A/N: So this is my first FF story in...jeez, maybe like six years? Might be a little rusty but I've been down a total LWD rabbit hole lately and so here we are. I was thinking about leaving this as a one shot but I also have some ideas on turning it into a full length story so we shall see. Hope ya'll enjoy!
It started and ended the night of the talent show, and she still kicks herself for thinking it would be any different. She was laying in bed, but she wasn't tired yet, not even close. She was still riding the high of saving the lodge and being offered a dance position in New York. Jesse had walked her to the cabin and kissed her goodnight like a perfect gentleman, before returning to his own for the night. She had told him she had a long night of thinking ahead of her, and she had meant it.
Dancing in New York was a once in a lifetime opportunity, and Gran was right. You don't let things like that pass you by. But then again, not even twenty four hours ago, the thoughts of University and that highly anticipated next chapter of her life, had been so…enticing, so exciting, that completely forgetting about them now seemed impossible. She'd even come to terms with the fact that it meant another four years of seeing Derek on a regular basis. In fact, over the past few days, in fleeting moments, she'd even realized she may have been…happy about the fact he'd be there.
As the thought of Derek came into her mind, Casey felt herself tense up a little. She'd been thinking about him too much for her comfort lately. Because suddenly, something was different. Ever since that night in the kitchen, and how adamant he'd been about the step brother and the way he'd looked at her…she shook her head, angry at herself for letting thoughts of Derek weasel their way into her brain yet again. It had been happening for weeks and frankly, she was over it. Especially since he'd gone back to acting like the big ol' jerk he always had. Except when he wasn't…No. No more Derek. She only had mere hours left to make a huge life altering decision, she didn't have time to think about how all vacation he had seemed to find any excuse to touch her and how she'd spent most of the night dancing with him instead of Jesse. IF she was going to waste her time thinking about a guy, it should be Jesse.
Casey was about to return to contemplating dance versus university when the door swung open and light suddenly flooded the room. She sat up in bed, and glared at the door.
"Der-ek! I was asleep!" she snapped. Where had that lie come from? She figured it was her brain's way of protecting her from the truth of what she'd really been doing.
"Calm down, Princess, you were not," he replied, flopping down on the couch across from her bunk.
"How do you know?" she asked.
"Cause you've got a big choice to make. And you stay up all night obsessing over small choices, so-"
"How do you know that?" she asked, crossing her arms.
He gave her a strange look, a ghost of the look he'd given her in the kitchen the night he made that stupid comment that started all of these…thoughts…she was having. But then as quickly as it had appeared, the look was gone and was replaced with his usual infuriating, cocky smile.
"Because the walls are thin and you normally snore like a truck driver-" he started.
"Der-ek!" she threw her pillow at him, and he caught it, laughing at her.
"So when it's quiet, I know you're still up," he finished.
"I do not snore!" she snapped, suddenly embarrassed. She didn't know why she was embarrassed, because really, who cared what Derek thought? But still…
"You do too snore. Why do you think no one else is in here tonight?" he asked, raising an eyebrow and gesturing to the otherwise empty cabin.
"Edwin's camping with those little friends he made-" Derek cut her off.
"Edwin is camping?" he asked. She nodded and he made a face.
"And Liz and Marty wanted to stay the night with Gran," she added. She tried to sound casual. But it had occurred to her that-
"So it's just you and me here tonight then?" he asked. She looked back up at him and the look (she'd now dubbed it that) was back again.
"Guess so," she replied quietly and she was vaguely aware that she may have been giving him her own version of the look.
"Huh," he said, then gave a slight nod and stood up, reaching for the door.
"Der-ek, where are you going?" she asked. She felt her chest tighten and…ugh why was that happening?
"Well if no one is around to snitch on the fact that I didn't sleep here tonight, I'm going to Roxy's," he replied as if it was obvious.
"Um…I'm here!" she replied, jumping down from the bunk and walking up to him.
"So?" he asked.
"So how do you know I won't snitch?"
