The ghosts did something to the disclaimer telling you that I don't own the Ghosts characters. Just a mad snippet from my tiny mind.

A Normal Afternoon At Woodstone Mansion

"Okay we're getting ready for our next guests in a few days," Sam told Jay as he was baking some cookies in the kitchen. "And some of the workers are coming to check the basement to shore up a few timbers. And double check to see if there's more termite damage."

"That sentence wasn't for me, was it?" Jay asked.

"Pete, Sass and Trevor are here," Sam told him. "They like to watch you cook and smell. I'm going to go fix up the rooms a bit. They'll keep you company. So to speak."

"Hey Sass, Pete…" Jay casually waved as Sam left the room. "No-Pants."

"I don't get it," Trevor frowned. "He never calls me by my name. Why doesn't Jay like me?"

Sasappis looked at him. "Besides the fact that you nearly killed his wife? Then constantly hit on his wife and catfished his sister? It's a mystery to me."

Trevor thought. "You have a point. I need to make it up to the guy. But how? Hmmm…"

Sasappis looked at Trevor. "I know that look. That's the same look you had before the broken teapot incident."

"I was a very new ghost then experimenting with my power," Trevor told him. "I wanted people to see it and think, oh! There's a ghost here! Just a harmless little scare."

"Instead, what happened were a few fights, an actual fistfight…" Sasappis recalled. "A maid got fired. And an actual fire!"

"I didn't start the fire!" Trevor snapped. "Any guy with a beard that long should not have been sleeping near an open candle!"

"Trevor, I don't want to be a Donny Downer, but your plans don't exactly have a one hundred percent rating of success," Pete sighed.

"Unless your definition of success is absolute chaos," Sasappis added. "Then yeah, you have a hundred percent rating for that."

"What?" Trevor was offended. "Hey I can be good! I just have to do something nice for Jay!"

"Try not hitting on his wife!" Sasappis told him.

"I'm working on that!" Trevor snapped. "But I can do something else!"

"Oh, please don't," Pete sighed.

"I got it!" Trevor grinned.

"This will not end well," Pete sighed.

"No, it will not," Sasappis smirked. "But it will be very entertaining to watch!"

Meanwhile in the living room where Alberta, Isaac, Nigel, Hetty and Thorfinn were…

"Oh, please Alberta," Isaac begged her.

"Come on!" Alberta glared at Isaac. "Someone else take a turn!"

"I've already had my turn," Hetty reminded her. "Damn Alexa doesn't even know who Mamie Fisher is. And Thorfinn well…"

"Thorfinn very interested in cod fishing statistics," Thorfinn spoke up. "The herring fishing statistics sound very promising."

"And it is technically their turn…" Hetty pointed to Isaac and Nigel.

"Not again…" Alberta sighed.

"Pleaaaasee?" Isaac begged.

"Just one more time?" Nigel asked.

"Fine," Alberta sighed. "Alexa, play the Reynolds Pamphlet from Hamilton!"

"Oh lord," Hetty rolled her eyes as the music played. "Every time…"

"Next time go with cod fishing statistics," Thorfinn grumped.

"Then again…" Hetty sighed.

"Never gonna be president now!" Isaac and Nigel sang and danced. "Never gonna be president now!"

"I get Isaac liking this song but why Nigel?" Alberta asked.

"Hamilton not exactly well liked by British, remember?" Thorfinn told her.

"Oh right," Alberta nodded.

"Never gonna be president now!" Isaac and Nigel sang.

"That one less thing to worry about!" Thorfinn belted.

Everyone looked at Thorfinn. "What?" Thorfinn asked. "It catchy song!"

"He's not wrong," Isaac remarked.

Meanwhile in the Cholera Pit…

"All right, all right," Cholera Nigel waved to the other ghosts. "It's time for our weekly chorus practice."

"Try not to sing flat this time Stuart," Nancy remarked.

"It's our weekly chorus practice Nancy," Stuart glared at her. "Not our weekly nagging practice!"

"Here we go," Cody groaned.

"Every time…" Creepy Dirk sighed.

"PLEASE!" Cholera Nigel snapped. "I'm the choirmaster here! Now, let's practice our new song. Because let's face it, our repertoire could use some updating. Remember, we are painting a picture with words and melody. This is a song about life. Put some feeling into it! And a one, and a two…"

"The wheels on the bus go round and round. Round and round. Round and round…"

"Do we have to sing this song?" Stuart spoke up.

