First thing she feels when she enters the building is hate and anger. Each step she takes toward the room where the giant cross was her feelings amplify. She sees some of the sisters she served with and some of the girls that came just as she was leaving. They are surprised to see her there and even more surprised to see her dressed as she was. Camila and Mother Supereon came to greet her. Camila was very enthusiastic and had huge smile on her face.

''You came! I am so glad you are here. Many of the sisters really miss you and honestly, I miss you too. I am in a desperate need for a sister that can help me teach them how to fight. Mother Supereon saw that it was not a moment for that conversation, so she stopped Camila from speaking about anything more.

''I agree with Camila. I am glad to see you.''

''Me too Mother.''

She took Beatrice's hand and saw the ring. It was clear to the mother what was the direction she chose to take after their conversation. It was now what she would have wished for Beatrice, but it was not her choice. They didn't talk for a long time because Mother was needed somewhere else.

First speech was given by one of the Cardinals that followed Adriel but somehow managed to cover his tracks and now he was one of the candidates for new Pope. He stood with some more priests that were on Adriel's side and now pretended that they were never part of conspiracy or his church. Beatrice felt sick to her stomach. Beatrice wondered how Mother felt about them all standing there and giving such heart wrenching speech about the man in whose death they participated in different ways. Even father Vincent stood with the new sister warriors and it was taking her so much strength not to walk up to him and kill him without even disrupting her dress and hair. Sister Dora came to say hello to her and she and Beatrice talked a little.

''A lot of people came. I didn't expect this many. Some of the nuns, some of sister warriors… Now this is a big social event and just two months ago it was…well, a bloodshed.''

''People forget very fast… This is one more proof of that. You see place where you lost some of your friends or place where some got hurt and they see new shiny place of fun and way to get money.''

Dora just nodded.

''Did you see Dr. S? She is here too… But I can't find her now.''

Beatrice knew where the other woman was.

''Excuse me…''

She remembered the way to the basement. She knew every corner by heard and walking to the elevator that took her to the chamber where the ark was, brought so many memories. Her hand was as a reflex reaching behind her back to get her stick, but instead she could only feel the material of her dress. Regardless of peace they were currently in, her mind was back to combat mode and that night. Fighting all those men that just made her get to Ava almost too late. Pain she felt and some sort of acceptance of potential death. She knew Ava went there ready to die and she followed with the same sentiment. If it was Ava's day to die, she was going to die by her side. Sister warrior by her warrior nun, woman by the love of her life, Beatrice by her Ava.

She found Dr. Salvius standing over huge blood stain where her son exploded. She was dressed in black pants and shear shirt and her hair was in a messy bun. Beatrice could see arm covers she used to hide burns from the arc. In the corner, a bit far from her were few blood stains Beatrice knew were Ava's. That is where she held her and saw her fade bit by bit before she put her into that bloody machine. She lowered herself and put flowers there. Dr. Salvius turned and she was not surprised to find Beatrice standing beside her.

''I couldn't stand being up there… I had to come and see…''

Beatrice knew what she was talking about. She was here when Ava was dying and yet she had to come back here and honor her sacrifice. Dr. Salvius just got the phone call and later very vague information from Mother Supereon.

She started crying and dropped to her knees and then she lied down by her son's bloodstain. She traced her fingers over it and kept weeping.

''He was my baby… My reason to live and this is all I have left from him…''

Beatrice was looking at a broken woman and it felt like she was looking in a weird twisted mirror. She felt the same urge to lie down by Ava's blood because it was also one of the very few things she had of her. To some people on the floor above, she was a Halo barer, but to her she was a person. Someone she loves…She will always love.

''I wanted to see it… I wanted to come here, but they didn't let me. They said they had to prepare the building for this… They said they were sorry for my loss…''

She got up so she was sitting now and looked at Bea.

''Do they know the depth of my loss? Do those men in dresses even know how it feels to lose a child? Do they know how it feels to carry a life inside of you and then have it ripped from you in this way. I know Michael made his choice and he and Ava choose to do this alone… But none of them upstairs knows Beatrice! None of them wakes up screaming for someone they love! None of them feels this emptiness and paralyzing pain! I feel like I am going insane in that house. I hear him calling me. So many times at night I run out of my bed in search of him…. only to find the house empty… He is not there…None of you is there… And then I sit in his room and look at his things… Some of them were from the time he was younger and some are recent. I sleep in his shirts just to feel his smell and familiar presence. Maybe that is the only time I manage to get some sleep. ''

Beatrice listened and tried to control her tears.

''To them Ava and Michael were means to an end… But to us…He was my everything Beatrice and now I have nothing. I don't' even have body to bury and grave to go to. I know he is dead, but I need that tombstone as a closure…''

Beatrice dropped down and pulled her knees to her chest. She didn't care that it didn't look lady like and that her mother would probably criticize her for this. Manners didn't matter now.

''I can't sleep… I sleep only when I make myself so tired that I pretty much faint to bed. I see her all the time… I feel her in bed next to me…. I bought a vineyard and decorated the house in a way she would have loved it. It even has colors I honestly hate. I have bedsheets with ducks because I know she would have loved them.''

That got small smile out of Jillian. She could imagine Ava in baby duck sheets, but not Bea. She could see Bea having some dark gray, black or white sheets, but vivid colors and ducks, never.

