The next few weeks went by in a total blur. Between finding a place to live in New York and dealing with all of the logistics of her Queen's deferment, Casey barely had a moment to breathe. Which was good, considering the fact that with every spare moment she DID have, she was either thinking about Derek or mentally yelling at herself for thinking about Derek.
After the incident the night they returned from vacation, the two of them avoided each other like the plague. They hardly spoke, let alone argue or bicker or return to any semblance of normalcy. Normally, George and Nora would have noticed, but they were so preoccupied with getting Derek ready for University and Casey ready to move and the house ready for the baby, that they didn't even notice that their eldest children were acting strangely. Casey thought maybe she could get away with avoiding Derek until she left without anyone noticing, but she had forgotten about Lizzie and Edwin.
Three days before she was set to leave for New York, Casey was up in her room, where she now spent most of her time. She had several suitcases, in various states of disarray spread out on her bed and was trying to decide the best way to organize everything, when there was a knock on her door. Her heart sped up for a moment as as much as she hoped it wasn't Derek, she hoped it was him even more.
"Yeah?" she asked.
"It's me," came Lizzie's voice from the other side of the door. Casey tried to shake her disappointment and opened the door, hoping her smile looked more real than it felt.
"Hey Liz!" she greeted her sister, a little too enthusiastically.
"Hey…can I come in?" Lizzie asked. Casey nodded and opened the door wider for her to walk through. When Lizzie was in, she went to turn back to her suitcases.
"Maybe close the door?" Lizzie asked.
"Oh. Sure, okay," Casey replied, shutting the door behind her. Lizzie just stood there, looking at Casey although she was trying to solve some sort of puzzle.
"Is everything okay?" Casey asked nervously.
"Yeah, everything's fine. Are you excited for New York?" Lizzie asked. Casey frowned in confusion.
"What? Yeah, of course I am…" she replied. Lizzie shrugged.
"I wouldn't know. I feel like I've barely seen you since we got back. You're always up here," Lizzie said. Casey felt bad, she sounded hurt. Then it hit her- she was going to be living in another country for a year! And she'd barely spent any time with her family because of- HIM. She felt her blood boil at Derek and then at herself for letting the entire thing happen in the first place.
"Are you okay?" Lizzie asked. Casey snapped out of her thoughts and was hit with a feeling of guilt again.
"I'm sorry I've been so weird lately," Casey said, walking over to Lizzie and pulling her into a hug. Lizzie hesitated at first but then wrapped her arms around her older sister and signed.
"It's okay. I've just been worried about you. You're not…acting like yourself," Lizzie said, pulling back and sitting down on the edge of Casey's bed. Casey sat down next to her and shoved one of the suitcases out of the way.
"I've just been really overwhelmed. Big change," Casey offered lamely. Lizzie nodded but said nothing and looked around the room. Casey was usually so neat and organized, that even her closet was color coded, but now it looked like a hurricane had blown through the room.
"It's exciting though right? You're happy to be going?" Lizzie asked. Casey pressed her lips into a thin line and tried to smile. She nodded quickly.
"It is…an amazing opportunity," she replied. It wasn't a lie. It was an amazing opportunity. It's just not one that she was entirely sure she felt like doing at this moment in time. But smart as she was, Casey knew that opportunities such as this didn't wait until you felt ready to take them. They would happen whether you were there or not and so when you got the chance to be there…that was the thing to do. Or at least that's what she'd been repeating to herself on a loop for the past three weeks.
"And your deferment is all set?" Lizzie asked.
"Yep! I start Queen's a year from this fall semester. Everything's totally great!" Casey replied, hating how forced she sounded. She kept her fake smile plastered on her face as Lizzie stared her down with a stoney expression.
"What does Derek think about all of this?" Lizzie asked. Casey felt her heart fall into her stomach.
"How should I know?" she snapped, with a little more ice to her voice than she had meant. Lizzie didn't seem phased. She just shrugged.
"He's barely been here since we got back. And when he is, I feel like I never hear him talk. It's weird," Lizzie said.
"He's barely been here?" Casey asked. She hadn't noticed. She'd been so hellbent on avoiding him, it hadn't occurred to her that he might be avoiding her too. She hated the pang of upsetedness it caused her.
