It has been a week since Beatrice moved into the house and started working in her vineyard. She learned the ropes pretty quickly and some of the men were surprised how little it took for her to become good at tasting and pitching business ideas on how to expend the brand. She was even thinking of buying some more land and planting new sorts of vines and herbs they could use for better taste of their products. In all honesty, she was nothing like her parents, but she had the same sense for business as her father did. Working herself to exhaustion has been something she was familiar with. Years and years bent over the books or on the matts perfecting her combat skills gave her work ethic not many could understand. Her body during the years of training and time spent as a sister warrior went through very literal hell and this was nothing compared to what she endured. Thing she was not that good at was decorating her home. She really missed Ava for this or even Camila to help her. She spent first two weeks sleeping on the blowup mattress with a table lamp on the floor by her side. Previous owner fixed the house before his wife got sick, so there was no work to be done on it. Only thing she had to do was buy furniture and all the things she needs to make these empty walls resemble home. Boxes of her personal things she brought from the apartment in Madrid and she gathered through the years were piled up in one of the spare bedrooms and she didn't get to open them yet. She was usually dressed in jeans and some light shirts during the day so she didn't need her fancy clothes or anything else. Mother and Camila learned of her purchase and told her that they would love to see her home and that was what got Beatrice to finally get the furniture she needed. Before going to bed she ordered tables for kitchen and dining room and chairs that went with it. She got leather chairs and chocolate colored leather couch for the living rom. She ordered bunch of books online and as soon as they arrived, she placed them in the empty shelves. She left some space for the books she actually wanted to buy in antique shops she loved to visit in Madrid. Master bedroom was on the top floor overlooking hill with new vines planted. Mrs. Villa before her illness painted the room dark emerald green and Beatrice decided to keep the walls that way. She ordered black furniture for the bedroom and emerald green bed cover and set of pillow cases that went with it and went well with the walls. To clash that black and emerald, she got dark golden throw on pillows and mixed the curtains with green and gold. On the dresser she put some of the framed photos she and Ava had. Most of them were from the time they were hiding in the Alps and there was one or two from the moments they could sneak way during their stay in Madrid. There was one black and white photo Beatrice took of Ava in her battle gear just before they went to their last battle. She was standing by the window looking out. She was deep in thought and she didn't see Beatrice. Light was perfect and in Bea's eyes it even made Ava more beautiful than she really was. On her bedside was her favorite picture. She didn't remember who took it, but she was very surprised when Ava came with it one day after work. It was during the barbecue on the beach for one of employee's birthday. They were sitting on Bea's towel, their hair was down, wind was blowing and they were just looking at each other with huge smiles on their faces. It was close-up of their faces and they looked so happy, beautiful and now she dares to say, in love. She put away her clothes in the huge walk in closet and she also got Ava's things out of the boxes placing them on the opposite side of the closet that was usually defined as ''his'' side. She found it funny how entire side of the closet she used was black with just a drop of another color. Her jewelry was carefully placed in the boxes designed for it.

Other bedrooms were very bland compared to the master. They were in earthy tones and with a lot of light from the windows. Each had their own bathroom and Beatrice made sure to put on her list more towels and things for the guest bathrooms and rooms. She informed her men that she would spend two days in Madrid due to some house things and they told her not to worry. She got into her car and drove to the shopping mall. For the guest bedrooms she bought few change of sheets that were white, brick and she got some street art that goes along with those colors. When it came to her bedroom at first she put black and green sheets in her cart, but then she found some sheets with bright yellow ducks on them and some more with a lot of colors that made no sense and they reminded her of Ava so she had to take them. Even with Ava gone, she wanted to keep her presence in the house alive. She got the towels for the master bedroom that were emerald green and black. She got two pairs of each color and she also spent a lot of money on fluffy black matching robes for her and Ava. She knew she was being irrational, but she couldn't accept that she would never see her again. She ended up buying much more than she expected. Her trip to the store ended up with her ordering a small truck to deliver all she got. Some chairs, benches and dressers for the spare bedrooms were in the truck along with carpets and the rest of the things she couldn't fit in her car. For the car she picked glasses and things for the kitchen. As soon as she arrived home, she ordered online groceries to be delivered to her. Mother and Camila would be coming following day for lunch. She had some help from the women from the estate and their husbands to fix up the remaining of the house and when they were done with putting everything away, she barely had strength to shower and go to bed. For the first night in her new bed, she picked sheets with ducks. She really was tired and missed Ava. She got dressed in one of Ava's shirts and got into bed. As usual, Ava's side of the bed remained empty, but it didn't stop her from telling her about the day she had and how nervous she was for the visit of Camila and Mother Supereon.

