Batman looked up from his Super O's cereal as Alfred came in with mail on a silver tray.
"I've finished cleaning your batsuit out sir, though I don't know how much more turd the crotch can deal with Mr Batman Sir." He handed the letter tp Batman. "Some rich guy has sent that" he commented as Batman turned the parchment envelope over and saw a yellow wax seal with a wonky star on it. He grunted as Alfred took up the spoon and began scooping the cereal into Batman; Poor Mr. Batman had lost weight recently due to chronic gastrointestinal worms caught from eating down the local Shwarma house (the 'meat' that they shaved for the sandwiches was legally 3% maggot and it seemed that Batman had picked up a parasite. Not only had the parasite leached the weight from him but when he finally passed the creature out of his colon, he had diarrhoea for a week. He was only alive because Alfred funnelled water into then invalids mouth like a fois gras goose.) and so Alfred was constantly having to assist Batman in eating because he kept getting distracted by his beautiful new Tesla batcar after Alfred trusted him with a share in WayneCorps and the novelty of having money after so long was too much so he splurged it on replacing his beloved old batmobile.
Batman was never to be trusted with his own money again. He was now sat there staring at the seal.
"Well open it." Said Alfred and poked the boy to check he was still alive.
"Yeah… Okay…." Batman's vice trailed off and he ripped open the elephant. A piece of parchment written in red angular writing fell out. Batman scrutinised it.
"I'm invited to a masked ball." He strepsilled and burst into tears.
"Now ain't that nice sir?" Alfred took the letter before batman could soak it with his tears. "Oh it's a masquerade! Right up your street sir. I'll ready the Tesla and drive you to the costume shop." Batman didn't respond. "What's wrong Mr. Batman Sir?"
"What if people don't like me?" He snivelled and wiped his boogers on Alfred's frilly apron. "I've not been very popular with people these days…. I haven't been invited to a party for so long." Alfred dabbed milk from his chin.
"Well Mr. Batman, your anal incontinence and tendency to cause utter and total disaster o your surroundings as consequence may not be helping. So I have a solution." He pushed a packet of adult diapers towards him. "There. Nobody need ever know." Batman looked up in utter gratitude and as his lip wobbled Alfred thrust a spoonful of cereal into his mouth before he could cry once more. "So what do you want to go as? Something with a mask obviously sir." Batman sprayed a litte milk and said
"But I wear a mask every day! Why can't I go as Batman?" Alfred looked at the poor dear.
"Well sir, firstly because it's getting a bit boring now, but secondly, loitering at a ball is a perfect time for someone to rip off your mask and discover that you're just rich Mr. Bruce Wayne. And if you do by some miracle get invited to bed by a nice lady I doubt she'll be a scat loving- German who will insist you keep the mask on for gimp play" Batman stared open mouthed at the butler- since when did Alfred know what a gimp was? Alfred cleared the breakfast things away and climbed a ladder to do his usual weekly cleaning of the Batcave chandelier (it was always covered in guano and stopped the light reflecting around the room) He stood on the ladder and began scrubbing the glass underneath with Windex and a rag made from Batman's old He Man pijamas. The Caped Crusader sat hugging his knees while the tinkling of glass came from above. Alfred started whistling. But something caught Batmans attention- a crack in the roof of the batcave. Before he knew it the chandelier was falling and his reflexes kicked in, pulling the ladder towards him and catching the Butler in his arms as the class masterpiece dropped to the floor where the aged bum had just been working Glass shards shattered everywhere and flew like sperm up a virginal orifice. They peppered all the machines in the batcave until it looked like a porcupine had climaxed itself bald. Batman stood there while his butler clung to his neck and ignored the stream of turd leaking from the back of his saviour.
"Well that's that sorted sir!" Adfred said brightly as if nothing had happened.
"Wa… what?" he asked dumbly.
"Phantom of the Opera sir. "
That following week, Alfred drove Batman in the new Tesla to the masquerade. It had been agreed that Alfred would loiter in the foyer of the mansion just in case the poor boy needed any help or a shoulder to cry on. The caped crusader got out and through the cape back over his shoulders. He was wearing a smart suit underneath and a whit half mask. Alfred had had his wok cut out when he realised that as Batman kept his mask on all the time, the skin never saw sunlight or air, and so the wonderful smooth tan of his lower jaw made the grey wrinkled skin from under the rubber mask look even more pathetic. (Alfred had tried baby powder, makeup, even a hairdryer to dry th e skin out and make it look normal, but it just made Batman look like he had put his mask on the wrong side of his face instead of covering up his "scarred side" In the end he just had to put up with half a face like a wrinkled albino scrotum.