"Yeah. He's always out. With Sam and Ralph I guess," Lizzie replied.
"Oh…" was all Casey could come up with to say back. He probably wasn't with Sam and Ralph, he was probably fitting in one last fling before he left for Queen's. Good to know he was so torn up over her and- no. No. She was NOT going to overthink over Derek. No way.
"Casey, can I ask you something?" Lizzie asked. Casey noticed only then that they'd been sitting in silence for an oddly long time. She nodded.
"Did um…did something…happen…with Derek?" she asked. Casey's eyes grew wide and her heart sped up.
"What?" she asked, hoping she was misunderstanding the question.
"Did something happen…between you and Derek?" Lizzie asked again. Casey felt like she was going to throw up. Had they been that obvious? She knew it was weird that they weren't fighting or talking but she thought maybe everyone would just assume they'd matured and learned to leave each other alone.
"W-why would- wha- why would you ask me that?" Casey asked, stumbling over her words. Lizzie sighed and gave her an exasperated look.
"Because you guys won't even look at each other when we're all here. And he's always gone and you're always locked up here and…" she stopped and looked as though she were debating something.
"And what?" Casey asked anxiously.
"And I heard you guys cracking up about something really late the other night. And at the party after the talent show, you were dancing together, like all night-"
"Everyone was dancing together! It was a dance party!" Casey replied defensively.
"Not like you guys were. I don't think I saw you without your arms around each other at all that night," Lizzie replied. The calm and measured way Lizzie was speaking should have been a comfort to Casey, but for some reason it was working her up even more.
"I really don't know what you're talking about. But I have a lot of packing to do and-" she stood up and turned back to the pile of clothes on top of one of her suitcases. She picked up a random pair of pants and started folding.
"Casey, come on! Just tell me!" Lizzie pressed. Casey said nothing and continued to fold. Lizzie sighed.
"I saw the hickey," she said. Casey froze and then spun to face Lizzie.
"What hickey?" she asked. Except she knew exactly what hickey. The morning after they'd…spent the night together, she had been horrified to discover that Derek had left a noticeable hickey on her neck. She had thought she'd done a good job at covering it with a collared shirt but apparently, she hadn't.
"The hickey you had the morning we left the lodge," Lizzie answered in a way that made Casey know that Lizzie knew that she knew exactly what hickey.
"Oh, that? That was from Jesse. So embarrassing!" Casey let out a fake laugh and hoped it was passible.
"Gran's cabin was not that far from ours. I saw Jesse kiss you once, for like a second and then leave," Lizzie shot back. Oh no.
"Oh…" was all Casey could say.
"And then in the morning, the only two people I saw walk out of that cabin were you and Derek," Lizzie said. Casey didn't say anything. What was there to say?
"So you and Derek…" Lizzie started. Casey sighed and threw the dress she was folding, back down onto the bed. She took a deep breath and turned to Lizzie.
"Yes," she said, so quietly that she could barely even hear it.
"Yes?" Lizzie asked, much louder, eyes growing wide. Unbeknownst to Casey, Lizzie had really just thought of the Casey/Derek hook up theory as a wild guess, the confirmation was still just at shocking.
"Shhh!" Casey hushed her and the nodded again.
"Did you have sex with him?" Lizzie whispered. Casey grimaced and nodded.
"Oh, Casey," Lizzie sighed. Casey felt her eyes prick with tears at the utter disappointment in Lizzie's voice.
"I know. I know, it's really bad," her voice cracked as she collapsed back onto the bed. Lizzie sighed again and wrapped her older sister in a hug. Casey rested her head on Lizzie's shoulder and tried to blink back the tears that were threatening to fall. Lizzie didn't ask any questions, she simply let Casey cry and held onto her. Casey appreciated the silence and the gesture more than Lizzie would ever know.
She wasn't sure how long passed before Lizzie finally did speak up.
"What are you guys gonna do?" she asked. Casey sniffled and pulled away, giving her a confused look.
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"Are you going to tell mom and George or-" Lizzie started but Casey cut her off, shaking her head frantically.
