Francesca's POV:
The floors were cool under my bare feet as I wandered from room to room, waiting for something to happen. Stefano always joked that boredom was something we ourselves created, but Stefano wasn't here to force a smile from me and charm me with his mysterious ways. Stefano was away in Rome, not in disguise, but prepared to go into disguise if the situation demanded it. Territories were settling agreements and his presence had been requested. I was lonely, but not surprised. While I had waited in torment over our love, he had been gone for months. I had learned in that time that men are capable of things that demand the steeliest resolve from us. And I love Steffano. So I had to quickly gain that resolve of the new Princess Tarconti. Funny that all I did was join Stefano in marriage at a quiet ceremony in his garden with only Andrea, Galiana, Grandpa, Miss P, and an assortment of Stefano's closest allies. Other than the ceremony and my new residence in Stefano's suites, I spent my time around the castle the very same.
I was treated with an irritating flourish that I could only imagine would be worse if the staff hadn't seen me act so ghastly and childish in the past year. All the etiquette that I had worked so hard to learn had changed again now that I was official royalty. No wonder Stefano could be so serious. He must be thinking a million things at once, none of them funny. But when night fell upon the valley and the breeze blew in from the far seas, wisping the curtains into a dance at our balcony, Stefano's seriousness was not unwelcome. He would lean at the railing, shirt hanging open casually, now sporting the scar from his famed bullet wound. I would appear in my silk slip and join him in watching the valley fall asleep from our vantage point of power and fear. How could I have ever thought myself in love with Andrea? I find it funny to think of. Where I used to see Stefano's reservedness as unattractive, now I saw how complementary his character was to mine. And so it was with the deepest confidence that I would turn his chest to me and run my hands along the scar, kiss it. And he would let me, running his hands through my long hair and pondering things I would never know about. And when I stray from his scar, run kisses over his chest, as high as I can reach, he would turn those serious eyes on me and me alone. And even though he would have to leave at the crack of dawn, he would still back me toward the bed and be rid of my slip.
I liked to think about those evenings at times like these, when I wandered the halls in the heat of the day, waiting for Stefano but not expecting him for another week. Communication was never solid and I always worried that the next letter or the next would be the horrible news. Miss P said it did terrible things to my health to carry on so. Miss Rhoda said I brought a bad energy to the drawing room. Galiana knew what it really was: a wife's all-encompassing ability to worry. It was this worry that drove me to my bed with headaches and stomach troubles quite often now. I tried to convince Steffano that I was getting used to it, this cutthroat lifestyle. Perhaps I was, but my body wasn't.
"She really is a darling." I watched the baby grab at Galiana's bodice with a ferocity that matched Andrea's. Though some rumors said that Galiana and Andrea's daughter had been conceived before wedlock, most knew that Galiana was too obsessed with propriety in the physical sense. Stefano was quite prudish too and it took much convincing for him to touch me places other than the bedroom. But once he saw my approval, he was stealthy enough to leave me a flushed mess and himself looking the most innocent of innocent. It was frustrating and sensual.
"The dress looks just darling. I'm so proud of how far you've come in your stitching." Galiana turned her beaming face to me. We were sharing a blanket spread in the grass below the gates, taking in the sunshine. Andrea was away too, but only for a few days now that he had a child. I had not thought much of having a child until I had a man that I wanted to give one to. Picturing Stefano holding our child, seeing the emotion in his eyes that only I would know where to look for, it did things to me.
"I have plenty of time to practice," I replied, picking a piece of grass and chewing the end of it.
"Perhaps it's good. When he's here you only have time for one thing." Galiana flashed a wicked smirk. I blushed but knew that she spoke the truth.
"Your daughter speaks of your hobbies."
"And isn't she beautiful? Miss Perkins said she had never seen a healthier baby."
"Her complexion is perfect." I reached out and brushed my finger along the infant's cheek. "And I still applaud your decision to name her Ellamy instead of forcing some family name on her. You seem to be a decent parent so far."