"You look first rate Mr. Wayne sir." Said Alfred, putting on his gargoyle mask so that he could pretend to be a statue in the atrium. Batman poked his trousers to make sure the incontinence pants were doing their job and stepped forwards.
"Don't be scared sir, just enjoy yourself. I'll be right downstairs."
"Who's Mr. Wayne Alfred?" Bat asked confused because he hardly used that one any more.
"That's you sir, you know, when you're not Batman." Batman nervously walked off as other guests started to arrive in colourful costumes. He entered the ballroom where servants in yellow suits were bustling around. He walked further to find someone dressed as Medusa already stood talking to someone dressed as a black and white jester.
"The invitation was anonymous! It must be Aries!" Wonder Woman yelled.
"You're crazy!" said Two Face
"No she isn't!" Harvey yelled.
"And we're all wearing masks so that we can't find him but so he can play with us! He is a mischievous god Harvey! Why won't you take this seriously!"
"I am!" Dent yelled innocently. He squealed in pain as Twoface slapped the ex-attorney's half of their face.
"Take this seriously Harvey!" Twoface said in a mocking voice that sounded like Professor McGonagall. Harvey griped his liberty dollar in sorrow and was pledging to himself that the next time Twoface was horrible to him, he would shove the coin up the guys anus until he could see two heads before each eye. Of course he decided against this when he realised that a) it would also be his own butt hole and b) it probably wasn't possible to push something that far up your own poop shoot anyway. Harvey tried to turn away from them both but Twoface followed.
"Ah! Someone after my own heart!" the bastard cried and pulled him over to Batman. He ran a black gloved hand over Batman's half mask and winked. Harvey tried to stop him but Twoface knew that Harvey couldn't control his left side when Twoface was in control. "I like a man with half his mind on other things…" he purred while feeling Harvey's revulsion and anger churn up the beef bourguignonne he had forced the lawyer to eat that afternoon. (Harvey wasn't into sex with men. And since the accident, even sex with women couldn't raise his dong. But Twoface knew that Harvey not was creeped out by this, but that Wonder Woman would get jealous and the guilt would pickle Harveys mind further!) Their anus twitched and Twoface hoped he could hold onto the dam until a more humiliating moment. "It means we are very …compatible." His voice trailed off as he saw the wrinkled, sweat damaged skin. "Oh you poor creature you have my problem!" He took Batman's hand and placed it on the horrifically scared side of their face. The opposing personalities clashed violently inside the one body like cum smashing against a dong plug and they shuddered at the touch of Baman's gloved hand.
"I…urgh…" Batman blushed in embarrassment and puckered his anus in case of nervous bowels. He hadn't had physical affection for a long time. He wondered if he would like it after all he had failed with women so many times so maybe a man might prove a better life partner… they were less likely to get grossed out by his little problem anyway. "I…"
"Don't worry…" said Twoface in a sexy voice near Batman's ear. "I think you'll find me very capable of talking for two people." He ran his finger over the vigilante's lips but his flirting was soon at an end as Harvey flung their other hand up to their head and he attempted to pull him away from Batman by his cum coloured hair and shut him up. Batman watched as the strange man before him seemed to wrestle with his own hand for dominance over his own head. He felt his breath start to evolve into a panic attack because he didn't know what was happening. Why was this adult world so strange compared to the one he had always known?!
"Harvey!" You had better not be flirting with someone else!" Wonder woman yelled through the snakes of her mask as she stormed up in her Greek sandals and gray bedsheet with her shield covered in foil to disguise it. "Get away from Bruce! You'll scare him!" Batman looked at her in horror. She knew who he was!
"But Twoface was doing it, not me! I love you Wonder Woman!" She slapped both cheeks so that Harvey and Twoface yelled in chorus. "That was for not defeating your inner demon Harvey! And you shouldn't allow Aries to influence you Twoface." Twoface clocked the poop inducing look that Wonder Woman gave him through her mask and thought he should teach her a lesson when somebody entered the room and let out a growl.
"That's my kind of woman!" Miraak yelled gruffly and strode forward through his entourage of tentacles. He stood before her and took in her head of fake rubber snakes. His gauntleted hand reached out and came to rest on her shoulder… followed by a shield to the face and a sword to his neck.
