side.

"(Y/N), this is such a bad idea. He's the captain. And you fall for people so hard, so easily. What were you thinking?" Uhura asked gently, completely mystified.

"I wasn't… not at first anyway. I didn't think he would ever come back; you know how he is. We were both drunk, and it was amazing. You remember the next morning I came over freaking out because I had just banged the captain. You know how happy I was after I calmed down," Uhura just snorted remembering that conversation, as you fumbled for an explanation," But then he did come back. And kept coming back. And I - I didn't want to say no. The sex has been amazing, and hasn't affected our work relationship at all. He's even been taking me to get dinner, or watching old movies together in our quarters. It's been fine, but-,"

"But?" Uhura pushed.

"But now I think I love him," you said quietly, tears beginning to form in your eyes," But Jim never shows any indication that he could love like that. I don't think he's capable. He's just too kind, and gentle to hurt anyone for their benefit."

"Honey, I don't think your perspective of love is-" she was quickly cut off by a scream of pain from you.

Suddenly pain flooded your senses, and you felt like thousands of red hot irons were being stabbed into your right side. You doubled over realizing just how cold you felt, and your vision swam. You shivered, and could hear Uhura shouting at you. Unfortunately you couldn't tell what she was saying. Something about sick bay, and getting a gurney?

"Get Kirk," was all you could spit out before losing your battle to the pain.

There was beeping, and the distinct smell of cleaning supplies. You open your eyes to see IV lines running from your hand, and Kirk talking to Dr. McCoy. Your side throbbed again, and an involuntary groan came from your lips drawing the attention of the 2 men in the room.

"Ah good, you're awake. How ya feelin'? Any pain?" McCoy asked, looking at the monitor of the bio bed.

"Like shit. And yeah, a little," you responded as he ran the tricorder over you.

"That isn't good," he mumbled, looking at the small device in hand then to you," Your appendix burst while you were with Uhura. I need to repair the damage, so we're gonna take you into surgery in a bit. Just relax for now, ok?"

You just nodded, feeling exhausted, helpless, and shocked. He then turned to Kirk who looked pale, and worried beyond belief.

"I'm gonna go scrub down. Do not rile her up, or so help me-"

Kirk quickly put his hands up in surrender, and interrupted McCoy.

"I won't. Promise."

McCoy simply huffed, and walked towards the OR.

Kirk then turned to you, slumping into the uncomfortable plastic chair next to your bio bed. He was quiet for a minute, unsure of what to say. Uhura had called him almost in hysterics, and demanded he get down to sick bay because you had collapsed. It shook him, and you could tell.

"Captain," You began but were promptly interrupted.

"Jim, no one else is around, and you're off duty. So call me Jim," he reminded you gently," Why didn't you tell me you were in pain, or sick last night? We didn't have to go get dinner. Bones said symptoms like these have to build up; they don't just appear overnight."

"I didn't think anything of them. Thought maybe I was just stressed," you said nervously, suddenly the blanket you were fidgeting with became very interesting. You waited with baited breath for him to start yelling at you, say you were fine, and making this all up for attention. Waiting for him to raise a hand to you for your stupidity. You couldn't tell if you were dreading it, or desperately hoping for it. But it didn't come irregardless.

"Next time tell me if you feel sick. We have an unlimited amount of time with each other, if you want I mean," he said, softly.

"What do you mean?" pain hitting you again, wincing," If I want? We definitely have a limited amount of time. We said it was a one time stand that turned into a fling."

"It could be more. I want it to be more. Guess I'm not good at a one night stand if I'm in love with the person. I only want to see you. I've fallen in love with you, (Y/N). The last few weeks have been the best of my life. Will you be my girl?" Kirk asked, with one of his gorgeous smiles.

You wanted to say something, anything. But for goodness sake, your captain had just confessed his love for you! But it wasn't love, right?

"But - it's not," you mumbled, heart rate spiking and breathing speeding up.

Alarms began to go off as your thoughts raced. Kirk knew McCoy would skin him alive if he upset you. McCoy was extremely overprotective of you, and had adopted you in a way as his little sister. Kirk decided he wanted to keep his hide, and got to his feet.

"Maybe I should go-" but he stopped dead in his tracks when you grabbed his wrist.

"Please don't go; I don't want you to leave," You whispered, and almost begged the second part," I'm scared. Will you hold my hand?"

Kirk quickly moved to grasp your hand in both his calloused ones. The monitors instantly began to calm as did your breathing.

