Chapter 19

TW: Discussions of SA in this chapter

Sansa Stark POV

I'm back at school today. I really wasn't looking forward to going back, especially since I gained a little weight during the break. I need to get back to where I was where my collar bones were protruding out more, I miss that.

I'm walking down the hallway after school when I see Ramsay walking towards me. I panic, and immediately duck into the nearest classroom. I don't even notice it's Mr. Baelish's room. I lean against the wall so Ramsay can't see me when he walks by, breathing heavily.

"Are you okay, Sansa?" Mr. Baelish asks me.

"Yeah," I say, still out of breath. "Just had to catch my breath."

"You don't seem okay," he says. "Talk to me about what's going on." I look at him and sit down in a desk.

"Um," I say. "Really, I'm fine." I'm looking down at my hands that are resting on the desk and fidgeting with them. Mr. Baelish sits down next to me, and I'm avoiding looking at him.

"I have a feeling you're not," he says. "You can talk to me, I'm family."

"I was trying to avoid my ex-boyfriend," I say after a pause. "His name is Ramsay."

"I remember teaching Ramsay," Mr. Baelish says. "He never seemed like a very nice guy."

"We dated for a few months my freshman year. He and his girlfriend have been saying things about me that aren't true."

"What kinds of things?" Mr. Baelish asks. I avoid eye contact with him and don't say anything. "It's okay, you don't have to tell me."

"I just don't know what to do," I say. "He pressured me into doing things with him when we were together, and I just want to move on. I don't care if he's dating someone else, I just don't want anything to do with him."

"What did he pressure you to do?"

"Just, some intimate stuff. He wouldn't take no for an answer, and I can still feel what he did. I don't mean that it makes me sad when I think about it, I can still feel what he did in my body like it's still happening." I start to shake and tear up. Mr. Baelish kisses me on the head and puts his arm around my shoulder as I'm wiping my tears away.

"Sansa," he says. "I don't think what you experienced was consensual. Maybe you should tell someone."

I pause. The thought that it wasn't consensual honestly never occured to me because we were dating at the time and I didn't physically fight him off.

"I'm telling you now," I say to him.

"And that's a good start," he replies. "But maybe you should tell someone who can actually do something legally."

"I'll think about it," I say. "Promise me you won't tell anyone, especially my aunt?"

"I promise," he says. "Just think about what I said."

"I will," I respond. "Thank you, Mr. Baelish."

"Of course." I leave his room and head out the door. I just need to sit outside for a minute.

I sit on a bench in a courtyard, and I start to think about what he said. Is it possible that what he said was true, that the things that happened with Ramsay weren't consensual? I didn't say no. I mean, I did, but I eventually agreed.

I'm way too scared of Ramsay to report anything he did, plus I don't think it's something anyone could prove. I don't even know if Mr. Baelish is right because I did eventually say yes every time. I would honestly like to just forget about it, but I don't think I can no matter how hard I try.

Jon Snow Stark POV

Being back at school honestly feels good, I don't love just hanging out with my family. I love my siblings, but it's a lot more tense with my parents. It feels even better to be back at rock climbing, I hope I can somehow keep it up after high school. I'm packing up and waiting for Dany, she's meeting me here and we're going on a date. She rarely meets me at school, I know she doesn't want to look like one of those girls who peaked in high school and now just hangs out there.

"Hey Jon," Ygritte says, walking up to me as I'm gathering my stuff. "I have a questions for you."

"What's up?" I ask.

"I'm having a birthday party in a few weeks, and I wanted to invite you."

"Really?"

"Yeah," she says. "I'm inviting Gilly and Sam, and I thought it would be rude to not invite you."

"I'll see if I can make it," I respond. "Let me know more details, and I'll let you know."

"You can invite Daenerys if you want," she says. "Just let me know."

"Sure thing."

I walk outside and Daenerys is sitting out there on a bench. Ygritte waves goodbye and walks away from me. I walk up to her and give her a hug and kiss. "Hey," she says to me. "How was rock climbing?"

"Pretty good," I say as she gets up and we start walking to her car. "I really missed it."

"I'd love to rock climb with you sometime," she says as we get into the car. "It would be fun."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I know it doesn't seem like it. I think I would enjoy it." That surprises me. Dany's never really been into sporty stuff besides cheer.

We get to a cafe and sit down. "I saw you talking to Ygritte," Dany says to me. "How is she?"

"She's okay," I respond. "It really wasn't anything. She was inviting me to her birthday party in a few weeks."

"Are you going to go?" She's looking at the menu, and not at me.

"I don't have to," I say. "Don't worry. I didn't know she was going to ask me that."

"I'd rather you didn't, but I understand if you want to go because your friends are there."

"She invited you too," I say. "She said I could bring you." She looks at me, I can tell that surprised her.

"Maybe we should go," she says. "It might be fun." I'm not sure if she genuinely wants to go, or if she just wants to show Ygritte that she's a better girlfriend than she was.

"You really don't need to worry about her. She just felt bad that she invited some of my friends, she felt like she should invite me."

"I just really don't want to lose you," she says. "I'm worried about what will happen when this school year ends."

"Nothing will change between us," I respond. "There will be other girls at school, but there will be other guys at your school and I'm not worried."