"Don't touch me!" she hissed. Miraak felt every part of him melt as her stony gaze penetrated him like an ethereal schlong. Her accent was so exotic and her strength was incredible. He needed his tentacles all over her. He needed to be dominated by her! She backed off as he retreated to what looked like a throne at the far end of the ballroom to watch the guests arrive.
Batman turned back to the nice man with the scary face.
"I er… like your suit…." He muttered.
"Sore throat handsome?" cackled Twoface and sexily slipped a lozenge into Batman's mouth. The poor boy only just remembered to close his mouth as he thought of the similarities between this man and Alfred:
They both wore black and white
They both had white hair
They were both a people person
They both were kind to him.
He hoped that they could be friends. Or more maybe, if the guy's brain let him. He didn't think the Harvey side liked him too much… As he contemplated this there was a chill in the air as the room filled with eery white mist all over the floor. The doors burst wide again and a group of black cloaked figures in metal masks entered a huge snake slithering around their feet onto the ballroom. The figures broke rank and from the middle of them a whispy bald man wearing a snake mask glided forward as the mist swirled around him.
"I hath arrived!" He declared and sucked all the mist back into his wand like a reverse cum session. "Nagini come here, we will so them how to dan…." He looked around at the empty room. "Hath everyone not arrived yet? LUCIUS! I TOLD YOU I WANTED TO MAKE MY ENTRANCE WHEN EVERYONE WAS HERE!" A Death Eater fell to his knees.
"Forgive me my lord… I… I believe the battery in my watch has stopped."
"Stopped? Lucius? BATTERY GONE? YOU'RE A WIZARD LUCIUS! USE MAGIC YOU NINNY! " Voldemort shrieked an operetta and threw a cure at Lucius so that he shrieked and emptied his bowels onto the marble floor. "CLEAN THAT UP YOU IGNORRRAIMUS! We have an image to maintain. NAGINI" The noseless wonder looked around for his beloved serpent. "Nagini" He hissed in parseltongue. There was a squeal and he saw her climaxing in a pile of Miraak's tentacles that writhed at his feet. Jealousy stabbed at his hear for a moment until he reconsidered "Well…. It's not like I can please her these days… my dong is not what it once was." He squealed girlishly as a servant in a Hufflepuff yellow jacket waltz by with a tray. "Oooh cupcakes Severus! And they have a wonderful lemon frosting on them!" He picked up two and shoved one under a Death Eater mask. There was a muffled cry and
"Fank y'm'lod" as the potions master tried not to inhale the splurge of frosting. The mass of black followed the dark lord onto the dance floor as he watched Nagini being pleasured and whished he could share her pleasure.
The room started to fill up and an hour later Batman could barely move for the bodies. He felt scared as with all the masks he didn't know anyone and was already filling his diaper pants in fear. They reached their capacity as the ballroom doors suddenly flew off their hinges and several people wearing skimpy leather Egyptian servant costumes came marching in carrying a huge purple man in an Egyptian pharaoh outfit on a litter.
"Behold your master, Lord Thanos!" Brenda shouted from the front as she set down the litter with the rest of them. Thanos rose symmetrically from his knees as a servant on either side of him handed a crutch to the Titan in perfect sync. Thanos rose two hands symmetrical and checked that his head dress was straight (He was wearing what looked like a large golden fan-icecream wafer adorned with symmetrically coloured infinity gems attached to a mask that covered his oddly-placed third eye and nose. His chest was bare and he wore a golden skirt and golden sandals. (He would have held a crook and flail but then he wouldn't be able to hold his crutches and besides, they wouldn't be symmetrical and would cause a panic attack over the imbalance) He crutchered his way off the litter as the hundreds of people moved aside so that the giant could move through the crowd. Thanos let his peripheral view take over as normal so that he would not have to move his head asymmetrically. He could see a lot of symmetrical costumes which let him relax for a while.
"That's not fair Severus! I wanted to be the one to make a grand entry!" Voldermort hissed to his favourite death eater while slurping something green through a straw noisily. "And why can I not sit on the throne?! I am Lord Voldermort after all." Snape sighed and shook his masked head.
"This is not your party my lord. Or your house." A tear lipped from voldemorts eye and his lip wobbled as he realised he would never own his own house. The guests folded back around the new arrivals and continued flirting and discussing the latest news in Gotham.