"What's wrong with this song?" Nancy asked. "It's light! It's fresh! It's fun!"

"It's easy to sing," Another ghost spoke up. "And it doesn't matter how flat Stuart is."

"HEY!" Stuart snapped.

"The problem is that we don't know what a bus is!" Catherine explained.

"It's some kind of wagon or carriage!" Cholera Nigel told her. "Whatever it is, it carries people to town! That's all we need to know."

"Catherine's right," Stuart admitted. "I'm getting tired of that song. I want to sing something else."

"Sure," Cholera Nigel said sarcastically. "How about the opening number from Don Giovanni?"

"Look we only know eleven songs!" Nancy snapped. "And three of them we agreed to never sing again. Two of them because Creepy Dirk wrote them and they're very inappropriate even for us!"

Creepy Dirk spoke up. "Well, you try finding a better rhyme for Venus and see how far you go! Us artists are so underappreciated in our afterlives!"

"How about Yankee Doodle?" Cody asked. "We haven't sung that one in a while."

"Oh God I am so sick of Yankee Doodle!" Nancy groaned.

"Plus, it doesn't really showcase our range," Stuart added.

"How about Home on The Range?" Another male ghost suggested. "We know that one."

"But we don't know what a buffalo is!" Stuart snapped.

"It's some kind of animal that lives on the range!" Nancy snapped. "What more do you need to know?"

"How am I supposed to create a mood with my music if I don't know what a buffalo is?" Stuart asked.

"You're a mood all right," Creepy Dirk remarked. "What are you? A zoologist?"

"I can't work under these conditions!" Cholera Nigel snapped. "Creepy Dirk isn't the only one who's an artist!"

Then they heard a clumping sound. "Man, it's dark down here…" A construction man grumbled to another. "Turn the light on."

"Oh, sure come on in!" Cholera Nigel grumbled as the two construction men started to work. "Not like we're doing anything important!"

"At least they turned the light on," Creepy Dirk sighed happily as they moved out of the way of the living workers. "What are they doing?"

"Looks like they're shoring up some of the beams," Stuart remarked. "Of course if they did a better job the first time…"

"Of course they didn't finish the job the first time," Cholera Nigel told him. "If they did they couldn't charge for coming back!"

"That is a good racket," Nancy nodded. "Hey this one guy smells like pine trees. Nice."

One of the workers turned on his phone. A song started playing. "Yeah, turn that song up!" The other worker said cheerfully. "That is my jam!"

"I threw a wish in the well. Don't ask me I'll never tell…" The song started to play.

"What song is that?" Stuart blinked.

"Whatever it is, it's catchy," Creepy Dirk blinked. The Cholera Pit ghosts listened in.

Meanwhile outside by the shed…

"Why aren't we allowed to visit in the house?" Jenkins complained to Baxter as they stood outside. "I mean the Lieutenant Colonel goes all the time now."

"I think you know why. It's your own fault you know?" Baxter told him. "Telling such an obvious lie about the American Captain having an affair with the Viking!"

Jenkins muttered. "I knew I should have gone with the one with no trousers. That would have been more believable!"

"Again your fault," Baxter shrugged.

"I still say we should go in," Jenkins grumbled. "Instead of being stuck out here all the time. Chessum is spending more time with those Americans than us. Especially that bloody rebel."

"Well maybe if you didn't stare at those two like a codfish, they would feel a tad more comfortable?" Baxter looked at him. "You should go outside like I do!"

"And give those two the satisfaction?" Jenkins grunted. "They may outrank me but that doesn't mean I have to make things easier for them. Especially now that we're dead."

"Why do we still follow orders?" Baxter asked. "I mean…We're dead now. Have been for a long time. The war is over. Have been for a long time. Technically our duty ended when we died. Why do we?"

"Well what else is there to do?" Jenkins snapped. "Just swan about like those layabouts in the mansion? Or worse the louts in the Cholera Pit? And don't get me started about that bloke in the trees who thinks he's a squirrel."

"You have a point," Baxter admitted. "Being a ghost soldier may not be glamourous or exciting but it's an honest job."

"Right! We may be dead but we're still loyal to the King," Jenkins nodded. "Or queen. Or whoever's in charge now."

"It was a queen for a very long time," Baxter told him. "But I heard she passed. We have a king now. Chessum told me. He found out about it from the livings."

"Oh, la de freaking dah," Jenkins grumbled. "He never tells me anything anymore."

