Change was gradual. You wouldn't know it if you looked Seras Victoria in her scarlet-hued eyes. You wouldn't know it when you watched the shadows of her lost limb twist in grotesque contortions, creating shapes and outlines that ranged from human to outright inconceivable. You wouldn't know that change took time to erode the past when the present looked at you with an unrecognizable stare.
But Seras knew. She hadn't felt the change eating away at her soul until her past had all but been devoured by her future. It took time to lose her appetite for human foods, the smell of past delicacies making her stomach turn and her throat close up in discomfort. It took time to gain comfort in the strength that coursed from her fingertips to her toes. It tookso muchtime to come to terms with life after death, recognizing that the weight of eternal longevity would forever weigh heavy on her shoulders.
Change was time-consuming, forever creeping forward in a way that you couldn't outrun. And yet, even after thirty years, some habits were still resisting.
The basement of Hellsing's headquarters had become somewhat of a ghost town as the decades had passed. Despite her progressing transformation as a growing vampire, Seras had abandoned her old room in favor of situating herself on one of the upper floors. It kept her closer to Integra and the recruits, and it made protecting the grounds much easier than her seclusion had. A few blackout curtains and some consideration towards her bedroom's layout gave the woman about the same level of comfort a damp basement ever could. It was never lacking in darkness, depressing as that was, and though it was an unnecessary addition she had opted to keep a bed tucked away in the corner. Some mornings, when the human world was only just awakening and the world was wrought with noise, she would lay upon the feather-down mattress and imagine herself sleeping peacefully with her head against the pillow.
The basement, as far as the facility was concerned, was nothing more than a forgotten space to use for storage. No living soul sought the refuge of the dark corridors and dust-filled rooms, but as was indicative of the undead, Seras was more than comfortable traversing the halls alone. Her wandering wasn't aimless, in fact her strides every evening had always been purposeful. Every other night, when the woman had the time and in the darkness there posed no immediate threats, Seras would creep through the empty basement and make her way to the room that sat silent all on its own. The ceiling raised high above her head, with not a single window to fill the empty walls and lend the room some light. To human eyes, the room was as dark as a moonless night. To Seras' gaze, the chamber was as bright as a summer afternoon.
Every other night, when her creeping had led her down to the depths of the basement, Seras would end up standing before the empty chair that had once sat quite the prominent figure in her life. It had been strange to see the chair sit empty every night, especially knowing that its previous occupant would have never let it sit unused for long. It wouldn't have been a far cry to say it had been his favorite place… But Seras had never been quite so bold as to make such assumptions.
Though the chair was the first thing that caught the eye by nature, the vampire herself was always far more concerned with its adjacent furniture set.
The table was small, probably meant to accompany the arm of a sofa rather than the side of a single chair. Perfectly round and always on the left side, the surface was set with a stainless steel serving tray, on top of which sat a repurposed wine bottle and two crystalline wine glasses. The glass that sat closest to the chair sat upright, seemingly used more often than it was left standing empty. The glass that sat on the opposite end of the tray, farthest from the chair and half-hidden behind the bottle, was the peculiar one. It was set upside down as though left to dry and await later use, though the more Seras visited, the more she suspected it had never been used at all.
Her visits were sporadic at first, random, and taken in moments of emotional weakness. She had visited her master's chambers only in the interest of assessing his coffin. Somewhere in her subconscious, buried deep to avoid embarrassment, she had held onto the hope that his departure would be a short affair. She looked for him in every corner where the shadows pooled together to make an unseemly pit of darkness. She searched for signs of him in the halls of the Hellsing compound, knowing very well that he could be nowhere near the grounds without alerting her. The vampire even thought to herself- briefly but fearfully- if he was simply hiding away from the world in an act of cheeky rebellion.
Seras knew better than that, though. Her master had never been one to reduce himself to useless insubordination like that. It would probably stain his ego just as dramatically as blood had stained his coat. There was nothing he had hated more than the traitors of his master. If Alucard had really returned from his eternal state of nothingness, he would certainly have shown himself by now. If not to her, then to Integra at least, who was about as good at keeping secrets from Seras as the vampire was at keeping secrets herself. He would have alerted them of his return, had it been made, and so the radio silence that came whenever she had looked for him was proof enough that her master was indeed still not among the undead.
After some time had passed, it had to have been within the first decade at least, the compound grew lively again as Hellsing opened its arms to new recruits. Slowly more and more men began gathering under the mansion's roof to train all for the glory of serving Queen and country. Not all of them were religious men- in fact very few at all opened themselves up to be practicing Protestants- but such details had never truly mattered in those halls. Seras herself wasn't a religious woman. She had never put much faith in the hands of God, should the man on high actually exist.
Her confidence had grown within herself, so much so that it came as little surprise when she took to preening the newly pledged operatives herself. They were mostly young, arrogant men. Men that reminded her of a certain Captain that stalked the corridors and kept watch in the corners even Seras couldn't see.
In that time the door leading to her master's quarters was effectively sealed shut. For lack of better means, it was mostly to keep curious men out of harm's way. Not from her master, who was of course still absent, but from the head of the organization herself. Integra's temper flared unpredictably in that first decade, and it would be a catastrophic sight should someone have disturbed Alucard's coffin while he was away. For awhile Seras simply kept watch over the basement, warding all who ventured down there along a less dangerous path. Eventually, it just became easier to seal off the door with scary tape and rows of metal bolts, as simple men were visual learners and did not take unsolicited advice well at all. In the end, it didn't exactly matter if the door was sealed or not, as even the bravest of the humans lost their appetite for adventuring through the manor's depths.