"Because while getting me in trouble, does seem to be one of your hobbies," she rolled her eyes at him and stepped closer. Why? She didn't know.
"If I go to Roxy's, that means you can have Jesse over," he finished, smirking down at her. Right…Jesse.
"Oh, right. Yeah, well I will then," she said, tilting her chin up.
"You know, just to say your goodbyes…" Derek added.
"Goodbyes?" Casey asked.
"Come on, Space Case, you're not actually going to skip University to go to New York. You are literally the world's biggest keener," he replied, smirk growing bigger. He was taunting her.
"I wouldn't be skipping University, Derek. It's called deferring. And New York is too big an opportunity to-" suddenly, his hand fell from the door and now it was him taking a step closer.
"So you're going then?" he asked. And there. Was. that. Stupid. Look. again. Her heart fluttered a little. He seemed…upset?
"Yeah," she said quietly, holding his gaze, "Yeah, I think I am"
His face fell a little and he gave a slight nod. She shouldn't be feeling this good that he was disappointed. The feeling scared her. And so she tried to do what they did best.
"What? Like you're gonna miss me?" she asked sarcastically. She was trying to bait him into some sort of argument, any kind of argument, because now he was kind of freaking her out.
"Maybe I will," he said. At least that's what she thought he said. He said it so quietly, that she couldn't have been mistaken. No, she MUST have been mistaken. She wanted to ask him, ask if that's really what he had said and then take it back. And then she caught herself feeling that way and shook it off. This was Derek. Their parents were married. He was the bane of her existence.
"You can go, if you want," was all she could come up with. He looked at her, suddenly he looked exhausted.
"Go where?" he asked. She gestured to the door and tried to look at him like he was dumb.
"To Roxy's. To do whatever disgusting-"
"Roxy doesn't want to see me!" he snapped. She was stunned for a moment.
"Why? What did you do?" she asked. He smiled sarcastically.
"Cause it always has to be my fault right?"
"Well you said she doesn't want to see you. And I know your…piggish ways so…what did you do?" she asked again.
"Oh, it's not just me, Princess, it's you too," he replied. Casey frowned.
"Me? I haven't said two words to her. What could I possibly have done?" she asked.
Derek sighed and leaned up against the bed frame opposite hers. He rubbed his face and ran a hand through his hair, looking utterly exasperated, before returning his gaze to Casey and looking at her pensively.
"What?" she snapped.
"You really want to know?" he asked. Her heart sped up. Did she?
"Yes," was all she managed to say.
"Roxy thinks…" he started. Then he looked away and shook his head, as if talking himself out of something.
"She thinks what?" Casey asked.
"Forget it. She's stupid. Let's go to bed," he said quickly, walking past Casey and going for the light switch. Casey grabbed his arm and he turned to look at her.
"She thinks what?" Casey asked again, this time irritated that he wouldn't just tell her already. Derek looked at her hand on his arm and hesitated for a moment. Then he plastered his cocky smirk back on and stepped toward her, so they were mere inches apart.
"She thinks that you and I are fucking," he said, pointedly, staring down at her.
"What?" Casey exclaimed. She felt her face grow hot. She looked away at the door, contemplating just running outside and continuing until she could throw herself into the water and swim away. When she looked back, he was staring at her with a look that rivaled the one from that night in intensity.
"She thinks," he started, stepping even closer to her. Casey stood her ground.
"That," another step. The look stayed. This time , she took a step back, her back hit the frame of the top bunk.
"That I fuck you. In secret. Late at night, when everyone in our house is asleep," he was so close, she could feel his breath against her lips. She had to fight the urge to lean in, just ever so slightly, and close the distance between them.
"Sh-she told you that?" was all she could manage to squeak out. Yes, squeak. He nodded slowly and continued to hold her gaze.
"Why um…why would she think that?" Casey asked, awkwardly slipping out from between him and the bunk. She looked around the room for a place to go that wouldn't be in such close proximity because this was Derek and she couldn't kiss Derek and she shouldn't be thinking about kissing Derek.
She glanced back at him, he looked irritated again.
