Nee san.. Okaa san..
They are so alike.. They are strong. They hold their heads high.
While here I was depending on them.
I was no longer Yukino Yukinoshita. I was just associated with my mother or sister's name.
Okaa san.. did everything. First it was middle school, then highschool.
I was considered sharp tongued and was ostracized by my peers.
To a point I had to eat alone.. But it wasn't much different compared to home.
With nee san occasionally barging into my apartment. For Okaa- san it was much rarer.
Most of the time, it was just Pan-san and me.
College was the same. Being piled all the work. Barely managing to meet the deadlines.
I dreamt of a better world, but dreaming is all I am capable of.
I wasn't capable of telling my own family about my own choices, how would I be capable of telling strangers?
This disability of mine, let me get pushed around sub- consciously.
Pan- san was the only one who was ready to listen to me. I wasn't ready to bring in an actual person inside my heart and mind.
Yet after realizing that I let go of everything that was going on my chest to Pan-san, it would flood back inside again.
I want someone to hug like how I hug pan-san. I want someone who will listen to me like Pan san. But I also want someone who would comfort me. I want someone to know me. I want someone to be with me always.
I want someone to save me…
… from myself.
…from everything.
I am also willing to do the same. It's not a dependency, like nee-san said. It's hard for me to express the feeling I desire.. A strong word to show this strong feeling.
Maybe that person would help me find it…
Next- Hayama Hayato.