''Camila and Mother Supereon invited themselves to see the house and all. I couldn't say no… I hoped this place would stay a secret for a moment more… This is our home…even if you are not here… I just… I just didn't want anyone to intrude on the life I have here… I know you are gone… I am not crazy Ava, but it sometimes feels like you are next to me… How can I believe you are gone when I feel you everywhere? Even now, I don't feel alone in this bed. I can see you next to me laughing to my little rant.''

She touched the pillow next to her and pulled it to her chest.

''You should be here Ava! If only you told me what was your plan…I would have… I wouldn't have let you… God, I would have died then and there with you just not to live without you…''

She started crying.

''How come even when you want to act selfless you end up doing something selfish? How could you do this to me Ava?! You promised me in this life AND the next…not the NEXT. You broke your promise… And you didn't trust me…And your promised you would trust your team… Was I not your team Ava?!''

''God, I hate you so much sometimes! You had no right to leave me here and not even give me the option. You knew I would have followed you to the hell and back Ava…''

She kissed Ava's medallion and held it tight in her arms. Sleep came to her pretty fast and just as she was close to falling into deep sleep she heard the same words she did before Ava went through the arc. I love you.

As usual she dreams of Ava and missed opportunities. Ever since the day she sent her through that portal, she couldn't stop blaming herself for not saying yes to Ava when she offered for them to leave together and hide in the Alps as before. She wondered if Ava would have been alive if she said yes to her. So, every night in her dreams she was haunted by the life they could have had. Working in that shitty bar, eating fresh pastries from the bakery next to their apartment. Lazy Sundays when they would watch movies. Beatrice reading one of her books and Ava with her head in her lap watching some movie or TV show. After confessing their love to one another and sharing that heart shattering kiss, she could also imagine them making love. She could imagine making love for the first time in her life and giving such a precious part of herself to Ava, a woman she loved more than anything. She imagined how Ava's skin would feel under her fingertips, inhaling that smell that was Ava, being touched and kissed all over her body by someone she loved. She has heard a lot about people's experience in that department. She knew Mary and Shannon were lovers, but she never experienced something like that and now she was sure she never would.

Alarm woke her up at five, she was tempted to miss her training session but in the end she got out of bed. For a moment she believed she could leave it all behind, but it turned out to be impossible. Some things were deeply drilled into her. Maybe she gave up the prayers, but she couldn't give up training. She set up work out room on the ground floor where Villa family had family room. She got the equipment she needed so she spent her mornings meditating and kicking the shit out of the rubber manikin. Her gear is still in the dark corner of the closet and she doesn't dare to open that Pandora's box. She is not ready to look at Ava's blood on her clothes. By eight her session was done so she went upstairs to shower and get ready for the day. She put on black jumpsuit, flats and she let her hair down. She put on very little makeup and went to the kitchen to plan a meal she would prepare for her guests. She knew that Mother Supereon was a gourmet so she made something spicy and interesting. She made stake in sauce of four different peppers and picked bottle of wine to go with it. Just as agreed, her guests arrived at three o clock sharp. Table was set, food was in the oven keeping warm and bottle of wine was left to breath. Beatrice welcomed them into her home and for first few minutes both Mother and Camila looked around. On one of the book shelves they both noticed pictures of the sisters from the order with Warrior Nuns. One was with Sister Shannon and the other with Ava. There was also picture of Beatrice, Mary and Lilith on some mission in Milan when they were dressed in civilian clothes. It was sister Shannon that took the picture. They also noticed the picture of Beatrice and Ava made at Cat's cradle during one of the meals. They were at the table in the dining hall and Beatrice was in her habit and Ava had hood over her hair. That was from Ava's early days when she still stuck to some of the protocols and had osmium vest on. None of the women commented on the pictures. Beatrice showed them the terrace and soon joined them with the food and wine. They took their places and Mother and Camila both offered their hands to Beatrice for the prayer. She hesitated for a moment but in the end she gave them her hands. Mother said a prayer and they served themselves. They ate in silence and from time to time Mother would complement the food and the wine choice. After another moment of silence came, Mother spoke.

