It has been two months since Ava…since she was sent through the portal and Beatrice found some way to survive her day. As usual, she buried herself in her work and making this vineyard even better. She was earning much more than she expected and with help of her workers and the rest of the staff, she was slowly making this place home for more than just her. She and few of her men went to the market to buy plants and she ended up with a big lavender tree she put on her bedroom balcony. It was one more thing for Ava. She loved lavender and when they were in hiding, she insisted for Beatrice to buy them lavender softener for when they do their laundry. When Beatrice was clearing up their things in the convent and Jillian's house, she found small bags of lavender in draws. That was one more thing that reminded her of Ava. Now entire closet was filled with small bags of dried lavender.

When she got used to the house and space she started adding small touches to make it more feel like home. On the wall, above the bed she put dry black tree branch with black paper butterflies on the smaller branches. Ava loved butterflies. She got comfortable garden set of chairs for the bedroom balcony and sometimes she would spend afternoons there watching sunsets with cold lemonade in her glass.

She started using the kitchen more. She learned how to make some of Ava's favorite food and sometimes, during the weekends, she would make one of them for dinner. She would eat in the dining room and have one of her chats with Ava.

She started adding some color to her black clothes. In the beginning it was some broach or belt in some color that was not too vivid. Camila and Mother kept coming to her house from time to time and they also noticed change in her. Camila was hopeful that her friend would recover from her loss and learn to live. Mother Supereon was a bit skeptical but never voiced her worries. She didn't want to disturb whatever was going on with the former nun.

They were sitting in the living room and having tea when Beatrice told them that she would be going to Madrid for a week to meet with some group of young architects who she wanted to give the project of building the pavilion. Camila was very happy.

''Oh, I love what you want to do with this place. I think it will be amazing. What do you want to do?''

''I am not sure yet. I have few ideas, but it depends of what they say what would be made in the end. After all, they are the experts.''

''I am sure you have pretty clear vision and that you studied what could be done.''

Beatrice smiled at her friend.

''I did, but I want their advice too.''

''I am sure it will be amazing.''

''Me too. I have good feeling about it.''

They left Beatrice in better mood than they usually found her in. Mother was sad that she buried herself in work but she was the last person to tell her that she was wrong. She and Camila worked hard on making new recruits ready. When they were checking out the house, Mother noticed that Beatrice had a workout room made to resemble the place she trained. She smirked for a moment. She was not giving up the idea of one day putting on her gear again.

Trip to Madrid was eventful. She met the architects who loved her ideas, but had some suggestions about the materials that could be used and she also had meetings with few restaurants representatives about distribution of her wine. Some of them were very professional and polite, but some of them really tried to take advantage of a woman sitting across from them. Lack of the wedding ring on her finger for some of them was a signal that everything was allowed and that Beatrice would potentially be easy target. She noticed how differently they behaved toward the women who had that damn ring on their finger and an idea occurred to her. She would get one, if for nothing else, at least to use it at the gatherings of this sort. She spent her day off work wondering around Madrid and spending time at the places Ava loved. Every corner of this city reminded her of her lost love and it pained her so much how much she felt alone. She was passing very exclusive jewelry shop and she entered it in search for a perfect wedding ring. She came to the glass case and asked shop assistant for wedding rings. She opened one box and most of them were very simple and usual models. Somehow none of them felt like something Beatrice would see as her own ring. First ring that she got from the box was simple gold band. It was thin and nothing flashy. It looked nice on her hand, but somehow she didn't feel like it was ''hers''. It didn't speak to her. Yes, it would be useful took to get rid of idiots and pushy people, but she searched for a deeper bond. She wanted the ring to mean something.

''I need something specific, unique and a bit different.''

''We have new collection but it is not cheap.''

''Money is not an issue.''

Those words are words any sales person wants to hear. Shop assistant showed up with a black box that didn't look that big. She put it on the counter and opened it. First and only ring that got her attention was a bit wider gold band with pattern of crown of thorns with diamonds on it. She knew it was the one. She put it on her finger and it was a perfect fit, like it was made for her.

''I'll take it.''

Shop assent put it in the box and a bag and then turned to Beatrice.

''Do you need another one?''

''I beg your pardon?''

''A ring for your future spouse… We have beautiful rings that could match yours…if you want to see the men collection.''

''No, I don't need a men's ring.''

It took a moment for the girl to read between the lines.

''I am sure there is in here something that could match yours.''

Beatrice wanted to pay just for her ring and leave, but then something drew her back to the box. First ring that got her attention was a band resembling real crown of thorns it even had small thorns on it. It was much simpler than the ring she picked to herself and she could imagine it on Ava's finger. It was perfect for her warrior nun, just as the one she just picked was for her.

''This one… I'll take it.''

Girl packed the ring and looked at Beatrice.

''Are you having some themed wedding? A cosplay one? Sleeping beauty or something like that?''

