Chapter 4 Semantics

Robby motioned to where his car stood parked on the employees side of the building and hoped he wasn't being too forward by suggesting (or implying, seeing that no words were actually coming out of his mouth) that they ride together. She smiled softly and shook her head and walked over to the passengers side. She seemed happy, though that did nothing to stop the swirl of thoughts chasing each other in Robby's head.

What if she was just going because Jeff had cornered her and she was too sweet to say no? TLC was not on his list of places he went. According to the internet, lunch time was its busiest time and the older building where it resided caused echoes that would make trying to order a hassle and a complete nightmare to someone like him. Robby had four places on his 'list' that he had frequented enough that he could manage to give out his order without freezing up or getting too overwhelmed. He also knew all the lowest traffic times and normally didn't have to contend with too many other customers. What if he froze up here? What if the servers shouted at him, expecting answers his body would not allow him to give? What if he made a complete fool of himself in front of Belle? What if…

'So I was thinking, how about you find us a place to sit where you feel most comfortable and I will order us both something?' Belle spoke through his thoughts. He looked over at her from the wheel where he had found a parking place a little ways down from the diner due to how busy it was. Her face was all scrunched up with worry and her teeth were nibbling at her lower lip like she was worried-Her! Worried! Her concern was touching and it had the aching feeling in his chest and sharp sting in his head abating somewhat. She was trying to make things as comfortable as possible for him in this awkward situation and he had a strong urge to kiss her for it. Instead he gave her a fleeting smile and a nod and she sent him back a smile that deepened with courage from his approval.

'Do you want a burger with fries?' She confirmed. He shook his head yes. 'What to drink?' She pulled out her notebook and handed it to him. He hated that he was continuing to lie to her, but took it anyway and wrote iced tea and handed it back. She nodded and he reached down and pulled out a handful of bills to give to her.

'Oh, you don't have to do that. I could tell that Jeff had flung the whole thing on you. You didn't really have any intention of asking me out did you? And that's okay!' She said suddenly as his face contoured in surprise. 'You hardly know me and he made it where you couldn't say no. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry if I made things more uncomfortable for you.'

She looked at him with her eyes so focused and her face all wrinkled in concern-for him! That he quickly shook his head no and reached for the notebook again.

'I'm glad to be eating lunch with you…' Would she notice if he crossed out what he said a bunch of times? It would just embarrass him further, most likely. It didn't matter, this whole situation had his hands shaking and his face sweating. Belle, ever the acute observer, even when she gave him space and didn't directly look at him while he wrote, seemed to sense his need for-something. He didn't even know what, he wasn't used to anyone noticing that he needed anything except to be scorned for his ineptitude.

She placed her hand over his trembling one.

'Hey, it's okay, alright? How about we go as friends, yeah? We could just get to know each other?'

Her kindness astounded him. And while any part of him with an ounce of courage (there wasn't much of that anywhere in his person) wanted to write in capital letters that friendship was only half of what he really wanted-and she had misunderstood the nature of his trembling, he also found himself content to take whatever she gave him. If she wanted a friend, he could try really hard to be a friend. He didn't know much about being one, or having one for that matter, but he could certainly give it a go.

He nodded to her gratefully, and her blue eyes sent calming rays to his tightening chest and allowed him to breathe a little better. He still gave her enough to cover his own meal and hopefully a good portion, if not all of hers-she was still doing him the best of turns by just sitting down with him-she seemed to understand, nodded, thanked him and she grabbed his arm as they came out of the car. This shocked him a little. They weren't on a date, but it would look like they were with her arm around his arm like that. He looked over at her bouncing curls and she looked up smiling and said teasingly.

'It's still slippery out here, I wouldn't want you to slip again.'

He was simultaneously again impressed with her capacity for kindness, while also not understanding why she would still want to chance looking like she was with a cripple who couldn't speak, while at the same time a little dejected that she felt it necessary to help said cripple because he was apparently too injured to walk by himself. He sent her a small smile in response, hoping none of his inner thoughts showed on his face and they walked in.

They both slipped in where the sounds felt overwhelming and she let go of his arm. Instead, he felt someone squeeze his hand and he almost jumped up in shock. Belle had squeezed his hand comfortingly, sensing the crowds making him uncomfortable. She leaned over and looked at him with focused blue eyes and said with determined firmness that seemed to anchor him in some sort of peaceful reality.

