A/N: The credit for the English lyrics translation to "Iroha song" goes once again to the Vocaloid Lyrics Wiki!

By some sort of miracle, it had happened. He'd found a place of his own in a tight-knitted group of involuntary outcasts, surrounding himself with people who were just like him. They were all struggling in their profession of choice, though still devoted to it, even as they counted pennies and fought to dig their way out of obscurity. They'd go out together all the time, drinking, eating cheap ramen and bitching about how miserably unpopular they were. But it was all done with good humor, without any true resentment in their words. After all, they still had each other to lean on. That's what mattered the most.

Then, there was her. He'd had his eyes on her from the very beginning, strangely drawn to her sullen face and blunt attitude. She hadn't been impressed by his attempts to woo her at first, rolling her eyes at him when he threw flirtatious lines at her. She'd jeered when he told her she was pretty, called him an idiot, a moron, a goon, a hopeless fool. However, he'd taken her gibes with stride, always the gentleman, always on his best behavior, patiently biding his time.

Slowly but surely, she'd warmed up to him, allowing him to inch closer, exposing that softer side within her. She started laughing at his stupid jokes, smiling that wry smile of hers, seating herself next to him whenever she could. She'd twirl her hair around her finger while they spoke, huddled together in their own little cocoon so that none of the others would butt in. He'd feel her knee nudge against his, or her fingertips stroking his hand, and butterflies would instantly swarm his stomach. Their friends might notice how snug they were and tease them apart, but neither of them would mind it one bit.

"I like you."

"Of course you do."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Do you like me too?"

"I do."

"Do what?"

"I like you too, dumbass."

One kiss to seal the deal, their fingers intertwining. They were an item.

For the very first time, he'd experienced that warm, fuzzy feeling that everyone wouldn't shut up about. All he had to do was look at her and he'd feel like the luckiest guy in the world. She'd catch him staring and give an irritated huff, but he already knew of the bashful look on her face as she turned her back to him. He'd lean in then, kiss her shoulder, her neck, her cheek, until she twisted around and met his lips and it all felt so right. He'd tell her how beautiful she was and she'd roll her eyes again, like she didn't quite believe him, but he knew she would if he just kept it up for long enough. He'd do anything to let her know how precious she was to him.

It was mid winter and unusually cold in Tokyo. The snowflakes swirled swiftly by the window glass in an almost hypnotic fashion, signaling the unkind nature of the temperature outside. They'd spent the evening together, just the two of them for once. Their friends had been planning to tag along as well but they had all bailed out for one reason or another. Akaito didn't even like the taste of alcohol that much. But here he was nevertheless, drifting in and out of a pleasant boozy haze after drowning his senses in way too many bitter drinks. The bar bustled with activity and anonymous people moved in a blur around him. She was his only anchor, the one person he could attach himself to.

And now she was waving her hand before his face.

"Hey, are you even listening to me?"

"Mhm", Akaito mumbled, blinking slowly at her. She furrowed her eyebrows and a sheepish grin spread across his face. She always looked so cute when she did that.

"You really can't handle your alcohol", she sighed and swept her long, blonde hair over her shoulder. "I don't think you can get home by yourself in that state. Let's go find you a cab, alright?"

He hummed in agreement, leaning the side of his head against the table. Although the cozy atmosphere tempted him to stay for a bit longer, he had a plan that he intended to follow through. Tonight was the night, he'd decided. Tonight was the night he'd ask to have all of her.

She stood up and went to fetch their jackets, pulling on her own first before giving him a hand with his. The floor swayed under his feet as he stood and he took a moment to steady himself. Thankfully, he was still able to walk on his own. At least he wasn't that far gone.

They paid the tab and ventured out into the night, the vast, cloudless sky opening up above them. A chilling breeze suddenly whisked between the streets and he saw how she rubbed her hands together in an attempt to retain some warmth.

"It's freezing!" she exclaimed unhappily, and without really thinking about it, he reached out and cupped his hands around hers. She looked him, her golden eyes widening as he stepped in close. He pulled her towards him so that their bodies brushed against each other, his heart swelling with that breath-taking, all-consuming affection. He wanted to devour her.

"Do you… want to come home with me?" he murmured. She glanced at him from underneath her bangs, a soft blush rising to her face as she reeled him in with a deep kiss.

They got into the cab together.

—

Summer had long since come to a close and the trees were drenched with hues of rich amber and crimson. The temperature outside was finally getting cooler the quality of the air had shifted. It was crisper, lighter and easier to breathe. The change of seasons was putting Akaito in an abnormally good mood and he hummed a cheerful melody to himself as he got ready for the day, which made him think he'd gone slightly insane. But he knew that wasn't so. He was happy, it was as simple as that.