"So far?" She giggled in faux shock. "Why, Francesca, what would you know about being a decent parent?" Galiana was famous for speaking before she thought. I knew this and so knew not to let her words hurt my carefully held feelings. She realized her error only moments later. "Francesca! Forgive me! I've been cold and cruel again. If I were to die this very moment I would wish nothing more than for Ellamy to be in your care."
"You are right, Sister." I leaned back on my arms and frowned as I felt the sweat start to build on my lower back and the urge to sleep hit. "I know nothing about taking care of a child. I have only ever been the child. I believe I still am. Maybe I always will be. I should not bring a life into this world if I'm not mature enough to nurture it."
"I wasn't. I thought I was but I wasn't. But the joy of the change is better than any stasis."
"I see Andrea has been infecting you with his words."
"I learned that one from you, Sister."
"I must have learned it from Stefano. He reads so much."
"Does Stefano want a child?" Galiana was also famous for being forward.
"He doesn't say. I think he waits to hear what I want."
"And what do you want?" The question hung in the still, warm air and circled around us. I frowned. I changed my mind so easily. It was too dangerous to declare a desire like that so quickly and openly.
"I want to find some shade." I stood and brushed off my skirts. "Or perhaps return home. I suddenly am not feeling well at all."
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"This is ridiculous, why can't you appear for just half an hour?" Miss Perkins was at the foot of my bed, frowning. I was supposed to be getting ready for an educational lecture from one of Grandpa's friends. The staff had prepared the castle library specially.
"I don't feel well."
"If you don't feel well all the time then that's just feeling normal."
"I don't know what you mean, but if I stand I might throw up."
"Francesca Tarconti," I still loved to hear his name with mine, "you owe it to your grandfather to attend this lecture. Even Galiana is there with Ellamy." She tugged the covers back and the cool air on my body calmed my stomach enough for me to shift to the edge of the bed and sit up. "You don't have a fever." Miss P felt my forehead skeptically. "These little depressions that you slip into when he goes cannot continue like this. He is living his life and you must live yours."
"Tell them I'm getting ready."
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"I have never seen you run so quickly." Miss P held my long hair back as I calmed my racing heart and leaned over the bushes outside the library. Moments earlier I had rushed from the room to fulfill my warning to Miss P as to my stomach condition. "I don't understand. You don't have a fever."
"It must be worry. Stefano has been gone twice and both times have been torture. Don't tell him I said that!"
"He knows how you worry. Give the man credit. He observes where others speak."
"You adore him so much then you should have married him," I snapped. Miss P roughly tied my hair back with an old ribbon and stepped back. I turned to face her and saw her regarding me with a look I couldn't decipher.
"Princess, I believe there are other factors at play here. You are awfully unruly, but you do not look unwell."
"I am not-"
"Your face is thinner and you look as though you haven't slept in a week, but you are not scrawny by any means. In fact…" Her voice trailed off as she studied me.
"I can't be," I blurted the words before she could even start the final thought. "I'm not, I mean. He's been away and I've been sick. We have not discussed it. It is a future thought."
"Well, that's that then. Best to see you back in bed." As she helped me back to Stefano's suite, her words turned in my mind, the way she looked at me. I hadn't lied. Stefano had been away. I had been sick. We had not discussed having children at all. But I had withheld information too. Stefano and I had set in motion the chance of conception multiple times since our wedding four months ago. And even though Galiana had told me how to still please him while keeping myself barren, I hadn't ever enacted her tactic. Why would I, when he looked at me the way he did when I squeezed tight around him and made him weak? One of the only times he showed weakness? No, I thought to myself as I climbed into bed and pulled the sheets around me, I had to go to someone else for this. Someone who, surprisingly, might understand.
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"What are you doing here?" Miss Rhoda's face spelled disapproval already and I hadn't even spoken. I had expected as much.