'Find us a place and I'll order us food.' Then she smiled and turned to walk to the counter while he scanned the area for a quiet corner booth.

He found one, sat down and watched Belle effortlessly order their food with smiling eyes. Once she had waited for her number to be called she scanned the room for him, and when their eyes met she smiled so warmly at him, he couldn't help but smile back. He had no idea why she was so happy to be eating lunch with him, but he decided he would enjoy it while it lasted.

Because no one would want to stick around with a defective coward, just friends or not.

His father was always the author of his inner voice, try as he might to quell the deep grovely tone that gave voice to his darkest thoughts. His father had called him a freak of nature, a defective child, a troublesome nuisance that could not do a single thing correctly. And while Robby had learned that his trouble had a name and other people dealt with it, he could never help feeling a sense of guilt and shame for his inability to communicate effectively with his fellow man.

It turned out, eating burgers made it difficult to use a notebook. Belle seemed keen to talk, and also to realize said dilemma. She had yet to talk much about herself so far-understandable since she was doing an interview with him and about his job.

He glanced up from his own meal as she nibbled on a fry, very adorably, he might add-goodness, he had wondered, if he ever got the opportunity to actually get to know the little beauty he had been pining after for so long, if she wouldn't actually be what he thought she would be and his little dreams would be shattered and he could go back to his life before he knew she existed. However, nothing could be further from the truth. Everything she did was wonderful and perfect-and he found to his reddened face, he was in love with her. Not just her pretty face, for that wasn't all that had made him observe her that first time-every little thing she did endeared her to him.

He wiped his hands on a napkin and took the pen and notepad.

'Could you tell me a little about yourself?'

He hoped that wasn't too forward for being just friends. Not that he would know how to behave either way. It was all just a shot in the dark. He let her read while he looked on nervously.

'What would you like to know?' Her smile was deep, but her eyes told something-some sort of underlying story that he wanted to uncover but would forever be too cowardly to ask. If they were friends, he supposed he had better keep things surface level. And she probably shouldn't know that he knew where she worked-no, certainly not. So he asked.

'What do you do?'

Her smile widened at that-must have hit a safe topic after all.

'I'm a librarian-or at least sort of. I'm actually only a part time assistant, but I'll be full time once I get my degree. I've always wanted to work with books- always kind of wished there was a job where I could just read all day.' She said this with a chuckle and he immediately thought of a job where she could. She seemed to read his face-how did she do that so well? And threw her free hand in the air.

'I know what you're going to say-editor! But I don't want to look for people's mistakes-I want to see their final product, the perfection that they reached. I don't want to be reading something and only see its flaws.'

He shook his head, that made sense.

'Anyway, I thought if I couldn't read all day, I wanted to work somewhere that I could at least be surrounded by books all day. So-library it was! Although…'

She paused for a moment, her lower lip clamped down by her teeth again in worry. He listened even more keenly to whatever it was she was about to share-he could genuinely listen to her all day long.

'What I really would like to do is open up a little bookstore-sell used books to people who will cherish them? I just love the way old books smell and I think a cozy bookstore is so much more inviting than the cold counters in our library. Although! I have a lot of ideas to make our library better.' He couldn't help his smile at her enthusiasm as she seemed engrossed in telling him about her hopes and dreams. 'All the things in there seem almost clinical and the kids' corner is sad-Our director has no sense of style.'

She seemed to wait on him to ask her something else-

'Why didn't you try for the bookshop?' Belle should do something she loved, something she wanted to do. If there was anyone who deserved to be happy-it was her, surely.

'Well…' She seemed to ponder the question a bit. 'I don't have the best business sense, but I do know that small businesses have tiny profit margins-' His eyebrows betrayed his curiosity. 'Yes, yes, I do know words like profit margin and what they mean-I even know things like overhead expenses, fixed cost versus variable cost, break even analysis and so on. My dad has a flower shop and I've tried so hard to help him. I researched and read everything I could about the business and then about businesses in general. He's struggled my whole life, especially since mom died…' He looked at her with an expression he hoped conveyed that he was sorry to hear that. She nodded at his look and thankfully understood. He was certain her mother would have been someone good and wonderful herself to have raised such a wonderful person as Belle-nothing like his own mother, of course, who he didn't even remember as she ran away when he was a baby-leaving him alone with his father.

