A bit of explanation for the titles
Ever Fallen in love (with someone you shouldn't've) is a song by the British punk/pop punk band The Buzzcocks. Its frontman Pete Shelley was openly bisexual from the 70s writing music inspired by both men and women and purposefully keeping them gender-neutral. He wrote Ever Fallen In Love after developing an unrequited crush on a male roommate. I thought that it reflected Dean coming to terms with the fact that what he feels for Eddie is a crush and not just admiration
watch?v=51OB2YoC4sg
Also, bonus points he released a song on his own in 1981 that was banned for being about gay sex, you should check it out because not only was releasing this song 81 punk as fuck but it's also just a great song
watch?v=2HwmO_GZfzI
Basketcase is by the American pop punk band Greenday. Its frontman Billy-Joe Armstrong is also bisexual. I thought this song in particular fit dean's state of mind in this chapter
watch?v=NUTGr5t3MoY
1992
Dean's stomach growled loudly, dad had been gone for 3 days and they were already out of food. He had managed to convince the lady behind the front desk to give them a couple of the single-serving cereal bowls they had for sale but that's all she would give him without money.
Not for the first time he wished that dad would have them stay in hotels with continental breakfast. If he brought his backpack, he could probably sneak enough food to feed them for the rest of the day but every time he asked, he got the same response "Come on now Dean, that's expensive. What, do you think I'm made of money?"
Sammy signed from one of the dingy beds and put his book down on the scratched-up little table between them, right next to the lamp with its cracked shade. Dean felt a twinge of guilt rising in his stomach. His little brother must have read it 100 times and it showed. The cover was practically falling off and it had faded the places where Sam's fingertips rested when he had it open. He should think about getting Sam some new books. Maybe somebody would give him a few bucks for mowing their lawn or something.
"Dean?" Sammy asked, jolting him from his thoughts "When do you think Dad's going to get back? I'm hungry."
"I don't know Sammy," he replied, glancing at the door.
Sammy flopped onto the bed staring at the cracked ceiling tiles, "What if something happened to him this time? What if he dies and we have to go to foster care? Dad said they'd separate us in foster care."
"You don't gotta worry about that, Dad's fine he's a good hunter he's not going to be taken down by a wendigo" Dean reassures him.
"Okay, it's just it was supposed to be a quick hunt, that's why he only left us with 2 days' worth of food."
"I know Sam, listen if he's not back in 2 hours I'm going to go find us some food. I wouldn't let you starve, okay?"
Sam sighed heavily, grabbing his book again "I know dean." he replied and began skimming the pages.
— — —
The two hours passed with little fanfare and dad still wasn't back.
Dean got up, carefully putting the hunting notes dad had left him neatly stacked on the desk.
"I'm going to get us food Sammy." He yelled over to his brother who was occupied with one of the few other worn books he was able to cart from place to place with them.
Dean put his shoes on and slung his backpack over his shoulder, grabbing a baseball cap last minute if he needed to hide his face from security cameras.
Stepping out into the baking heat of the Arizona summer, he scanned the perimeter to make sure no one was paying attention and set out searching.
He slipped carefully into a convenience store walking casually to avoid notice, repeating a pattern of grabbing several snacks and walking around as if he was still browsing before slipping them into his backpack hoping to avoid detection. When his bag was sufficiently full, he returned a few snacks he'd grabbed as decoys to their spots as he headed out the door.
He headed back towards the hotel, peering in windows and checking out pretty girls, trying his best to look like just another teenage boy out on a walk over summer break. Suddenly he saw a set of blue and red flashing lights out of the corner of his eye.
His stomach dropped; dad would kill him if he got arrested for shoplifting. He grabbed the handle of the closet door and slipped inside.
It was a record shop, that much he knew. The tiny space was packed with cassette tapes and rows and rows of record bins. Posters featuring musicians of a staggering variety of genres lined the walls, some brand new and some fading with age. The air was lightly dusty and tinged with a musty scent Dean couldn't quite identify, weed maybe, and the lights were set weirdly low.
Buying himself time, he stashed his backpack under one of the tables and began to thumb through the records. There were genres and subgenres he never even heard of before. To be honest, he'd never really explored music beyond what dad liked. It's not like Dad would have bought him cassettes anyway.
He continued pretending to search for a record, occasionally pulling one out and pretending to study it, not paying attention to what he was doing until he got to the metal section. He grabbed a random record intending to continue his usual routine when he flipped it over and stopped dead in his tracks.