"No, no, no. We're never going to tell ANYONE okay? It's nothing. It was a one time thing and it's never going to happen again. You can't tell anyone about this, not even Edwin. Please Lizzie…" she rushed out. Lizzie gave an understanding nod and Casey let out a sigh of relief.
"So you guys don't have feelings for each other?" Lizzie asked. The relief was replaced with hurt as Casey thought about how to answer the question. Did she have feelings for Derek? No. Okay, that was a lie, she totally did. But she couldn't. She didn't WANT to have feelings for him. And clearly, he didn't have feelings for her. Or strong ones anyway.
"No. It was just…a weird heat of the moment thing. But it's over now," she replied, hoping she sounded nonchalant…even though this entire situation was very chalant indeed.
"If you say so," Lizzie mumbled quietly. Casey heard, but was too frazzled to argue or try and further convince Lizzie that there was absolutely nothing between her and Derek. It was too painful of an idea for her to convince herself, let alone someone else, so she settled for going back to folding clothes.
"I do," was all Casey replied in a curt tone. Lizzie knew better than to press (and was frankly still reeling from the fact that the secret theory she'd had about her sister and step-brother for years now was actually correct). She just leaned back on Casey's bed and the two of them stayed in a comfortable silence until all of Casey's suitcases were packed in a neat pile by the door.
"I can't believe you guys are both really leaving. The house is going to feel so quiet," Lizzie said, after much time had passed. Casey nodded.
"I can't really think about it or I get overwhelmed and want to cry," she admitted to Lizzie.
"I'm really going to miss you," Lizzie said quietly. Casey looked at her little sister who was so grown up for her age, and yet looked like a little girl now as she watched Casey pack up her room with big, sad eyes. Casey choked back a sob and pulled Lizzie into a tight hug.
"I'm going to miss you too," she breathed and brushed some hair out of Lizzie's eyes.
"But hey, I am just a phone call away, always. Don't forget that okay?" she asked. Lizzie shook her head.
"I won't. And I'm just a phone call away too," Lizzie replied. Casey smiled and squeezed her hand.
"I know. And um…thank you for not freaking out about the…the thing," she added. Lizzie shrugged.
"I mean I wasn't THAT surprised. It's gonna be kind of weird seeing you guys around each other now-" she caught sight of Casey's worried expression and gave her a reassuring smile.
"But if you say it's nothing then I'm sure it'll be fine. Just…probably don't do it again, right?" she asked. Casey nodded quickly.
"Yeah. No way…never again," she said. The words "never again" echoed in her head and felt like something was gnawing into her chest, but she wasn't about to tell Lizzie that.
Lizzie was about to say something else, when there was another knock at the door.
"Yes?" Casey called out.
The door opened to reveal Derek standing there, looking both taken aback and relieved to find that Lizzie was in the room too.
"Nora sent me up here to get you for dinner," he said, looking at her for what felt like the first time in forever. It gave her butterflies and she absolutely hated that it did.
"Thanks, we'll be right down," Casey replied. He gave them a nod and then left, closing the door behind him.
Casey stood up and looked at Lizzie, who was still sitting on the bed, staring at where Derek had been standing.
"What?" Casey asked.
"Nothing…just…now I'm picturing it," Lizzie replied, making a face. Casey sighed and laughed sadly.
"Just try not to think about it. That's what I'm doing," she said. Lizzie shuddered animatedly and Casey fought the urge to do the exact same thing for an entirely different reason.
….
Dinner that night passed the same way they had been passing since…that night. Casey and Derek were both uncharacteristically quiet and Edwin essentially soaked up the now open spotlight with various stories and ideas on how he could live up to his older brother's reputation in school. Half way through a scheme that Lizzie was pointing out the flaws with, Nora took a sharp breath and clutched her stomach.
"Mom?" Casey asked worriedly, as George put his arm around Nora, concerned.
"I'm fine, I'm fine," Nora replied, waving her hand. But just as she finished speaking, her face contorted in pain and she took another sharp breath.
"What's happening?" Lizzie Edwin asked, sounding panicked.
"It feels like I'm having contractions," Nora replied, surprised. Everyone looked at each other wide eyed for a moment, before the table burst into commotion. Everyone was moving around and yelling and rushing and it only stopped when George let out a loud whistle. The kids all froze and looked at him.
