Note: Hey everyone! So this chapter was actually published last night under a different title with a much darker and less fluffy scene between Casey and Derek...butttttt I hated how it turned out so let's just call this one cannon (to this story at least lol). I hope you enjoy!

Casey sat at a booth in a very loud mall food court, across from Emily. She could feel Emily's eyes on her, but pretended not to, as she half heartedly picked at the soggy salad in front of her with her fork. She figured that maybe if she pretended she didn't know Emily was staring at her, eventually she'd just stop. She didn't.

"Casey?" Emily finally asked. Casey looked up from her food and tried to paint a nonchalant look on her face.

"What's going on?" Emily asked directly. Try as she might, Casey had never been as good at hiding her feelings as she hoped. She'd been hit with an unexpected tsunami of guilt when she'd picked Emily up to go shopping. She'd been so focused on what her family would think if they knew about her and Derek and what they'd been doing, that she had forgotten about what Emily would think.

Emily and Derek had only lasted about a week and a half after graduation. She had known that Emily was more of a thing of convenience to Derek than some great love story, but apparently…Emily had not. She had called Casey sobbing hysterically the night Derek broke up with her and Casey had immediately left the house to go comfort her friend. As she made the short walk to Emily's house, she was vaguely aware at the mixture of emotions swirling around in her ever-busy brain. She felt sad for Emily, angry at Derek, and…relieved for herself. Ugh. She should have known then.

"Don't bother denying it, I know something is up," Emily spoke up again, bringing Casey back to the present.

"You mean other than my mom being in the hospital and the fact that I'm moving to a different country tomorrow?" Casey asked, feeling inexplicably irritated all of a sudden.

"Yes, I do mean besides that," Emily replied. Casey frowned.

"Ouch, Em. I have a lot going on right now, that's all," she said, hoping the sting in her voice covered the lie. Well…it wasn't entirely a lie. She really did have a lot going on. Just a lot more than Emily needed to know.

"Casey, you have a giant hickey by your ear. It's been staring me in the eyes all day," Emily replied, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms. Casey froze.

"Yeah. Um…I told you, I met a guy at the lake," Casey replied, without thinking. She instantly kicked herself…that had been weeks ago.

"That was weeks ago," Emily shot back predictably. Casey sighed and took a sip of her tea to avoid having to answer for a few more moments. Her eyes frantically scanned the crowded mall food court for any ideas on how to deflect Emily's observation about the hickey when she saw a group of guys loitering around toward the mall entrance. One of them had dark hair and pouty lips and heavily resembled Truman. Then it clicked. Casey put down her drink and stared back at Emily.

"Okay, fine…but you can't tell anyone about this, okay?" she asked. Emily's eyes widened and she nodded furiously. Casey sighed, hating that she had to lie but knowing it was necessary.

"Derek took me to a party the other night-" was as far as she got before Emily cut her off the first time.

"And you didn't take me?" Emily asked loudly. Casey shushed her.

"I didn't think you'd want to see Derek!" She replied. Emily considered this and shrugged, then motioned for Casey to continue her story.

"And I um…I got drunk!" Emily squinted, narrowing her eyes in disbelief.

"YOU got drunk? You don't drink…" she replied.

"I don't! But Derek was teasing me about going off to live in New York and never having tried alcohol so I did and…and then I ran into Truman," she conjured as she spoke. Emily's eyes went wide again.

"Truman?" she practically yelled. Casey nodded in mock earnest.

"Yeah. And um…I was so drunk and he's so…ya know…smoothe. And one thing led to another and we sort of hooked up?" Casey finished, making it sound more like a question than a statement. Emily was perfectly still and silent for a beat, and Casey worried she might have seen through the lie but instead she let out a sort of muffled squeal and pulled Casey into an awkward hug across the table.

"Oh my God, Case…I can't believe you lost it to Truman!" Emily exclaimed, causing a table of elderly women to look at them in disdain. Casey felt her face grow red as she and Emily both sat back down in their respective seats.

"Yeah. It's humiliating. I just want to forget it happened," Casey rushed out, dying for a change of subject.

"Have you talked to him since?" Emily asked. Casey shook her head and wrapped her arms around herself.

"No. He um…he won't answer my calls," Casey lied. Emily's face contorted into a look of disdain.

"What an asshole!" she exclaimed. Casey nodded and took another sip of her drink so she wouldn't have to say anything else.

"You know, that's almost exactly what Derek did to me," Emily said, her tone suddenly hushed.

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

Casey choked on her tea and it almost came out of her nose. She felt a ringing in her ears as she sputtered and only once she had recovered, was she able to look at Emily again.