"I don't know, something about the way we were dancing together all night. She said I looked at you like…" he trailed off again. She both ached and dreaded for him to finish that sentence.
"Looked at me like what?" she asked. It seemed like he might answer her, but then he laughed and shook his head.
"God, Case, you should see the look on your face!" he burst out laughing and she could feel herself turn red.
"Der-ek! That was not funny! That was such a weird joke!" she snapped. He shook his head.
"I'm not joking. I just didn't expect you to be into this," he replied. She glared at him and crossed her arms again.
"I'm not…I'm not into it," she hissed.
"Doesn't look that way," he grinned back at her, amused. Casey fumed.
Whatever…inappropriate thoughts she'd been having about him a moment ago vanished and all she wanted to do was wipe the grin off his face.
"If anyone is into it, Derek, it's you," she said, using her most confident voice. His grin faltered and if she hadn't known him so damn well, she would have missed it. But she did know him well. Maybe too well .
"Please, don't flatter yourself, Princess," he retorted. She took a step closer to him and now it was his turn to back up.
"Why is it that all week, every time I got close to Jesse…you were right there to pull me away from him?" she asked.
"I didn't hear you protesting," he shot back quickly and then, THEN the grin dropped. Because he'd admitted it. She hadn't been imagining it. Him running interference all week…it was on purpose.
"And when we had to switch spots in the kayak…your hands were all over me," she said softly. He adverted his eyes from her. Ooh, she'd struck a nerve.
"That was for balance," he mumbled.
"And if you recall, I was the one asking you not to touch me," she felt the power shifting. It was on her side now.
"I was the one calling you my broth-" he cut her off, head snapping up, eyes blazing.
"Don't," he said through clenched teeth.
"Who's into it now, Der?" she asked, using the nickname she knew he couldn't stand. She knew she should stop here, but he'd embarrassed her so badly before that she just kept going.
"You called Lizzie your sister tonight," she stated. He nodded, still never breaking eye contact. Never backing down.
"Well there's no difference between her and me right?" Casey asked. She already knew the answer. She just wanted to hear him admit it so that maybe, just maybe she could know she wasn't the only one being tortured by their relationship.
"What do you want me to say, Case?" he asked. He sounded defeated. It was the only time he'd ever asked her that question. Had he asked her any other time, during any other of their interactions, she would have had an extremely specific answer, but this time, this time she was drawing a blank.
"I don't know," she admitted and suddenly she was looking at his lips again thinking about what it would be like to kiss him and not even having the wherewithal to scold herself about it.
"I think you know there's a difference," he said, and so slowly and so gently that she barely noticed, both of his hands found their way to her hips. She put her hands to his chest, whether it was to stop or encourage him, she didn't know.
"Yeah?" she asked. The way he was looking at her made her tingle.
"Yeah," was all he said back, before finally closing the distance between them and brushing his lips against hers. It was much softer than she had imagined…not that she'd imagined this moment at all. Nope. Never.
"I don't want to go to New York!" she blurted. The volume and suddenness of her words made him jump a little and he leaned back, to look at her face. His hands stayed where they were.
"What?" he asked.
"I- I don't want to go to New York. I mean…yes, I love dance and it would be really cool, but-" he cut her off with another kiss. This time he kissed her so hard, she stumbled backward a bit and he had to steady them. She wrapped both of her arms around his neck and pulled herself closer to him. She felt his tongue brush against her lips and eagerly granted him entrance to her mouth. Kissing Derek was like fighting with Derek- a battle for control that inexplicably turned her on more than anything ever had.
"I'm not not going for you though!" she found herself blurting out yet again. This time he didn't pull away to look at her. Instead, he started kissing his way down her jaw to her neck and bit down gently. She moaned and he bit harder.
"What are we doing?" she asked. He sighed against her neck and pulled away, looking at her with the same irritated look he wore during 90% of their interactions.
"Casey," he said quietly. She just stared back at him, having no idea what was coming next. Would he tell her that he had been feeling the same things she had?
