Author note: the French narrator's line/time card is in italics.
Octopi Fling-I
It was a normal day at the Krusty Krab, SpongeBob was hard at work creating the delicious Krabby Patty's for the hungry Bikini Bottomites while Squidward read the latest issue of Boring Science Digest and Mr. Krabs counted his fat sacks of money in plain view of his customers.
Outside the Krusty Krab an unassuming octopus, looking nigh identical to squidward save for his red coloration and monk like robes, walked up. He put down a small blanket right next to the Krusty Krabs entrance and sat down with his four legs crossed. He just sat there, as if waiting for something.
After about fifteen minutes Mr. Krabs was about to go charge the guy the fee for loitering near the Krusty Krab. Then it happened. Fred was walking to get his daily dose of Krabby Patty when the octopus sprang into action, flinging a crowbar he pulled from nowhere and flung it at Fred. Predictably it hit Fred's leg, the brown fish yelling, "My leg!" It was quickly followed by the octopus throwing an ambulance, which drove Fred to the hospital after colliding with him.
Mr. Krabs was enraged, bellowing out, "That octopus just cost me money!" He charged out, fully intending to beat down the weird octopus. But the octopus just threw a giant crab claw cracker at Mr. Krabs, sending him careening into the Krusty Krab.
Squidward paid no attention to his boss, while SpongeBob just continued to polish the pickles. Any other person who tried to enter or leave the Krusty Krab met the same fate, as random objects were flung at them by the strange octopus. Suzy was hit by a safe, while Nat was hit by a bucket. A goofy goober ice cream man got hit by a giant peanut, while Bubble Bass was hit by a life size Mermaidman statue. He even flung Old Man Walker at Old Man Jenkins. It was getting so bad that some folks actually chose to go to the Chum Bucket. They quickly ran out screaming as Planktons latest culinary abomination ate its way our of the electrified and reinforced steel cage it was trapped in.
SpongeBob peaked his head out and poked Squidward repeatedly, causing the ever grouchy cephalopod to turn and yell, "What?" SpongeBob innocently asked, "Where's the lunch rush?" He followed up with a worried, "Old Gertrude's gone from patty hot to warm, so I was wondering if any orders came in." Mr. Krabs recovered from having his head rattled by a giant piece of metal and said, "There's no orders because that crazy octopus keeps throwing things at me customers. Or throwing me customers. If only we had someone who could reason with him."
Mr. Krabs eyestalks focused on Squidward, who looked to him. Before Squidward could interject Mr. Krabs said, "You gotta go out there and reason with that guy, octopus to octopus." SpongeBob made a confused blink and said, "I thought you were, well, a squid. I mean, your name is Squidward." Squidward grumbled but refused to dignify the annoyance with a response. He merely walked outside to try and talk some sense into the unnamed octopus. But Squidward could not even get a word in edgewise before the octopus flung him, causing Squidward to land and explode in a mushroom cloud upon impact.
Mr. Krabs sighed, having had a feeling it was not going to work, and he moaned, "What else could go wrong?" Of course, the universe decided to show him as the Chum Buckets doors slammed open and Plankton came out, riding his latest chum based abomination. To look upon it was like looking at most examples of Squidward's art, in that it made one's eyes, ears and nose want to vomit. Plankton bellowed out in his booming voice, "Onward my pet, to the Krusty Krab!"
As the abomination stride across the street, the octopus narrowed his eyes. As the creature entered his reach, he struck. The octopus grabbed onto the chum monster and flung both it and Plankton into the sky, vanishing in a wink. Mr. Krabs murmured, "I guess he's not all bad after all." SpongeBob said, "I'm gonna go talk to him. Maybe he'll stop throwing things if he has a new friend."
SpongeBob cheerfully walked outside and said, "Hi." He got flung for his trouble, but came back and continued to speak, "I was wondering." He was flung again, "Why are you." A third flinging occurred, and SpongeBob came back, finishing his sentence, "Flinging things." He was flung a fourth time and came right back.
896 flinging's later
SpongeBob was now heavily beat up from the flinging's. He panted as he walked up to the Octopus, who just looked at the sponge with an expression that screamed, "You done?" SpongeBob panted and then fell over. The octopus blew lightly and sent SpongeBob careening into the Krusty Krab where he collided with Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs moaned, "Oh, we're never gonna get rid of that guy!"
It was then that Patrick Star came up to the Krusty Krab for his early mid-morning lunch dinner snack meal. The octopus looked at the dim witted sea star and smiled, beginning to stretch for his biggest fling yet. Patrick looked at the octopus and said, "Hey Squidward, you look different. Don't tell me." Patrick began to think, a laborious task for him.
The octopus grabbed Patrick and began to strain, the chubbiness of the starfish being nigh impossible to lift. Patrick said, "You got new glasses. No wait, that's not it." The octopus's head began to bulge while his eyes became bloodshot. Soon he got Patrick a few inches off the ground, and then exploded.
Patrick snapped his fingers and then pointed with his left pointy arm thing at the ash imprint the octopus left, "You got a new haircut." Mr. Krabs just shrugged and said, "Well, that takes care of that."