''You stopped praying?''

Beatrice was surprised by the question.

''I… I feel like I don't see the comfort in prayer anymore… Who should I pray to? To the angel our order was supposed to follow? To the God who sees me as a sinner? I am sorry Mother, but I lost my faith and all I feel toward the God is wrath.''

Mother just nodded.

''I understand. I felt it few times in my life… When I lost my father, when I lost my Halo and when I became so injured that the Halo healed me just enough to survive before it rejected me in front of all of my sisters.''

''How did you get over it?''

''I got new recruits that couldn't see my doubts or insecurities when it came to the Order or my faith.''

''I can't come back to the Order. Even just to train the recruits.''

''I understand. It is still fresh and too soon. In each clumsy girl you will see Ava and it would hurt. I will not make you do anything you don't find comfortable. I promise you that.''

''Thank you Mother.''

''You have beautiful home Beatrice. I hope you would finally be happy here.''

''I hope so too Mother…''

''Call me Susana. I guess now it is not inappropriate.''

Beatrice gave her a small nod.

''It will take time…but I will give my best.''

Camila got up from the table and went to take a walk down the vineyard. Beatrice knew it was Mother's silent order to leave them alone. She knew that the ''talk'' was coming but she was not sure what talk. Would Mother try to convince her to come bac? Will she tell her that what she and Ava did was abomination and she should pray for her eternal soul? Would she ask her to sneak into the convent and kill Father Vincent (personally she would love to do that). With Mother Supereon, that talk could go in so many directions. Mother took the cross with coded messages from her pocket and put it on the table. Beatrice looked at her with surprise, fear and a bit of hope.

''Did something happen? Did you get a message?''

''No, I just want you to have it.''

She opened other woman's hand and gave it to Beatrice.

''I know you left and that for now you don't want to come back… But… I still want you to have it…Just in case…''

''In case of what?''

''Need…''

Beatrice huffed.

''Yours or mine?''

Mother looked at her.

''Maybe mutual…''

''I can't be the nun anymore… I broke many of my vows. I fell in love with a woman, a Warrior Nun. I desired that person. We kissed… I took back my inheritance. I did things that are against the rules of the Order and the vey church.''

That made Susana laugh.

''Oh, my child. If Vincent and some cardinals can keep their positions, you can qualify for a saint.''

''I am not a saint.''

''None of us is. We all have our own secrets and things we regret or think are the sin. So, whenever you think that your love for Ava is wrong or sin, remember that it is not. No love like that could ever be something sinful or dirty.''

Beatrice didn't expect that from Mother.

''You don't think it is wrong and a sin?''

''I might have few months ago, I would have forced you to leave the Order and probably rip the Halo out of Ava's back with my own teeth.''

Beatrice was not sure if she appreciated that blunt honesty she got from Mother, but she also knew it was important to her to say what was on her mind.

'' But that was all before our entire universe and all what we believed in turned into a lie. Now I believe what you have was the only honest thing that came out of that mess with Halo. I am angry Shannon had to die for Vincent's ambition. Your closeness was not a news. People spoke how sister warrior and Warrior Nun were too close and that something deviant was going on between you, but I choose to ignore it. Not because I didn't believe those stories, but because we didn't have time to train the new warrior nun and I had no idea if Halo would accept or reject new potential warrior nun. I promised to myself that I would deal with your behavior after our win. And then I saw you in the Vatican. How you defended her, took care of her and in the end blew up the thousands of years old tombs to get her out. I realized then that I finally got to know the real Beatrice, not the mask you've been hiding under for years. You were too cold, to reserved, calculated and means justified the outcome you needed to see happen…And then Ava came and turned your world upside down.''

Beatrice didn't say anything. She was just looking ahead and watching Camila enjoy her stroll.

