Ahsoka's mind is filled with conflict.
She didn't want to believe that Anakin Skywalker was the person behind the mask of the monster known as Darth Vader, but now that she's seen his face and heard his voice, there's no room for doubt. It's him.
How could such a loving person turn into this? Would he have turned if she never left?
The guilt she already felt from leaving him was powerful enough, but now to see what he's turned into… it grips her heart in a vise. She knows she should hate him for what he's done; his atrocities are well known in the rebellion. But she can't. She loves him. She always has.
She also knows that Anakin, her Anakin, is still in there somewhere. She can feel him just below the surface, trapped behind layers of anger and fear.
She never got a chance to tell him how she felt. She had an opening, right before he ran off to save the Chancellor, but when he turned around and looked at her, she froze and told him "Good Luck" instead.
She should have told him that the reason she had to leave him and not just the order was because the casual touches, hugs, and cuddles, meant something different to her than it did to him. It was torture to simultaneously crave his touch, and never want him to touch her again. Because how could she possibly explain to him that every time he touched her, her heart skipped a beat and her skin felt alit with desire.
How could she explain to him that she aches for him in ways that she knows aren't allowed. So, when the opportunity to leave him presented itself, she had to take it. She loved him enough to let him go.
But now, standing here in front of him, even though he denies the name Anakin Skywalker and has done terrible things, she knows that she loves him still, and she probably always will.
"I won't leave you, not this time!" she exclaims.
Darth Vader stares at the former apprentice of Anakin Skywalker from behind a broken mask. He can feel the sadness, grief, and guilt pouring out of her and he revels in it. Killing her would also kill the last part of Skywalker that remains, finally allowing him to be completely immersed in darkness.
"Then you will die!" he responds.
He runs at her with his saber raised, ready to strike, and she lift hers to meet it. Flashes of red and white light up the area around them at speeds hard to discern, even with the benefit of the Force. She's faster than he remembers, but he makes up for it by drawing power from the darkness.
The temple continues to fall apart around them as they duel, and the temple entrance is closing fast. Larger pieces of debris rain down, forcing them to dodge not only each other, but the building as well.
She's able to knock him back for a moment, buying her enough time to Force push Ezra to safety. But Vader takes advantage of the distance as well, gathering power to attack her from behind. She's able to block his strike but doing so leaves her without a chance to escape.
The last thing she hears before the temple closes is Ezra screaming her name.
She jumps backward, putting some space between them, and for a moment, they just study each other. Her body aches from the prolonged battle, but the emotional toll this fight is having on her is far worse than any physical pain she feels.
"Why, Anakin? Tell me why? What happened to you?" she implores.
"I am not Anakin Skywalker. He is dead!" Vader yells.
Incensed at the mention of Skywalker, he rushes to attack her again. She rolls and dodges out of the way of his powerful strikes, but Vader just continues to swing his saber around, trying to get a hit on her.
After one of his strikes goes wide, leaving himself open, she's able to land a kick to his chest right below the control panel. He flies backward and lands unceremoniously with a thud, as pain shoots through his entire body. He groans and tries to get back to his feet, sticking one leg out behind him to balance himself while he gets up. But due to his focus being entirely on the Togruta in front of him and not his surroundings, he fails to notice a large piece of debris falling from the ceiling. It's not until right before it lands on him, crushing his prosthetic legs and pinning him to the ground, that he notices it. The impact of it knocks the lightsaber out of his hands and sends it flying across the floor.
He growls out of frustration more than pain as he pushes himself up into a kneeing position, only to see Ahsoka standing over him, sabers crossed at his neck.
Vader stares straight ahead and says nothing, waiting for death to come. A part of him is looking forward to it as he will finally be able to be free of the hell he lives in.
He can see her hands shaking out of the corner of his eye and wonders why she's hesitating. He tilts his head back to look at her face and sees sadness and pain painted across her expression.
"I can't do, Anakin. I just can't" she sobs and deactivates her sabers, falling to her knees.
