The late evening air was cool, a gentle breeze rustling the long grass as Song Lan made his way along the narrow path away from the bustling town. He didn't know this area well and had arrived quite late in the afternoon, just as the market vendors had been packing up their stalls and looking longingly at the warm, welcoming lights of the teahouse. Song Lan wondered if perhaps he should have stayed overnight in the inn and waited for the morning before venturing out into this remote wilderness beyond the town, but when he had managed to speak to one of the market vendors and found out that a blind Daoist in white robes was often seen there and apparently lived not too far out of the town, hope had fired up in his chest and he hadn't been able to wait even one more night if his long search for Xiao Xingchen could finally be over.
The vendor had pointed him up the road leading out of the town in a north-eastern direction and he had followed the road for a while, but clearly people rarely came out this way as the path had eventually become overgrown. Song Lan must have lost his way at some point as a few hours had passed by without him coming upon any homes, not even a single, lonely farmstead. He had continued anyway, feeling increasingly frustrated and anxious, until he eventually came out onto a path which forked ahead, and which looked quite familiar thanks to the hollowed out, bare trunk of a tree at the centre of the fork. He was sure he had passed that earlier, and nothing lay ahead on that lefthand path; so now, he turned to the right, hoping that this would prove fruitful, or else he was likely facing another night alone under the stars.
He trudged on, the loose stones along the path crunching lightly underfoot. The only other sound was the repetitive trill of the cicadas in the trees, chirping in time with the thud of his heart.
The thought that had kept popping up in his head ever since he left the market and ventured out into the wilderness whispered again in his mind. What if Xiao Xingchen was at the end of this road? What if this was the night when his many years of searching, feeling restless, anxious and guilty, were finally over?
What if Xiao Xingchen wanted nothing to do with him?
He could hardly blame him; Xiao Xingchen had sacrificed his own eyes to restore Song Lan's sight to him and still Song Lan had pushed him away, as though all of the years they had spent together, everything they had been through, was worth nothing; as though it truly was Xiao Xingchen's fault that Xue Yang was a murderous maniac.
He suddenly caught sight of a flicker of yellow light ahead in the gloom. The moonlight was shining down across the tall, dark outer walls of a small town, and the flickering light had to be coming from the other side. His steps quickened and he looked around hopefully as he passed through the gate. The road continued straight on, lined on both sides by ramshackle wooden houses. However, immediately on the left was an open door with a sign above reading 'charitable mortuary' and the light seemed to be coming from that direction. Song Lan's feet came to a slow stop and then he drew his courage together and silently approached the doorway. He desperately hoped Xiao Xingchen was on the other side; still, he peered around it cautiously, not yet ready to be discovered, not yet ready to face his old friend.
The door opened onto a large courtyard, mostly empty with a few old coffins scattered around, their lids askew or propped on the side. On the far side of the courtyard, near the main house, two figures sat around a campfire; the one on the left was petite and shapeless, seemingly wrapped in a large blanket, the other… Song Lan's breath caught in his throat. The other was Xiao Xingchen – Xiao Xingchen, sitting tall on the end of an upside-down coffin in his pristine white robes, blind eyes hidden behind an equally white bandage, his hands working confidently over a half-finished woven basket. Xiao Xingchen, whose mouth curled up in a small smile in response to whatever his small companion had just said.
He had found him, at last.
Song Lan couldn't move, he simply stood and stared, barely blinking, his eyes drinking in the sight of Xiao Xingchen, sitting only feet away and seemingly healthy and happy. Song Lan felt a sudden panic that perhaps this wasn't real, perhaps he was dreaming; he had had such dreams before, bittersweet imaginings where he bumped into Xiao Xingchen in all kinds of places – amongst the crowds in a bustling market, praying dutifully at a temple, gazing across a wide valley from the top of a mountain, his robes whipping around his legs in the wind… In those dreams, Xiao Xingchen always smiled happily and was glad to see him. It hurt every time he awoke and found himself alone and still no closer to tracking him down.
This couldn't be one of those dreams now though, unless it had morphed into a nightmare – as the door to the house behind Xiao Xingchen had creaked open and someone else had emerged, someone whom Song Lan recognised instantly and whose presence set his every nerve on edge: Xue Yang, the man whom he and Xiao Xingchen had apprehended for murder and who then escaped, massacred everyone at Song Lan's temple and blinded him in the process, all while laughing in glee.