''I have to thank Ava for seeing the real Beatrice. The moment you started being Ava's shadow I realized why you were in the rush to take your vows. You were told that loving women was a sin, that you are an abomination and maybe the best thing your parents did for you was sending you away. If your path was any different, you would have never met Ava.''

Mother took her hand and squeezed it.

''Your time together might have been short, but I can bet my life on it that you would not take any of it back…Even the fact that it was you who hat to let her go into that portal. That wild child became one of the best warrior nuns and we are all in dept. She brought me back to life and in many ways she did that to you too… ''

Mother turned Beatrice to face her and put her hand on her cheek where small scar from the last battle could be barely seen.

''Beatrice, you were like a robot, a machine before she came into the Order. You were exceptional on your missions. You would always come back with maximum results and minimum damage to your body. Camila had to stich a wound or two that could have healed by itself, but you were cold and too calculated. Even when Shannon was dying you spoke about tactical ways to protect the chapel. You didn't even say goodbye to someone who was your mentor and maybe even friend. You were giving Mary facts when she was watching someone she loved die. You brought tranquilizer gun to the party Ava was and with no words addressed to the girl you shot her because you knew she would be handful.''

That got small smile out of Beatrice. Even Lilith believed that was cold and uncalled for.

''That is Beatrice we all knew and believed she would never change. New recruits were scared of you. You were quiet, very distant from everyone and then on the matts, you were a merciless beast. Yes, now they are grateful to you for teaching them how to survive, but that was not the way Beatrice. Sometimes people needed your support and encouragement. Honestly, I was sure Ava would phase through wall of the Cat's cradle when you took over her training, but she didn't. She didn't because she trained with someone none of us knew. You were firm, but gentle, you were patient and spent hours just breaking down the moves step by step. You even stood still in some impossible positions so she could understand how she should position her body before delivering the blow. You blossomed beside her and grew into who you were supposed to be all along. In those short months you've known her she has given you more that church or even God could have.''

Beatrice slowly wiped her eyes.

''She was…is my reason to live…''

''I know what you are doing.''

Beatrice looked at Mother a bit surprised.

''You got this property to lull us all… To make me and Camila believe that you are turning the page, moving on…But in reality, this is one more smoke screen in Life of sister Beatrice. After we believe you that you are slowly moving on and settling into different and much peaceful life, you will disappear in your personal crusade to find Ava. No matter the cost or consequences. I am sure that you are just days away from contacting Julian and even getting into that ark yourself to bring Ava back…Or at least stay where she is…''

Beatrice didn't say anything. Mother put her hand on hers and gave he a sad smile.

''I know a broken person when I see one… One of the reasons I joined the church was because I couldn't stand to be broken hearted myself. Man I loved choose church instead of me. And then, years later, I had to watch him die. Part of me died that day with him… I see the same in you Beatrice. You are vanishing…and your eyes only light up when someone speaks of Ava and her coming back. And the only thing keeping me alive is the chance to train new girls and make sense in the sacrifice and death of the man I loved.''

Beatrice looked at Mother Supereon trying to put the puzzle together and the only name popping in her mind was Pope Duretti…But it was not possible… Mother Supereon and him? No!

''You are not wrong… It is who you think it is. We grew up in a small village in Italy. His uncle was a local priest and he raised him. Francesco lost his father in a car accident and his mother died few months earlier in childbirth. His uncle Jacopo was his only living relative. Church made an exception and let him raise him. He was an always in the church with his uncle helping in all the ways six years old boy could. Soon he was sent to boarding school and I saw him only when he would come to visit during holidays. My family was very religious so we spent more time than necessary at church. When I was sixteen I was giving Bible classes in Sunday school for young children and Francesco would sometimes come and sit in my class. After them we would go for ice cream or some other treat. You know us Italians, we have amazing pastry and every single thing you pick is right choice.''

Beatrice smiled. She did agree with that statement. She didn't say anything because she needed to know more about Mother and Pope. POPE!