It was a fairly standard band picture, Four men in their mid-twenties sitting on a couch holding their instruments or something related clad in leather and denim and metal. That was not what caught Dean's attention.
The frontman, Eddie Munson according to the record, sat leaned back against the couch, an electric guitar held carefully in his lap. Underneath his black leather jacket his shirt was cut just low enough to who the top of a tattoo on his chest. His body language and facial expression displayed a casual confidence that Dean could only fake.
Dean's heart rate picked up and his mouth went dry. He was unable to tear his eyes away from the image and he couldn't understand why.
Was he…jealous? The man was good looking, Dean supposed, with big brown doe eyes, full lips, clear pale skin and long dark curly rocker hair. He was the kind of guy that girls his age would swoon over, and he could see why, you know objectively speaking.
He put the record back in a rush trying to ignore the heat in his cheeks and the odd fluttering in his stomach.
He resumed his earlier activity trying to cut through the fog that had formed in his brain. His thoughts continued to return to the album, to Eddie Munson specifically. An image floated into his consciousness, that black leather jacket hugging Munson's shoulders like it was made for him. "I should get a leather jacket,'' Dean thought, "Girls like leather jackets," The fluttering in his stomach continued.
His heart continued to pound in his ears as he reached the end of the table and grabbed his backpack. He was still thinking about the record when the cassette version caught his attention out of the corner of his eye. He grabbed the tape and flipped it over, sure enough, it bears the same band photo as the album. Despite the smaller size of the image Dean's eyes again fixate on Eddie Munson.
He glanced around the store; most people were absorbed in their own browsing and the only employee was a bored-looking teenage girl who seems more invested in the clock than her job.
He stuffed the tape into his bag.
The police were gone when he got outside so he began to walk back towards the motel stomach still churning as if he was hiding some big life-altering secret and not a shoplifted cassette tape.
Sam is distracted when he comes back to the motel, absorbed in an episode of Darkwing Duck. Before getting his brother's attention Dean grabs the tape out of his bag and quickly wraps it in a pair of socks depositing it back into the drawer where he's been keeping his clothes.
He laid the food out on the table. It wasn't much, mostly processed as the room didn't even have a mini fridge, but it'll do. They could make this last a couple of days and he did his best to ensure that Sam will be eating something from all of the food groups.
His mind continued to drift to the cassette hidden in his socks all afternoon and evening ending with him staring up at the ceiling with an odd tension in his shoulders and jaw till he finally fell asleep.
— — —
Dad didn't arrive back at the hotel until late the next afternoon. Turns out he had thought there was a lead in the case of mom's death, and he had gotten caught up in it for several days. At least he apologized about it this time.
John offered to help the boys pack to make up for leaving them alone for longer than expected and Dean's stomach plummeted. John could not discover the tape. As a rule, he was skeptical of any music he was unfamiliar with particularly from newer bands, and would complain if Sam or Dean asked to choose what to listen to on the radio. He also would not have liked the fact that Dean was shoplifting even though he had only started to do so in the first place to feed himself and Sam when he disappeared on them for days.
"You can help Sammy, I'll be okay doing it myself" Dean had said, doing his best to seem mature and put together.
With dad's focus now on Sam Dean grabbed the pair of socks with the cassette in them and shoved them very firmly into a corner of his bag. He finished packing, grabbed his bag, and made sure to smile and offer to help Dad with his. Dad smiles, pats him on the shoulder, and compliments him about how helpful he is. As they drive away from the motel Dean realizes he has no way to play the tape without his father knowing.
— — —
Dean only brooches the topic when he knows his dad is in a good mood. It's several days later and they're headed off to Bobby's, apparently, the lead from the hunt turned out to be more promising than he had thought.
They were all sitting at a Wendy's Sam and Dean dipping their fries in the frosty that Dad had decided to buy for them, something he usually didn't do claiming it to be "unnecessary".
"Um Dad," he said, barely above a whisper.
"What is it, Dean?" John replied.
"I was thinking maybe we could get a used Walkman or something. Books on tape would probably be good to keep Sammy's brain in shape over the summer and you could still listen to your music in the car."
Dean braces himself for the worst.
"You know that Idea ain't half bad" John responded "On the way to Bobby's we can see if we can find some sort of consignment shop. I'll ask the cashier if there's anything close."
"Thank you so much."
John didn't respond having returned to reading through his hunting notes.
— — —
The Walkman is heavily scratched and at least 5 years out of date it'll play cassette tapes fine and that's all Dean cares about. The man at the secondhand store was kind enough to give a discount on a few books on tape when they explained why they were buying it.