She didn't respond, just offered her card. After rings were bagged she left the store and continued walking to her hotel. On the way back she saw posters of former Adriel's temple. Apparently, it became part of the tourist tur of Madrid. During her stay in Madrid would be exact two months since Ava… and morbid part of her wanted to go back to that building. She wanted to go to that basement and visit the place where she lost her love but she also knew she would get nothing from it. She got back to her hotel and changed into yoga pants and one of Ava's shirts. She took off her makeup and after entire day of meetings and being out, she let her hair down. She opened the bottle of her favorite ice tea and bag of some healthy munchies she loved. She took her ring out of the bag and just looked at it. She wanted to put it on her finger but changed her mind. She wanted to keep it in the box until the right moment. Her deepest hope and dream was that she wouldn't be putting that ring on her finger, but her favorite warrior nun but she was also aware of the fact that it would not be happening any time soon. She took out her journal and marked all the meetings she was expected to have the following day. Most of her time would be spent with architects and compared to the wine partners, those people were pretty fun and easy to work with.

In the morning Beatrice met in the small café with Paola, woman that would be in charge of the work. They both had notes prepared and Beatrice actually enjoyed their meeting. She loved people who were prepared and organized. It took them about two hours to agree on all the details and Beatrice invited Paola to come to the estate and see the terrain for herself.

''I know that somethings sound good on paper, but in real life they could surprise in many ways. You can spend few days at the estate and see how everything is.''

''I don't want to intrude.''

''You would not be. House is spacious and you don't have to worry. You will have space to work and no one will bother you.''

Paula liked Beatrice and she tried to flirt with her but the other woman was totally blind to it. She kept it very vague and professional so Paula never learned if Beatrice was taken or not. She knew she would find out as soon as she arrives to the vineyard but she wanted to be prepared. She didn't want to get her hopes up, just to meet a gorgeous boyfriend or even maybe a girlfriend.

''And I wouldn't bother you?''

''Oh, no. I have my study and my bedroom in the separate part of the house. You can use the bedroom on the ground floor so you can have your privacy. I usually spent most of my time upstairs, so, you should be free to roam the house.''

''And your family wouldn't be bothered by my presence?''

''We don't live together. We haven't lived together since I was a teen. So, you don't have to worry about them.''

''And what about your boyfriend or girlfriend?''

Beatrice found it painful to explain Ava so she kept it simple.

''You would not be disturbed doing your work or stay in my house. Don't worry. My staff will be at your disposal and few men who are most familiar with the estate would be at your disposal all the time in the field.''

''And will you be there?''

''When I am needed. But I believe they would be much more helpful than I could ever be. I am more paperwork person these days. And in next few weeks I might be more in Madrid than at the estate.''

''Oh…''

''I have some…legal things I have to handle so my time will be very divided between estate and Madrid.''

Since Paola didn't get anything personal from Beatrice, she didn't really give up on the idea of romancing the other woman, she just realized she needed change of strategy. Spending time in her home would give her a chance to get to know her better and that would be the way to make strategy how to get the other woman to go out with her.

After the meeting, Beatrice went to see Camila and some other recruits that were in the city. They took a walk at the El Retiro park and Camila took that as a chance to talk to Beatrice.

''How are you these days?''

''I am…I am getting by… Day by day… Waking up, doing my morning routine, getting to work, trying to get the most out of my vineyard… You know…''

There was moment of silence.

''One of the last things...she…asked from me was to live… I am trying to Camila, but it is so hard… I feel like I have nothing to live for…My reason to live and to die is not with me anymore.''

''They are making some sort of morbid museum out of Adriel's temple.''

''I've seen the posters…''

''Pope died there, so it is supposed to be some sort of secret place.''

Beatrice just huffed.

''Some Pope he was.''

Camila was still in her habit and part of the church so she tried to pick her words very carefully.

''I know that two of you clashed over some issues…but…''

''It was not some issues Camila. He wanted Ava dead… He wanted to play to my vanity to get me to kill Ava and claim the halo. I shut it down…Unfortunately, Lilith fell for that and ended up…''

Camila was silent. She knew that Beatrice needed time to say what she had to say. She knew that Beatrice bottled up her emotions and what she was expecting now are bits and pieces of how she really felt.

''She was more to me than that damn metal in her back. She was a person… So, I could never kill her for that. I never wanted to be Warrior Nun.''

Kamila often wondered why. In all honesty, Beatrice was the best of them. She would have made good Warrior nun. Other nuns respected her. She earned that respect because she worked hard and when things were messy and hard, she always was there, fighting like there was no tomorrow. Even on the night Sister Shannon died, Beatrice kept her head clear and made sure they were safe in that chapel.

''Why? I always believed you would be amazing.''

Beatrice gave her a small smile.

''I never wanted it. I never wanted to be responsible for so many people. I guess, in time I learned that I was better receiving orders than giving them.''

''Lilith would be worse alternative.''