''That is how we fell in love. He wanted to leave the seminary and ask for my hand, but his uncle didn't let him and he informed my parents who were deeply ashamed that their daughter is trying to take such a worthy boy away from God's path. So, he continued his education in Rome and I haven't seen much of him. I started working in the small shop and started collecting money to try to run away from my family and look for him in Rome. Unfortunately, I was discovered and my father tried to marry me off. I didn't want to marry anyone else, so I went to convent and joined. What I didn't know is that I didn't join any order, but order of sister warriors. So, I spent years there training and working on becoming best I could. I cut all the ties with my family. We saw one another many years later when he came as a young priest to my order. He was in charge of us and we got to spend some time together and our feelings came to surface again. We were close to sinning and that is when he asked to be transferred and I was left heartbroken again. In time I've learned to control my emotions and bury that side that loved him under layers of obligations, duties and fighting for…I don't know what anymore… He became bishop and I became warrior nun. He advanced in the church and I advanced in the order. We would cross paths from time to time but I couldn't see the person I loved anymore. His greed and hunger for power turned the sweet boy I knew into something I didn't like… When we were trapped…When you saved us…Before she scarified himself…I saw that person again…''

She took Bea's hand and wiped her eyes with the other.

''We've both lost someone we love in this battle Bea. The question is what will you do with that loss. I havechurch, my girls… What will you pick to be your legacy for Ava?''

She looked around and turned back to Beatrice.

''You've built this for her. You go this to finally give her a home, something she never had…and in the way you never had too.''

Yes, she had plenty of houses and apartments growing up but she never really had a home.

'' I've got a very angry call from your parents. You leaving the order didn't make them happy.''

''Mommy will have to cut down her diamonds and Chanel hording.''

Mother Supereon smiled at that.

''I am sure she is not taking it well.''

''I honestly don't care… I have bigger issues than her anger. Love of my life is lost…and I need to find her.''

''Beatrice, what if she is really lost to us? What will you do? Spend your entire life waiting for her? You've got something good going on in your life. You are free from church and now you can finally explore the side of yourself you spent years suppressing. You have means to travel, meet new people, experience new love.''

Beatrice looked at Mother Supereon with so much anger.

''How can you say something like that when you know that I love Ava?! Could you leave the church and find new love?''

'' I found my purpose staying in the church. He loved me and the church very much, so me staying in the order is my way to honor him. And Ava… She was nothing like us…She was free. She had that untamed spirit we all envied her for. She may be your greatest love, but it doesn't mean she should be your last…''

Beatrice still looked angry.

''Tell me one thing Beatrice…and be honest with me. If you were the one gone or even dead…Would you have wished for Ava to experience life to its fullest? To travel, to explore, to love again, have family of her own? Doing all this doesn't mean that you stopped loving her. It means that you started loving yourself the way she loved you. And that girl loved you so much Beatrice. Do it as a testament to the love she had for you. I am sure she would have hated if you wasted your life living of just a grain of hope that somewhere in time she might come back to you and that you wasted your life away waiting for her to come back.''

Beatrice stood and couldn't stop the tears going down her cheeks. She knew Mother was right. She would have wished for Ava to live her life in case she was the one who was…not there. She couldn't use the word dead. Saying Ava is dead means that she is giving up on her.

''Don't you want to get married? Be someone's wife? Maybe even a mother?''

''I do… I did…''

''Then search for someone who can fill your life with laughter and happiness.''

Camila came back to them and it was clear that this conversation was over and it was time for two of them to return to the convent.

''Don't be stranger Beatrice…''

''I will try to come and visit.''

Camila gave her a hug and they left her home. It took her a moment to clear the table and put the dishes away and after she was finally alone, she went to her office to study land reports and all the documents Paulo, man who was in charge of helping her with the estate, brought to her yesterday afternoon. She spent few hours going through those papers and taking notes about important things that were in them. Part of the land she wanted to use for more vine was not good for it so he gave her a list of fruits and herbs that could grow there. Somewhere on the bottom of the pile, she found a suggestion for small pavilion where they could organize wine tasting and even have some gatherings. House had six bedrooms, without the master, so she could make this some sort bed and breakfast but with wine. She loved that idea so, she took that idea and put it on the other side of her desk. She would have to look into it a bit more before she gives her answer.

That night Beatrice went to bed with a grain of hope. This time hope had nothing to do with Ava, but with her surviving this limbo she lived in.