"For once in your life, please. Please, shut up," he said, but his tone remained soft and low.
"You're such a jerk!" she snapped, smacking his arm.
"How am I a jerk?" he asked, letting go of her, arms dropping to his side. She instantly missed his touch. Shit. She was in trouble.
"You- you can't just tell me to shut up while we're…" she stopped, not knowing how to finish the sentence.
"Making out?" he offered teasingly.
"Yeah. Yeah, no, we can't do this. This was weird," she said, turning away from him, back toward her bunk. She was about to climb back up when she felt his arms slip around her waist, his body pressed into her backside. As if he'd done it a thousand times before.
"Weird or right?" he asked. She let out a fake, exaggerated laugh and turned to face him.
"It's definitely not right!" she snapped. And as much as she wished she could believe her own words, she didn't.
"You're telling me you've never thought about this?" he asked doubtfully. She huffed and crossed her arms.
"No. I've never thought about this," she lied. He snickered at her.
"Why, have you?" she asked. She expected him to say he hadn't either. To give up on whatever it is he was trying to accomplish and tell her the whole thing was a joke and walk away. But he didn't. He stayed right where he was. His eyes shamelessly made their way up and down their body and she was suddenly aware that while he was still fully clothed, she was wearing nothing but a tank top and some very short pajama shorts.
"Yeah. I've thought about it," was all he said back.
"You've thought about making out with me? You can't stand me!" she replied, defensively.
"You're right," he said with a shrug. She felt her heart fall a little.
"You are the most…self righteous, goody two shoes, pain in the ass of all time. You drive me fucking insane, Casey. And for- I don't even know how long now, I hate the fact that you're my step sister. I fucking hate it," he hissed. She felt a knot form in her throat. He was such an ass.
"Because if you weren't-" he started. She cut him off, unable to take anymore insults.
"Then what?" she asked, glaring at him. He smiled his Derek smile at her and crossed his arms.
"How bout you just let me show you," he said.
She knew in her head that she should just go to bed. Pretend this whole thing never happened, and then stay the hell away from him at school. But by some miracle she had it in her to be honest with herself and to realize that she had thought about this before. Too many times to count. She would be up at night, unable to sleep and fantasize about Derek coming into her room and starting a fight and then the fight leading to…
"Okay," she said quietly, looking up at him with what she hoped were bedroom eyes. She didn't really have much experience in the area.
Derek looked like he was about to say something else but instead, he pulled her back toward him and kissed her again, and instantly it was as if someone had set fire to her soul. He started pulling her over to the couch but backed into it too quickly and fell backwards, pulling her with him.
"Der-ek!" she exclaimed, as they landed in a tangled heap.
"Sorry," he chuckled and brushed some hair out of her face. She was shocked at the tenderness of the gesture and her instinct was to say something quippy, but the way he was looking at her shut her right up. This was a look she had only seen one other time. When they had found Marti in the marsh and were watching the bird. Casey had looked over at him and seen him smiling at her in a way he never had. It wasn't cocky or sarcastic or mean…it was warm. If he hadn't been Derek and she hadn't been Casey and she had just been observing them from the outside, it might have even looked loving.
"You've really thought about this?" she asked. He nodded and she wanted to say something more, to tell him how she was feeling but she couldn't really put words to it so instead she sunk down further so she was straddling him and kissed him again. This time when their kiss deepend it was less like a battle and more like a dance and God, it felt so right she thought she was going to explode.
It was her that started the clothing removal, or at least she tried to. She tugged at his shirt, but since he was laying back, it was impossible to pull off. He laughed quietly and smirked at her.
"Eager much?" she glared at him.
"Shut up," she said quietly. He sat up and pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it to the floor. All thoughts that were in her head suddenly vanished and all she was able to think was Oh my God, I am straddling Derek. Shirtless Derek. But she didn't have too much time to reflect on this fact before he was kissing her again and she felt his hands slide up under her tank top. His hands were warm and they felt bigger than she realized they were and-
She gasped a little gasp as his hands found their way to her breasts. A quiet moan escaped her lips as he started kneading them and rubbing his thumbs over her hardening nipples. She reached down for the hem of her shirt and pulled it off in one swift motion, tossing it to the ground with his. He slid his hands back down to her waist and smirked up at her.