Rin showed up at his door with a box of Halloween themed donuts. Apparently, they were so cute she hadn't been able to resist buying them, a kind of logic that exceeded his comprehension. He wasn't big on sweet things, but he didn't have the heart to tell her no so he ate one anyway. The donut he chose was sticky with sugar and filled with a thick cream that leaked onto his hand when he bit into it. A little annoyed, he started licking he cream off his fingers and caught her staring at him, face reddened and lips parted. A shrewd grin took shape on his face and things escalated as expected from there on.

She was propped up with her back to the pillows on his bed, her knees pulled up in quite the revealing position while he curled and thrusted his tongue into her. He knew just how she liked it by now, knew just how to bring the cutest sounds out of her and prolong that aching pleasure that left her pleading for more. One of her hands were resting on top of his head and he felt her fingers yanking at his scarlet hair every time he passed over her most delicate area. His scalp was getting a bit sore but he didn't tell her to stop — the pain only added to the charm of tasting her.

He finished her off and she let out one last, delicious moan before she released her grip on him and slumped against the headboard. He took a mouthful of her then and looked up, making sure she was watching as he slowly dragged his tongue over his upper lip.

"I hate you", Rin muttered, blushing deeply at his crude display. Akaito cracked a smile and nipped playfully at the inside of her thigh.

"Oh, you do? Is that why were calling my name so adorably just a moment ago?"

She threw a pillow at his head and he laughed as he withdrew from her. He looked away as she got dressed again. For some reason, she persisted to be shy about showing her body once he'd made her come. He didn't understand why but thought it was endearing.

"Is the coast clear?" he asked, turning his head before she had the chance to answer. Rin was just pulling up her jeans and grumbled with displeasure when she noticed him looking. She threw another pillow at him but he caught it and threw it gently back at her. She wrapped her arms around it, holding it to her chest as she sat back onto the edge of the bed. Akaito could tell from the look on her face that there was something on her mind, so he sat down next to her and waited until she was ready to speak.

"Have you done this before?" she wondered. He inclined his head and gave her a look of mild amusement.

"Done what specifically?"

"Okay", she sighed, issuing a dull glare, "I'm going to rephrase the question. Have you… been with another girl before? Like… have you ever had a girlfriend or something?"

He hesitated, deliberating his answer. He considered not telling her. He considered lying to her. But ultimately, he came to the conclusion that it didn't matter if she knew. Besides, considering how many personal secrets she had divulged to him, it only seemed fair to even out the score.

"There was one girl, a couple of years ago", he said, staring at his hands while he talked. "We were part of the same group of friends. I asked her out and she said yes. We dated for a while and things were good, but… it didn't work out in the end."

"Did you love her?" she asked and Akaito jerked at the question. Even without looking at her, he could feel the intensity of her gaze as it burrowed through him, trying to work him out, picking him apart. He could neither run nor hide from her.

"I don't know", he answered truthfully. "Maybe at some point, but not by the time we broke up. Our relationship ended pretty badly. We couldn't stay friends after that so… I had to leave the friend group as well."

"I'm so sorry to hear that", Rin said softly. He turned to face her, attempting a smile that didn't quite make it. It was difficult to talk about those memories, ripping up old wounds that had yet to heal. But with Rin's soothing presence at his side, Akaito realized it wasn't nearly as painful as he'd thought it would be.

"These things happen, I'm over it already", he said with a feeble shrug. She didn't believe him. He saw it so clearly in the way she pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes, it was impossible not to notice. But the last thing he wanted was for her to pity him, so he draped an arm over her shoulders and pulled her close, as if he was comforting her instead of the other way around. Rin leaned against him and he felt her place her small hand upon his own.

"I really like you, Akaito", she said. "I just thought you should know."

"I really like you too, Rin-chan", he replied, holding her a little tighter. At that moment, he wanted nothing but tell her what he'd done to her, what a terrible person he really was. He doubted she'd like him at all if she knew, but at least he'd get it off his chest and maybe the guilt would stop eating him up inside.

How could he ever think it was okay to use her like that? What had he been trying to accomplish anyway? He couldn't figure out the reasonings of his past self.

Rin gently tapped his knuckles with her fingers, attracting his attention once more. He noticed the anxious shift of her frame and knew by instinct that there was something else she needed to tell him. It looked like bad news.

"Listen, I… I might not be able to come here for a while…" she murmured. "We're having a concert soon so the next few weeks are going to be really busy. I really don't think I'll be able to get away much."

"Oh", Akaito responded, struggling to hide disappointment from showing on his face. "That's okay. I understand."

"I can still call you though."

He shook his head. "You should focus on your work. I'll be fine on my own so don't worry about me, alright?"

She didn't answer so they sat in silence for a moment, the only sound present being their slow, even breathing. He savored for those remaining minutes they were allowed to spend together, before she said that awfully familiar phrase that put an end to everything.