"I'm sorry…what?" she asked. All she could think was please, oh please, let me have heard wrong

"Yeah…I've been um…trying to figure out a way to tell you that. Sorry," Emily offered in a tone that indicated she was not actually that sorry.

"You had sex with DEREK?" Casey shrieked. The elderly women sitting next to them looked even more scandalized than before and started whispering among themselves. Casey wanted to tell them to fuck off. She wanted to flip the table. She kind of wanted to push Emily into the mall fountain. But instead she just sat there and gawked.

"Yeah…but just once! Maybe like a week after graduation? And then he broke up with me like literally two days later after ignoring me that entire time," Emily said quickly, waving her hand. Casey knew Emily could tell she was freaking out. She was thankful Emily didn't seem to know exactly how badly she was freaking out…or why.

"That's um…I'm sorry he did that. He's a jerk," Casey said half-heartedly. She was trying as hard as she could to regain composure and act like she was just pissed her friend had slept with her step-brother…not that her friend had slept with her…with someone who she…ugh. She couldn't even bring herself to finish that sentence. Not even in her thoughts.

"I should have expected it. I mean…Derek's not exactly a romantic or a gentleman, right?" Emily asked, letting out what sounded like a forced laugh. Casey nodded in agreement. A tiny, quiet voice in the back of her head whispered that he had been both of those things with her, at least a little bit, and she promptly told the voice to go to hell.

"So…how was it?" Emily asked after an awkwardly long silence.

"What?" Casey asked, still half in a daze from finding out this news.

"With Truman. How was it?" Emily asked. Casey opened her mouth to respond, but was saved from having to do so when her phone rang. It was Lizzie.

"Hey, Liz, what's up?" Casey asked, her voice sounding a little too cheerful.

"Nothing. Just seeing when you'd be home…" Lizzie responded.

"Oh, um…I can come now! Got all my shopping done so…" Casey replied, over the moon to have an excuse to leave.

"It's okay. If you're having fun with Emily then-" Lizzie started to say.

"I'm not! But I'll see you soon, kay?" Casey asked. She didn't wait for a response from Lizzie before hanging up. She wrinkled her brow and looked at Emily apologetically.

"I'm sorry, Em. I actually have to get going," she said, pulling her purse onto her shoulder and gathering up the massive amount of shopping bags she had collected during their day together.

"Oh no, why?" Emily asked. Casey's heart sank a little at how disappointed Emily sounded, but it was nothing compared to what the knowledge of Derek and Emily was doing to her so she kept up her charade.

"Marti's just having a really hard time with all the changes going on, so Lizzie asked if I could come home," Casey lied, spitting out the first thing that came to mind.

"A Marti issue? Isn't that Derek's area of expertise?" Emily asked, sounding doubtful. Casey continued to gather up her things.

"Normally yes. But he's…out. So…I really need to go," Casey stood and waited for Emily to follow suit since they had driven there together. Emily just blinked back at her for a moment, before slowly gathering her own bags and standing up. Casey wasn't sure Emily believed her, and she knew down the line she may regret the hasty exit from their last time hanging out, but she could not stop picturing Derek on top of Emily and it was making her want to cry and throw up at the same time.

….

It was nearly dark when Casey got back into the house after saying an awkward goodbye to Emily. She tried really hard to shove her personal feelings aside and get caught up in the sentimentality of the moment, but it was pretty impossible to do. She knew she'd see Emily again, probably at Christmas break and Emily had promised she'd try and convince her parents to let her come visit New York even sooner. As much as she hated to admit it to herself, by the time they went to their separate driveways, Casey was relieved.

When she got inside, she was greeted with muffled speaking voices from inside the kitchen. She put her bags down on Derek's recliner and then cautiously made her way further into the house to find Lizzie and Edwin speaking in hushed tones.

"Hey guys," she tried to greet them casually. Both of them froze and nearly gave themselves whiplash looking at her. Casey felt herself grow anxious; she knew exactly what they had been talking about.

"Hi!" Lizzie and Edwin chimed at almost the exact same time, exchanging a glance at their synchronized, all too cheery sounding greetings. Casey wanted to ask what they'd been talking about, just to let them know that she knew they were talking about her and Derek but she was far too tired and angry at Derek to even hear anyone say his name so she pretended like everything was totally normal. Which it so was not.

"Have you guys had dinner yet?" she asked, ignoring the fact that they were staring at her and walking over the fridge to get out a bottle of water.