Sammy stared out the window listening to an audio version of Hatchet by Gary Paulsen. Dad had smiled when Sam picked it " a good choice" he had said "it'll teach you to be tough"
Dean for his part plays The Alphabet game and taps his fingers to the Zeppelin dad is playing.
A billboard flies by as he's searching for the letter P amongst the signs on the side of the road
Homosexuality is a SIN
Leviticus 18:22
It shakes Dean to his core, and he can't figure out why.
— — —
It's well past dark when they get to Bobby's and Sam is already asleep. Dean slipped the headphones off his ears and gently stowed the Walkman away in his bag.
Once he made sure Sam was comfortably sleeping in one of the upstairs bedrooms, he ducked into another one locking the door behind him.
Several agonizing moments passed as Dean stands back against the door bag in hand. He slept slowly down to the floor and it was practically vibrating as he reached into his bag, grabbed the cassette tape, and pulled the socks off of it. His hands are trembling too much to get through the cellophane around it, so he tears at it with his teeth and then quickly flips the cassette into place.
He places the Walkman on the bed as he changes into his pajamas and slips under the covers. After a moment of hesitation, he slips the headphones on, and presses play.
The music was good, very good it was certainly not dad's thing but Dean can hear influence from things that are. Munson had a good voice and was a gifted guitar player. The lyrics were full of fantasy references Dean would never admit to understanding and fantastical situations that lead him to wonder if perhaps Eddie also grew up as a hunter. The thought makes the fluttering in his stomach and the burning in his cheeks return.
At one point the music slows, and Munson's voice goes all husky for what's obviously a love song. Steve rewinds to the beginning of the song three times, (to better understand the lyrics of course).
When the album ends, Dean is left lying in the bed staring up at the ceiling with the headphones still covering his ears. He should sleep. He's exhausted but some persistent nagging feeling is gripping him by the scruff of his neck, extending its tightening fingers to his jaw. Sleep does eventually find him and, in the morning, he stuffs the tape back into his socks and deposits the bundle back in his back.
— — —
It's been 2 months and Dean still can't stop thinking about Eddie Munson. He's listened to the album several times again on late nights with Sam asleep and dad on a hunt and every time it makes him more and more curious about the band, particularly its frontman.
There was a record store near the middle school he had been attending and every day as he passed by it to go pick Sam up from the elementary school, he swore he'd go in one day.
The owner catches him loitering outside one day and asks him what he's doing. He's an older guy who looks a bit like Harrison Ford if he were into metal. Dean can feel his cheeks going pink under the man's gaze. He panics and nearly runs away but instead takes a deep breath and asks about the band.
The Man's eyes light up "Corroded Coffin? They're pretty good, aren't they? They're not Judas Priest or anything but I'm looking forward to seeing what their future holds. " He says, clasping a friendly hand on Dean's shoulder. The contact makes Dean's heartbeat rapidly in his chest.
"Um uh Yeah" he manages his to stammer out "I've always only ever really listened to my dad's music so I picked it so I could see what other kinds of music I might like" a snarky voice in the back of his head that tells him that that is decidedly not the reason he took the tape but then again the shop owner didn't need to know that.
"I'm always happy to support people expanding their tastes. You know I have some music magazines that I'm done with. I was just going to throw them out, but you can have them if you want. One of them has an interview with the frontman of Corroded coffin, Eddie something or other I forget his name".
Dean's heart leaped in his chest, "Munson," he corrected, quickly cheeks burning and eyes flitting to the side "His name's Eddie Munson." The man shot him a knowing look.
"So do you want the magazines?" he asked
Dean squared his shoulders giving a curt nod "Yes sir!"
The shop owner raised an eyebrow but told Dean to wait there while he went to get the magazines and slipped back into the store.
He emerged a few minutes later with a small stack of magazines in hand "Here you go kid, enjoy" he says in places the stack in Dean's hands.
"Thank you, sir," Dean responded. " I should get going now though. I need to pick my brother up from the elementary school"
"Goodbye kid good luck in your musical journey" the older man responds waving to Dean as he turns to leave and walks away.
— — —
Luckily for Dean, dad was away on a hunting trip that night giving him time to read the article once Sam has gone to bed.
The article's part of their newcomer of the month series and features a full-page collage of different photos of Munson. If Dean spends 10 minutes just staring at the photos, then well nobody must know that. He folds the magazine hiding the pictures from sight and begins to read.
