Chapter Two: Worst Lease in History?

Ed successfully lobbied the Boss to add Clark to the lease discussion, so Jules proposed that they have the discussion at her house instead of trying to cram all of them into Parker's small apartment. The Sergeant countered that his house was more than big enough for the whole team and the four kids; while that was true, a certain lieutenant had been avoiding the team wives ever since his breakup with Marina and he had no intention of breaking that trend when he had an easy out.

So Greg thanked his fellow negotiator for her offer, accepting it in virtually the same breath. Lane made a face, but didn't argue, not after he spotted the raw relief glowing in hazel depths. Instead, the team agreed to head back to their cars and split up for an hour or two before heading to Jules' place.

Despite the lingering grief over losing the love of his life, Parker couldn't deny a certain sense of glee as he ushered his three kids into Jules' home. It had taken longer than he would've liked to get around to the apartment and its attendant lease, but now that they had, well, he had a line he'd been itching to use ever since the first time he'd read that absolute con-artist rip-off of a lease. And no one was going to take that particular bombshell away from him. Not. A. Chance.

So Greg waited until everyone had arrived, almost vibrating as all four kids greeted each other and the adults in their life. If he'd had to, he would've told his teammates to keep quiet, but none of them needed the 'team sense' to know who was taking the lead. Oh, no; this was the Boss's big moment and woe betide anyone who interrupted that moment.

Once the opening chit-chat was done, the lieutenant cleared his throat and discreetly gestured to Jules' dining room table. The teenagers were wary as they were herded towards the table, but aside from the tension in the air, the officers kept quiet and simply nudged the kids forward to the center of attention.

Moving to stand opposite his nipotes, Greg looked each of them in the eye and laid out the lease on the table. "For rent like this, you two should've been at the Ritz, getting served caviar with every meal and having a fleet of hotel maids doing your laundry."

Alanna flushed, but her brother went brick-red as Clark and Dean gawked, torn between shock and utter horror at the idea that their cousins had been so badly scammed.

Deliberately, Greg fanned out the papers that formed the lease with one hand. "Tell me you noticed how bad the spelling was, kiddo."

"Well, yeah, but…" Lance trailed off, staring at the lease in confusion. "It was deliberate?"

"We think it was," Ed confirmed from the head of Jules' table, solemn. He traded a glance with his superior. "Everything is in the lease."

"It would have to be," Sam put in. Pointing at the paper, he added, "Anything that's not in the lease would have to be signed by you and your landlord to be binding."

"That's why there's so much paperwork if you rent an apartment, buy a house, take out a loan, or even buy a car," Lou explained. "The contract has to cover every aspect and if it comes to court, any interpretation goes against whoever wrote it."

Dean frowned. "But as long as it's in the lease, it's legally binding?" he questioned.

"For the most part," his father agreed. "There are exceptions, son. If a contractual demand is considered unconscionable, a court can make the decision to wave that demand."

"Or if you sign a contract to commit a criminal act, that's unenforceable," Jules offered. She smiled wryly. "At least, it's unenforceable by a court."

Clark's brow furrowed. "What about the one I hear about in those daytime court things? Clean hands?"

The SRU officers nodded and Greg quite deliberately skated his eyes to Wordy in silent invitation. The team leader smirked at his boss, but accepted the handoff. "Clean hands can apply," he conceded, "but it usually means that whoever's coming to court hasn't broken the law. Like if they're driving on a suspended license or they don't have insurance, the court typically won't side with them because they're asking for help after doing the wrong thing." He pointed to the lease. "Most of the time, that's not going to apply to a lease, Clark. A lease might demand, say, renter's insurance, but the local government doesn't."

"So if someone skips on the renter's insurance, but they haven't broken any laws, they've still got clean hands?"

Wordy considered, finally shaking his head. "That…that could go either way," he admitted. "No, no laws have been broken, but you're still violating a lease." He shrugged. "You'd probably have to ask a lawyer on that one, Clark."

"The point," Parker interjected, taking control of the meeting back, "is that everything is in the lease, no matter how badly they butchered their spelling, but that doesn't mean this lease is legit." The fingers of one hand tapped the papers as he gazed at his nephew. "If I had to guess, kiddo, you didn't read this before you signed it, am I right?"

"I did," Lance protested, sapphire widening. "I was responsible for everything in there, so, yeah, I read the whole thing."