"Derek took Marti to go pick some up. They should be back soon," Edwin replied. Casey nodded and sat at the counter, sipping her water and trying to calm the gnawing feeling in her chest.

"What happened at the mall?" Lizzie asked slowly, as Edwin looked at his hands and the ceiling and everywhere except at Casey.

"What do you mean?" Casey asked defensively.

"When I called you said you weren't having fun," Lizzie replied.

"Oh. Nothing. Just…nothing," Casey said, taking a large sip of water to avoid having to answer any more questions. Luckily, Lizzie knew her sister well and knew that dropping it would be the best option, so the three of them sat in silence for a moment, before the front door flew open and Marti skipped into the kitchen holding two giant boxes of pizza.

"Pizza time!" she announced cheerfully, putting the boxes down on the island counter. Derek followed behind her, carrying some more takeout bags and set them down, throwing a playful grin at Casey.

"And before you lecture me about pizza two nights in a row, you try looking at that face-" he pointed to Marti who gave Casey a very convincing puppy dog pout. Despite herself, Casey smiled.

"Impossible to say to no to!" Derek finished, picking Marti up and twirling her around. Casey's heart swelled. But as her younger siblings began moving around the kitchen to get the table ready for dinner, Derek winked at her and an icy feeling took hold of her heart. He'd had sex with Emily mere days before the first time she'd slept with him. And in between her and Emily, there was Roxy. He was a cad. He always had been. She didn't know why she was so surprised…maybe because she'd been thinking about letting her guard down. But this…this had to be a sign not to. So instead of smiling at his wink, she looked away and went to set the table.

She could feel his eyes burning a hole through her all throughout dinner, but impressively enough, Casey managed to make it through the whole meal without making eye contact with Derek. She even thought she did a good job of acting like everything was normal and talking and laughing along with everyone else. It wasn't lost on her that anytime someone made a joke or told a story, Derek would look over at her. She could feel it. But she refused to give him the satisfaction of looking back. She knew he was trying. Hell, he even offered to do the dishes after dinner. But she'd waved him off without a glance and taken care of it herself. When she was done, Marti asked if they could all watch a movie together again since Casey and Derek were leaving the next day and everyone agreed. Casey sat on the couch in between Lizzie and Marti, Edwin had made himself a bed of pillows on the floor, and Derek sat in his chair. Marti had picked some cartoon, that no one but she and Edwin were into and pretty soon, Casey felt Lizzie's head on her shoulder as her younger sister dozed off.

She glanced down at the mop of blonde and purple hair on her shoulder and felt a knot form in her throat. A blanket of guilt settled over her as she thought about the fact that she'd been so preoccupied with thoughts of Derek since they'd gotten back from vacation, that she hadn't spent nearly enough time with Lizzie. And now she was leaving tomorrow. The anger toward Derek that had been slowly festering inside her since earlier was starting to boil and she decided then and there that he would absolutely not be coming to New York with her. She just needed to tell him that. Preferably without speaking to him.

When the movie finished, and everyone had gone up to bed for the night, Casey returned downstairs to take her dozens of shopping bags up, but was surprised to find Derek had also come back downstairs and was in the living room waiting for her.

"What's up with you?" he asked, from where he'd appeared to be waiting for her on the couch. She ignored him and started gathering her bags up in her arms.

"What? Are you not talking to me?" he asked, flashing a sarcastic smile at her. She refused to hold eye contact and instead started back up the stairs with her things. She walked into her room and tried to close the door, but was unable to do so, as Derek had followed her and was standing in the doorway.

"Is this about this morning? Because I talked to Edwin and he's not going to say anything," Derek rushed out. Although she was still refusing to look at him she could tell he was nervous. He sounded nervous. A true rarity.

"It's not about this morning," she mumbled, taking various items out of shopping bags and laying them out on her bed to pack.

"Then what is it?" he asked loudly.

"Derek, shhh!" she snapped and glanced up at him without thinking. He stepped into her room and closed the door behind him.

"Leave," was all Casey mumbled before going back to her things. She knew she was being immature. That she should just tell him why she was upset. But she was having a tough time reconciling just how jealous the entire thing had made her and how sad and hurt and scared she was. And how very much she did not want to have to say goodbye to him or Lizzie or anyone. So she stuck to the cold shoulder bit.

"What is going on? What happened today?" he asked, sitting down on her bed. She took a deep breath.

"Move, Derek," she sighed, refusing to look at him.

"Casey, come on!" he lamented, running a hand through his hair in frustration.

"Is Derek Venturi actually asking to have a discussion about something serious?" Casey asked, her voice dripping with a saccharine sarcasm.