Song Lan clenched his fists, digging his fingernails so deeply into his palms that they drew blood. What the hell was Xue Yang doing in this place, beside Xiao Xingchen?! Song Lan jerked, his hand reflexively reaching for his sword, but then he paused – Xue Yang was so close to Xiao Xingchen and his companion, if he saw Song Lan running towards him waving Fuxue around, he might hurt one of them before Song Lan could reach him and stop him… But what if that was Xue Yang's plan anyway and he was here to get revenge on Xiao Xingchen by stabbing him in the back? Though Xiao Xingchen must surely know he was there, Xue Yang had been in the house and had made no effort to leave it silently. What on earth was going on?
Song Lan felt conflicted and bemused, and irritated by his own indecision. Should he step forward now and confront Xue Yang or not?
As he dithered, wide-eyed and fearful, Xue Yang glanced around the campfire, then sidled over to Xiao Xingchen, sitting beside him on the left end of the upside-down coffin. He pulled his right leg up to his chest and hugged it against his body, resting his chin on his knee, and tilted his head towards Xiao Xingchen. Xiao Xingchen must have sensed him, because he turned slightly towards Xue Yang, head angled down and hands still busily working on the basket, and gave him a gentle, welcoming smile.
Xue Yang then did something Song Lan found jarringly strange; he smiled back – but not one of his usual derisive sneers, full of superiority and contempt. This smile he seemed hardly able to hold back, and it lit up his face, making him look…happy. Song Lan narrowed his eyes, bewildered.
Xue Yang watched Xiao Xingchen's nimble fingers for a moment and then said, "You make such quick work of these baskets, Daozhang, and not a single mistake. Look at that, put together so perfectly! Are you sure you can't see?" he teased. His smile grew wider when Xiao Xingchen laughed.
The third figure sitting around the campfire suddenly spoke. "He wouldn't always have to repair them if you took more care of them!" From the voice, Song Lan surmised that this was a young girl, maybe in her early teens at most, and she had a short, snippy way of speaking to Xue Yang that pleased Song Lan. "I don't know what you do with them, do you swing them around and bash them into things all the time that Daozhang has to fix them?!"
Xue Yang glared at her, annoyed. "Maybe they get bent out of shape because of the weight of the food I always bring back, to feed your sorry ass! You ever think of that, ungrateful brat?! I didn't hear you complaining about having food on your plate after I went and fetched it from the market today," he snapped back.
"Oh yeah, why would I complain about more undercooked radishes for dinner," the young girl rolled her eyes. "Besides, Daozhang does half the grocery runs and the basket is always fine when he's been," she retorted, unintimidated by Xue Yang's aggressive tone, and, in fact, matching it perfectly.
"That's because he always ends up with half-rotten shit that's lost half its weight in its old age!"
"Daozhang does just fine, don't you go disrespecting him just 'cos he's blind!" the girl snapped back defensively, anger colouring her tone.
"Yeah? Well, if he can do it well enough, blind or not, why do you never help out, eh, Little Blindie? It wouldn't hurt you to hop along down to the market one of these days and see how well you can do! After all, it's not like you do anything else around here, just mess about and get under everyone's feet, and whinge and whine. When have I ever seen you cook or do the washing or fix the roof, huh? What's the point of you being here?"
"I was here first! And why the hell are you still here? Daozhang said after you got better, you'd definitely leave, but it's been, what, three, four years and you're still plaguing us! Did either of us actually say you could stay?"
Even from a distance, Song Lan could see that Xue Yang's face looked furious.
"Enough!" Xiao Xingchen barked out, his fingers gripping the basket handle tightly, his lips pressed thin. "That's enough – from both of you." He paused, took a deep breath, then continued in a quieter tone. "You are both valued and welcome here, as you well know. Now, I think this basket is finished; Chengmei, my friend, could you please check it and let me know if there are any loose bits to finish off?"
He passed the basket to Xue Yang, who still looked a bit disgruntled but took it willingly, gave it a quick once over and said in a sweeter voice, "It's as I told you, Daozhang, it's perfect." He hadn't battled an eye at being called 'Chengmei'; surely this meant that Xiao Xingchen had no idea who was actually sitting there beside him…
Xiao Xingchen nodded, pleased, and took the basket back, placing it on the floor by his feet. "That's good, thank you."
