I wake up and stretch before thinking back on the past month. Mostly training with the occasional D rank mission. Fucking chores honestly. My chakra control is getting better and I'm learning how to do the hand signs. I'm still working on mastering them though. I'm slow with the finger shapes. At least I've got the one involving fire down pat. Takes a bit more chakra to do the jutsu with one sign, but it's all I've got so far. My sword work is loads better though. Who'd guess that it's easier to swing a hunk of metal than to do ninja magic? I'm broken out of my thoughts by a knock on my door. Huh?
Gai sensei is standing in my doorway and he smiles before handing me an envelope and running off. I close the door and open the envelope. It's a letter.
"Hello my youthful student. I regret to inform you that I have caught a cold from Lee. Tenten gave it to him so you are the only one of the team that is still healthy. Do not worry about your income though! I have talked to hokage sama and he has agreed to let you join team 7 in their next mission. Please head to the tower to get your mission with them. Again. I apologize for leaving you on your own. Stay youthful!" the letter reads.
Okay. I guess I'm joining the munchkins. I pull on my work clothes and add my gloves to the outfit. Need to build up calluses. I'm clad in dark pants and a short sleeve shirt that are joined by a pair of thick leather bracers. I wrap my headband around my bicep and smirk before putting on my sword. A sturdy leather belt is wrapped around my torso and my blade is slid into its sheath. Okay.
Weapon, check. Wallet, check. Scroll with spare clothes and weapons sealed in it? There it is. Looks like a bunch of squiggles but it works. Put some chakra in the drawing after putting stuff on it and presto, stuff is gone and some chakra added again will bring it out. Put that next to my wallet.
I lock up behind me and head to the hokage tower after grabbing my pipe and putting a small pouch of leaves into my pocket. I puff my pipe as I walk to the tower. Wonder what mission will be joining them on. It's been a month and that means I should be joining them on the Tazuna mission. If that happens though, I'm gonna have to fight Zabuza and restrain myself from the femboy that is Haku. The tower door opens as I push it open and walk to the office.
Sarutobi is puffing his pipe and watching sasuke demand a better mission. Called it. Sakura is yelling that her precious sasuke is right and naruto is trying to say that sasuke isn't that great. Kakashi is watching this with a slouch. Okay. This is annoying. I walk up and karate chop sasuke on the head. He hits the ground with a thud. I snarl at Sakura when she screams at me and a glare silences naruto.
"Alright ya little fuck. I'm gonna say this once and only once. You're just a stuck up prick who thinks he is a god. You're not. Your an arrogant little fucker who needs his ass kicked. I'm happy to do that, every time it's needed. I don't care how you act to your team, you're their problem and not mine in that regard. But if you keep disrespecting the hokage like this. I'm gonna rip out those precious eyes of yours then cut you in half. Clear?!" I bellow this at sasuke with my boot on his back. He hurriedly nods and I step off him.
Sarutobi gives me a curious look and I shrug. He nods before handing a mission scroll to kakashi. They talk for a while as Naruto walks over. I puff my pipe before raising a brow to him.
"Why were you so mean to sasuke? I thought everyone loved him." his voice drips with confusion.
"Because he's a worthless sack of dick tips. I'm nice to people who earn it. The hokage is pretty cool so I'll be nice to him. Sasuke is an arrogant asshole. I'm gonna enjoy this mission. Can't wait to break that arrogance or break him.'' I replied with a smirk.
"What do you think of me?" He sounds worried.
"Eh. you're a bit too loud and you're hyper as a squirrel on caffeine. Other than that you're an alright kid." I grunt.
The pair of old guys have stopped talking and I notice a drunk dude walk in.
"I'm the super bridge builder Tazuna! I expect you to protect me with your lives. Wait. I paid for ninjas, not this bunch. A blonde midget, a pink haired girl who plays with dolls, the pale kid with a stick up his ass, and a dark haired giant?" he trails off as he looks at my raised brow.