When the door was sealed off Seras did her best to put her worries out of her mind. She truly had attempted to keep her anxieties at ease and forget about everything she had seen in that cold, dark abyss that her master had called his room. She left the room standing empty for a few days- if you'll allow her the confidence, say a week at best- before her heart ached too fiercely to continue pretending. Slipping through the cracks of the seal was simple enough. She had, after all, matured into quite the powerful vampire by then. There was a considerable gap between herself and her master yet, but in terms of vampiric prowess on its own Seras was a dreadful entity all on her own. So she found herself visiting her master's quarters just as frequently as she had before, though now there was no need to worry about being discovered.
She gave herself some chores to do when visiting that room. It helped her feel as though there was a purpose behind her actions, and that she wasn't being driven by pure emotion alone. It also took away some of the guilt at basically intruding into Alucard's dormitory and snooping through his personal space. Every evening that she visited, the vampire brought along with her some items to keep the room clean. A broom, a mop, feather dusters and rags- anything she could conceivably think of that might keep the growing dirt piles at bay. There was some method to the vampire's madness as well. Seras enjoyed cleaning from the outer corners of the room and working her way inward. It started almost out of respect for the empty coffin that sat in the middle of the vast space, and eventually, it became an integrated routine that was relaxing to follow.
It gave the woman time to reflect, or to simply turn off her brain and push through the work without a single thought to be had.
The years passed a little quicker after that. It was still a heartache and a half to push herself forward, but Seras Victoria was not a woman who would allow herself to be rooted in the past. She was not the only one suffering from Alucard's absence, after all, and there were plenty of people who needed her by their side in the present. Integra, Bernadotte, all the brave young men who were putting their lives in Hellsing's more or less capable hands; the future needed at least one vampire to press onwards. And so time progressed, slowly but surely. Change eroded the manor's walls and saw the streets of London slowly become more or less normal all over again.
When her master came back, it was difficult to adapt to such a sudden change of pace.
One moment he was absent, the next he was stalking the halls of a building that must have been rather unfamiliar to him. The layout of the manor was more or less the same as it had been previously, though with the three decades that had gone by Integra had taken the liberty of modernizing headquarters to better suit the times. Seras had remarked once, off-handedly and without much forethought, that the manor felt less like a lived-in home and more like a government facility the way they were decorating it. This had troubled her Sir greatly in the moment. The vampire had felt like such a fool the moment her words had left her mouth, because she realized then that such was exactly the plan.
"It's true," Integra had admitted to her dutiful servant, cutting her the smallest of slack seeing how apologetic the woman's eyes already were. "This no longer feels like the Hellsing family estate that I have always known. That is, perhaps, for the best."
Alucard hadn't been there to witness the great upheaval of a family's history. He hadn't been present to watch as the world even he must have grown familiar over was stripped of everything it had ever been and reworked to become an entirely new being. But her master had never been daft. He had never said anything directly, but Seras was sure that he knew. It was only a question then of whether or not he could truly understand.
Of course, there was still one place in the Hellsing headquarters that had not yet changed. Habits etched into the core of one's being were difficult to part with. This was something Seras duly noted when she phased silently through the now unsecured basement door, only realizing her mistake when it was too late to take herself backwards. It wasn't that she had even forgotten Alucard had returned- how on earth could she with the way he carried himself- but more that her brain had simply not yet caught up with her new reality.
The room was as dark as it always had been, the smell of mildew and damp stone greeting the vampire's nose as soon as she fully appeared within the entryway. Her eyes adjusted fast to the oncoming abyss, but she noted with hesitant awareness that she could no longer see to the center of the room. Out of respect to her master, Seras had never wrapped her shadow around the interior of his abode, not even once while he had been gone. It had felt polite then, but now she was facing the consequences of having no added senses, or added Frenchman, to tell her what exactly lay ahead.
"Maybe he isn't even here,"she tried to assure herself, taking a step backward to phase out the exact same way she had come in."Maybe I was lucky enough to come when he wasn't-"
"Were you never taught any proper manners,Police Girl?"
Seras froze in her tracks, blonde hair swaying in front of her eyes as her body quite literally stiffened up on her. If she had a beating heart there was no doubt in her mind that it would be throbbing uncomfortably against her ribs, making abum bum bumin her ears loud enough to waken both the living and the dead."Drat-! Oh, he just had to be here, he just had to be-!"
Despite herself, the woman did try to continue to slink off through the wall once she had control of her limbs again. It might have worked too, had the shadows of the room not parted and allowed her eyes to see much further into the room than before. Her master sat cross-legged in his chair, legs crossed and hands folded atop his knee. He was staring at her- directly at her- with this disappointed frown that spoke of how truly annoying her intrusion was. The woman bumped her back into the wall with a surprisedeep!, forgetting completely on the spot how one was supposed to phase through solid objects.
"Erm, good evening, master." she shyly greeted, forcing her lips into a far more awkward smile than intended. His expression did not change, in fact not even his posture shifted, but Seras was more than capable of discerning some of his thoughts herself. With a soft swallow of air that did not have anywhere to travel, the vampire gathered up at least some of her courage and stepped back into the room, walking slowly to where Alucard was impatiently waiting for her.
It was always so difficult to tell what exactly he was feeling at any given moment. Body language and expressiveness were very complicated traits when assigned to her master, for Alucard could go from performing in overdramatics to speaking in the most monotone voice his pupil had ever had to endure. Seras considered him even more difficult to read than the nuns she had grown up around, and that was certainly saying something.