The three of them sat in silence for a long moment, keeping warm by the fire. Song Lan was still standing out of sight in the doorway, observing closely. He started when Xue Yang sighed, then swivelled on the coffin, lifting his legs up to stretch out along its length and laying his head in Xiao Xingchen's lap. Xiao Xingchen jerked in surprise, then settled again, smiling gently. His hand reached out and found the top of Xue Yang's head and he began to run his fingers through his hair. Xue Yang sighed again and turned his head slightly to look up at Xiao Xingchen. His hand rose and he caught a lock of Xiao Xingchen's hair which was hanging low over his shoulder, twisting it gently around his fingers, letting it slip through and then catching it again. Song Lan suddenly felt sick.
"Daozhang!" the girl burst out. "I'm bored! Tell me a story."
"You've heard all my stories," Xiao Xingchen replied.
"Make one up then!"
Xue Yang snorted. "Him, make one up? Haven't you ever heard Daozhang trying to lie? He can barely string together a believable sentence, let alone fabricate an entire story!"
The girl gave a loud cackle. "But you're such a good liar, then?!" she taunted. Xiao Xingchen frowned. Xue Yang barely reacted, simply continued to play with Xiao Xingchen's long hair.
"I'll take that as a compliment on my stories! But since we've heard all of Daozhang's stories and you clearly don't want to hear anything from me today, why don't you give us a story for once, huh?" he suggested.
"I don't know any."
"Sure, you do. You've listened to so many of ours over the years, I'm sure you could put something together. Come on, A-Qing, it's your turn to entertain us for a change."
"Hmm… I suppose," A-Qing said slowly, pondering. "Aha, ok then! Once upon a time there was a long river, and the river ran out into the sea. In the sea there was an island and on the island there was a cave, and this horrible, huge, ugly, man-eating demon lived there!" she began, and soon was chattering excitedly through a variety of unbelievable plot twists.
Xiao Xingchen chuckled and gasped and tittered at all the right moments, encouraging A-Qing to prattle on. Xue Yang turned his head to look back up at him for a long moment, then sat up properly. Xiao Xingchen's face contorted slightly in surprise and disappointment at the loss of Xue Yang's head in his lap. It didn't last long though, as Xue Yang twisted around to straddle the coffin and face Xiao Xingchen, leaned towards him and cupped his chin, turning his face towards him. With no hesitation, he closed the gap and brushed his lips against Xiao Xingchen's in a gentle kiss. It was over a moment later, but he stayed hovering close to Xiao Xingchen, his thumb caressing his chin, and Xiao Xingchen reached out to pull him back. This time when the kiss broke there was an audible smack before they leaned back in towards each other.
A-Qing had been nearing the climax of her story, but she cut off abruptly. "What was that?" she asked sharply. "I'm trying to tell a story here! You could at least have the decency to listen! But if you two are going to start getting all kissy and touchy again, I don't want to hear it!"
Xiao Xingchen hurriedly pulled back, looking flustered. Xue Yang scowled across at A-Qing, annoyed at the interruption.
"It's getting late, maybe you should hurry off to bed," he suggested mockingly.
A-Qing frowned. "I'm not tired yet," she whinged.
Xiao Xingchen stood. "It is getting late, isn't it. I think it's time we all went to bed. A-Qing, off you go now. You can tell us the rest of the story tomorrow." He turned to Xue Yang. "My friend, please can you help me put out the fire?"
The little girl huffed and stalked off into the house while Xiao Xingchen and Xue Yang extinguished the fire, leaving the courtyard lit only by the bright moon and stars. Everything was now bathed in a hazy blue light and Song Lan could no longer easily make out their expressions, but he watched with trepidation as Xiao Xingchen caught hold of Xue Yang's right hand and led him into the house behind them.
Once they were inside, Song Lan moved silently across the courtyard and around the side of the house, listening intently until he caught the sound of low voices through an open window. He slid down to sit on the ground under the window, back against the wall, Fuxue in his hands ready to use in an instant in Xiao Xingchen's defence if needed.
"…Have to be quiet…A-Qing's only in the other room," he heard Xiao Xingchen whisper. Nausea flooded Song Lan's stomach at the sounds of renewed kissing and the rustling of fabric. He heard a small thud as of heavy robes hitting the floor, and then there was a creak as the two men climbed onto the bed.
"What would you like tonight?" Xiao Xingchen asked between kisses.