"I'm going to take Nora to the hospital. Casey, Lizzie, pack a bag and meet us there," he said, helping Nora to her feet and keeping a strong arm around her.
"What about me? I want to come too!" Marti exclaimed.
"Marti, honey, sometimes it takes a long time to have a baby. You can come once he's here," Nora said, wincing again as a pain hit her.
"I don't care, I want to come!" Marti replied, standing up and pushing her chair back.
"Okay, okay, we'll all go!" George exclaimed, too frazzled to argue with anyone. Casey glanced at Derek who was exchanging an uncomfortable look with Edwin.
"We'll see you kids there!" Nora called out over her shoulder as she and George made their way out the door. The front door shut and for a moment, the five of them stood there in silence.
"So…we're all going?" Edwin finally asked.
"I guess. Come on, Liz, let's go pack mom's stuff," Casey replied, starting toward the stairs.
"I can help pack too!" Marti cried, following after Casey. Lizzie followed the two of them up the stairs, where they quickly threw together a duffle bag of clothes and essentials for Nora.
When they were done, the three girls descended the stairs to find Derek and Edwin on the couch watching hockey.
"Um…Derek?" Casey asked. He turned over his shoulder and looked at her.
"Turn the game off, let's go," Casey demanded. Derek glanced at Edwin who nodded.
"Ed and I were talking and this seems more like…something we don't really need to see the process of. Just call us when the baby's here," he said, and turned back to the game. Casey fumed and shoved the duffle into Lizzie's arms, then stomped over and stood in front of the TV.
"Der-ek!" she snapped.
"Move please," he mumbled, not looking up at her. She turned her glare on Edwin who looked terrified.
"Edwin, get up, let's go!" she snapped.
"Uh…I'm with Derek on this one. Nora said it could be hours!" Edwin replied. Casey glared back and forth between Edwin and Derek but neither of them would look at her. She threw her hands up in the air and walked back toward the front door.
"Fine! Derek, where are they keys to the Prince?" she asked. Without looking at her, Derek held out the keys. She snatched them from his hand and looked over her shoulder at Lizzie and Marti who looked equally as terrified as Edwin.
"Let's go!" Casey exclaimed. Marti and Lizzie quickly and wordlessly followed her out of the house.
…..
When they got to the hospital, Casey marched up to the front desk and patiently waited for the receptionist to get off the phone.
"How can I help you?" she asked.
"Hi, we're here to see our mom. Nora Venturi?" Casey asked. The receptionist typed something into her computer and got an unsettling look on her face.
"One moment please," she said. Casey frowned. The woman got up and walked away and Casey glanced back at Lizzie and Marti who were looking at her expectantly. She shrugged and tried to fight the pit growing in her stomach.
The woman returned a moment later with George following at her heals. Casey felt herself tense when she saw him. He looked worried. Lizzie and Marti ran up to him and Casey followed.
"Hi girls," George greeted, smiling at them. The smile seemed strained, Casey was all too familiar with how that felt.
"What's going on? Where's mom?" Lizzie asked.
"She's um-" George started but trailed off when his eyes fell on Marti who was looking at him eagerly. He glanced back at Casey and put a hand on her arm.
"Can I talk to you privately for a moment, Casey?" he asked. Casey looked at Lizzie, who looked just as terrified but gave her a small nod. Casey let herself to be led away by George and then planted her feet firmly on the ground and looked at him.
"George, what is going on?" she asked. He looked far more exhausted than he had when she had seen him in their house just an hour ago.
"They're not…sure right now. She's not in labor but she's in a lot of pain and she's bleeding-"
"What?! What does that mean?" Casey asked, cutting him off.
"They're running some tests right now. They should know soon," George replied, quietly.
"Well, she's going to be okay, right?" Casey asked, surprised at the fact that she sounded like she was Marti's age. George looked up at her and tried to smile reassuringly, but his smile fell quickly and he sighed.
"I don't know, Casey. I don't know," he replied. Casey felt like she couldn't breathe and a panic started to settle over her.
"Wha-wh-what can I do?" she asked.