"Most people are conditioned to knock before entering rooms, Police Girl."
It was the only thing he said when she reached a more or less comfortable distance to his seat, very slightly cocking his head to get a better look at the woman. For her sake, the vampire had enough sense left to not comment about how that was rather ironic coming fromhim, but she bit her tongue and decided to save that for another time.
"I haven't been one of those for over three decades, master." She politely reminded him, folding her hands at her back and subtly correcting her posture. It had been one thing to seem professional in front of London's government, and another to be in her top shape before Sir Integra. Presenting herself before her own master, after so much time had passed, felt like a completely new ordeal in itself. It was strange to think of it in that way, though. Alucard had been her introduction into this life of hers. Shouldn't this have all felt more natural?
The man seated before her seemed to regard this for a moment, offering a mild grin and placidly shrugging his shoulders. "And yet, here you stand, the same Police Girl as you were thirty years ago. It's of no fault of my own that the name sticks."
"Who else would be at fault?"The woman thought in exasperation, feeling somewhat let down that she was still seen the same as she was thirty years ago."I thought I had made a rather good identity for myself… have I really changed so little?"She peered questioningly over at her master for a hint, but if he had any for her they were hidden behind his brightly tinted glasses. So he was going to be no help at all. What a great surprise.
Still, that was no reason to let herself be pushed around so easily. Surely he could see that something, anything about her had changed after all these years! He may not have witnessed anything himself, but was her presence before him not enough of a testimony? Puffing out her cheeks in annoyance, Seras crossed her arms over her chest and glared at a wall to her side. "I have a name of my own all the same. At this point, I've been with Hellsing far longer than I ever was with the police force." She included in that estimate her time in the field, in the academy, and even the years she had spent as a little girl. Her heart had been with the police in no short thanks to her father, but that time seemed to her like so long ago. Her childhood, her father… they weren't exactly distant memories, but she knew they were a long time gone. "So really, it wouldn't kill you to call me something else."
It occurred to Seras that he had actually called her by a different title once. He had called her by hername, just once, though that was well over thirty years ago. Given the circumstances surrounding that instance, she doubted he even remembered doing such a thing. It was likely an insignificant moment that had already blurred from her master's memory, no more meaningful than the other names he had ever called her.
To Seras, that moment meant everything.
For a singular, fleeting moment, she had stood eye to eye with Alucard in a way that hadn't happened since the moment before her death. He had called her by name and looked at her with such fondness, the very memory made the woman feel warm and light. It was more than just the recognition that had come with the moment. There had also been the intimacy that had touched her to her core. It was something she had never been given before by Alucard, in fact seldom by anyone else, and the memory of that moment had forever changed a part of who Seras was. Because despite her internal grumbling and otherwise mild irritation from his antics, Alucard had garnered an incredible amount of the woman's respect. She admired him greatly and had been happy to learn from him, or at least was happy about it after she learned to properly appreciate it.
No person was perfect, and this held true to her master all the same, but it did not stop Seras from keeping a place in her heart reserved for his presence. Perhaps it was a foolish endeavor, but so far it was the defining factor in why they had worked so well together.
Alucard had the decency to merely scoff at the woman instead of bursting out in raucous laughter. That was neither a good nor bad sign, but it saved some of Seras' pride. Just a little. "No matter how much time you spend pledging your un-life to Hellsing, you'll alwaysbea Police Girl. Here I thought you would have figured such things out by now."
He was absolutely no fun, and no fair for that matter. Their exchange of words felt more like a battleground where Seras was steadily losing what little footing she had gained. So much for fleeting moments of the past.
Still, he did not move to dismiss her quite yet, instead seeming to take his time gathering up the figure that had dared to stand before him. In the past this was something that the woman would never have dared do, at least not under the pretenses that existed in the present. "You seem rather comfortable letting yourself in and out of my room, so am I to take it that this is not the first time you've so rudely intruded into my space?"
Seras' expression must have said a thousand words in place for her sudden inability to form words, as Alucard simply huffed and leaned back into his seat. "And here I thought you would have been one of the more respectable of the bunch."
The way he said it made it seem like he was annoyed, but Seras couldn't ignore the very slight lilt in his tone that indicated he was actually more amused than anything else. That was probably the most humiliating part of all this. If he had gotten angry with her, she would have had more than enough reason to run away, maybe even conjure up a sob story to Integra so that someone would save her skin. Instead, there she stood, facing the great vampire Alucard as he tried to stifle all forms of amusement from his body. He waslaughingat her, and there was rightly nothing she could do about it, save for giving him an irritated huff and waving a frantic hand around his rather empty room.
"For your information, the only reason you have a clean chair to sit upon is thanks to me! And don't even get me started on how much persuasion it took to keep everyone else out of here! I've been working rather hard to keep this place somewhat consistent in your absence!"
She was bolder than she had been before. Some might have attributed her outspokenness to having drunk the blood of a human, but Seras wanted to give herself at least an ounce of credit and attribute that instead to her growth as a person. Then again, had she not grown as a person due to the nature of taking in a human's blood? No no no- she could only give Bernadotte so much credit before it would get to his head. And given that he had free roam through her own head, it was better to keep his ego in check so he didn't rattle her brain loose with bragging.
For a moment both master and pupil stood silent, Alucard gazing over with Seras could only guess was a look of utter contemplation, while the young vampire herself was left both embarrassed and exhausted. It was rather tiring to face off with her master, even if it was only verbally. He had a way of toying with her mind without saying anything at all, and maybe that was all thanks to the fact that he had drunk some of her blood all those years ago. The silence felt agonizingly long, and given that there was no way to tell just what he was looking at, Seras was the first to shift her gaze awkwardly to the side to avoid staring at him.