"Whatever you want… However you want to do it," Xue Yang replied, sounding breathless.
Xiao Xingchen paused. "Then, can I… I'd like to be inside you tonight."
Xue Yang's breath came out in a rush. "God, yes… I want you to fuck me, Xiao Xingchen!" he burst, and then there was no more talking as the two of them fell back against the bed and lost themselves in touching and kissing.
It seemed to go on for ages. Xiao Xingchen was taking his sweet time, wringing gasps and moans out of Xue Yang's hoarse throat. Song Lan gripped Fuxue's hilt in a tightly clenched fist, grinding his teeth together, his whole body taut with tension. When the bed began to creak in a slow but regular, tell-tale beat, he was tempted to throw the sword away so he could use his hands to block his ears from the horrible sound. He had heard Xue Yang take pleasure in cruelty numerous times before, his manic laughter and joyful taunts as he boasted about his terrible crimes, but the sounds he was making now were completely different – hungry, eager moans and helpless, breathless cries.
"Daozhang!" Xue Yang breathed, sounding almost reverent. "My Daozhang."
"Yours," Xiao Xingchen agreed.
"Mine!" Xue Yang repeated, voice growing hungry.
"Yes, Chengmei, my love. I'm yours, and you're mine."
Xue Yang keened at this and began to babble, "Yes, yes, I'm yours, Daozhang, only yours, and you're mine, oh god, Xiao Xingchen, my Xiao Xingchen-!"
Xue Yang cried out, long and loud as the creaking of the bed reached a crescendo before stopping at last. Song Lan sat immobile, trembling and sick.
After a while, Xiao Xingchen's soft voice broke the silence. "What A-Qing said earlier… you know she didn't mean it, don't you? She was cross and lashed out, but she does like having you here, we both want you here. Neither of us had been expecting you to leave."
"Don't worry, Daozhang, I'd figured that – I'm sure if it was a problem, you'd have found a polite way to ask me to go. And I sure as hell wouldn't be here in your bed now if you wanted rid of me!" Xue Yang replied in a rough voice, chuckling.
Xiao Xingchen gave a small laugh. "That's true." He paused, then said in a quiet voice, "The truth is, I… I want you to stay here with me, with us. Not that you can't leave if you wish to!" he amended, "But… I hope you will want to stay."
Xue Yang didn't reply for a long moment. When he did, his voice sounded odd, thick. "I thought… at the beginning, I thought I'd be bored here. Yi City's a bit of a dead-end dump. But…this place…being with you…it's all kind of grown on me." He paused. "I've never really had a home before. This feels…like I imagine home could be."
The two fell silent after that, presumably falling asleep in each other's arms.
Song Lan sat frozen, stupefied, long into the night. What was Xue Yang's game here?
The next morning Song Lan stirred to the sounds of the young girl's voice chirping loudly, as chairs scraped and dishes clattered together; the three of them must have been having breakfast. He squinted against the sunlight and winced, rubbing the stiff muscles in his neck. It had taken him a long time to fall sleep while sitting under Xiao Xingchen's window and he could only have managed a few hours. He felt awful, his body aching from sleeping in such a cramped position, his heart from the dire situation Xiao Xingchen had got into – which was Song Lan's own fault too, since Xiao Xingchen wouldn't be here, in this isolated place playing house with a murderer, if Song Lan hadn't taken his eyes and driven him away.
Not that he had asked Xiao Xingchen to give him his eyes, or had any choice in the matter. But still…
He edged around the side of the house until he could peer unseen into the main room which seemed to double as both a kitchen and a dining/sitting area. The girl was sitting on a rough wooden chair, swinging her legs and chattering away while Xue Yang collected the dirty dishes and cleaned them in the kitchen and Xiao Xingchen grabbed a broom to sweep the floor. Every so often Xue Yang interrupted the girl to make a quip or sarcastic comment, and Xiao Xingchen couldn't stop himself from letting out little peals of laughter, even as he shook his head at their unruly banter.
Song Lan felt disconcerted at how…domestic...it all seemed.
Xue Yang grabbed a bucket and announced that he was going to draw water from the well. This was his chance; Song Lan sprang into action. As Xue Yang strode out of the house, he drew Fuxue with a zing of metal, holding it out decisively in front of him and shouted, "Xue Yang!"