"Jim, you don't love me," his eyes went wide, and he opened his mouth in an attempt to assure you he does," Let me finish. You have never shown me any sign you love me. Never once have you hit me, yelled at me, degraded me, used me. This isn't love; anyone can see it. But, I still want you to stay."

At this point Kirk had a look you couldn't quite place. It looked like a mix of sick to his stomach, utterly gutted, and horrified.

You were honestly scared this confession would have scared him off. But he didn't move; only looked at you. His expression shifted to one you had only seen in old holotapes. One that the male lead always had when looking at the female lead.

A small smile graced his lips, and his grip tightened around your hands.

Footsteps could be heard outside your room, and Dr. McCoy entered with a solemn look on his face.

"You ready?" He asked.

You looked at Kirk, who kissed your hand, and smiled reassuringly at you.

"I'll be here when you get back, and we can talk about it more then, ok?" Kirk said.

"You sure?" you questioned, gripping his hand a bit tighter.

"100%. I'm not going to leave you," Kirk promised, smile never faltering.

"Ok, ready," you looked to McCoy, and nodded.

You were walked to the OR in the biobed, and the last thing you remembered before everything went black was thinking of your Captain.

The beeping was back, and as annoying as last time. For goodness sake you just wanted to sleep. But a nervous and excited feeling prevented you from falling back to sleep.

But what caused that feeling? Your drugged brain refused to cooperate, and the reason for your stomach doing somersaults remained a mystery. Well since you were awake you might as well open your eyes. Everything was blurry for a few seconds as the sleep just didn't want to go away. The lights were dimmed thankfully, but a slightly brighter light grabbed your attention. There sat the source of your jumbled emotions. Kirk was sitting next to your bed looking over some paperwork on his pad.

He was there. Just like he said. But why? He had his chance to escape while you were in surgery, or unconscious.

"Hey beautiful," he said quietly, bringing you out of your thoughts.

"Hey handsome," you responded, and cleared your throat. It felt like sandpaper.

"Here, drink this," he said, putting a straw to your lips. Cool liquid spilled into your mouth, and down your throat soothing the fire.

"Thanks," you sighed.

"No problem," he smiled at you. He reached a hand towards your cheek, but you flinched away.

Oh gods. Maybe he did love you, and had just been hiding it. Was he going to start hitting you?

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked, quickly retracting his hand. His bright blue eyes radiated concern as he looked at you.

"Nothing. It's nothing. I'm fine," you replied a little too quickly, that definitely didn't sound normal.

"I talked to Uhura while you were in surgery."

"Shit," you groaned," she told you?"

"Everything," he said gently," you don't have to pretend, or hide it anymore."

"Jim, I don't think you know what you're getting into. I have horrible issues with intrusive thoughts, I'm afraid for anyone to touch me in a "normal" way, and my trauma responses happen often. They're really bad, Jim. Really really bad," you explained, taking a breath to calm yourself before continuing," you don't want to get drug into all the problems my past has caused."

Kirk knew this had to stop right then, and there if he ever wanted a chance with the love of his life. He had to prove you could trust him with your fragile heart.

"Do you remember hearing about Tarsus IV?" Kirk asked, sadness seeping into his words.

"Of course," you replied looking into his eyes, and immediately knew where this was going," Oh gods, Jim. Don't tell me you survived that."

"I did," he responded with a deep sigh," That's not the point though. It's that if anyone knows how these intrusive thoughts, trauma responses, and all the hell we've been through can affect a person, it's me."

You didn't know what to say, so after a few moments Kirk continued.

"I know what your father, and ex boyfriend did to you. That wasn't love. I promise if you trust me with your heart I won't break it. Let me show you what real, and true love is. I won't ever hurt you the way they did. You can trust me, (Y/N)," Kirk said.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" you whispered, giving him one last chance to back out.

"I've never wanted anything more," he said, with his trademark Jim smirk, and his blue eyes sparkling,"(Y/N), can I touch you?"

You smiled while nodding, and scooted over pulling the blanket with you. You patted the bed, and giggled when he scrambled out of the chair to get into the biobed next to you.

He pulled you close to his chest, and wrapped his arms around you. You had never felt so safe in your life, and wanted him to feel safe with you too. You draped your arm across his stomach in a feeble attempt to hold him the way he was holding you. You were extremely tired and sore, so this was about the best you could do.

He chuckled lovingly, and stroked your (h/c) hair to relax you. It worked instantly, and your eyes soon began to slip shut. The last thing you were aware of was Kirk pressing a kiss to the top of your head before you fell into the best sleep of your life.