She was always playing the part of the fool in his games, it would seem. No matter what he was always a step ahead of her, at minimum, though even that would have been a rare accomplishment. Often he felt leagues away from her level, no matter how much she ever felt she advanced, and that there was no way in hell the gap between them could ever be closed. That never used to bother the woman. Really it hardly bothered her now. Great power was itself a difficult responsibility to wield, and she was not jealous of what abilities he had certainly amassed throughout his time on earth. What actually ate away at Seras was the feeling of inadequacy that only her mind could be responsible for.
She was good at nothing if not overthinking her own situations, and to see herself always fall so far behind always made the woman feel as though she were failing at something. And hadn't she? She had failed at protecting the manor, protecting Captain Bernadotte, the city of London- she had even failed at protecting her own masters, for God's sake! It would be difficult tonotfeel inadequate under such circumstances.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity of waiting, Alucard shifted in his seat, uncrossing his legs and laying his arms on the ends of his chair. He looked to Seras like he was planning on standing, but then the moment passed where one would normally haul themselves up, and still, he sat, so she figured that was a faulty guess on her part.
"My master has deemed to forsake all familiarity of this estate," he pondered aloud, making his subordinate cock her head in confusion. "And in the process has remade it into a building utterly distasteful. Out of everything I have seen, this room is the only thing that remains somewhat the same as it was when I last roamed the halls." Like a lightbulb went off in his head, Alucard's mouth stretched into a wide smile, full to the brim with sharpened teeth and malicious amusement. He spoke then in a rather teasing tone, half chuckling in the middle as though he found the whole thing quite amusing. "You spared no thoughts for your own quarters, did you? You just cleaned up after my mess."
That was one way to put it, she supposed. Though would it really be considered his mess if it was just the natural build-up of grime and dust? Ah- well, she figured that the little details didn't matter. Despite herself, Seras gave quite the toothy grin herself, pointed fangs slipping out from their cover and gleaming just above her bottom lip. "It's not that I didn't take care myself, master." She explained, gesturing around the great empty expanse. "You just had far larger chambers to work with than I ever had. Besides… it isn't so bad upstairs."
He regarded this statement by her for a moment, seemingly considering pointing out what a flawed ideology it followed. Seras knew all too well what he was going to say, or more so, what hewantedto say. That vampires were creatures of darkness, stripped away from the sunlight and meant to wander the dark halls of the world on their own. She knew that was what he wanted to tell her, but they both knew that he hadn't any need.
Walking alone had never been Seras' preference. She was not a human anymore, not at least in technical terms, but her heartfelt human. Walking alone, living a life of forced solitude, and avoiding all the pleasures of mortal life, that had been Alucard's philosophy from the start. And she had always wondered, deep down and always to herself, if he had ever been happy living his un-life that way. How could someone ever enjoy an eternity of keeping to themselves? An eternity without company, without friend or foe, without purpose other than to continue existing.
Thirty years prior, Seras had gleaned her own answer. Her master had never said a word of it to her, as she would never have expected him to, but she knew the truth all the same. He was just like her, and she was just like him, in a way that was both inexplicable and completely understandable. They didn't enjoy being alone. No one walking the waking world did. It just so happened that they both- their master too- were utterly beyond ever admitting such a thing to someone else. Seras was the best of the bunch at it, but that was never saying much. She knew that and accepted it graciously.
There was no need to take on the world alone when there could always be at least one other at her side. So she felt no shame in taking to rooming on the upper floors, where the sun would shine during the day and the compound's human occupants would bustle about from morning to evening. Alucard was unlikely to ever take on such a life. Seras knew that from the moment she realized the truth of his character. For while the vampire was not fond of his solitary confinement, he was neither fond of almost everyone living or dead. He was rather choosy with what people he gave his company to, and there was little she could do but respect that fact. His temperament was already enough to deal with, she would rather not push her luck.
"But regardless, Ididtake particular care to keep everything in your quarters just the way you had it." Forget Integra's scorn, her master's was enough to send her running for the horizon on its own. "And- And I didn't touch anything either! Not that you have much I could- but I didn't anyway! See, everything is still centered where it ought to be, and your glasses are still-!"
"Right as they were left, yes Police Girl, I am aware of the happenings in my own abode."
The woman gave a sour pout towards her master, who seemed to quickly be growing bored of her explanations. Perhaps that only made sense. His aura and shadows were far more powerful than her own, so of course he was aware that everything was still as it had always been. Still, could he not at least pretend to be grateful?
As her eyes traveled over the room, the table alongside the chair's edge caught Seras' eye once again. She stared quietly for a moment at the quaint setup, her gaze inevitably settling on the glass that was turned upside down and left to gather dust along its bottom. "Master," she hesitantly started, turning her head back towards the vampire camped comfortably in his chair. "May I ask you a question?"
"You have thoughts loud enough to shake the very foundation of the manor, so you might as well sooner rather than later."
He was always so rude. The woman supposed that wasn't new, and like an expert she let it slide deftly off her back. Gesturing with a gentle nod of her head, she directed her master's attention towards the standing wine glasses and their subsequent wine bottle. She was sure it wasn't actually wine stored inside. "Why is the second glass always flipped so the underside faces upwards?"
