She stood behind him the way I had always wanted to, and my stomach turned. It twisted, flipped, and flopped worse than it had with Sadie or Taryn or even Jessica. It was so bad I didn't even feel nauseous. Just empty. Like there was nothing there to throw up. There was only a space – deep and growing. In the beginning, when I'd first found out, I'd stopped breathing. I hadn't been able to speak, move, breathe. I hadn't even been able to cry. That had been seriously unusual. Most times that had been all I could do. But this time, all I could do was to stand perfectly still, heartbeat racing in search of oxygen. I hadn't even gasped. I'd just stopped breathing without warning. It was a peaceful, involuntary suffocation. No choking, no gagging: my airways were as clear as ever. It was like I'd simply forgotten how to breathe… nothing serious.
Max