''I would give everything to see you going to bed in those sheets.''

''Well, I can send you a selfie when I come home.''

''I would love that.''

She grew serious for a moment and looked at Beatrice.

''Do you think their sacrifice was worth it?''

''To me, nothing is worth Ava's death…and I am pretty sure you feel the same when it comes to your son.''

''I've met a girl.''

That was a news to Beatrice. In all honesty, they never spoke about anybody's sexuality. They were nuns at war with something out of this world. There was no time for girl talk.

''Oh…''

She noticed the look on Bea's face and gave her a small smile.

''Not in that way… I spent these two months trying to gather enough DNA material from Michael to try to somehow… I don't know…have another child…another him. Girl is there to be the surrogate.''

''And how is that working out for you?''

''She is two weeks pregnant.''

''And how does that make you feel?''

''Like I have something to hope to…''

Beatrice just nodded. In any other situation she would be very loudly against it and she would reprimand Jillian for playing God, but now… There was part of her that envied her. She had something to hope for.

She came to Beatrice and took her hands.

''I am scared.''

''Of what?''

''What if we don't succeed? What if she can't carry to term? What if something goes wrong?''

Beatrice also had too many questions, but she also had enough sense not to make it more difficult for the other woman. She tried to calm her down.

''Well, I've never been a mother or experienced pregnancy, but I would think that those are dilemmas you have no matter what.''

''You are right…It felt like that when I carried him… It felt like any minute something could go wrong and he would be taken from me.''

''I hope you will get to keep this one and see him grow safely.''

''I hope so too.''

Beatrice got up from the floor and cleaned her dress and wiped her eyes.

''I think I am going to leave… I can't stand being here… I believed being close to the place where I last held her would help, but it's even more painful.''

Jillian just nodded. Beatrice turned to walk away when she heard her speak again.

''I could do the same for you…if you want.''

She turned back a bit confused.

''Ava… I could give you Ava back… I still have her blood and tissue…''

Beatrice was tempted to say yes. Actually, she wanted to scream yes, but rational part of her stopped her. She didn't really support what Dr. Salvius was doing, but she could understand where she is coming from. She didn't want to hurt her feelings, so she just gave her a small smile.

''I'll think about it…''

Jillian just smiled and Beatrice left. She sneaked out of the building using some passages that were not that crowded. She took a taxi to her hotel and got ready for bed. This was very weird experience and all she wanted was to sleep it off.

In next few days Beatrice had few more meetings and then she was ready to go home. She started texting with Jillian more than usual and it felt good to have someone who could relate to what she was dealing with. Not that losing a child could compare to losing a person you love, but they both felt alone in their pain. People keep telling her to move on, Mother suggested she meets someone new and starts a family, but she felt like Jillian was the only one that understood that she needed time. She was not ready for all of it. Beatrice was pretty sure she would never be ready, but at the age of twenty-four, never is a too strong word. She would stick to not ready as the state of mind she is ready to verbalize. Sitting at home at her balcony with ice tea and lavender tree finally gave her peace she needed. This house was becoming home and Beatrice didn't feel as a stranger in it anymore. She changed for bed into one of Ava's Hawaiian shirts and called Jillian on FaceTime to show her the sheets with ducks. For a minute Jillian couldn't stop laughing and at the end of their conversation, she thanked Beatrice for the call and image she had on her mind. She told her that it was one of the very few positive things she had experienced in a long time.

''You are invited to visit me any time you want… And don't worry, I will have baby elephants prepared for you. Or maybe angry clouds… I think that ducks and clouds would be Ava's favorites.''

''I think I would have to agree with you on that. Have a good night Beatrice. Hope to talk to you soon.''

They finished their conversation and Bea finally got comfortable in the bed. She looked over to the Ava's side and wished her good night. She couldn't explain to anyone but Jillian how real the image of Ava beside her was. She was sure she could touch her if only she stretched her hand. She was woken up at three in the morning by the phone call. It was unknown number.

''Hello…''

''Beatrice…''

''Lilith?''

''How soon can you meet me in Madrid?''

''And hour?''

''Hurry up.''

''What is going on?''

''I've found Ava.''

''Did you tell…''

''No, just you… Come alone…''

''Is this some trick?''

''Beatrice, I know we have a lot of things to resolve, but I would never lie to you about something like that.''

''I am on my way.''

She put on her slippers got her bag and got into her car. Just as she was entering the Madrid, she became aware that she was in tiny shorts, house slippers and Ava's shirt. She found the address that Lilith gave her and knocked at the doors of the house. Lilith opened and just gave her a look when she saw how she was dressed.

''Do not even start with me… Where is she?''

''In the bedroom on the top floor.''

''How is she?''

''Confused… She doesn't remember anything.''

''Why did you call me? Why not Mother or anyone else from the order?''

Lilith looked at her and almost smiled.

''She was clutching this in her arm and when I tried to take it from her to see if it was really yours, she didn't want to give it to be because it was important…''

Beatrice took the cross and thanked Lilith. She climbed the stairs to the bedroom Lilith pointed her to and put her hand on the door handle. Behind these doors was the love of her life…Woman who didn't remember her but somehow knew of her.