"Thanks," he said. She was about to ask for what, but before she got the chance to, he leaned forward and kissed the valley between her breasts. She shut her eyes and steadied herself by putting her hands on his shoulders.
She moaned again as she felt his tongue swirl around one of her nipples and the moan only grew louder when he sucked it between his teeth gently. She could feel herself getting wet and didn't know if she was more turned on by what was happening…or by the fact that it finally was happening. She arched into him as he switched his attention to her other breast and slid his hand up to the one that was no longer in his mouth.
Instinctively, she slowly ground her hips into his and she felt him smirk against her. He tangled a hand in her hair and pulled her into a slow, passionate kiss. She ground against him again and this time, she could feel him getting harder beneath his jeans. She wanted everything separating their bodies gone and suddenly, all the clothes were too much. With shaking hands, she unbuttoned the top of his jeans and slid the zipper down.
"Off," she mumbled, pulling at the waist of his jeans. She expected him to make fun of her, demanding him, but instead he just pulled them off and they joined the rest of their clothes on the ground.
"Your turn," he said, eyes flicking down to her shorts. She stood and he frowned, which made her smile. He wanted this just as badly as she did. She stood in front of where he was reclined on the couch and slowly pulled her shorts down, maintaining eye contact with him all the while. His brown eyes looked black with lust and she bit her lip to keep from making noise. Even him just looking at her was turning her on.
"Keep going," he commanded, in a voice barely above a whisper. She slid her fingers into the waistband of her underwear and stopped. Her nerves suddenly hit her like a ton of bricks. Because this was Derek. And he was Derek. And both of those statements meant different things but they all held a lot of weight and she was suddenly very aware of the fact that with all of her boyfriends, things had always stopped right about here.
"I've um…I haven't…" she didn't want to say it out loud. He'd probably make fun of her. Or worse…it would make him want to stop.
"It's okay," he interjected, his voice careful.
"I just haven't…sex is a big deal to me and-" he sat up and stared back at her.
"We can stop," he offered. But Casey didn't want to stop. She knew that if she ever told anyone that she had lost her virginity to Derek Venturi, it would sound absolutely terrible. Downright wrong. But to her, losing her virginity to Derek Venturi, in this moment, sounded like the most right thing in the entire world.
"I don't want to stop," she said, surprising herself. And before she lost her nerve, she took a deep breath and slid her panties down her legs. She watched his eyes follow her hands and tried not to be self conscious when he didn't say anything.
"You," he started to say as he stood up and unabashedly let his eyes roam over her entire body, "are really fucking hot,".
She rolled her eyes.
"Romantic," she shot back sarcastically. He smirked at her and quickly removed his boxers. Casey willed herself not to look down, because now they were doing one of their Casey/Derk bicker bits and she was not going to be the first one to concede.
"I don't do romance," he replied in a tone that she thought sounded a little bit forced. She narrowed her eyes at him and purposely brushed up against him as she made her way back to the couch. She laid down and propped her head up with one arm, staring up at him. For someone who usually kept his cool, she couldn't help but feel a little smug about the way his jaw dropped and his eyes eagerly fixated on her.
"You just gonna stand there, Der?" she asked. He didn't even make a face at the nickname, she felt the weight of his body on top of hers in a flash and he was kissing her again with such fervor that it was hard to breathe and yet she never wanted it to stop. She reached down and experimentally stroked him once. He moaned into their kiss and she did it again. He was so hard and all she wanted was to know what it would feel like when he was inside her.
"Case," he choked out, in a voice barely above a whisper. And even though it hadn't been a question, she knew what he was asking. And she wanted to just nod and tell him to do it because, oh she wanted him so badly. But instead she found herself saying,
"I mean it, Derek. Sex means a lot to me," she said quietly, suddenly extremely self conscious that she was completely naked in front of Derek who had seen his fare share of girls naked and that was the least of it.