"What? Didn't expect a ninja to be built like a brick shithouse?" I grumble. Smoke oozes from my nostrils as I speak.
The man grumbles something and walks off. Kakashi follows and I trail him as he tells his team to meet at the gate in an hour. Kakashi glances at me.
"My team is sick. I'm joining you guys." I explained to him.
He nods and we resume following tazuna to the gate. Kakashi is focused on his book as I trail smoke. We are soon joined by sakura with a heavy bag, dumbass, kakashi asks what she packed and she starts to list the large amount of beauty products she packed. Wow. kinda impressive that she's packing that much. Sasuke joins us and I see an old guy with him. Huh?
"You are the one that assaulted young sasuke?" the old guy asks. I shrug and he glowers.
"By order of the hokage. You are to be taken into custody for assaulting a clan heir and your techniques shall be taught to sasuke sama as payment for your assault." he reads from a scroll. I ignite my hand and slap the scroll. It goes up in flames.
"Nice try jackass. If the hokage wants someone to go into custody, he sends an ANBU, not some old prick like you. Oh. sasuke?" I said to the old guy before turning to the pale teen.
I clock him across the jaw hard enough that I hear a crack. My knuckles sting a bit. I smirk at the kid as he starts yowling in pain. I punch the old guy as he starts shouting bullshit before I kneel next to sasuke.
"Next time. If you have a problem with me, you take it up with me. Don't be a little bitch and run to mama. Oh wait. Your mama is gone cause you were not man enough to save her." I growled at him.
Kakashi glares at me and I flip him off. We arrive at the gate and I lean against the frame as I puff my pipe. The one eyed glare hasn't left me yet. God he is stubborn. Sasuke is standing next to us and trying not to sob in pain. Pussy.
"Oh come off it dude. The little prick is getting too big for his britches so I'm knocking back down. He aint that special so shut up about it.`` I sigh.
"He is the last of his clan-" Kakashi begins.
"So is naruto! There's no more uzumaki but he aint walking around like he's hot shit now is he?" I counter.
"The uchiha is a noble clan that is well known." Kakashi snaps.
"Yeah. The clan that was wiped out by one teenager is a well renowned clan. Not the clan that was its own continent, had their very own village, and was only destroyed by an army from three separate villages.'' I snarked back.
"The uzumaki were not smart enough to use their power!" Kakashi is damn near frothing at the mouth.
"Oh? So your sensei's wife was weak?'' I ask.
Kakashi goes pale and starts to think. Let's wait for a bit. The color returns to Kakashi and he sighs.
"You're right. The uchiha is a weak clan." he sighs.
I smirk as sasuke starts to mumble angrily. Thatll teach you ya dumb bitch. We wait for Naruto and I snicker at the sight of a dust cloud charging us. The kid skids to a stop in front of us and I spot several cups of instant ramen in his bag as it flaps in the wind. We all start walking and naruto shouts his excitement.
I smirk as I trail smoke. If I'm not wrong. We are gonna get attacked by the demon brothers then by zabuza. Can't wait for that! Naruto is chattering to tazuna as i watch sakura fawn over sasuke. We are just strolling for a while really.
Three hours later.
So bored! I groan to myself asi puff my pipe. Gotta say. I'm glad sarutobi put a seal on my pipe to make the stuff burn for three times as long. Two hours per full bowl just turned to six. I'm pulled out of my thoughts by the sight of a puddle. Gonna have some fun.
"Yo! Puddle pussies! Get out here and fight like men!" I called.
I'm given weird looks before the sound of yelling reaches us. I watch as the twins charge us. Camo bodysuits that are joined by a gas mask covering their mouths and noses. A large gauntlet on each arm that joins the brothers by a serrated chain. They roar and charge us.
