Crestfallen Sanctuary
By Twisted Eternal Wolvetta
Within the darkness Shizuru could hear it: A morose, barely conscious murmur followed by shifting sheets. Delirious from slumber, she edged closer to this auditory disturbance. "Mh…" She hummed with enfeeblement. "Natsuki?" The name was breathed, hardly a whisper upon her lips.
For almost an entire fortnight, the younger Column had been experiencing relentless nightmares.
Try as she might, Shizuru couldn't ward them away from Natsuki. As such, it was starting to affect their relationship. Emerging worse, the night terrors had been increasing in complexity. Initially it had been simple: A lost loved one speaking with Natsuki through to reliving traumatic events in vivid detail.
"It's… too much." Her Headmaster sighed upon awakening, instinctively pressing back into the heat behind her.
The Harmonium War had concluded a year ago, yet Natsuki still felt the aftereffects. They had very nearly lost everything, especially each other. The moment she had cast her eyes upon Shizuru's petrified body, she—
"—Natsuki." Miraculously her lover interrupted her, tired arms encircling her body to crisscross her head.
Her skull was now cushioned against the sheer warmth and softness of Shizuru's breasts. Another exhale released from Natsuki, though this time with a semblance of relief. Gradually the respite sparked, and she said: "I had that nightmare again—the one where you have to mercy-kill me."
Shizuru's jaw locked upon this revelation.
"I wish it'd go away." Natsuki mumbled, dragging Shizuru's forearms so they covered her eyes. Would it? Founder, she desperately hoped it would, and now.
It's awful. Natsuki would understand this if she was still a greenhorn Column, but that was long ago. Her professional mask was beginning to slip—especially around the students. Meister Otome hadn't killed each other for over four decades. Forty years of peace, just to crumble when she's the Headmaster! Isn't that her luck? Somehow they had managed to nip it within the bud before it advanced, yet… There were so many scenarios that could have sparked another Dragon King War. Founder, even the Twelve Nation War! Truthfully, Natsuki felt like a total failure.
"And it shall." Shizuru soothed, rolling them so she was on her back. Natsuki's own was still pressing against her front; hands falling to her elbows. "You are strong, Natsuki. Any other person would have long since broken underneath the strain."
"Even you?" The Headmaster's gruff voice stressed.
"Even me."
They remained like this for a long while, basking within the silent darkness.
What would Natsuki do without this woman? Exhaling a breath, she closed her eyes behind toned forearms. "I love you." She imparted into the night. "Don't ever let that happen to you again."
That insinuated a few things, Shizuru recognised. Sailing an arm southwards, she smiled sadly, drumming her fingers along Natsuki's stomach. "My dear, I know you feel demotivated right now, but you must explain your accusations." She halted the rhythmic tapping, lowering her other arm. With this, she lay her hands flat against Natsuki's midriff and chest. "I love you more than anything else." She confessed in return.
A mumble was her only answer, the Headmaster struggling with her next string of words.
Oh, she's just precious, isn't she? Shizuru stared up at the ceiling, smiling heartfully.
"I—" Natsuki scowled in frustration. "...I-I'm afraid to say it."
"Why?"
Natsuki's anxiety genuinely made her feel—even if it wasn't the case—that she was treading on eggshells. Nobody else understood her like Shizuru did. Their comprehensibility astounded her sometimes. Yet… here she was, fearful that Shizuru would reject her in any way.
"I'm scared, Shizuru. It terrifies me that if I tell you, you'll somehow be angry with me. I shouldn't be—you just told me you love me. But my head—"
"—Mental health is a fickle thing, no?"
They fell silent again.
Why couldn't her brain just behave for once? Natsuki rolled over within her Archmeister's arms. Leaving enough room for Shizuru to remove her hands from beneath her, she said: "Sometimes it frightens me that you'll just… leave me for someone else." She sighed, her eyes adjusting to the darkness. Eyes falling, Natsuki stared down into curious yet concerned eyes. Their gaze did not falter.
"Natsuki…" Shizuru breathed, though chose her words wisely. "I love to tease—but you are something else entirely. You are my everything." Raising her hands, the Archmeister cupped Natsuki's cheeks. "My want—no—my need for you is greater than my own mental fortitude. I am your Archmeister. I can and will move mountains for you. Natsuki, you merely need to command me, and I shall do it."
"I don't deserve you." Natsuki humourlessly chuckled, lowering her head so her forehead laxed against Shizuru's throat.
"...Natsuki, of course you do." Shizuru crossed her arms around Natsuki's back. "Would I have remained by your side if I thought that?" A mumble against her throat was her answer.
It was curious, really. Natsuki was the strongest person Shizuru knew, yet clearly Natsuki did not realise this. The sheer absence of confidence within the Headmaster worried her to no end. Natsuki could put up a front—Founder, that façade though!—with people, but when alone…? It was like the battlements of a castle plummeting upon the continuous bombardment of a trebuchet: The endless barrage faltered but some projectiles still got through. That is the definition of Natsuki's wellbeing.
"That voice says otherwise." Natsuki muttered, her lips tickling the Archmeister's skin.
The trivial internal ramblings within Natsuki's head were like poison. If allowed, her angst would transform greater, materialising into a fervent monster. Oh, how tiring and so pointless it all was…
"But…" Natsuki started, tongue-tied upon her utterance. "I—ugh."
"Take your time. We have the entire night."
Natsuki did not deserve this woman! She sighed, scooping the woman up into her arms, suspending her Archmeister faintly.
"A-ah, Natsuki?"
"I love you so much!" The declaration filled the room, causing her Archmeister's heart to flutter.
Truly, this woman. She is her everything.
A/N: A short character study in preparation for future Cyne Wælcyrge chapters.