This seemed to take the elder vampire by surprise for a few seconds. He was probably wondering why she had asked him something so trivial, but that wasn't really unlike her usual antics, so Seras didn't understand why such a simple question would throw him for a momentary loop. She stared at him as the vampire tried to find the right words to explain. He didn't look to be struggling all that much, but surprisingly all he managed to say was, "Why are you asking such a pointless question? Are you no longer ashamed of wasting my time?"
She was not, in fact, ashamed at wasting his so-called time. He had wasted thirty years of Integra's, so even if it hadn't explicitly been his fault, she wouldn't allow herself to feel much guilt for taking up his free hours.
"It isn't pointless if I'm curious, and it just so happens that I am." Despite her newfound brazen attitude, Seras still did not dare disturb Alucard's things, and so she instead simply pointed at the various glassware. "The wine glass you keep closest was always turned right side up, which would make sense given that you probably had a use for it. But that one," her gesture was lazy, she knew he got the point. "That glass has always sat with its underside facing up like it's perpetually out of use. I want to know why. Or rather, why would you have it at all if you haven't a use for it."
Seras did wonder, somewhat incessantly, if her master had ever had company in this underground chamber of his. Beyond Luke Valentine- who had been no more a guest than he had been a vampire- she hadn't known anyone to disturb her master when he was lurking within his chambers. If Integra ever had need of him, Alucard was always in wait somewhere by her side, even if that somewhere happened to be inside of a wall. And of course, he had never been far when dispatching Seras out on a mission, even if she was meant to have gone out alone. He probably thought she hadn't noticed his intrusions or his prying eyes, but she had. It had just never bothered her because she knew under his guidance she would be able to act swiftly and reap great success.
Even so, she had never visited her master's chambers when they had originally met, and only after his disappearance had she gained the courage to peek her way inside. So it was plausible he had entertained guests without her ever being aware… that still begged the question of just who would have enough credibility to be invited in by Hellsing's Count.
She waited patiently for her master's answer, forgetting all about her actual intrusion as she now had a justifiable reason for sticking around. He still had not moved to kick her out, he hadn't even asked her to leave in that condescending way of his, so she was feeling less unwelcome the longer she stood there. To Alucard's credit, he could have loitered in his chair for all of eternity pretending to ponder an answer, and still, he would have kept the attention of his current guest. Patience was Seras' greatest virtue, even if it left her tunnel-visioned.
Luckily- or at least for one, unluckily- Alucard was not pretending to think on his answer. He was actually taking the time to think out a proper response for the woman standing just feet away from him, though his attention seemed to wane between conjuring up his answer and on Seras herself. She found that a little surprising. There was no need to focus on her presence at that moment, and she couldn't see his eyes, so perhaps the vampire was just imagining burning beneath his gaze. Yet the feeling of being watched persisted. No, this was something much stronger. This was the striking feeling of beingseen. Was he really…?
"I don't take visitors here, if that's the answer you're after." Alucard's voice finally broke the silence, he tilting his head to the side as if to ask if his answer was sufficient. It was not. Seras was curious about that, surely, but that wasn't what she had been asking. Not entirely. "Reading my mind isn't going to give you your answer, you know." She chastised, and the man snorted, shaking his head at such a direct callout. He did not admit to it, because of course he wouldn't, but he did reach a hand up towards his face. With one quick motion did he slide his glasses down his nose and off his face entirely, exposing scarlet red eyes that could glare a man straight down into hell.
Seras had seen her master's gaze plenty of times before. He didn't scare her anymore, not like he had the first night they had met. She had been so frightened that night, though the hazy memory made it difficult to tell if she had been very scared of Alucard at all. It was more likely that she had feared her imminent death, originally at the hands of a rogue and perverted vampire, and then eventually from the gunshot wound the vampire sitting before her had blown into her chest. Death had come upon her so suddenly it was no wonder she had been so scared. There had been so much she still wanted to accomplish, so many things she had still felt determined to do. She had a determination about her then to keep on living, even if her persistence would only have ended in her bleeding out alone.
He hadn't allowed that to happen. For his own strange reasoning, perhaps even just his own amusement, Alucard had taken her into the night to let her keep on living, albeit in quite the unconventional way. In the moments before she had thought she was doomed he had taken her hand into his own, and she had seen his eyes, glowing brighter than the full moon and filling her vision with a blood-red hue.
Maybe she had been a little scared then. But now? Now she was capable of staring into those eyes herself. Their intensity still made her uncomfortable now and again, naturally, but she at least never backed away from their gaze.
"Why do I keep a wine glass empty and sitting bottom side up?" He parroted her question, watching her every move as though any sudden motion would change his answer. Scarlet met scarlet as they stared into one another, and it seemed to be the first time Alucard took in his pupil's lack of blue hues. Those very human eyes that had once stared expectantly up towards him were nothing more than fiery pits bright enough to rival his own. She had lost that physical human trait long ago, and though it wasn't difficult to replicate, Seras could never bring herself to do it.
"Why does anyone keep a second of anything, if not to be used by another? It wouldn't make any sense to keep it for myself. So, it sits there waiting to be used. That's all."
That explained nothing at all. In fact, it left Seras with more questions than she had started with; but she was given no time to dwell on them. Alucard promptly leaned forward in his chair, pinning her with his gaze and folding his hands underneath his chin.
"My turn to ask a question, then. It's only fair."
"What are we- playing truth or dare like children at a sleepover?"