"Something serious? What are you talking about?" he asked. Her anger flared. He had to be joking. Even though he may…not have known exactly what she meant, this whole situation was serious. So without even thinking about it, she finally looked up at him. Her blazing blue eyes were a stark contrast to the relief in his own. That relief, however, would be short lived.

"You had sex with Emily!" she snapped. It wasn't a question. It wasn't even an accusation. It was a statement that, from the look on his face, was true as true could be. He looked taken aback at first, and then like he'd been caught red-handed…and then a third thing that she had only seen on him a few times. Guilt maybe?

"She uh…she told you about that, huh?" he asked, voice cracking at the end. Without thinking, Casey picked up the nearest item of clothing and threw it at him. When he caught it and she saw that it had been a bra, she scowled at him and snatched it back. He must have been utterly terrified because he didn't even so much as crack a smile.

"THAT'S all you have to say?" Casey asked, disgusted.

"No, look, Casey…I'm so sorry-" he said, scooting closer to her. She cringed away from him and went back to half heartedly packing.

"I don't want to hear it, Derek," she said, the tears threatening to spill from her eyes evident in her voice.

"Casey, it was…shit…are you crying? Please don't cry!" the sudden panic in his voice took her by surprise and she looked up to find him looking at her wide eyed and…he looked just as panicked as he sounded.

"I just can't stop thinking about it and…she's my best friend, Derek!" Casey cried, the tears that had pooled in her eyes now spilling down her cheeks freely.

"It didn't mean anything. I swear. It was just sex," he said, reaching for one of her hands. His voice was shaky but when she looked into his eyes, a look of unadulterated earnestness was the only thing she could see. She didn't have to press further to know he meant it. But in that moment, it didn't really matter.

"You mean like whatever this is?" she asked, gesturing between them. He looked like she'd slapped him and drew back from her.

"What?" he asked.

"You said it didn't mean anything with her. Just sex? That's what this is, right? So I shouldn't even be upset right now! Because the guy I'm emjust/em having sex with had sex with someone else! Who happens to be my best friend. That happens, I guess. No big deal!" Casey punctuated each of her sentences with involuntary sobs. Neither she nor Derek was buying what she was saying, and she looked down at her lap with a mixture of anger and shame and sadness and guilt and everything that had been preventing her from living in the moment of…whatever this was before.

He was quiet for a moment and she could feel him staring at her like he'd been doing all night. After she was sure he was just going to get up and walk away, she felt him reach out and take a hold of one of her hands again. She continued to stare straight down at her lap.

"Casey," he said with a sigh, not an exasperated one but like he had something important to say. She couldn't bring herself to look at him. The tears were still rolling down her face in fat droplets and soaking the top of her shirt.

"Casey, look at me," he said, this time his voice was much softer, pleading almost. She wanted to look at him. She wanted him to be able to convince her that all of this meant something and that what happened with Emily really was nothing. Casey knew it was probably nothing. But what was upsetting her the most was her reaction to finding out something that had happened in the past. They were going to be apart for a year. She had no idea how she was supposed to handle knowing that he was off at University doing…God knows what with God knows who. And that was only for a year. What would happen after that year when she had to be at the same school and possibly run into him with different girls? The thought made her sick to her stomach.

"Case…please," he whispered in a voice so vulnerable she couldn't help but look up at him this time. As soon as she looked into his warm brown eyes, the ice wall she'd spent all day putting up around her heart melted a little and she desperately wished she could just forget what Emily had told her and forget Edwin walking in on them and frankly, she also wished she could forget the he was her step-brother and that this shouldn't be happening at all right now. But she couldn't do any of that. So she just gazed back at him, hoping maybe he could make it all go away somehow.

"I um…you know I'm not good with…f-f-feelings…" he said. Not exactly what she had in mind by him making it all go away. But it made sense. No one could make this all go away. She just nodded half heartedly.

"But you…make me wish that I were," he said slowly. Her heart did a little flip flop in her chest.

"Because then maybe I'd have a better way to tell you that this isn't just sex. I never said it was. I've wanted this-" he reached out and tentatively tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. If she could have sworn she saw his hand shake.

"For so long. So fucking long, Case. And I didn't think we could ever actually have it," he continued. Casey felt like someone was ringing her heart out like a wet towel. Because she knew what he meant and she knew that they still couldn't have it. Not out in the open anyway.

"We can't," she replied, her voice a watery ghost of a whisper. He shook his head.

"Don't," he said, voice firm but tender. A single sob racked through her body and suddenly his was in her hair and his forehead was gently pressed against hers as he held her close to him.