"I know," he replied.
"And I know it doesn't exactly mean a lot to you," she replied, adverting her eyes from his. She almost expected him to argue with her, but he didn't.
"It does with you," he replied and she looked back up at him, thoroughly shocked by the words that had come out of his mouth.
"Promise?" she asked. He stared back down at her (with the look) and nodded. Casey felt like she could cry. But then he'd definitely never let her live it down so she settled for grabbing at the hair at the back of his neck and pulling him into a kiss that she hoped conveyed everything she couldn't tell him. He kissed her back in a way that made her believe his nod and guided himself to her entrance.
She was about to ask why he was taking so long to move, when he suddenly pulled back.
"Condom," he mumbled, moving to get off of her but she waved her hand.
"Birth control," she replied. He nodded and then, for a moment, they just stared at one another. Suddenly the gravity of what had happened, what was about to happen, hit both of them like a ton of bricks. And there was an unspoken understanding between the two of them. This would change things. One way or another, they could not go back to how it was after this. It was Casey who broke the silence.
"Derek," she whispered, causing him to refocus. He'd been looking at her, but not seeing her and now…now he was seeing her and his eyes darkened with lust once more.
He kissed her gently, and slowly pushed himself inside her. Both of them moaned loudly and she gripped at his hair tighter.
"Fuck, you're so wet, Casey," he mumbled, kissing down to her neck and sucking on the spot he had bitten earlier. She kissed his shoulder and rocked her hips into his.
"Keep going," she whispered. That was enough for him. Slowly he pulled out and pushed back in, harder this time. After the third time, it didn't hurt anymore, in fact, she was very much enjoying the feeling of Derek's dick inside her. And so she whispered this in his ear and he let out a groan that sounded remarkably similar to her name. His pace picked up and he kissed her again, this time with an urgency and passion that left her breathless.
Suddenly, she felt something unfamiliar and a jolt of pleasure coursed through her entire body. Derek had brought one of his hands down in between them and was lightly rubbing her clit with his finger as he thrusted in and out of her.
"Keep doing that," Casey moaned and Derek obeyed. If this was the only time in the entirety of them knowing each other that he listened to her, she would be perfectly fine with it. He continued to play with her clit, rubbing slightly harder than he had been before and she could feel pleasure bubbling up deep within her.
"Case, I'm gonna cum," he panted and as he did, he gave her clit a few final strokes and she felt the intensity of her orgasm overtake her. The times she'd made herself cum, late at night in her room, thinking about this very moment, were nothing compared to what Derek had been able to do to her. He stayed on top and inside of her, and rested his head in the crook of her neck. She kept her arms around him and they just laid there like that, for once neither of them saying anything.
The only noise in the cabin was the sound of both of them trying to catch their breath and over time, even that went away. She suddenly felt tired and all she wanted to do was sleep. Thinking and worrying about what this meant could wait until morning.
"That was fucking fantastic," Derek said quietly, just as she was about to drift off.
"It was, wasn't it?" she asked, giggling. He nodded against her neck and sat up. Without him on top of her, it was cold and she didn't like it.
"It'd probably be more comfortable if we pulled the couch out," he explained.
"Oh. Right," she replied and stood up. She stood there awkwardly as he pulled out the couch. She kept contemplating putting her clothes back on but when Derek flopped down on the pullout couch, still naked, she figured she should do the same. So she crawled into the makeshift bed next to him and he wrapped an arm around her, unexpectedly.
"Didn't know Derek Venturi was a cuddler," she murmured against his shoulder.
"He's not," he replied simply.
There was a moment of silence and in that moment, she tried really hard to quiet the screaming that was going on in her brain. What does this mean? Does he have feelings for me? How are things going to change? Could we hypothetically date at University? No one knows us there so-
"I think you should go to New York," he said matter-of-factly. At first, she thought she must have misheard him.
"What?" she asked, sitting up, pulling the blanket with her and clutching it to her chest. He sighed and sat up too.