Little did they all know that they were all being watched… On a balcony above the room a man in a blinding white smock and an exceptionally long cape was watching the proceedings. He too wanted to be the one to make the attention grabbing entrance and let everyone see how much power he held. It didn't look like there was anyone left to come and so he knew his moment had arrived.
Ther was a commotion on the dancefloor as the whole room was lunged into darkness. A spotlight blared suddenly like a giant cock shot and lit up the doors has the opened to reveal him in all his ÜBERWEISS glory with a part spherical mask over his eyes and part of his head to look like a styalised portion of his beloved death star but in white with a single eyehole where the laser would be and the part of the maske that came over the bottom of his face conveniently hid the cleft lip he had always been conscious about. The Stormtrooper that had been hanging from the balcony on a winch holding the spotlight added in a UV light so that the whiteness showed up even more.
"I am here to offer you the chance to be servant of the Empire!" he called over the crowd as if he owned the place. "I Director Orson Krennic will select tonight those of you who are officer matrial and those who will serve faithfully. We will welcome in order and get rid of this chaos that has blighted our galaxy!" He raised his gloved hands at the sides so that his director's bars could clearly be seen. There were some annoyed huffs in the ground.
"You see Severus! I told you we should have come later!"
"I will punish Lucius accordingly later my lord."
"Do you think he is Aries, Harvey?"
"I think he looks like a spoilt mommies boy and his lip would tremble if I kicked mud at him or singed his pretty cloak! But oh I like his mask…. I wonder if I could split him too?"
"She was talking to me you moron!"
"Oh cool it Dent Head! Ou don't need to act the hero just to impress her! IT takes something incredible to turn her head so don't bother!"
"BRENDA TELL HIM IF HE WANTS T MAKE THE GRAND ENTRANCE HE SHOULD HAVE A PERFECTLY BALANCED MASK AND OUTFIT. AAAAAHHHHH"
"Calm down Lord Thanos, just close your eyes it'll be fine."
Krennic stepped forward flanked by his closest stormtroopers who were charged with making sure that his cape stayed looking as white and unrumpled as a stream of fresh whale cum. The crowd jostled to make a walkway for him and his cloak continued to flow until it revealed it's thirty feet of length that prevented the people from closing back around him like a hungry vagina. He stopped in the middle of the floor and turned on the spot to look at Formal Cape lying brightly behind him and felt his heart swell with pride and a bulge grow in his pants despite the Professional's Brace he used to keep his splurge gun tied to his leg like a horny Perseus tied to a rock.
"I will take your names and allocate you a num…." Krennc was cut off by a loud soul bashing gong. There was a loud yell and Miraak was catapulted off the throne through the air and landed on Formal Cape. Orson screamed in horror as filthy tentacles exploded over the crisp linen and Miraak sharted in shock adding shit stains to the oiliness.
"AAAAAAhHHHH! MY DARLING! I'M SO SORRY!" Krennic bawled and pointed impressively as Miraak.
"Kill him as a example that filth and clumsiness WILL NOT BE TOLERATED BY THE EMPIRE!"
"STOP MOVING ASSYMETRICALLY!"
"It's ARIES!"
"My Lord may I get up off the floor now all these feet smell."
"I AM DIRECTOR ORSON KRENNIC YOUR LORD AND MASTER !"
The gong rang again and Batman cried out as the air vibrated his colon empty of the hor's d'eurves he had nervously feasted on. Everyone turned to see all the servants stood in a line in front of the throne. Their faces all looked the same now that they where together. They all started to side step towards the waiter in the middle and disappeared until one man was left.
"No…." He whispered and the doors slammed shut the lights changed so that a low golden glow filled the room and Krennic suddenly went quiet as if he'd been smothered with a pussy. The yellow suited man stepped backwards onto the throne ad started to rise up his suit growing into a raggedy yellow robe as long brown tentacles and a bark like body with several mouths covered in teeth grew from beneath it and engulfed the throne.
"I am Hastur your rightful lord and master. Enjoy my party mortals. For I will have much fun."
Miraak let out a climaxtic roar as he orgasmed at the sight of the Elder Gid's tentacles. Krennic fainted as more tentacles spurted over his chest . The Dragnborn accidentally Fus Ro Da-ed at the same and the force hit the chandelier above so that the crystal smashed like Godzilla making love to the Luevre for the first time.
Hastur was going to enjoy this.
TO BE CONTINUED