"I need your help." I tried to keep the desperation out of my voice but I think she caught it and hesitated before continuing,
"I am very busy. Ask Galiana or Miss Perkins." She moved to close the door but I stopped it by walking as far into the room as I could get without running straight into her. The main reason I needed her: Miss Rhoda could keep a secret. I weirdly trusted her.
"It has to be you. It really does. Please." I made sure to hold her eyes with mine, trying to appeal to her motherly side even though she had no idea the topic.
"Sit down." She closed the door behind me and moved to her sitting area. I sat opposite her. She looked bored. Or cautious. Maybe both. "Well? I won't have any of this tight-lipped nonsense. You begged my confidence then you must take advantage while I have the grace."
"You never had children." She froze, then quickly picked up her needle work and began to stitch rapidly. I took a breath. "I guess I don't know, but I assumed. And if you didn't, I was wondering why you didn't."
"I thought you needed my help."
"It is help."
"No, Francesca, I never had children. And it's not some great mystery as to why. I simply didn't have the capacity to care for one. Children are complex creatures that need much more than they give. For some there is still a benefit. For me it just seemed like a waste of time and a body. Now, why don't we stop talking about me and talk about you and how you're pregnant." I sucked in a breath. She still didn't look up.
"How could you possibly-"
"Just because I'm not a mother doesn't mean I haven't known them. I watched my sister give birth twice. I watched her children grow. I have not been a mother but I have been a sister. You will never know what that's like, that bond. I watched her change. I saw the difference. I can see it in you. It isn't hard to spot, if you're not oblivious which it seems most people are programmed to be. Your grandfather didn't even acknowledge Galiana's baby until it was born and only because it was Andrea's blood. Children are a necessity for most, but how they come about is an afterthought. Was it an afterthought?"
"It wasn't a thought at all," I choked.
"Reckless. You've been married four months. Even though I see many of his shortcomings, I cannot believe my nephew would not have considered something like this beforehand."
"If he did, we never discussed it."
"Not surprising, since Stefano was raised to avoid conversation as such unless absolutely necessary."
"I think he doesn't want one." I let the fear into the room and felt the walls hold their breath.
"It's possible." Miss Rhoda shrugged and repositioned her needle. "Or maybe he wants a child but without the work. Most men hope for that."
"He's gone so much. He does so much. Andrea is tied to home now that Ellamy is born. If I tie Stefano to home, will he resent me? Or worse, will he not be tied to home at all. Will nothing change and he leave me home with a child when I am a child myself?"
"Don't be dramatic," Miss Rhoda snapped. "You're not a child. You act like one quite a bit and you're acting like one right now, but that doesn't make you one. But that doesn't matter. Whether or not you are mature enough to have a baby doesn't matter. What matters is the decision to. You do not believe you're capable? Fine. It will make it harder, but not impossible. Pretend you're capable, even when you don't feel it, now that will get you where you need to go. You're having a baby whether you like it or not. No more questions about that, because that just wastes time and energy. Now you start the next tier of questions. You decide what you're going to tell Stefano. Then you decide what you're going to do, regardless of what he says. Stefano could ride away and never come back and you could be out in the wilderness when you go into labor and that baby will still come and it will still be yours. This is not up to Stefano. This is up to the two of you. So have something to propose when you tell him so he sees you at least have some control of the situation. After showing myself out, I stood in the hall pondering what she had said. I realized that I had sought comfort under the alias of advice, and that I wouldn't be going to Miss Rhoda for comfort again if I could help it.
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Stefano came home two days later. He arrived in the heat of the day when Galiana was playing the piano and I was doing my best to help Ellamy sit up on her own. Miss Perkins was down in the town so I had no one to warn me when he appeared in the doorway. When I looked up, he was already standing there like he had been there for some time. His eyes had a soft look in them, a look I hadn't seen before. It was like a loving pride. And then I realized he wasn't just looking at me. He was looking at me with Ellamy. My heart soared and butterflies filled my stomach.
