Chapter 5

When I left the cabin, I knew what I had to do. I headed back to Charming on a mission. I'd spent the last two days wrapped up in my thoughts, feelings and memories. I needed to talk to Chibs before I made my decision.

When I pulled into the parking lot at TM, I parked in my usual spot next to Gemma. I climbed out of the car and made my way inside the office. "Hey baby, your back." Gem said.

I smiled at her. "Yeah. I just needed to get away and think clearly. Couldn't do that when people kept showing up at my house." I said.

"Makes sense." Gemma said.

"How were things here?" I asked her. She leaned back in her chair and sighed. "What happened?" I asked.

"Chibs and Jax got into it." She told me. "Clay wasn't happy when he found out that it was over you. He laid into the both of them reminding them that it was your decision whoever you chose." She said.

"Thanks Gem. You know where I can find Chibs?" I asked her.

She nodded. "Clubhouse."

I walked out of the office and headed over to the clubhouse. When I walked in the clubhouse, Chibs was sitting at the bar. When the door slammed behind me, he looked over at me. "Your back." He said.

I walked over to him and sat beside him. "Yeah, I'm back." I said.

"Why didn't you tell me that you were leaving?" He asked me.

"The only person that knew that I was leaving was Lyla. I didn't anyone where I was going. But we need to talk." I said.

"This about Jax?" He asked me.

I shook my head. "No. This is about me. I've been doing some thinking the last couple of days. I've been thinking about the future." I said.

"And what have you been thinking?" He asked.

"That even though you asked Fiona for a divorce that it's not fair for me to be with you. You already have a kid and someday I want kids." I said.

"So that's it?" He asked.

"I'm sorry." I said.

He turned and looked at me. He reached up and stroked my cheek with his thumb. "He better treat you right." Chibs said.

"If he still wants me." I said.

"He will, don't worry." Chibs told me.

When I finished talking to Chibs I headed to my house so that I could unpack. I was hoping that Chibs was right and that Jax did still want me, but I wasn't going to get my hopes up. After I unpacked I walked into my kitchen and grabbed a beer. I knew that it was only a matter of time before somebody told Jax that I was back in town. I wasn't sure exactly what I was going to say to him but I was hoping that we were going to be on the same page.

Gemma had called and said that there was a party at the clubhouse tonight and she told me that my presence was mandatory. I rolled my eyes at her. I didn't want to spend the night at the clubhouse, even though I did want to talk to Jax.

That evening after I took a shower, I put on a pair of skinny jeans and a SAMCRO tank top. I grabbed my leather jacket out of my closet and threw it on.

When I pulled into the parking lot at the clubhouse, I parked in my usual spot. I climbed out of the car and walked across the lot. I found my brother and Lyla sitting at a picnic table talking to my dad. "Hey." I said joining them.

"Hi sweetheart. How was your trip?" Pops asked me.

I smiled at him. "It was good." I told him.

"You talk to anybody since you've been back?" Ope asked me.

I sighed. "Talked to Gem and Chibs." I told them. Opie nodded. "I know about the confrontation between Jax and Chibs."

"What cha gonna do?" He asked.

"Well, I ended things with Chibs. He understands where I'm coming from. Just waiting to talk to Jax." I said. They all nodded. I knew that I needed to talk to him, but part of me is scared. "I'm gonna get a drink." I said.

I stood up and made my way inside the clubhouse. I headed straight for the bar. Juice was bartending. "Can I get a beer, Juice?" I asked.

"Sure thing Riles." He said. He grabbed me a beer and opened it before he handed it to me.

I felt him before I saw him. I turned around and saw him playing a game of pool with Clay. He had a croweater standing nearby. I was trying not to be jealous. I mean after all we weren't together. "How's that make you feel?" I heard Gemma ask from beside me.

"Jax is free to do what he wants. I don't own him." I said, taking a drink of my beer.

"Have you even told him?" She asked me.

I rolled my eyes. Of course she knew about my chat with Chibs earlier in the day. "First time I've seen him all day." I said.

"You need to tell him." She said. "Before he does something stupid."

I turned to face Gemma. "Gem, if he does something stupid, that's on him. I'm not his keeper." I said chugging the last of my beer and sitting the bottle on the bar.

"Baby, he doesn't know." She said.

"Don't know what?" I heard behind me.

I sighed before I turned around. "Can we talk?" I asked and he nodded.

He led me back to his dorm room. Once we were inside he closed the door behind us. I walked over to his desk and sat on top of it. "What's on your mind?" He asked.

I pulled my smokes out of my back pocket. I lit one. "Heard you had a nice chat with Chibs while I was gone." I said.

He leaned against the door and smirked at me. "That what you wanted to talk about? The confrontation?" He asked. I shook my head. "Why'd you run away?"

"I didn't. I needed time to think. I couldn't do that when people kept showing up at my house." I said, blowing out a puff of smoke.

"And did you? Think?"

I nodded. "Yeah. You talk to Chibs today?" I asked.

"A little. He mentioned that you were back. Didn't say a whole lot else." Jax said.

I nodded. "Jax…did you mean what you said the other day?" I asked him.

He walked over to me. "What do you mean?"

"When you came over the other day. Did you mean it?" I asked him.

He put his hands on my knees. "Riles, of course I meant it. I know that it took me a while to realize that I had feelings for you but Riles, you mean everything to me." Jax said.

I looked into his eyes and I could see that he was telling me the truth. I put my cigarette out before I grabbed his kutte and pulled him into a passionate kiss. He reached for my hips pulling me closer.

It was only when breathing became necessary that I pulled back. "I love you, Jax." I said, looking up at him.

"What about Chibs?" He asked.

"I ended things with him earlier." I said.

"Why didn't you come find me?"

"I was scared that you wouldn't want me anymore." I said.

He reached up and stroked the side of my face with his thumb. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Riles, your all I want." He said before pulling me back in for a kiss.