"You don't have to worry about me."

"And you don't have to worry about me." There's a pause. I'm glad she isn't fighting me about Ygritte anymore. It seems like she's trusting me more.

Arya Stark POV

I'm sitting on the back porch reading after school, I've enjoyed being alone a lot more lately. The world just seems so hectic. I'm taking a lot of breaks from reading to just look outside. I know it's cold, but sometimes I just like to take in my surroundings.

As I'm sitting outside, Daenerys walks out onto the back porch. I knew she was here hanging out with Jon, but I didn't expect her to come out here. "Oh, hey," she says to me. I don't think she expected to see me either. "What's up?"

"Just chilling and reading," I respond.

"Aren't you cold?"

"A little, but I don't mind it. I kinda like this weather."

There's a pause. "Can I sit here?" She asks, touching the chair across from me. I just nod, and she sits down.

"So how's fencing?" She asks me.

"Pretty good," I say. "I still haven't placed in a competition yet, though."

"I'm sure you'll get there," she says. "You just need more practice."

"I've been practicing for years, I thought that was the whole point of why they make you wait so long."

"I know it's frustrating," she says to me. "But if you keep working hard, I know you can get there."

I don't like all the motivational crap adults try to push on people my age. What if I'm not actually good at fencing? I know I've only been to a couple competitions, but I feel like no one would tell me if I actually wasn't good. My coach is a lot of fun, but sometimes I feel like he's over the top and avoids telling us the truth. I want to hear it, even if it's harsh.

"So what did you get for Christmas?" Daenerys asks me. "I wasn't there for the gift unwrapping."

"I got a movie I've been asking for," I respond. I'm hesitant to tell her what else I got. "And my mom got me a makeup kit."

"Really?" Daenerys asks. She sounds surprised. "Are you getting into makeup? Maybe I can teach you sometime, I used to do makeup on your sister all the time."

"No," I say, maybe a little too harshly. I realize maybe I shouldn't have been so snappy. "No, that's okay. But thank you."

There's a pause. "Is everything okay, Arya?" She asks me.

"Yeah," I say. "I just don't know why my mom got me a makeup kit. I've never been into that, and it's like she wants to change who I am."

"I'm sorry," Daenerys says. "That must be rough."

"She said it was from her and Sansa. I know Sansa had no part in that gift, she would've immediately told my mom not to get it."

"Don't feel like you have to use it just because it was a gift, you don't owe anyone anything."

"I know my mom wishes I was girlier like Sansa," I say. "But I'm just not. I can't help it."

"That's true," Daenerys says. "My best advice to you is just be yourself, and don't let anyone try to stop you from doing that. I spent way too long trying to be what I thought everyone wanted me to be. Honestly, I'm still like that. Don't be like me."

She gets up and goes inside. I never thought Daenerys Targaryen would be telling me not to be like her. I know I didn't ask for her advice and normally I would be irritated that she gave it, but I'm honestly glad she said what she did to me. I did feel an obligation to use the makeup kit my mom got me, but maybe Daenerys is right. I shouldn't have to use something I don't like just because someone gave it to me.

Gendry Baratheon POV

I'm going out to eat with Margaery tonight. I was originally just supposed to take her home from cheer practice, but I thought it would be nice to take her on a date to celebrate the start of the new semester. We stop at a local diner that I know she likes and sit down.

"So did you have tech today?" She asks me.

"Yep," I respond. "I have it today and Wednesday."

"How did it go?"

"It went fine," I say. "Just already starting to prepare for spring events."

There's a long pause, it seems like something might be on her mind.

"I'm not sure how I feel about you doing tech anymore," Margaery finally blurts out. "Maybe you should stop."

I'm confused, she's always been supportive of me, despite the things I do not being typical of someone who's popular.

"Why?" I ask. "Is it because it's not something someone popular would do?" Margaery's status is very important to her, so that's what I assume.

"No, it's not that," she says. "I just feel uncomfortable with you spending time after school with Lady Mel."

"Really?"

"Yeah," she says. "It's weird to me that you guys hooked up, and I kinda want to tell the principal."

"Don't do that, Marg. I'll get in trouble too, and everyone will know. I definitely don't want that."

She pauses. I understand why it makes her uncomfortable, but telling the principal will honestly do more harm than good.

"You're obviously attracted to her," she finally says. "And it's weird to me. It would be like if you were hanging out with your ex all the time."

"It's not the same," I say. "She's not my ex, we hooked up once. I honestly didn't even have time to process what was going on before it was happening."

"Would you like it if I was alone all the time with someone I hooked up with?"

"I understand," I respond. "I just really enjoy doing tech, and I don't want to stop."

"How do I know that?" She asks me. "How do I know you aren't going to hook up with her again?"

"You just have to trust me," I say. "Trust me, I don't want to hook up with her again."

There's an even longer pause. "I don't know if I believe you," she says, getting up.

"Where are you going?"

"I'll get a ride from Missandei," she says. "I'll call you later." She walks out.

I really don't know what I could've said or done differently. I don't want to hook up with Lady Mel again, I didn't even really like it when we did. I understand why it makes her uncomfortable, but I don't want to stop doing what I love over a meaningless hookup.