"Mercy is a sign of weakness. I would not show you the same." Vade replies coolly. "If I were you, I would stop letting whatever devotion you have for your former master cloud your judgement and kill me"
Ahsoka ignores him and continues to cry.
"KILL ME!" Vader shouts.
Ahsoka sobs even harder because of the pain behind his words. He wants to die, and she wonders what happened for him to literally plead for death. But she can't do it. She thought she lost him once before. She can't go through that again.
"No." she says once the sobbing slows; then continues, "You may be willing to die, but I am not going to be the one that kills you"
Vader seethes as the pair sit in uncomfortable silence. Why won't she kill him? Anyone else is their right mind would kill him for what he's done, but no, he happens to be trapped in this temple with the one person so devoted to Skywalker that she can't destroy his body.
Without a word, Ahsoka gets up and starts walking away.
"Where are you going?" Vader asks.
"I'm looking for another way out" Ahsoka replies
"Why so you can leave me here?" Vader says and scoffs. "Wouldn't be the first time"
Ahsoka stops in her tracks and whispers over her shoulder, "I'm sorry" before continuing to look around.
Vader watches her walk out of the room and uses the Force to lift the debris off of his legs, throwing it out of the way so he can sit more comfortably. Seeing her cry for Skywalker opened something inside of his him that he's tried for years to keep shut, and it infuriates him. In a fit of rage, he sends out a Force blast in all directions, causing the temple to shake and drop more debris.
How could she stay by his side after all he's done? He doesn't get it. It doesn't make sense. By all accounts she should hate him along with everyone else in the galaxy. He would understand that. But this…this…devotion she has for him is confusing.
She walks back into the room a little while later and he can see that she's been crying again. For a moment, just a moment, he has the overwhelming urge to comfort her, but he quickly squashes it down and let the hate fill him again. He studies at her as she approaches and notices she looks lost… empty.
Eyes that once sparkled and held so much life are now dull and vacant, like she's just going through the motions so she doesn't die.
Once upon a time, he would have told you that she held all the promise in the world, but now she's a woman that's lost all hope; a broken shell of who she should be.
In her emotional state, she doesn't realize that a piece of the wall has broken away and is headed straight for her. Vader sees it and smiles. "Good. I won't have to listen to her whimper for that weakling any longer," he thinks.
But moments before it hits her, something inside of him cries out, and without thinking, his hand flies up to stop it.
Ahsoka feels it coming, but it's too late to do anything to stop it, so she crouches down and covers her head. But after a few moments of dread and silence, nothing happens.
She opens her eyes and looks up to see it hovering right above her head. She looks over at Vader and sees his hand outstretched, his one unmasked eye on her.
"Move or I will drop it on you" he says curtly
Ahsoka moves out of the way and Vader drops the chunk of duracrete to the floor. He then glances up at the ceiling to determine if anything else seems to be loose before turning his attention back to her.
She is smiling. And not just a normal smile, the kind of smile that seems like she knows a secret.
"Thank you," she says softly.
Vader grumbles a bit to himself as she walks back over to him.
"Just because I stopped you from getting crushed does not mean Skywalker is coming back. He is dead. You should come to terms with it," he says flatly.
She continues smiling at him with a big toothy grin and says, "Whatever you say, Lord Vader"
Vader immediately changes the subject.
"Did you find another way out?" He asks.
"No. Every room appears to be sealed. It looks like you're stuck with me, Sky— Vader" she says happily.
Vader glances up to see her still krffing smiling.
"Are you really that happy to be stuck in this temple until we die?" he asks.
"No… I'm happy to be stuck in this temple with my best friend" she says.
"ANAKIN SKYWALKER IS DEAD! That name means nothing to me anymore" Vader yells.
Ahsoka just smiles shrugs, ignoring his outburst.
"Maybe," she says.
Silence settles on the room, but unlike before, this one is slightly less awkward.
Finally, Ahsoka says, "Ugh. I'm bored. Let's play a game!"
"I do not play games" Vader replies.
"Come on! Even Sith Lords have to do something for fun! What do you do for fun?" she asks.