Inside the house there was a sudden crash. Ahead of him, Xue Yang froze, then slowly turned to regard Song Lan, his fist clenching tightly around the bucket handle. Xiao Xingchen came flying out of the house, Shuanghua brandished in his hand.
"What's going on? Who's there?" he demanded.
"Daozhang-" Xue Yang started, but was immediately interrupted by Song Lan.
"Don't you dare speak to him!"
Xiao Xingchen froze, then whipped towards Song Lan. "Zichen?" he whispered, "Is that you?"
"Yes – it's me, Xingchen," Song Lan replied, his tone softening. "I've been looking all over for you, for a long time."
"You have?" Xiao Xingchen asked stutteringly, hopefully.
"Yes – and, I wanted to say… Well. There's a lot we need to discuss. But first, we need to deal with him," Song Lan's voice grew steely as he turned his focus back to Xue Yang, who bore an expression of fury and resignation.
"Him? Who?" Xiao Xingchen sounded almost fearful, like he was hoping desperately that he had mistaken the name he had heard while inside the house, but knew that was wishful thinking; and he was proven right.
"Xingchen, I'm sorry to have to tell you but the person living with you has been deceiving you – he is Xue Yang!"
Xiao Xingchen took a step back, his mouth dropping open but no sound coming out. He shook his head in denial, but jerked in shock as Xue Yang began to laugh, letting his voice at last fall back into its natural cadence.
"Well done, well done, Song-daozhang! You always have such perfect timing, you seem to have an instinct for coming along at the exact right moment to ruin everything!" he snarled.
Xiao Xingchen cried out in shock at the sound of his voice, sounding heartbroken. Xue Yang's gaze snapped across to him. Pinpricks of blood had started to appear on the white bandage covering his eyes and the hand that held Shuanghua began to tremble, but he continued to hold it aloft as he turned it to point in Xue Yang's direction.
"Daozhang, listen to me-" Xue Yang began again, urgently, eyes flicking between Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan as Song Lan took advantage of his divided attention to edge closer.
"Listen to you?" Xiao Xingchen's mouth twisted.
"What should he listen to you for, what've you done now, eh?!" came the unexpected sound of A-Qing's shrill voice as she burst out of the house and glared in Xue Yang's general direction.
Xue Yang's expression soured further and his face twisted in a snarl. Out of the corner of his eye he caught sight of Song Lan lunging towards him and he leapt back, threw his hand out and summoned Jiangzai, just in time to parry a hard strike. He focussed on Song Lan now, but spared a quick glance at A-Qing.
"None of your business, little brat, so get out of here before you get cut through!" he snarled.
Xiao Xingchen straightened up, his face turning blank and cold as he moved to step in front of A-Qing to protect her.
"You would threaten A-Qing?!" he exclaimed furiously. Turning to her, he said urgently, "A-Qing, get inside the house, quickly; it's too dangerous to be out here now."
"But Daozhang-," A-Qing whined.
"Listen to him!" Xue Yang snapped as he continued to fend off Song Lan. "Get inside! Now!"
Xiao Xingchen twisted his head towards Xue Yang, frowning, his mouth parting slightly in confusion. Turning back to A-Qing, he told her again to go inside and gave her a gentle push towards the house. Reluctantly, she did as she was told.
Song Lan was extremely skilled and his attack was relentless. After years of quiet domesticity and fewer and fewer night hunts, Xue Yang was feeling rusty, but the thrill of battle, the high of the challenge, were like fire racing through his veins and he laughed, exhilarated, as he blocked Fuxue again and again, some jabs getting through his defence but only enough to lightly nick his arm or cheek.
"What's your game here?" Song Lan demanded, as he pressed forwards.
Xue Yang sneered. "What's my game?! Well, I'm partial to wéiqí myself, but it's a bit hard to play with a couple of blindies!"
Song Lan bared his teeth. "Don't play the fool with me, you snake. What are you planning with Xiao Xingchen?!"
"Oh, my intentions are entirely honourable, don't you worry! We'll probably get married next year, and then start on the babies a couple of years after that!" Xue Yang mocked.