The stocky man blinked, but accepted the curveball without comment. Cocking his head to the side, he asked, "So can you tell me how long this lease is for?"

"Twelve months," his nephew replied at once.

"Wrong." All four teenagers snapped to Ed, who shook his head and reached for the lease; Greg slid it over to him. "We do have a section that says it's a regular twelve month lease," the sniper began, flipping through the sheets to find his topic. "But then it goes ahead and cites two different subsections that are buried in the back, right in the middle of all the legal mumbo-jumbo about utilities, bed bugs, and what kind of antenna you can put out on the balcony."

"Each of those subsections adds another twelve months to the lease," Greg finished quietly.

"The rent's stupid, too," Spike declared, snagging the lease from his Sergeant. "Not even a luxury apartment should cost this much."

"For the first six months," Lou added helpfully. He didn't reach for the lease, but surveyed the teenagers with a mix of sympathy and stern disapproval. "We got three different subsections for your rent and once you cut through all the babble, you guys would've had rent increases every six months."

Lance swallowed hard. "How big?"

"By the end of three years, you'd be paying almost double what you started with," Sam announced.

"Oh, and you would've needed to give them six months' notice that you were moving out," Wordy remarked with faux cheer. "Otherwise, it automatically renews for another three years. Plus more rent increases."

"Any damage and you automatically lose your entire security deposit, plus however much it costs to fix the damage," Ed finished, crossing his arms.

"Isn't the deposit supposed to be for damage?" Dean asked, alarmed at how much his cousins had been taken advantage of, even with the amounts deliberately kept vague.

"Yes," the adults replied, almost in chorus.

"Is a lease like that even legal?" Clark wondered, not even noticing how much Lance was shrinking back and turning even redder.

"It shouldn't be," Greg said. "I gave serious thought to taking this thing over to the white-collar crime division."

Dean started. "Why didn't you, Dad?"

The stocky man sighed. "Because, Dean, something hinky is going on here." Hazel cut to his best friend. "Eddie, who do you think wrote this lease?"

"A lawyer," Ed answered without missing a beat. "Somebody who knows how far they can go with all this legalese and still be technically legal."

"But you just said it wasn't legal," Clark protested.

"If they can get away with it, that's all that matters," Greg whispered, shaking his head. "No, I don't think something like this should be legal, Clark, but when it comes to something like this, I'm just as clueless as any civilian on the street."

"We're SRU, not white-collar," Sam admitted. "We can guess, kids, but there's a whole lot of shady contracts out there that are technically legal, even if they're totally unethical."

Parker heaved another sigh. "The lease is a mess, but that's not our biggest problem."

"It's not?" Alanna ventured, though she curled behind her brother even as she spoke.

"No, mia nipote, it's not," Greg confirmed, pretending he hadn't seen her hide from him. "Our biggest problem is that Gringotts negotiated this lease and then recommended Lance sign it."

"No way the goblins would've missed all the junk in here," Sam burst out, shaking his head vigorously. "If we saw it, they sure did."

"Then why'd they do it?" Dean questioned, eyes wide. Swinging towards his cousin, he asked, "Don't you pay them to catch stuff like this?"

"Our family account managers get paid on commission," Lance replied. "The more money our vaults make, the more money they make, Dean. And our commission rate is a lot higher than required by treaty, so they're earning more from our vaults than just about any other family account they work on."

"Sounds like that's plenty of incentive," Wordy mused, frowning. "Why kill the golden goose?"

"Especially when the golden goose is a Goblin-Friend," Sam pointed out. "Crossing a Goblin-Friend is a big no-no in their society."

The young lord closed his eyes and bowed his head. "So we really have two problems, don't we, Uncle Greg?" He gestured to the lease. "How to get out of that and why did Gringotts turn on us."

"That was my line of thinking, kiddo," Greg confessed. "It doesn't make sense, not unless the goblins have turned on our family."

"Or maybe only one or two?" Jules offered. "I know the wizarding world is small, but Gringotts is a big bank. Unless we're talking about systemic corruption, then it's not the whole bank, just our subject goblins."

"I could buy into that," Sam agreed. Blue flicked to the young pureblood lord. "Has your account manager changed recently? Or maybe been acting weird?"

Lance tilted his head towards the sniper. "Our primary account manager is still Silnok," he replied, ignoring his uncle's frown. "And he's worked way too long for our family to pull something like this."