"To be fair you can be a bit annoying." Baxter remarked.

"Oh, I'm annoying?" Jenkins snapped. "This from the man who got himself killed by his own troops because he played that bloody fife one too many times? I mean look at yourself! They literally stabbed you to death with your own instrument!"

"That was rather rude of them, wasn't it?" Baxter mused. "No discipline at all in those ranks! Our commanding officer who replaced the Lieutenant Colonel didn't even punish them!"

"That's because he ordered it!" Jenkins snapped.

Baxter pouted. "He could have just ordered me to stop!"

"He did! Repeatedly!" Jenkins shouted. "You just wouldn't listen!"

"Like you didn't listen when I warned you to not have an affair with the Lieutenant Colonel?" Baxter snapped. "I warned you! I told you that officers and their enlisted men shouldn't fraternize! There's a reason for that rule!"

"Oh, shut up!" Jenkins pouted.

"I told you it wouldn't last," Baxter went on. "But nooo! You had to have your little fancy fling…"

"You want me to stab you with your fife again?" Jenkins snarled. "I'll do it! You know I'm capable of doing it!"

A noise interrupted them. "Hello? What's all this then?" Jenkins blinked.

They saw a blue jay flying around. Correction. Flying through the trees. Through trunks and all. "What kind of bird is that?" Baxter blinked.

"I think it's called a blue jay," Jenkins remarked.

"How can you tell?"

"For starters it's blue!" Jenkins glared at him. "That's a bit of a tell."

"It's flying through the trees," Baxter blinked. "It's a ghost bird!"

"Must have been one of those weird suicidal blue jays that fly around every now and then," Jenkins blinked. "See how it's trying to run into the trunk but keeps going through it."

"Scree! Screee!"

"Well, that's odd," Baxter blinked.

"So…Animals can become ghosts too?" Jenkins blinked.

"Apparently," Baxter remarked. "Should we tell the Lieutenant Colonel about this?"

"Only if he asks," Jenkins snorted. "Besides this is rather entertaining."

"SCREEEE!"

"You can't kill yourself you stupid bird!" Jenkins shouted. "You're already dead!"

"Why would a bird want to kill itself?" Baxter asked.

"Because it's a birdbrain," Jenkins snorted. "Get it. Birdbrain?"

"That's funny," Baxter agreed.

"SCREEE! SCREE!"

"This is going to get old pretty fast," Jenkins sighed. "Join the army me mum said. Get out of the gutter and see the world she said. Yeah. This is why I signed up."

"SCREE! SCREE!"

Back at the mansion…

"NO PANTS!" Jay shouted. His head was covered in flour.

"Jay what's going on?" Sam walked in and saw her husband covered in flour, flour on the floor and Sasappis laughing his head off. "What happened?"

"No Pants! That's what happened!" Jay shouted.

"I was trying to get him the flour from the pantry," Trevor explained. "I used my power…I didn't know the bag would break over him like that!"

"And yet it did," Sasappis grinned.

"Trevor was just trying to help," Sam winced.

"By dumping flour on me?" Jay shouted. "Not cool No Pants!" He stormed out.

"I'm sorry!" Trevor protested. "Sam, you have to believe me, I was just trying to be helpful! Honest!"

"Once again Trevor causes chaos," Sasappis grinned. "Oh, I love days like this."

"Too bad Trevor," Pete shook his head. "You'll never have what Jay and I have."

"What do you have exactly?" Sasappis looked at Pete. "I'm seriously asking."

"I'll go talk to Jay," Sam sighed as she left. "Jay…?"

Sam was looking for Jay when the workers passed her. "Oh everything looks good…" One of the men said.

"Oh, that's a relief," Sam sighed.

"NEVER GONNA BE PRESIDENT NOW! NEVER GONNA BE PRESIDENT NOW!" The song was blasting upstairs.

"TURN THAT DOWN NOW!" Sam shouted. "Uh…JAY PLEASE TURN IT DOWN! My husband is really into Hamilton."

She then heard a noise. "Uh…I just have to check something. Thank you very much…Have a good day!" She let the workers out the front door. "Now what?"

"What the…?" Sam went to investigate. She went down into the basement.

She found the Cholera Pit ghosts singing and dancing around in the basement. "Hey! I just met you! And this is crazy! But here's my number! So call me maybe? It's hard to look right at you baby! But here's my number! So call me maybe!"

"I don't want to know," Sam turned around and left. "I don't want to know."