Xiao Xingchen stood to the side, Shuanghua still gripped in his hand, his ears straining to follow what was going on. He wanted to join the fight, but the clashing sounds made it too difficult to determine who was where and, since neither Song Lan nor Xue Yang was a fierce corpse, he couldn't even rely on Shuanghua to guide him. He was still reeling from the shock that his friend, his lover of the past three years could possibly be Xue Yang. How could he have deceived him so well for so long? Xiao Xingchen thought back over the many memories they had made together over the years, the moments of laughter, of support, of tenderness and love – was it all a lie? It had felt so real. After the pain of losing Zichen, the loneliness of wandering the world with no one by his side, he had felt blessed to have found both A-Qing and Chengmei and had developed a closeness to Chengmei that surpassed even the friendship he had had with Zichen. To think that it had all been a huge lie, some cruel game made up by Xue Yang, was overwhelmingly heart-breaking. He thought back to just the night before when he had held Xue Yang in his arms and practically begged him never to leave him; how he must have been laughing so hard at Xiao Xingchen!
"Xue Yang!" Song Lan roared.
Xue Yang's grin slipped from his face and his lips twisted in a scowl as he stared down Song Lan's furious gaze. "What business is it of yours, Song-daozhang?" he shouted. "You leap in here, not even a word of greeting before trying to kill me, and what does it matter what I say to you, you've already made up your mind. What, would you actually believe me and put that sword down if I tell you I have no evil plan? That I've lived here for three years already and your precious Xiao Xingchen has been safe this whole time even without you rushing in to protect him?" Xue Yang panted for breath, gripping Jiangzai in both hands as he defended himself from Song Lan's frenzied attacks. "Why do you always stick your nose in where it's not wanted, huh? Who asked you to come here? Who do you think you are, claiming to be looking out for Xiao Xingchen when you're the one who drove him away in the first place?! Now you've come here and ruined everything for him, he was happy! We were happy, together, him and me, without you!"
Xiao Xingchen's heart squeezed when he heard Xue Yang declare that he had been happy living with him. Could Xue Yang truly feel that way, and not have an ulterior motive? Yet it was true that he had had plenty of time and opportunity to exact his revenge on Xiao Xingchen in a myriad of ways, but in the end, what had he said last night? He had expected this life to be boring, but instead had found a home… And Xiao Xingchen could certainly relate to that; despite losing his sight, the past three years had been the happiest of his life.
He stood on the edge, blood trickling from his eyes down his cheeks, feeling like he had been wrenched apart.
Then, as Song Lan and Xue Yang passed near him, one of Song Lan's blows apparently landed successfully. Xiao Xingchen couldn't help his reaction when Xue Yang cried out in pain and surprise. Something tightened and twisted in his gut and he darted forward, with no plan really in mind, but just feeling with sudden and absolute certainty that he had to intervene as he simply couldn't bear any harm coming to either man.
He heard the whistle of Fuxue's blade to his left and Song Lan's alarmed voice calling, "Xingchen, watch out!", just as Xue Yang appeared in front of him, shouting at him to get out of the way and shoving him hard in the chest, pushing him backwards. Xiao Xingchen heard a familiar, horrible sound of metal plunging into flesh and Xue Yang grunted. Jiangzai clattered on the ground and there was a thud as he sprawled backwards on the ground. Xiao Xingchen heard Song Lan's heavy tread as he approached Xue Yang and he rushed forwards again, dropping to his knees beside Xue Yang and putting his hands out as if to block them from each other.
"Stop! Stop, both of you, please, stop!" he begged, his heart pounding. "Zichen, please, wait, just a moment." He turned to Xue Yang. "You. Xue Yang. All this time… all these years… Why? Why didn't you just kill me? What are you trying to do to me? Was it worth it?" He tried to stay calm, aloof, he hated to show weakness to someone like Xue Yang who would just enjoy his pain, but he couldn't help the way his voice broke on the words or the way his hands shook, still held out to separate the two foes.
He expected Xue Yang to laugh and exclaim what a great joke it all had been – tricking, deceiving, seducing the pure, proud Daozhang!
Xue Yang grabbed the front of his robes with a trembling hand and pulled him closer. His breath hitched, but he spoke in an earnest, urgent tone as he said, "Daozhang… Listen to me. I meant everything I said to you last night."
Xiao Xingchen was silent, stunned, but then shook his head. "No… No, you don't. You couldn't… Want to live here, after everything? The Chang Clan, Zichen, his temple… The kind of person who does those things would never live quietly in a place like this, with, with...someone like me! What it is you want from me? Haven't you taken enough?" He grabbed Xue Yang's robes and shook him, sobbing. "How could you do this? How could you live here all this time, and be funny, and kind, and good?! How could you make me feel like this, make me lo-" Xiao Xingchen cut himself off. He paused for a moment, breathing heavily. "This was your revenge then? Getting close to me, to break my heart before you break my body once and for all? And when that's over, will you finally be satisfied?"