"You think you know someone," Ed muttered, but the teenager shook his head.

"Not. Silnok," he countered without any give whatsoever.

"I'm sorry, mio nipote, but until we know for sure who our subject is, we can't be sure," Greg corrected gently. "None of us want it to be true, kiddo, but that doesn't change anything."

"Innocent until proven guilty," Lance argued back.

The officer refused to flinch. "That went out the window as soon as two of my children were put in danger. Now I need evidence that I can trust before I'll let those goblins near any of you, understand?"

Sapphire dropped in submission and resignation, but Greg had a feeling he'd won more points than he knew. After all, for a human, regardless of ability, to go toe-to-toe with a goblin was unlikely to end well. No matter how determined he might be, a goblin's combat skills were a lot better than his. That he was willing to do so regardless – and that he hadn't made any distinction between Dean and his nipotes – was one heck of a statement.

"All right," he declared, pulling attention away from his nephew. "Let's go through this thing in more detail so you guys know what to keep an eye out for next time." He smiled at their wary gazes. "None of you are going anywhere any time soon, but eventually, you're going to have to deal with contracts. Best to learn as much as you can right now."

Dean grinned; beside him, Clark was thoughtful. Lance and Alanna were still crimson with embarrassment, but even they glanced up in interest at their uncle's declaration.

With one last nod, Greg reclaimed the lease and started on the very first page.

Later that evening, after dinner, Greg sent Dean back to the kitchen to retrieve the brownie fudge dessert they'd picked up at the store on their way back from Jules' place. Facing his nipotes, he regarded them seriously. "One last thing about that lease."

"Yes?" Alanna asked, cocking her head to the side.

The negotiator had spent the last several hours trying to come up with a tactful explanation, but, really, there wasn't one. So he sighed and closed his eyes. "You two could've afforded that rent, no problem."

"But…" Lance began, only to stop at his uncle's upraised hand.

"I mean it, kiddo. I was your Regent until you took over the Headship; I know how much you two have in the bank." Greg leaned forward, meeting their eyes. "Even if we can't get you two out of that farce, you can afford it. It's lousy and unfair, but you can afford it, plus tuition and a car besides."

Alanna stared at her brother accusingly, but he shook his head in bewilderment. "Uncle Greg, I've got all my statements from Gringotts," he protested. "We could barely afford the initial rent and pay for school, too."

"I believe you that your statements say that, but I can show you the statements that I got as your Regent," Parker countered. "I'd have to check the date on the last statement, but it doesn't matter. The assets in your vault shouldn't have dropped much, if at all, between the time when I went undercover and you decided to take the lordship."

His nephew considered, expression twisting in dismay. "Then something really is wrong with Gringotts."

"Yes," Greg confirmed gently. "It is. Regardless of anything else, no bank should be lying to their own customer as to how much he has in his account."

"But why would they do that?" Lance asked, shame dropping his gaze anew.

Reaching across, the lieutenant tipped his nephew's chin up. "Hey. This is not your fault. I should've gotten you involved on the financial side ages ago. Then they wouldn't have been able to lie to you like this. Not without you catching them." Hazel became intent. "At the same time, kiddo, even though I fell down on the job, they shouldn't have tried to lie to you anyway. That is absolutely against the grain, understand?"

"Yes, Uncle Greg," Lance whispered.

"All right, enough said," Greg decided, leaning back as Dean returned with the fudge brownie dessert. Pinning his sons with a glare, he declared, "Two pieces is the max, got it? Alanna and I want some, too."

Both teenagers' faces fell, much to their sister's amusement.

Author note: I hope everyone had an absolutely wonderful Thanksgiving. Although I am far from all of my family, I have been carefully hoarding a Marie Calendar Turkey Pot Pie that I was hoping would bake up with a nice hard crust - and the Lord was very good to me. I also checked in with my parents as well as my aunt and uncle by phone, so I did get some family interaction - more to come at Christmas!

I did forget to mention it last week, but in honor of this year's Thanksgiving, I have posted another beautiful art commission by Makageni over on Ao3, in the same 'story' where I've been posting all my art commissions so far. Unfortunately, Fanfiction won't let me provide a link, but please head on over to my Ao3 profile (same pen name) and you'll find it right near the top of my Recent Works. I look forward to hearing what everyone thinks of our latest Animagus. ; )

Don't get crushed out there by Black Friday, ya'll!