"Nothing"
"Come on, what do you do for fun?"
"I said nothing, now drop it!"
"I bet you have all kinds of fun when you're back on your ship. I can see you and Tarkin playing ring around th—"
"Dammit, Snips! You're pushing it!" Vader yells then freezes when he realizes what he's said.
Ahsoka's hands fly to her mouth, eyes wide with surprise. Once the shock wears off, her face settles into another smile.
"What did you call me?" she asks with humor.
Vader doesn't answer.
"There's only one person in the whole galaxy that calls me Snips, and his name is not Darth Vader" she says smugly
Vader stays silent and glares at her until Ahsoka finally drops her eyes.
They sit in silence once again as Ahsoka picks at the rubble on the floor.
"I'm sorry I left you" she says after a while.
She looks at him, but Vader doesn't react, so she takes a chance to keep going.
"I never meant to hurt you, but I couldn't be by your side anymore. It just— It just hurt too much." she says.
Vader looks at her and cocks his head to the side, studying her.
"What do you mean it hurt too much?" he asks.
Ahsoka looks at him and lifts an eye marking, "You really didn't know, did you?" she asks.
Vader takes a minute to think about what she could mean but eventually draws a blank and shakes his head.
"I was in love with you, Anakin. I still am," she says softly.
Vader stares at her for a moment and says, "That's why you left? Because you… love me?"
Ahsoka pauses to gather her thoughts before saying, "Yes and no. I left the Jedi because of the council and all of their bullshit, but I left you because I was in love with you and your heart already belonged to someone else. Each day was torture for me to have these feelings that I knew would never be returned. At first, I figured it was probably just some sort of crush, I was sixteen after all. But even after leaving you, the feelings I had for you never went away. In fact, they actually grew over time instead of lessened."
Vader looks at the ground trying to take this information in.
"And since when did you start to refer to Skywalker as "me" instead of "he"?" she asks with a smile.
Vader scoffs and shakes his head. "Just as snippy as ever I see" he mutters.
Ahsoka laughs and it's the most beautiful sound he's heard in a long time.
"I wish you would have told me." He says after a while.
"Why? What good would it have done? I loved you, yes, but I also cared for Padme. I wouldn't want to hurt either of you" she says.
"I still wish I would have known," he says, looking at her. "I may not have been able to give you what you were looking for at the time, but at least I would have understood why you left me when you left the order."
Ahsoka pauses for a minute before saying, "You're right. I'm sorry. I didn't really give you an explanation when I left, and it's haunted me ever since. I almost told you the last time I saw you, right before Mandalore. I was going to tell you the whole truth; that I loved you, that I desired you, all of it, but I chickened out."
"You desired me?" Vader teases.
Ahsoka rolls her eyes. "Yes. You were very desirable. Very distracting. But I didn't mind it," she says with a smirk.
"Well, not that it matters now, but… I realized I had feelings for you too shortly after you left," he says.
Ahsoka blinks at him in surprise, mouth agape.
"What?! Don't be so surprised. You were— are— a very beautiful woman, Snips. It was a… point of contention between Padme and I, which is to be expected, I guess. I had a connection with you that I didn't have with anyone else. You filled a part of me that even she couldn't fill, and when you left…" he sighs. "I just wasn't the same. It affected everything I did. I was miserable. Like a piece of me was missing. After that, I threw myself into the war. I kept taking more and more risks, regardless of the danger, just to feel something again. I was lost without you, Ahsoka. I think I still am."
Ahsoka looks him over and after another small silence finally says, "I don't know what exactly led you to this" she motions her hand towards his suit, "but maybe if I was still—"
"No, Ahsoka," Vader interrupts. "You will not take blame for my mistakes. This was my doing. I know you love me, but you leaving is not why I ended up here. It may have contributed, but it's not the reason. I made the some really, really, really stupid decisions, and I will live with the consequences of those for the rest of my life. But none of this is your fault. Do not put this on your shoulders."
"I just wish I never left you" she says softly.