Seras squirmed under the intensity of his gaze, finding that he had taken on a more serious attitude than he had held just a few minutes prior. What was he going to ask her? Was this some sort of punishment for her snooping around and intruding into his affairs? She supposed it was only fair that she endured some sort of punishment for her actions- they were quite rude the more she thought it over- but that by no means meant she was pleased about this. There were so many things he could ask of her, and she was not in any hurry to know what question he might pick. He seemed to be taking some minor enjoyment in watching the woman fidget uncomfortably under the pressure, but maybe that was the whole purpose of this. Yes, that had to have been it! He was just teasing her, as he always had, and this was just a tactic to keep her on her feet, nothing more. Nothing more-
"Why did you always refuse to drink my blood?"
She blinked. That was not the sort of question she had expected in the slightest. Why had she always refused? What did that matter now that she had done it anyway? It's not like she was waiting for the moment any longer.
"Erm, well…" The woman struggled to find the adequate words, having to pose the question to herself. Why had she done that? Having been offered to drink the blood of her master, a man she very highly respected and altogether trusted, it was a little surprising that it hadn't been his blood she had drank. So…
"I just wasn't ready to do something like that," was what she decided to say, twiddling her gloved thumbs and biting at her bottom lip. That sentence alone did not seem to abate Alucard's curiosity, but it wasn't like she was finished speaking. She was just thinking. "I had no idea what would happen if I were to drink the blood of another person, and uhm- well I suppose I just wasn't ready to find out. Even if it was from you."
It was a complicated thing to put to words. Seras was much better at being in tune with her emotions than she was verbalizing them to other people. It felt like an exorbitant task, trying to make others understand just what exactly was going on in her head. Her decisions stemming mostly from emotions didn't help the process much either. Yet to his credit, Alucard seemed to deliberate over her answer quite seriously, his eyes narrowing in thought as he regarded the woman in front of him. There was just the slightest hint of emotion in his expression, but Seras was finding it difficult to pick out just what it was. Bitterness, maybe? Irritation? That didn't make much sense to her, as she couldn't fathom what he had to be bitter about.
"So when you drank that war dog's blood, then you felt ready?"
War dog? He must have been referring to the Captain then. What a sour subject matter this conversation had turned to. Seras pushed her heel into the cement uncomfortably, twisting her ankle back and forth as a small hum of contemplation left her empty lungs. "I wouldn't put it like that exactly. I don't think I was ever going to be ready for something like- well, like that, to happen to me… But he told me in death it was what he wished. He wanted to beat those bastards to a pulp." Her hand clenched into a dangerously tight fist, the sour emotions of that night coming back into her mind in waves. "I suppose I did too. So it was more done out of desperation and trust." Something along those lines.
If she thought her master's expression was sour before, she was almost certain of it now. She could not miss the way his nose crinkled in disgust or the way his lip curled up in a burst of agitation. It almost surprised her how easy it was to read him, yet it didn't feel like she was getting the whole picture. She was missing something in their exchange, that she was certain of.
"Trust," he huffed, subduing his expression in favor of a more flatlined, bored look. "So you put more trust in a man crazed for war than you did your own master?"
"The two of you are practically the same in that regard, aren't you?"He wasn't making any sense. That wasn't at all what she had been insinuating, and Seras had thought she had made that quite clear. She hadn't even wanted to drink blood that night- or any night ever! It had been a moment of weakness and desperation, a moment that demanded she make a great sacrifice in order to protect what little she had left. What exactly was he getting at here?
"That's not what I meant I- it was a lot more complicated than that-!"
He shot her a pointed look that took all words from her tongue and tossed them out. That look in his eyes… she recognized it, but she had never seen him wear it so openly. Seras considered the fact that she had never seen Alucard like this at all.
"One moment, wait now," she waved her hands and then held them up as though asking for a truce, her master quirking a brow in question. This was probably a dangerous accusation to make, yet given the current circumstances, it was the only conclusion Seras could arrive at. It didn't make sense to her, emotionally, but logically it was the only path to follow.
"You sound… jealous. You're not jealous that I took the Captain's blood, are you?"
There was silence. There was too much silence. It was like the entire room had been enveloped in impenetrable darkness where not even sound could travel. If someone dropped a pin from the second story of the manor Seras would probably have been able to hear it. The silence seemed to drag on for an eternity, one where the woman was well aware that no answer had been given. The longer she waited, the more uncertain she grew. What if she had read the situation completely wrong? Had she been so incorrect that she had seen things that weren't there? Oh God, it was getting to be more embarrassing than she could bear. She should have never asked that, she should have let the question fester in her subconscious and fade away without ever seeing the light of day.
His sigh was quiet. "You are such an idiot, Police Girl."
Her first reaction was to be insulted by the nickname. Still Police Girl? Hadn't they just gone over that? She had opened her mouth to retort the sentence right away; and then she paused. She stopped to think about why he was calling her an idiot in the first place… and then a rush of heat made her cheeks flush pink.
"Wh-Wha-?! Wait a minute, you…you-!" He could not be serious. This could not be a serious conversation they were having. This couldn't actually be happening.
But it was, wasn't it? Seras had always known Alucard to be the possessive type, but that had always been over very specific, often material things. His weapons, his quarters, his coffin; the only living things on the list would be Integra and Anderson, but they were complicated subjects to add. Integra was her master's master, and in serving her of course he would be protective and possessive over her. Anderson was an enemy that perfectly embodied what Alucard found interesting about humans, so naturally, he had been drawn to him.
So why? Why was he looking at her with the same expression he gave to those that had tried to take his things away? Why did he sound so scaldingly jealous, and why did it have to be over something so incredibly personal?
"All the pieces have been laid before you, and yet you can't even complete a simple puzzle. If a hint was thrown at your head you still wouldn't be able to find it, would you?"
"I- I don't…!"