Xue Yang clung to him tightly, shaking his head, his eyes wide. "No, that's not-! Daozhang, listen to me, will you?! I didn't come seeking you out, did I? You found me, injured, and brought me back here - believe me when I say that nearly dying and getting dumped in a ditch in the hope that you would wander past and find me, even without being able to see, was not part of any elaborate plan to get revenge on you! And what was I supposed to do, when I couldn't walk, couldn't move? Should I have told you who I was? Wouldn't you just have slit my throat where I sat?
"And yeah, I did think about tricking you in other ways at the start, I won't deny it. You were my enemy, you stuck your nose in my business and tried to have me executed for it. But things changed, you know? I told you – I thought this place would be hell to be stuck in for months recovering, a dead-end dive with a stuffy, self-righteous man and an obnoxious brat, but… It wasn't. You weren't…weren't what I thought, Daozhang. You, you made me want to stay. What's wrong with that, huh? If I'm here, with you, I'm not out there killing anyone, right? I was good… I've been good – for you. I want…I want you to be happy, Daozhang, not fucking heartbroken! But I want you to be happy with me."
Xiao Xingchen's heart skipped, but he pressed his lips together. "Why should I believe you?" he asked, "You really are Xue Yang. I have no doubt, you're lying to me."
Xue Yang finally let go of his robes and slumped back on the ground. "Why would I lie to you now? Don't people usually confess on their deathbed?" he replied in a tired voice.
"What?!" Xiao Xingchen burst out, panicked. He reached out and desperately patted down Xue Yang's body, gasping when he discovered a deep wound puncturing his chest, blood soaking his robes and making Xiao Xingchen's hands sticky. Something cloying stuck in his throat and he groaned. "No… No, no, no…"
Xue Yang covered Xiao Xingchen's hand with his own and gave it a short squeeze. "It's ok, Daozhang," he reassured him, "I kinda knew this could never've lasted between us. Maybe it's better this way. Guess it's a fair ending, after all." He laughed weakly, then choked and gave a wet cough.
"Zichen!" Xiao Xingchen cried out, "Please – please, help him!"
Song Lan stared at Xiao Xingchen in shock. "Help him? Xingchen, he butchered the Chang Clan, he massacred my entire temple! The dog deserves to die, I wish I'd killed him years ago!" he spat.
Xiao Xingchen rocked forward over Xue Yang's prostrate body, blood leaking from his empty eye sockets and streaking his face. "I know, I know… I know what he did, I know what he deserves… But please, Zichen… He and I… for three years, we've been… He's been good, all this time, with me, here… Please, please, I can't lose him," he sobbed, shaking.
Song Lan stood frozen. He could hardly believe what he was hearing; Xiao Xingchen was begging him to save Xue Yang's life, unable to face a future without him. His mind flashed back to the merry domesticity of the two of them and the little girl at breakfast that morning, to Xue Yang's head in Xiao Xingchen's lap last night, the tender and intimate way they had spoken to each other before falling asleep. Any of that could have been part of Xue Yang's malicious act though…
But then he remembered the way Xue Yang had looked at Xiao Xingchen as he mended the basket in the firelight, the smile that had lit up his face when Xiao Xingchen turned his way. In the company of only blind companions, for whose benefit was that smile? What purpose did it serve? There was none, but it showed Song Lan that Xue Yang, for once in his life, had not been lying; this wasn't just a game to him after all. He was truly happy living this quiet, simple, honest life with Xiao Xingchen and the little girl, A-Qing.
He didn't deserve such happiness, Song Lan thought angrily to himself. He had brutally murdered so many people and delighted in it; he had taken everyone away from Song Lan and left him blinded in the process. It would serve him right if Song Lan finished him off right now, especially knowing that he was taking away Xue Yang's first and only real chance at honest happiness.
But that would also take away Xiao Xingchen's happiness. God knows what he saw in that monster, but Xiao Xingchen wanted Xue Yang alive, wanted him by his side, wanted him for the rest of his life. Xiao Xingchen, of all people, deserved happiness.