Vader pauses for a moment, and sighs. "Me too, Snips. I missed you more than I thought possible."
"Why didn't you look for me?" she asks quietly. "I figured that one day I would step out of my door to see you standing there, smirking at me like nothing ever happened."
"I almost did on several occasions when I was really missing you. But you told me you had to do… whatever it is that you had to do without me, so I stayed away."
Vader pauses.
"But I wanted to find you, I did. I wanted nothing more than to pull you close to me and hold you there. I wanted to tell you that I need you and that I'm so lost without you by my side, but that would be disrespecting what you asked of me when you left, and I couldn't do that. Out of anyone in the entire galaxy, I wanted you to know that I respected you… that I heard you," he says.
Ahsoka looks at the floor and then glances up at Vader. "Thank you, Anakin" she says emotionally.
"For what?" he asks.
"For trusting me enough to let me make it on my own" she says and gives him a smile.
"I know it may not have seemed like it, but I always trusted you, Snips. Always. I knew you could handle yourself on your own just six months into our apprenticeship. I just kept being "overprotective" as you call it because I cared for you. Just because you can do something on your own doesn't mean you should have to."
She looks up at him and smiles before getting up and sitting down beside him. She tries to put her head on his shoulder, but his armor is in the way, so she awkwardly sits back up. He sees her out of the corner of his eye and wordlessly unclasps his shoulder armor, setting it to the side. He pulls her close and lays her head on his shoulder.
"I know it doesn't mean anything after everything I've done, but… I want at least one person in the galaxy to know that I am truly sorry what I've done. I'm sorry, Ahsoka. Honestly, I'm so sorry for everything." he says.
She doesn't say anything for a minute and Vader is a little crestfallen, even though he knows she has no reason to accept his apology.
"It may not mean anything to some people… but it means something to me," she says softly as she reaches for his hand and interlocks their fingers.
"It means a lot to me to still be loved by someone. I'd forgotten how that feels," he says.
"I thought Sith didn't believe in love," she says with a smile.
"Well, if you remember, I've never been good at following the rules," he replies.
They both sit in companionable silence, holding hands, as Ahsoka starts to fall asleep on his shoulder. His mechanical breathing, once a menacing warning of danger to her, lulls her to a peaceful sleep.
To someone on the outside, everything about this situation would scream danger. But to Ahsoka, it nothing like that. She feels content and peaceful and safe, like everything missing from her life is falling right back into place. They fill a hole in each other that no one else can fill, and for the first time in a very long time, they both truly content.
The next thing Ahsoka remembers is waking up to Vader squeezing her hand. She looks up at him groggily and sees him looking at the ceiling. She follows his eyes up and then she feels the rumble.
"What's going on?" she asks.
"The temple is about to come down" he says seriously.
"What can we do?" she asks in alarm.
"I'm not sure. Did you see anything in the other rooms?" he asks.
"Nothing we can use. One of them had already collapsed" she replies.
"Well, we need to at least move away from here as the ceiling is abo—" he starts but is interrupted by a violent shaking.
Both look up as the whole temple seems to be destabilizing and large chunks of the ceiling start to fall. Ahsoka stands up quickly and enters crisis mode, searching for a place where they can go. But when she looks back at Vader, she notices he's just sitting there, looking back at her. Then she glances down at his legs and remembers that they were crushed, preventing him from walking.
As if reading her mind, Vader says, "You go. Find some place out of the way to wait out the collapse"
Ahsoka ignores him and kneels down, sliding an arm around him to try and pick him up.
"Go, Ahsoka!" he says louder. "Leave me or you won't make it"
"No!" she shouts back. "I said I wasn't leaving you and I mean it. I've spent way too much of my life without you and I'm not doing that again. I belong by your side, Anakin"
He relents and tries to help her as she attempts to pick him up but trying to lift him up this close to the ground is difficult.
Then they hear a deafening roar and look up to see the entire roof above them start to fall in on them.