"Derek, I-" she hadn't known what she was going to say when she started speaking but it didn't matter because he silenced her with the most tender kiss the two of them had shared yet. And for a brief moment in time, nothing else mattered. Somehow she knew that what he was saying was true. Because no one could kiss like that and not mean it…not even Derek.

When he pulled away, he used his thumb to wipe a stray tear from her face and she must have looked shocked because she sure felt it and because the slightest smile tugged at the corner of his lips. But he quickly hid it and looked at her seriously again.

"When I…when the uh…thing happened…with Emily… it was right after the night of graduation," Derek said. Casey felt herself tense up. The night of graduation was that night in the kitchen.

You are the most annoying brother-

STEP-brother

Same difference

Yeah. Right.

It was the first time she had let herself admit there might be more there. That she had feelings beyond what they were supposed to be. And that just maybe he did too.

"You remember the talk we had in the kitchen?" he asked. She nodded.

"I thought…I thought that you saw me as a brother and I freaked out. And that's not an excuse. I shouldn't have slept with Emily. I only went over to her house to break up with her. And I did! But then she…I don't know! She was crying and started talking about how she didn't want to go off to University a virgin or something and I just kept hearing the word 'brother' over and over again and-" as Casey tried to absorb what he was saying and not freak out again, she was keenly aware that this was one of the only times she'd ever heard Derek nervously rant like this. Usually she was the one doing the nervous ranting.

"And, fuck- I don't know, Case. I do know that if I could take it back I would. In a split second, I would take it back," he finished, looking mortified that this conversation was even taking place.

"Em said…Em said that you broke up with her after you guys…" Casey trailed off, not wanting to finish the sentence. Derek sprang back, eyes blazing with anger.

"Seriously? She said that?" he asked. Casey nodded.

"That's not what happened!" he exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. Casey jumped at the sudden volume and he shot her an apologetic look.

"Why would Emily lie about that?" Casey asked. It wasn't that she didn't believe Derek. Really the shock that was painting his face spoke for itself. But it did seem like a weird small detail to lie about.

"I don't know. Have you ever considered she was trying to make me look like a dick?" he asked. Casey sighed.

"Okay…more of a dick than I am?" he asked. Casey stifled and laugh and he smirked at her for a beat before growing serious again.

"I'm telling you…that's not how it happened," he said strongly. She took hold of his hands and nodded.

"I believe you," she murmured. Relief instantly washed over his visage.

"But Derek…it's just…it's weird for me okay? How would you feel if I had slept with Sam?" she asked. She felt his hands tense up along with his entire body. He looked like he was going to punch something.

"Point taken," he said through gritted teeth. She squeezed his hands and couldn't help the half smile she gave him.

"I just need a minute to process. It's a lot. It's all a lot," she said with a sigh, leaning forward and resting her head on his shoulder. He pulled her into a hug and the two of them sat there in a moment of still silence. Stillness and silence…two things they had certainly never shared. It felt…nice. She hated to break it up, but they had a long day ahead of them tomorrow and she was completely exhausted.

"You should go," she whispered softly. He pulled back and gave her a confused look.

"We have to be up early. And I'm really tired. I don't know if I've ever been this tired," she said, stifling a yawn.

"Orrrrrr I could stay?" he asked, grinning at her. She fought back a giggle and sighed.

"Processing," she said. He looked disappointed but nodded and let go of her hands. She was shocked at how quickly she missed his touch but wanted to hold firm in her decision so instead of blurting out that she had changed her mind, she stood up and walked him to her bedroom door. He paused and turned back to face her.

"I don't do feelings," he repeated again, sounding like he was trying to convince both of them. She rolled her eyes and nodded.

"But if I ever did…it'd be for you," he finished quietly. She let out what sounded like a strangled cry, and threw her arms around his neck, kissing him so hard he stumbled back into the door. She did it without thinking and didn't regret it one bit. And that…that scared her. It was him who pulled away, resting his forehead against hers.

"Night, Case," he whispered, and then he was gone. Casey slowly dragged her body back over to her bed and flopped down next to her suitcase. She stared at the door where they'd been standing seconds before and found herself feeling simultaneously more at peace and more unsettled than she ever had in her entire life. She really was processing. For someone who had trouble with overthinking, the events of the past month had really put her mind on overload. Especially today. Especially tonight. Because now she knew…she was totally and hopelessly in love with him.

Note: Ahhhh much better. If you saw the last one, you know what I'm talking about. I hope the characters weren't too OOC!