'Dad isn't the best listener, and didn't exactly like the ideas I put to him, and so.' She shrugged, but he could sense there was so much she wasn't saying. 'It kind of put me off the whole idea of struggling more with a business that was probably even harder to make a profit than selling flowers-at least people are still sending flowers instead of buying digital ones.' she shrugged and chuckled a little. ' I guess I took the easy way out and sought after something a little more permanent and reliable.'

She thought she was a coward too. That was what he was getting from her words and tone. No, no, no, no-that was not her at all. It wasn't the girl he had built up over all this time, and it certainly wasn't the person who just described herself digging in with all her worth just to help a father who wouldn't listen. Who she probably knew wouldn't listen, if she understood her own father with a fraction of how he understood his own. He already disliked her dad for making her doubt her own abilities and for not listening to the ideas of such an intelligent person. He tried to think of something to say that would put a genuine smile back on her face, as she was looking down at her meal and sighing in the most wistful fashion.

'Small businesses can be a bit volatile, but rewarding at the same time. Just do what you love.'

He tried to think of more to say. He could be so persuasive in an email to some art gallery, or when buying or selling the antiques he loved so much, but when it came to this girl, all words seemed a jumbled mess in his head. She smiled though and reached out and patted his hand. He didn't stiffen quite so badly this time.

'Thanks. Do you think you'll ever go back to what you did-you know, before?'

Now he did stiffen. He was the actual coward in this situation. He had stayed at the art and humanities center because he knew that the chance of teenage vandals was quite low and the paycheck was something he could count on. He was just a dabbler now, it was almost just a hobby. He went home and restored some trinket he bought and in those hours he worked, he could pretend he was someone-someone with a purpose, someone who could uncover hidden beauty. And while he would love to nothing more than to buy another little shop and have all his treasures stored in a pleasing fashion rather than make his room look like an episode of hoarders, he didn't have the courage to take that step into the unknown-or rather known where all your hard work could be incinerated at the drop of a hat.

He just shrugged. She could take it however.

'So we are both settling, huh?'

Well, he was anyway.

They were both done with their meals by this point, and he felt saddened that their conversation must end and he probably wouldn't see her until the next exhibit-a good six months from now. He wished he was a social person, like Jeff, and could just come up with reasons on the fly why she should see him again. He couldn't think of a single reason or excuse. They were friends now, weren't they? Didn't friends see each other sometimes? The problem was, he didn't go anywhere-not unless…

He could be brave, couldn't he? They were just friends, she would see it as nothing except that…

'I am going to an estate sale tomorrow afternoon. I like to look for antiques and a lot of times children don't know what their parents had.'

He stopped writing for a second-what was he doing? Why would she want to go with you to something so boring-so inconsequential…'

'And…you would like me to go with you?' She asked haltingly, as if she wasn't sure herself at his statement.

His heart was doing its wild samba again, hands went all clammy and his head felt like an entire river was rushing around in there. He just nodded like a fool.

'That sounds great! I would love to see you work, and maybe you could tell me about the pieces you collect? I love things that tell a story.' She was beaming! She wanted to go with him. What a strange, absolutely wonderful girl.

He smiled back and sighed in relief.

'2pm?'

'It's a date!'

He schooled his eyes not to betray his shock. So this was a date? He was both confused and vaguely optimistic at this turn of events.

She went all worried again and turned to him in the car, as he had given back the notebook and was about to back out.

'You did mean it as that, this time, right? I mean, I didn't mean to presume…You don't have to. Ugh, I'm always too much aren't I? You don't have to let me down gently-I am still someone you barely know and the last thing I want to do is make you feel uncomfortable.'

She was worried about him and his feelings! She seemed worried he did not mean it as a date-did that mean she wanted to go with him-and be with him in that way? He put the car back into park and scribbled hurriedly.

'I meant it as such-if you do not mind so very much…'

'Oh good!' She squealed and that made him smile in both relief and utter joy. Belle French wanted to go on a date with him! 'So if you aren't opposed to the idea now-would you have been opposed to this, today, being a date either, even if Jeff did kinda throw us both into it?'

He shook his head, nervously pulling his hands through his stringy hair-worried she might at last realize what a desperate fool he was.

She laughed-that musical, beautiful laugh he had wanted replicated so much.

'I'm glad.' She smiled and he was just waiting to wake up and find this whole thing to be a dream.

Author's note:I hope you enjoyed that! It was so fun to write and I went back and forth trying to decide whether to go along with the whole 'date' thing but I wanted them to go through a little nervousness before we got things cleared away, lol There is still soooo much they need to work through and I can't wait to share!