"I need to go home now."

—

Akaito walked her to the rail road crossing like always. He was willing to let her go by herself when the sun was still up, but it was getting dark earlier these days and he had to come with her more often. To be honest, he rather enjoyed it. He didn't get out much otherwise and it felt good to take in that unique evening scent while the city settled down around them. It was a simple pleasure that he'd learned to appreciate thanks to her.

"Who was she, by the way?" Rin asked out of the blue.

"Who?" He tried feigning ignorance. As expected, it didn't work.

"The girl you were with, what was her name?"

"It's… probably best if I don't tell you."

She stepped in front of him and forced him to a stop.

"It's someone I know, isn't it?" she wondered, her eyes bright with poorly concealed curiosity. Akaito gave her a weary look.

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yes!"

"Okay, fine. But you better not tell her I told you."

She nodded and made a cross-my-heart-and-hope-to-die gesture. He turned his face away from her and muttered the reply under his breath.

"Neru."

"Sorry?"

"It was Akita Neru."

Rin gaped at him and the blood rushed instantly to his face. He shouldn't have told her. He knew he shouldn't have told her.

"What?" he snarled and she shook her head.

"N-Nothing, I just… I didn't expect that."

"Well, you wanted to know and now you know. I don't want to talk about it ever again", he said curtly. He stuck his hands into his pockets and marched off. She chased after him, hooking her arm onto his as she caught up.

"Aw, come on! Don't be mad!" she exclaimed. "I didn't laugh, did I? I didn't say anything mean. What are you so angry about?"

"I don't know", Akaito grunted, slowing his pace so that she could keep up. "Maybe I'm angry because you didn't laugh or say anything mean."

"You're so weird."

"Aha. The pot is calling the kettle black."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It's a saying. It means you're guilty of the very thing you're accusing me of."

"You're saying I'm weird?"

"Precisely."

Rin scowled and he grinned smugly at her, doing his best to act as usual.

Just forget about her, she's not important. Rin's nothing like her.

They kept walking arm in arm as they approached the the railroad crossing and Akaito started to feel rather melancholic. He wondered how long it would last, this frail, makeshift bond that they had. He was truly astonished that they had endured for this long, especially considering how they frustrated each other to no end sometimes. But even so, he had to admit that Rin was good for him. He felt a sense of comfort whenever she was with him, at peace with the knowledge that she would never judge him, never deceive to him, never do anything with the intention of hurting him.

If only he could say the same for himself…

The warning lights began to flash just as they arrived at the crossing and they had to stay put while the barriers lowered. They were still standing close together when Rin suddenly let go of his arm and took a step back. Akaito turned to look at her and she smiled gently at him. The red glow from the lights danced over her features. There was a wistful glint in the corner of her eye.

"I'll see you soon", she said, before she reached onto her toes, her fingers curling around his shoulders as she kissed him lightly on the cheek. The train rushed by with a low whooshing sound and the gust of wind made her blonde hair flutter around her face. He felt it too, brushing against his cheek much the same way her soft lips did for a mere instant that spun out into eternity.

But the very next second, it was over. The barriers lifted and he was left frozen to the spot as she left his side and passed over the crossing. His head was void of thoughts as he touched his cheek, feeling a small remainder of her warmth that lingered on his skin. He turned around and went back home, his heart beating furiously in his chest.

—

He lied in his bed with his headphones on, drowning himself in the the sound of her voice. The music filled his head to the brim and the resonance sent shivers down his spine, causing his skin to ripple. He fumbled with the button and then the zipper of his pants, faltering briefly before slipping a hand into his underwear.

If it is what you desire,

I can be obedient like a dog

And let you tie me up

With a cord, rope or chain

He conceived of her, recalling the time she had given him head. She wasn't as good as she was with her hands. She was little too clumsy, a little too unsure. But just the sight of her was enough to get him going. He imagined the caress of her lips and the heat her mouth as she enveloped him fully. He groaned, eyes shut, trying to remember every last detail of her.

Or if you prefer,

I can be endearing like a kitten

And delight you

With my my fingers, feet and lips

The tip of her tongue taunting him. That furtive look in her eye. That one hand around his manhood while the other one pressed on his hip, keeping him still as he writhed. It drove him crazy how easily she turned him on, as if it was the most natural thing in the world to her. He couldn't stand that confidence, that unprecedented boldness she possessed. Someone as innocent-looking as her didn't have any right to be so fucking diabolic.

Whoever indulges in their passion first,

Such things do not matter

Groaning again, he bit down on his fingers until they nearly bled. He could still smell her sweet, citrusy perfume on the sheets as he buried his face the pillow. His mind overflowed with her voice, her scent, the memory of touch, her everything. He turned fitfully, breathing hard, her name on his lips as he edged towards the moment of ecstasy.