They both look at one another in a moment of acceptance, and Vader reaches up to take his helmet off. He wants— no, he needs to see Ahsoka with his own eyes. Not for the first time, he notices that she's grown into a beautiful young woman, and he lifts a hand to her cheek. She closes her eyes as she feels his touch, and through her tears, she reaches over and kisses him on the lips. Then she wraps her arms tightly around his neck and scoots in close to him.
"I love you", she whispers into his shoulder as they both wait for the end.
Vader hears the words she speaks and prays to the Force for a way to save her. She is everything right about the galaxy and whether she loves him or not, she does not deserve to die here, next to a Sith Lord.
Just then, a huge piece of debris strikes the wall in front of him and creates a large hole leading outside. Vader takes one hand off of her back and Force pushes the hole wider, then raises up both hands above him to shield them from the debris.
As the temple comes down around them, the noise is deafening. Especially to Ahsoka's sensitive hearing. Part of her is completely terrified, but part of her is just ready for it all to be over. She's tired of running. Tired of fighting. She turns her head slightly and smiles when she looks at Anakin. At least she gets to die with the man that she loves.
But after bracing against him for what feels like forever, waiting for the end, the noise in the temple starts to die down. She slowly opens her eyes as she pulls back from his body, utterly shocked to be alive.
She looks around to take note of the damage and sees pieces of the ceiling all around them. It seems like most of the debris fell away from where they are sitting as their immediate area seems pretty clear compared to the areas around them.
"Uh, Snips?" she hears Vader's hoarse voice without his vocoder.
She looks at him and frowns when she notices blood is coming out of his nose and he's shaking. He quickly glances upward, and she follows his eyes to see him suspending tons of stone above their heads.
She shuffles back instinctively before catching herself, and crawls back to his side.
"Ahsoka, listen to me. You need to leave," Vader says, strain evident in his voice. "There is a hole in the wall behind you that will take you out of the temple. My ship is out there as well. You can take that to get off planet."
"No, Anakin," Ahsoka says resolutely. "I told you that I'm not leaving and nothing you can say will change my mind"
"Ahsoka, please! You have to go. I can't hold this forever," Vader says with tears forming in his eyes. "You have so much left to give the galaxy, please don't waste it here sitting with me"
Ahsoka opens her mouth to say something, but then closes it again as her lips begin to tremble.
"Ahsoka. Thank you for loving me and for never giving up on me. It means more to me than you could ever know. But your place is out there, Ahsoka. Leading the rebellion. Taking down Sidious. Doing wonderful things that I know you're capable of. Not in here with me and my mistakes," Vader says emotionally. "You walked away from me once because you loved me, and now, I'm asking you to walk away again because I love you."
Vader's chokes back a sob. "Please Ahsoka. Please go."
She nods silently in acquiescence, and she brings her hands up to cup his face.
"I love you, Anakin," she whispers. "So, so, so much"
"I love you too, Snips" he croaks. "More than you could ever know"
Tears fall down her cheeks as she rubs her thumbs over his skin. Then she kisses him one last time, stands up and walks away. She forces herself not to look back until she's on the other side of the wall, but when she finally does, her breath catches in her chest.
Cerulean blue eyes— Anakin's eyes— look back at her from behind his helmet.
Then suddenly, their long dormant bond roars back to life with fire and passion as Vader— no— Anakin pours out his heart and soul to her, and she just soaks it in.
Eventually, he tilts his head to the side, signaling her to go, and she reluctantly nods and moves her feet.
As she walks away, she thinks of his eyes, and it brings her comfort to know that Anakin, her Anakin, came all the way back at the end.
"I love you, Snips," he says across their bond.
But before she can answer him, she hears a rumbling noise in the temple shortly followed by feeling a sudden snap in the Force. She falls to the ground in agony as the emptiness of their broken bond swallows her whole.
For a long time, she doesn't move. She can't. She's not sure how she's supposed to function with a gaping hole in her chest. But she knows that he believed in her, and she's got his last wishes to fulfill.
So, she allows herself one day to mourn the loss of the love of her life, because when tomorrow comes, she will get to work in his name.