She needed a minute to catch up. Rather, she needed about thirty years or so to catch up, and even that might not have been enough.
"I thought you were only trying to rid yourself of me, what's all this about jealousy?" In the end, she still didn't understand why he would be so upset. She could still drink his blood if she so chose, and it would be the end of their blood contract just the same. It didn't matter what order she hypothetically drank blood in. As long as she eventually drank from him, the outcome would have been the same. So that meant that the real reason behind this whole thing was something… more.
Alucard regarded her stumbling over the point with a discontented expression, blinking slowly before shaking his head and waiting for her to pay him some form of attention. "There's more to taking in blood than just the process of absorbing one's life force. You clearly never learned that."
"… Well, no, I suppose I didn't."
She gave him a pleading look, wanting an explanation, and perhaps her puppy dog eyes were more powerful than she remembered, because he caved rather quickly.
"Drinking from a creature that a vampire does not turn is essentially a way to absorb their life force and soul… When you drank from Bernadotte, despite him being dead, he still became a part of you, did he not?" Seras nodded her head in answer, feeling the shadows making up her arm shift and expand beneath her false skin. Her master seemed satisfied that she had learned at least that much, and she had learned it from him no less.
"Drinking from the vampire that turned you is a more… personal experience. Feeding off of the one that fed off you can break blood contracts, but it can also break the curse that ties one to their un-life. If that is something that the other party wants."
It seemed that he was finished speaking, but the words were still echoing around in Seras' head. Feeding on her master could have ended her time as a vampire? Just like that? She could have become a human again, and she hadn't even known it. She could have left all of Hellsing behind and never had to deal with Anderson and his Catholics, or Millenium, or with any vampiric crisis in general. She could have been a normal woman again…
"Well, then I'm glad I didn't want to."
Her words were chipper against the somewhat somber revelation. She caught Alucard's eyes widening just slightly. The way she put it so casually must have truly thrown him for a loop.
"I can't imagine having broken the contract so soon, and… Well, I was so unsure of everything back then. It's unfathomable now to not be a part of Hellsing, so I'm glad I didn't throw my life away."
Still, that wasn't the only thing he had been alluding to in that confession. It was somewhat of a confession, wasn't it? For when she looked at Alucard, Seras realized that the only way he would know such information about curse breaking would be if he had experienced it himself."So there was someone before me,"she thought to herself, wondering just what kind of person they had been. "Someone who didn't want to live the life I myself chose." She couldn't say she blamed them. Everyone yearned for something different in life, hers was certainly not the ideal choice for most.
Alucard had said that the experience felt more personal. Did that mean that it was important to him? Not for the purpose of breaking contracts, or lifting curses, but of something else entirely?
"So what if that's not what the other party wants? Do you know what happens then?"
hat was another question she realized she shouldn't have asked after already having spoken the words. Her master's face darkened for a moment, as though he were being tormented by an age-old memory, before it quickly shifted once again. He was a professional at concealing his emotions, but Seras found she was just as quickly learning how to pick them apart.
"No," he said quietly, leaning back and folding his hands over his lap. "I do not know what would happen otherwise."
"Oh." She stood there, watching the vampire across from her close his eyes and seemingly end the conversation just like that. It felt like she was being immediately shut out after coming oh so incredibly close to something rather important. That was just as in character for her master as anything else, but for Seras? Well, it just wouldn't do.
"Why don't we find out then?"
She half expected his eyes to stay shut and merely twitch in amusement. He may have even ignored her altogether if the night was to go anything like it typically would. That night had been far from ordinary, however, and almost immediately Alucard's eyes blinked open and he rounded himself to face her voice. Seras hadn't moved very far, but she had done so rather quietly, taking up position on the opposite side of his armchair's table and pointing down at the upside-down glass. "You've had this waiting for someone long enough, right? We ought to put it to good use!" And she gave him a warm smile, one that spoke of sincerity and comfort. This was no offer made in pity or discomfort. She was being genuine with him, just as she always had been.
Alucard stared at her for what might have been a heartbeat, maybe even two, before he threw his head back in great laughter that reverberated throughout the entire room. He put a hand to his forehead and brushed back the inky black hair that crowded his flaming eyes, only going to meet her gaze when he had quite finished his outburst.
"You! You are what made humans so interesting!" He laughed again as he said it, and Seras could not help but put a proud smile on her face. She knew that this time- more or less- he was not laughing at her. His amusement came from his judgment of her character, but it was not malicious. Maybe deep down it never truly was.
Adjusting himself in his seat, Alucard held out a gloved hand towards the blonde. It was a sight that made her reminisce about their first meeting. It was so comfortingly familiar.
"Fine," he conceded. "But I will take nothing more than the proper way to do it. The glasses are just a trivial pair of symbols."
He just had to be picky at a time like this. Seras could feel nervous butterflies taking flight in her stomach as she stepped back around the table and looked earnestly at his offered hand. This was certainly a familiar sight, but there was something more going on here. Something more personal, just as her master had put it. She realized just how much this kind of transaction meant to her, and how much it obviously meant to her master. Was this what he had been jealous about all along? That she had not chosen to feed off of him in return? What a strange man he was.
If it was that simple, all he had to do was ask.
"Promise you won't really kill me this time, master." Seras teasingly asked of him, swallowing her nervousness and taking his hand without waiting for an answer. His grip was firm and committed, pulling her the few steps forward she needed to present herself before him. The distance hadn't been that far at all, but bridging it felt like they had been millions of meters apart. In return for her chiding the vampire scoffed, looking her up and down as if seeing her for the first time since his return.