"Galiana, you've improved while I was away," Stefano collected himself and entered the room confidently.
"Stefano," she exclaimed. She stood up and took Ellamy in her arms so I too could stand and let him envelope me in his strong arms.
"Amore mia," he whispered into my hair. "Did you miss me?"
"You were not away so long," I teased. He smiled. He knew exactly how much I had missed him.
"It felt like years to me." He stepped back and held my face in his hands. "It will take much more than political business to drag me from you now."
"What will you do with all your free time," I wondered, already nervous. "Won't you be awfully bored?"
"I have some things in mind." He let go of my face and let his eyes say the rest of what he was implying. I blushed. He let me collect myself and turned back to Galiana. "Look at this one," he ran a hand through Ellamy's thin curls. "This cannot be the same child. When I left she was the scrawniest little babe. This child surely is a new Goliath."
"She's much heavier, that is certain," Galiana laughed. She looked past him and back at me. For once she could pick up on a social cue. "But it is time to feed her. Excuse me." She made a quick exit.
"I've kept the garden for you," I took his hand and we strolled out of the castle and toward our cottage.
"Did you?" He looked at me in surprise.
"And the servants only had to help me once."
"Well then, you must show it to me."
"Now," I asked as we approached the front door.
"Well, perhaps in a bit." The door closed behind us sharply and I was pushed back against the wall and his lips were on mine. Those sarcastic, full lips that could smirk in the best way. I gasped into his mouth and he groaned, scooping me up and shuffling down the hallway. Thankfully the servants had vacated the house earlier. "come può essere tutto questo per me?" He was rambling to himself in Italian now, cursing the fastenings of my dress when they would not give to his large hands.
"I thought about you every day." I ran my hands through his golden curls, savoring their softness. "And every night," I added in a quieter voice. He pulled back to look at my face, smirk in place again.
"I thought I wasn't gone away so long," he used my words from earlier against me. Before I could reply he yanked my dress down (how did he always do that) and was pushing me back onto the bed, mouth attaching to my nipple. I moaned too loudly, loudly enough for him to know that it had been too long. Far, far too long. In the back of my mind I realized that he was dirty from traveling and our bed had just been made, but then I got his uniform off and I didn't care anymore. His scar came into view and I leaned up and sucked it between my soft lips. He watched with fiery eyes as I sat back, panting.
"I…I have something to…" I didn't know how to say it, knowing that there was a person growing inside of me, knowing for sure just by the feeling. I wondered if he had noticed my stomach.
"What is it?" He smoothed my hair out of my face.
"Well, at first I wasn't sure, but now…" My hands drifted down to my stomach and his eyes followed. Then they quickly snapped back up to meet mine. I bit my lip. His eyes were widening by the second.
"Francesca, if you don't say something I will go mad," he gritted out.
"I'm with child. Your child. Our child." The words tumbled out faster than I'd meant them to. And then a flurry of words followed. "I wasn't sure but I was so sick and we never tried not to but you were gone and I was scared you wouldn't want one but Miss Rhoda said-"
"Why on earth would I not want our child," he stopped me in indignation. "I have dreamed of nothing more than to see you grow with child." I froze. This was an uncharacteristic confession of him. It was fraught with emotion and need.
"So you are pleased," I asked carefully. His hands drifted down to cup my stomach, wonder in his eyes.
"Incredible," he murmured to himself. "Beautiful." He looked back up at me again. "Amore mia, how can I show you how pleased I am?" I paused and thought for a moment, working up the courage to say exactly what I wanted. He raised his eyebrows in expectation.
"Sono così vuoto," I began and watched his eyes darken again, "and only you can fix that."
"Cousin," he growled, undoing his belt faster than I'd ever witnessed, "do you not know that you are the only person I was meant to fill."