"I think you should go to New York," he repeated, slowly this time, like she was an idiot. Which apparently she was.
"Why would you- I mean…What? Why would you say that?" she asked. Her head was spinning and suddenly, what had felt like a dream only moments ago was starting to feel like a nightmare.
"Because it's true? Hello? Aren't you supposed to be the bookworm?" he asked. His tone was light but there was something clipped in the way he was speaking.
"But we just…we just…" she was at a loss for words. When she looked at him, he had his mask on. The one he wore so well and so naturally, that she doubted anyone knew it was a mask. But she'd seen a genuine Derek smile and this…this was not it.
"We fucked. Yeah. It happens, it's not a big deal," nonchalantly. She gaped at him.
"You are an asshole!" she exclaimed.
"You knew that, Space Case," he shot back. She fumed. He was just doing this to get a rise out of her. He had to be.
"Derek, please don't do this," her voice broke despite her.
"Do what? I'm just saying, I think you should go to New York," he replied, as if it was the most logical thing in the world.
"You're acting like we didn't just-" he cut her off.
"Like we didn't just fuck? I am not. I just acknowledged it," he replied.
"Stop saying that," she mumbled.
"Saying what?" he asked.
"We just fucked!" She exclaimed and the knot that had formed in her throat made its way up until tears began to form in her eyes.
"Well…we did," he said slowly and she glared at him, pulling the blanket up further.
"It wasn't just that and you know it," she whispered.
"It wasn't?" he asked but his voice cracked and he gave himself away.
"There's always been something, Derek. With us. It's always been there…" He looked away from her, down at his lap.
"And yes, we drive each other crazy! But I think you're also-" she stopped, not knowing how what she said next would be received.
"I'm also…?" he asked, but still didn't look at her.
"You're sort of my best friend," she said quietly. He let out a humorless laugh and looked back up at her.
"That's sad," he said. Her anger swelled.
"Why are you being like this?" she asked.
"This is me," he replied.
"No it's not!" she snapped, and clambored off of the couch. He tilted his head to the side and raised an eyebrow. She rolled her eyes.
"Okay, I mean sometimes it is. But it's been…different lately. I know you feel it too," she said. He didn't agree with her. He didn't disagree with her. He didn't do anything. He just stared at her.
"Please," she whispered. She didn't know what she was asking him to do. Or what she was asking for.
"I can't do this," he said quietly.
"Do what?" she asked. He gestured between them.
"This, whatever this is. Whatever you're asking me to do. I can't do it," he replied. She sat back down on the couch and got as close to him as she could.
"I know, I know it's crazy and people will talk but…but it's okay, I mean…we could figure it out together and-" she was rambling now. She always rambled when she was nervous.
"Casey," he sighed and she stopped. He looked at her for a long time, his expression unreadable. And then he laid down and stared up at the ceiling.
"I think you should go to New York," he said quietly. She wanted to scream. She wanted to cry. She wanted to kick herself for thinking that this could be anything. It was Derek. They were Casey and Derek. They were about to share a sibling and…oh God. So instead, she started to stand up. He quickly reached out and grabbed her wrist, causing her to look at him confused.
"Lay down, princess," he said quietly. And even though everything in her was so angry with him (she'd never been this angry with him before) she laid down beside him, but this time, they didn't touch. She heard Derek's breathing grow slow and heavy as he drifted off to sleep. Casey didn't sleep a wink.
In the morning they had breakfast with their family. Everyone talked and chatted and laughed, Derek included. Casey was unusually quiet and when someone finally asked her why (she didn't even know if it was Gran or her mom…she couldn't focus on anything), she locked eyes with Derek across the table. He didn't smile or stare, he just looked away and went back to whatever side conversation he was having with Edwin.
"I've decided I'm going to New York," Casey announced, doing her best impression of Derek's mask smile. Everyone cheered and offered their well wishes and rushed to hug her. Derek caught her eyes again across the table and this time he smiled, the same smile he had at the marsh.