Camila said it with a small smile but Beatrice's face remained stoic and a bit cold.

''Lilith was to vain to be a warrior nun… She was better as sister warrior. She would abuse her position of power and she would undermine people who didn't rise to her standards.''

''Is it true Bea?''

''What?''

''That she hurt Ava in the end?''

''Well, she had wounds from the claws on her shoulders and she teleported her from the temple when she was close to putting crown on Adriel's head…So… Do your own math Camila!''

That was a bit harsh, but Camila accepted her answer. They all lost that night and also lost Mary Lilith (they all knew) and Shannon, but her loss couldn't compare to Bea's. She lost her friends, but on top of that, she lost the woman she loved more than life itself. Looking at Beatrice, Camila was under impression that Beatrice died too in front of that arc. Yes, Lilith helped in the end, but she was sure that somewhere there is Beatrice's ''book'' and Lilith's name was in it…along with Father Vincent's, Kristian's

''Could you ever forgive her? Forgive father Vincent?''

Look Beatrice gave her sent chills down Camila's spine.

''Not as long as I live…''

''But God will make sure they pay…''

''Whatever God has in store for them, they deserve much worse.''

Camila got the envelope from the pocket of her habit. It was invitation to the opening of former Adriel's temple.

''If you change your mind.''

Beatrice took it and put it in her purse.

''Why would I want to go and watch a celebration at the place where she died?''

''Moving on? Finding peace?''

''Maybe some of the sisters can do that… I will never be able to move on or find peace.''

''And what about healing?''

''Oh, Camila…''

Beatrice took Camila's hand and put it over her heart.

''Gaping wounds never heal. You never recover from them… You never find the way to mend them. They stay gaping until your last breath and death comes as blessing because you don't have to live with that pain and feeling that you would never be a whole person ever again. There is nothing for me in this life Camila… Only thing keeping me alive is that microscopic maybe she would return to me. If I were in Mary's situation, I would have died the same night Shannon did or I would revenge her death and take my own life because without her, there is no reason for me to live. Ava was my life… Everything before her was just…existing… I started living when she came into our lives. And I died when I sent her through that portal.''

''Beatrice, don't talk like that. You are young… You will recover and love again.''

''I appreciate your optimism and ability to find rainbow even in the biggest storm of our lives… But I know myself… Ava was it for me and I will spend rest of my life mourning that loss. ''

''You can't spend your life bound to someone who doesn't exist.''

''Haven't we done that when we took our vows? Our vows were like marriage vows to someone who doesn't exist, we never see and we are expected to stay fateful to… So, tell me what is the difference between that and my devotion to Ava?''

Camila was a bit shocked by Bea's comparison, but she realized that Bea was sort of right.

''I just want you to be happy.''

''I was once…''

And with that Camila dropped the subject. They walked some more and then it was time for their ways to part for the night.

''If you want to come to this event, give me a call. Mother and some other sisters would be glad to see you.''

Beatrice just nodded and gave Camila bone crushing hug.

Yes, Camila missed her too.

Bea spent the rest of her day walking around Madrid and reminiscing her past with Ava. Around dinner time, she found a hole in the wall place where she had something to eat and went back to hotel. She spent entire night tossing and turning, thinking about the invitation Camila gave her. When she finally managed to fall asleep, she dreamed of Ava in that very place with a smile on her face offering her hand to take. When she woke up, she texted Camila she would be there. That meant that she had some shopping to do. In one of the places her mother loved to shop at, she got black cocktail dress and shoes that went with them. They had very high heel and she knew that some of her former sisters would be surprised to see her in a dress with bare arms. She took off Ava's medallion, but kept it in her small purse and kept the pearl. She finally put her ring on and there was one more place she wanted to visit before going to the opening. At the flower shop that was secret Order hiding place she went to buy flowers for Ava. Woman working there was surprised to see her.

''Sister Beatrice? Is something the matter?''

''It's just Beatrice now… And I came to get some flowers.''

''Oh…''

She let Beatrice wonder around the shop and then finally gained some courage to ask.

''I am sorry…but is there any news of…?''

''No, nothing…''

''Every day we pray for her safe return. Fighting demons is hard without warrior nun's guidance.''

''I am sure she would be here if she could…''

And with that, she ended any discussing of Ava. She couldn't listen to people speaking about her. In the eyes of this sister and many other, she was just a sister warrior who fought at Ava's side. They had no idea what their true relationship was and how much they loved one another. It was no one's business and secret to be kept when it came to the rest of the sisters. The ones that caught the way they were around each other, never spoke of it out of respect for both of them and Bea's loss. In the end she got lavender colored roses (symbol of love at first sight and enchantment).

She walked streets of Madrid feeling sick to her stomach knowing who would be there and how many traitors and hypocrites would be in that space. But in the end she knew why she was going there. She was going there to honor Ava's memory. She didn't care what was going on in the top levels, she was more interested in the basement.