Kakashi rushes one and I stand still. Bit closer, bit more. There we go! I lash out and slam my shin into his pelvis from below. The guy drops with a high pitched scream. My boot impacts his goods again and I smirk as he passes out. Dumbass.
Aight. So the demon brothers are here, that means that zabuza is gonna be coming up soon. Can't wait to see that grade A piece of man. I wonder if he swings the way I do? Hope he does. I glance over to see that Kakashi is interrogating the brothers. Wow. they're so tough.
"Sight. Either you talk. Or I kick one of you in the dick til ya do. Your choice." I called over.
"How did you know we were in the puddle?" one of them demands.
"I could smell ya. Now. start talking.`` I replied.
The brothers tell Kakashi what he wants to know and I puff my pipe as I wait. Wonder what would happen if I kicked itachi in the dick? Would he even feel it? In the anime the guy is basically immune to pain. Still. Don't know if a guy can take a dick shot and not feel it. Maybe if I kick him with a spiky boot? Pretty sure he was in pain when he got stabbed by sasuke. Hold up. What about kisame? I don't know if he would feel a shot to the dick. I want that sword though. Samehada. Shark skin. Best sword ever, eats chakra and gives it to the wielder! Fucking awesome! Im pulled out of my thoughts by naruto shouting that we continue.
"Well tora. What do you think?" Kakashi asks.
"I'm willing to go. If. I can flirt with zabuza.`` I replied.
"Why would you flirt with zabuza? Why would zabuza even be there?" sasuke got some healing from kakashi so he can talk. Dammit.
"Im gonna flirt with him cause im gay. These guys are known comrades of zabuza. In order." my nostrils oozing smoke as I speak.
They all look at each and shrug before we resume walking. So if I'm not wrong. Kakashi is gonna get trapped in a ball and naruto would have used shadow clones to help him out. Oh, he doesn't know shadow clones. Better fix that.
"Naruto." I called.
"Yeah?" the kid responds.
"Put your fingers in a cross shape and pump chakra. Then shout shadow clone jutsu.`` I ordered. Quietly so sasuke doesn't realize.
Naruto obeys and there are about a dozen of the blonde now. They look at each other and start chattering before I swing my blade and pop them all.
"Rule one. No chattering between the clones, too loud and I will lose my temper. Rule two. Don't teach sasuke that jutsu, he will kill himself with it. Rule three, those are physical clones so they can help you fight. Rule four. Say thank you." i list out.
Naruto obeys again and I smirk. Sasuke looks pissed and demands the jutsu.
"Dumbass. You'll die. Only people with fucktons of chakra can use that move. You dont got enough chakra to use it. If ya use the jutsu then your gonna pump out more chakra then you have and fucking die. Blondie over here is a fountain of the stuff. Only reason he runs out of chakra at all is the utter lack of discipline and control he has. Give him some training in control and you have an unstoppable juggernaut." i explain/scold.
Kakashi looks a little upset at my insulting his student, but he understands my point. We continue walking and I pass the time by debating with Sasuke whether a fireball is better than a firewall. He is saying the ball is better because it's more useful, im saying the wall is better cause it gives you cover for more jutsu. Kakashi chimes in that he prefers a wall so he has cover. Haha! Point to me! I grin and sasuke scowls before saying that a ball can be used for many purposes while a wall is only for cover or capture. Damm. good point. I grumble and puff my pipe as sasuke smirks.
"Walls are cooler." I grumble.
Everyone chuckles as we reach a boat. Only room for four? Guess I'll test out the water walking. Still not quite mastered. I step out onto the river, good so far. I tune out the others and focus on following the boat as I take one step after another. The boat lands and I step onto the beach. Thank god. Didn't fall this time. I sigh with relief and puff my pipe.
"How did you know that?" Kakashi asks.
"Been practicing at home. Saw some red eyed bandage wearing lady do it. Figured out how it works and I've been practicing ever since. Not quite mastered though." I replied.
Kakashi nods and we walk into the mist.