Even the blossoming flowers will eventually scatter

Who in our world is unchanging?

I want to know more and more profoundly

He whimpered and trembled, everything burning as he twisted into the mattress. He needed to feel her body against his own. He needed to take her and ruthlessly drive his lust into her until she cried and screamed that she wanted him and no one else. He needed to feel her heartbeat racing while he stole a kiss from her lips.

I cross the deep mountains of karma today

I shall not have superficial dreams nor be deluded

I will be stained in your colors

The climax came so violently he cried out, collapsing onto the bed as the tingling warmth spread through his body. But once he came down from the high, he felt nothing but repulsion and contempt towards his own behavior. What was he doing, pining for her like a loser? She'd given him one, puny peck on the cheek and here he was making a mess of himself. Creepy. Gross. Pathetic. He if anyone should know they didn't have a future together. No matter how much he wished for it, he knew there was no chance in hell she could ever be his.

Ha ni ho he to chi ri nu ru o

—

Rin left the stage with the roar of the audience behind her. Kaito watched her as she bounced in, bursting with energy, smiling from ear to ear as she danced through the backstage area. She grabbed onto Len's hands and stared skipping around with him in tow.

"Stop! You're being obnoxious!" he whined as he was unwillingly dragged across the floor.

"I can't stop! I'm so freaking pumped!" she exclaimed and laughed, releasing her brother's hands only to wrap her arms around his neck. "I love you so much, Len-Len! You're the best! You're my favorite person in the whole world!"

"I got already, geez!" Len groaned as he squirmed out of her suffocating hug, but the softness in his eyes was a dead giveaway. He wasn't really annoyed with her — he rarely was, though he often pretended otherwise — and they both knew it. He pressed his forehead against Rin's as a kind of good luck charm, before going onstage to preform his next song. Kaito took the opportunity to approach her then, extending his hand with a bottle of water.

"Thanks!" Rin chimed as she took it, smiling brilliantly at him. He reciprocated her smile and felt the delight blossom in his chest. He loved seeing her like this, so upbeat and carefree. It reminded him of the first time he'd seen her preform, how impressed he'd been with the abundance of emotion she poured into every word when she sang. A 14 year old girl with the brightness of a firecracker, already more ambitious than he could ever strive to be. She could dazzle anyone with that shine of hers, and he definitely wasn't an exception.

Kaito had wanted to talk to her so many times during these last months, convinced it was his duty to tell her what his brother had been up to. But he'd been crippled by his own cowardice, made to look on with unease while Rin kept disappearing for hours on end, several times a week, never saying where she was heading off to. Even though Akaito had stopped sending those hideous texts a while back, Kaito worried that his brother might be working up to something way worse, something that would truly devastate her. He knew he wouldn't be able to forgive himself if that were to happen. He couldn't sit idly by any longer, he had to do something to keep her away from Akaito.

"Rin-chan, would you mind coming with me for a bit?" he asked, gesturing for her to follow him. She looked surprised but nodded and came with him to a more secluded spot.

They didn't have much time to spare. Kaito was scheduled to go onstage soon and he knew the current setup wasn't ideal. But he figured now was as good a time as any to do this. The excitement and high spirits that filled the concert hall brought him a sense of bravery he otherwise lacked, like the crowd out there was cheering him on, rooting for him to succeed. He cleared his throat nervously Rin looked up at him with those beautiful eyes of hers.

"I know this might seem like it's coming out of nowhere but…" Kaito began, making sure to choose his words carefully, "there's something I've been wanting to ask you."

He paused to brace himself and locked eyes with her. Her skin was slightly dewy with perspiration still and her cheeks had a warm, rosy glow. He stood close enough to hear her soft breathing even over the thunder of music coming from the stage. Gingerly, he reached out and took her hand in his. She winced a little but didn't pull away.

"Rin-chan, would you want to go on a date with me?" he said at last. For and instant, Rin's face went completely blank. Then, her eyes grew impossibly wide and she inhaled sharply. Her body tensed up and the color on her cheeks intensified visibly.

"U-Um… Kaito, I'm really flattered b-but… can I have some times to think about it?" she stuttered, before she hurried to explain. "It's not that I don't want to! But, considering everything… it's kind of a big decision, you know? I don't want things to get too complicated between us."

Dashing hopes took hold of Kaito as he let go of her hand and stepped back, nodding with as much persuasion he could muster.

"Of course. Take all the time you need", he replied as he turned his back to her, about to leave and make his way back to the others. But before he did, he stopped to glance over his shoulder, smiling at her as he admired her lovely, blushing face.

She didn't say no. It's not over yet.

"By the way, you look stunning tonight", he said. Her expression was priceless.