"Only if you do it properly, Police Girl."
Properly? What the hell did he mean by that? Seras gave him a quizzical look, not quite following what he was trying to say, but he in fact did not clarify anything at all. Instead, he took the woman by her wrist and pulled her down so that she was properly eye level with him, and the blush on Seras' cheeks had to have been incredibly overt. She couldn't help that she wasn't expecting that! It hadn't dawned on her that the "proper" way to feed,Alucard's proper way to feed, could not have been anywhere other than where he had bit her originally. That was a little embarrassing to think about so late.
But she wasn't going to back out. Her hand in his grip felt so secure, like she was protected from any outstanding threats. Even if there weren't any so far underground. While he waited with his eyes firmly attached to her figure, Seras had to avert her gaze just slightly when she went to unbutton the top button on her uniform. The covering that hid her neck and its scars from the world fell away with one quick snap, revealing the very puncture wound he had left on her over thirty years ago.
"I'll do it properly," she promised, offering a reassuring smile. "I will, Alucard."
He had been waiting somewhat patiently before, but that seemed to throw the vampire completely over the edge. In hindsight, Seras didn't even know why she had said it. She hadn't ever spoken his name as far as she could remember, far too afraid of seeming disrespectful or arrogant. And he had never objected. He might have teased her a bit for it, but he had never outright told her she was free to call him anything else. His name just came to her lips at that moment, as easy to speak as it had been to breathe. She felt like it was the only thing she had ever called him, that it was the only thing she was meant to call him at that very moment.
It almost seemed like Alucard was going to dig his entire arsenal of teeth into her neck, and Seras braced for the impact of the bite… but it wasn't violent at all. When he bit into her skin it felt like the slightest of pricks. Even when he pushed his teeth deep enough to draw blood, the pain was nothing compared to what she had thought he was going to do. It was almost pleasant. Actually, it was extremely pleasant. Seras could feel when her blood began to run from her veins, and she could feel the exact moment at which he began to drink from her. All the previous pain, despite how little it had been, vanished completely. Her body felt like it was stuck in a state of forced euphoria.
The shadows in her arms became loose and uncontainable as the woman lost some of the balance in her legs. She could feel the forced illusion of her right hand struggling to disappear in favor of unraveling into its true form, but losing her composure that badly would have been mortifying. So she held herself together, half forcing her focus on her body composition while it was being directed instead to how wonderful the feeling of being fed on was. It truly was nothing like she had expected.
When Alucard pulled his head back, he seemed to be in a slight state of shock himself. The removal of his fangs left Seras' neck exposed, yet the puncture wounds he had reopened leaked no blood in waste. It seemed that her body was so used to repairing itself that it wouldn't allow the bite to heal on its own.
"What? What's the matter?" Seras questioned, feeling her body come back down from cloud nine and reconnect with the ground beneath her feet. Was that experience not to his liking? After all she had done?
It was a matter of seconds before a crazed grin spread across the man's lips. It was a smile Seras had grown incredibly accustomed to, as it had been pointed in her direction on many, many occasions.
"Your blood tastes exactly the same as it did when you were a human."
He grinned at her as he said it, as though this outcome was somehow exactly what he was after. "I still have the taste of human blood, is that right?" Maybe it was because she had never truly lost her human heart. He had pointed such a thing out himself once upon a time.
Well, how lucky was that for him?
"I only know what a human's blood tastes like," she spoke in a whisper, leaning forward since he had reclined himself back. "So, if you'd please?"
His grin only widened up at her. With one hand did the vampire need to adjust the upper half of his attire, loosening his ribbon-esq tie before pulling down the top of his collar. Seras regarded his neck carefully. His skin was free of any scars or blemishes, not a sign of any previous bite to be had. Could that be a product of the last person not claiming any connection to vampirism? Or was it that they had forsaken any connection to the Count in general?
Well, she would have to be the first to leave an impression, then. It seemed only fair given what he did to her.
"Are you certain you want to do this? You're staring."
The woman knew that. She knew she was staring, and she knew that there was a bundle of nerves building themselves back up in her body. Her timid nature was not a surprise. Still, she knew she wanted to do this. She knew she wanted to go through with it more than anything in the world.
"You have to say it, though." She reminded him. Seras could feel her eyes glowing within her skull, burning with a sudden hunger that could only be satiated with a proper bite. She felt genuinely hungry for the first time in a long time. And within that hunger, she felt great anticipation. She couldn't hold herself back any longer once the feeling overcame her very senses, and with a relatively graceful build-up, she unleashed her fangs into Alucard's flesh.
The intensity with which she took to drinking surprised the vampire herself, as did the sudden loss of control she suffered over her shadows. The pulsating tendrils ripped themselves apart from containment and circled her body as though they were an entity of their very own. It was like the blood had fed them new life.
Her bite was met with an audible intake of air, Alucard tilting his head to the side when he realized just how much purchase Seras had demanded of him. His blood met her lips faster than she had anticipated, and it tasted… it tasted beyond description. It was something of another world altogether.
A pair of shadows mingled together as the blonde took in her fill from her would-be master. Though she could not see it, Seras could feel the very essence of Alucard's uncontained smile. She could feel his congealed shadows intermingling with her own. It was a rather out-of-body experience.
"Yes, Seras…"
The whisper brought the woman back into her body, she suddenly becoming very aware of the world around her. The feeling of being called to… it was just as sweet as it had been before. It tasted better than the blood on her tongue and the flesh beneath her lips.
This was what he had wanted, then. The forging of a new contract? No. The forging of a new bond.
"My Seras Victoria."