"Right now, I need you to take Lizzie and Marti home. I had enough trouble convincing the doctors to let me stay in the room with your mom, I don't think they'll let more people in right now. And I don't know how long the tests are going to take or what's…what's going to happen," Casey noticed that George's eyes looked misty and she instantly pulled him into a hug. As terrified as she was, she knew it must have been equally as terrifying for him.
"What do I tell Liz and Marti?" she asked quietly. George pulled away and put his hands on her shoulders.
"I don't think Nora would want anyone worrying right now. Just tell them that everything's fine, it's just…still early," Casey nodded and took a deep shaky breath. She didn't want anyone to worry either. And mostly because if no one was worried, maybe that meant there really wouldn't be anything to worry about and everything would be okay. She'd gotten good at putting on a brave face, she could hold it together until they got home.
"Okay," she replied quietly.
"I need to get back to your mom. I'll call you as soon as I have an update," George said. Casey nodded and walked back to her sisters as George went in the opposite direction, carrying the duffle with him.
"Casey, what's going on?" Lizzie asked. Casey took Marti by the hand and started guiding all of them toward the exit.
"Um…they're just running some tests on Mom right now. It might be longer than we originally thought so, George said to just head home and he'll call with an update," Casey said, avoiding eye contact with Lizzie. She hated lying to her.
"But mom's okay though, right?" Lizzie asked.
"Yeah, she's gonna be fine," Casey replied, hoping she sounded convincing. She must have, because Lizzie looked satisfied with her answer. But the ride home was silent and Casey was pretty sure it was because herself, Lizzie, and even Marti, could feel that something was amiss.
When they walked through the front door, they found Edwin in the living room, alone.
"Where's Derek?" Casey asked.
"He went out. Why are you guys back so soon?" Edwin asked. Casey gave him the same vague non-answer she had given Lizzie. Edwin also seemed shaken by the situation, but didn't press for more answers. Instead, he disappeared up to his room, where Lizzie quickly followed. Casey turned to Marti who was looking at her wide eyes.
"Do you think the baby will be here by morning?" she asked. Casey tried to put on a happy looking smile.
"Maybe! Hey, it's late, why don't we get ready for bed?" she asked. She had half expected Marti to protest, but surprisingly, she agreed and an hour later, Casey returned downstairs again and sat down on the couch.
The house was quiet and still and suddenly, the weight of what was happening hit her like a ton of bricks. She curled up into a ball and cried. For her mom, for George, for the baby. She had never felt so terrified in her life. She didn't know how long passed before she heard the door open and the sound of footsteps as Derek walked in.
"Hey, what are you doing back here so-" he started to ask, but stopped when she turned to look at him, eyes red rimmed and tear filled. Derek instantly dropped the backpack he was holding and was by her side in a flash, both of them forgetting the awkwardness that had been plaguing them for weeks.
"What happened?" he asked, sitting beside her and taking on of her hands in his.
"We went to take the stuff to my mom and…and George told me that there's complications," Casey sobbed quietly.
"What kind of complications?" Derek asked.
"He said that she's not in labor. But she's having these pains and she's bleeding apparently which is bad," Casey said, she could feel herself shaking and realized she'd been shaking for a long time. Derek said nothing, but pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly.
"It'll be okay," he finally managed to choke out. Casey pulled back and looked at him helplessly.
"We don't know that!" she cried. He reached out and wiped a tear off her cheek with his thumb.
"I'm Derek Venturi, things always turn out how I want them to," he offered lamely. Casey let out a whimper and let herself be pulled back into another tight embrace. She knew he was trying to be comforting, but the fear of what could go wrong was gripping her just as tightly as Derek was.
He gently leaned back and pulled her with him, so they were both laying down and continued to hold onto her. For someone whose presence usually riled her up, she found it calming now. The feeling of his arms around her and his familiar scent soothed her in a way she hadn't ever expected or experienced before. The fear was still there, but she suddenly felt her eyelids grow heavy and her heart no longer felt like it was going to explode from beating so fast with anxiety. They didn't talk, he just held her and lightly stroked her hair and every so often, she'd feel him kiss her temple softly. Her eyelids continued to get heavier and heavier until finally, she drifted off to sleep.