Song Lan glanced at him, his eyes drawn to the bloody bandage over Xiao Xingchen's eyes and was immediately reminded of the sacrifice his friend had made for him, only to be rejected and abandoned to walk in the darkness alone. Wasn't it his turn now to make a sacrifice for Xiao Xingchen?
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Mind made up, he opened his eyes again, sheathed Fuxue and stepped forward to scoop Xue Yang's body into his arms and carry him into the house.
Song Lan stood just beyond the entrance to the courtyard, looking out along the road back down to the main town. Although it was early in the morning, the air was already warm and heavy, and the grass alongside the path was yellow with thirst. He adjusted Fuxue's strap across his shoulder, then turned back towards the courtyard at the sound of soft feet approaching. Xiao Xingchen joined him, a warm smile on his face. It gladdened Song Lan's heart to see it; he had always been fearful that Xiao Xingchen would turn him away, if he ever even found him, but after the rocky start to their reunion the previous day, once Xue Yang was stable and his recovery assured, Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen had finally been able to have their own heart to heart and patched up the rift between them. It had been an emotionally exhausting evening for them all and Song Lan had accepted Xiao Xingchen's invitation to rest overnight in the coffin house with gratitude, if not a little reluctance to linger in the presence of his hated enemy.
"I hope this won't be our last meeting, Zichen. You know where to find me now," Xiao Xingchen said.
"I will return," Song Lan promised. He glanced beyond Xiao Xingchen into the courtyard, where Xue Yang was sprawling on the step up to the house. His robe was open across his front, showing lines of white bandages protecting the wound to his chest. Song Lan frowned and looked back at Xiao Xingchen. "Xingchen, are you really sure about him? You know what he's capable of; no one can change that much. I don't feel happy leaving you in such danger."
Xiao Xingchen smiled kindly but shook his head in disagreement. "There is no need to worry, I'm not in any danger. After all, he's had three years to kill me already."
"Hmm." Song Lan grunted. "I still wouldn't trust him. He lied to you all that time too."
"I know, Zichen. I also understand his reasons for doing so. After all, if he had told me who he was at the beginning, I am sure I would have reacted the same way you did and attacked him."
"As you should have! I still don't understand how you can accept him so easily now."
Xiao Xingchen paused, looking down. "I wouldn't say 'easily' is the right word… I must admit that it has been a great shock to me. But it is also true that we have lived happily together for the past few years and I have come to understand him in a way I never could have if I had known his true identity all along; I know I wouldn't have given him the chance to show me who he truly is. And while the wrongs of his past can never be undone, I believe that his time here with me has changed him for the better too. I am prepared to give him another chance, and if this does all turn out to be some strange ruse, a part of a long game of revenge, at least he knows he's lost his advantage now." Xiao Xingchen said, determined. "I will give him my trust, but I will not be blind to him anymore," He tittered lightly at his own play on words.
Song Lan pursed his lips, still feeling uneasy, but didn't argue.
When they parted, Song Lan started out on the road, but after a few steps, turned around and looked back. Xiao Xingchen walked steadily across the courtyard towards Xue Yang, who called out to him as he approached. Hearing the familiar voice of his old enemy, Xiao Xingchen flinched, and Xue Yang caught it, his eyes widening and face turning sombre.
"Daozhang, you ok?" he asked cautiously.
Xiao Xingchen took a moment, but then nodded. "Of course, yes. I'm sorry. It will just take a bit of adjustment to get used to hearing your voice again," he said, taking a seat next to Xue Yang on the step. Xue Yang observed him, contemplatively.
"I could go back to using the voice from before, if you like? You know… as 'Chengmei'… If that makes you feel better?" he offered hesitantly.
"No!" Xiao Xingchen replied firmly. "No, don't… don't do that." He paused. "No more lies," he finished, his voice brooking no argument.
Xue Yang ducked his head, then nodded, even though Xiao Xingchen couldn't see. "No more lies," he agreed. He looked back up at Xiao Xingchen, then reached out and tilted his chin towards him. Ignoring the stretch of his wounds, he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Xiao Xingchen's lips.
Song Lan turned away. He had come searching for Xiao Xingchen to ask for forgiveness and he had finally managed to fulfil his goal. Now he too could finally move on.
He took a deep breath, in and out, straightened his back, looked forward and walked on.
A.N.
You can now choose your own finale!
For a happy ending, go to chapter 2.
For a sad ending, go to chapter 3.