Interview with September 1992 Newcomer of the Month-Eddie Munson
By Vanessa Guerrero
Eddie Munson (26) the lead guitarist/vocalist and Main composer-lyricist of the up-and-coming band Corroded Coffin sits down in my office grinning at me with the boyish, slightly nerdy charm he's become known for.
Me: So, Mr. Muson, you've already gotten some pretty good buzz on your debut album. How does that feel?
Munson: Absolutely fantastic, 6 years ago I was barely crawling my way to passing my third go around of my senior year of high school and now I have a charting album and I'm being interviewed for a magazine, kind of crazy you know.
Me: I can imagine. I understand that you write most of the music. Can you talk about some of your influences?
Munson: Oh yeah, I was inspired a lot by the classics you know, Metallica and Black Sabbath, in particular, Ozzy Osbourne is like my all-time musical hero. There's also a good deal of non-metal influence like Guthrie and Phil Ochs.
Me: Guthrie, as in Woody Guthrie?
Munson: Yeah, my uncle was a proud union man. He introduced me to a bunch of that kind of music when I was a kid. Painted my first acoustic to reference him. This machine slays dragons, a riff on his famous guitar you know
Me: Why dragons?
Munson: It's a reference to Dungeons & Dragons, it's probably the biggest non-musical non-political influence on my songs.
Me: I'm assuming you play it then.
Munson: Not only do I play but I also DM he presses his hand against his chest dramatically. You are looking at the founder of Hawkins High School's very own Dungeons & Dragons Club.
Me: You founded a Dungeons & Dragons Club in your high school?
Munson: Oh yeah, the rest of the band was in it. It was never very big, but I met some great people through it including a couple of younger kids I still keep in contact with. They became like the little siblings I never had.
Me: That sounds lovely.
Munson: It was. Not everyone saw us that way though. Probably didn't help that we called ourselves "The Hellfire Club". You can imagine how well that went down in a small town in Indiana.
Me: I'm sorry to hear that Mr. Munson.
Munson: Thank you but call me Eddie, Mr. Munson's my uncle.
Me: The same uncle who introduced you to Guthrie? Munson nodsYou really seem to look up to him.
Munson: Yeah, I do, I owe him a lot. My old man wasn't a great guy. He never really wanted a kid. You know he pauses biting at his bottom lip for a second instead of teaching me to ride a bike or fish like a normal dad he taught me to pick locks and hotwire cars. He had a real mean streak when he was drunk, cut off all my hair in a rage when I was in the 8th grade. That's when my Uncle Wayne took me in. Dad got busted for grand theft auto soon after that and I haven't seen him since.
Me: Wow I'm so sorry to hear that.
Munson: Yeah it sucks but Uncle Wayne's the best. I offered to buy him a big house with the earnings from this album but he refused. It's just not his style. I fixed him up with some land and a nice double-wide trailer instead.
Me: That's incredibly sweet of you. I bet he's really proud. Munson blushes and hides behind his long dark hair
Munson: I sure hope so, I owe him everything.
Me: Unfortunately, it looks like we've run out of time. It was lovely talking to you.
Munson: Oh, the pleasure is all mine. I must say you did a wonderful job. I hope we can get together to do this again sometime. He leans in, lowering his voice slightly. If anyone on your team would like to learn more about Dungeons & Dragons, I'd love to help. The more the merrier I always say he flashes a grin and winks.
Corroded coffin's debut album Girl With a Buzzcut premiered last May to rave reviews. It stayed in the Rock and Alternative charts for 6 weeks peaking at number 3. The band consists of Eddie Munson on lead guitar and vocals, Gareth Hughes on drums, Jeff Hall on Rhythm guitar, and Rick Moore on bass.
By the time Dean reached the end of the article, he felt a bit like a girl with a crush. Munson is funny, relatable, and charming. He's everything Dean wants to be when he grows up. He's not sure why Eddie talking about struggling in school and having a beloved uncle made him so giddy. He supposed it was just nice to have something in common with a rockstar. Dean does feel a pang of guilt for relating to the bit about his father, dad's just trying his best and Dean really should be more grateful.
He puts the magazines back in his bag then curls up in the covers and falls asleep.
if anyone is unfamiliar this is the Guthrie guitar in question. The guitar Eddie mentions is an item from the show scene in the walkthrough of eddies room.
Bonus point to anyone who can spot the reference to the Most Remarkable Thing About You Standing In the Doorway by Greatunironic
I wanted to do more with the formatting but it kept messing it up when I tried to save it