Chapter Four
Andrew and the Basket-Case had returned with the drinks – six cans of Coke – and everyone had sat down at their previous desks to eat their lunch. Everyone began rummaging through their bags to find their midday meals, except John, and they were all more than ready to dig in. Sounds of rummaging and paper bags filled the library for a moment until John's voice replaced them.
"What's in there?" he asked Claire, who had pulled out a silver paper bag and was in the process of removing her lunch – beginning with a piece of wood and a napkin.
"Guess," she taunted, continuing to remove her meal, "where's your lunch?" she asked him.
"She," he gestured to Aideen, who was still looking through her backpack, "is wearing it," the Criminal smirked at the Irish redhead, who was oblivious to his comment. She was still innocently sifting through her bag.
"You're nauseating," Claire scoffed at him. Ignoring her, John grabbed a can of Coke and tossed it backwards, over his shoulder, to the Basket-Case, who caught it without even looking up. He then watched Claire set up a platter of oriental food.
"What's that?" he asked, sounding disgusted as he wrinkled his nose.
"Sushi," replied Claire easily as everyone looked at her, and her meal, with a mixture of confused and grossed-out expression. She poured a decent amount of soy sauce into a small, white dish as they stared.
"Su-shi?" repeated John in the same way as he had repeated her name earlier that day.
"Rice," Claire began explaining, "uh, raw fish and seaweed," she finished, looking between everyone as she picked up a pair of black chopsticks.
"You won't accept a guys tongue in your mouth and you're gonna eat that?" he asked her, genuinely repulsed by her food.
"Can I eat?" asked Claire, rolling her eyes.
"I don't know," warned John, "give it a try."
Before Claire could dig in, however, everyone's attention was turned to Andrew as he removed his lunch from his bag. Aideen's eyes widened and the paused in locating her lunch as he took out a jumbo-sized bag of crisps, three wrapped sandwiches, a bag of cookies, and a full carton of milk. He moved to put his back on the floor when he paused, pulling out a banana and an apple. Shaking her head as he unwrapped and began eating a sandwich, Aideen looked away and patted her stomach – no way would she even think she could eat all of that.
A fizzing sound came from the back of the room and Aideen and Brian watched as the Basket-Case opened her can of Coke – the fizzing sound being it fizzing over the top and onto the desk. She loudly slurped it from the top of the can, and then moved it slightly so she could get it off the table as well, taking it straight from the wood and into her mouth. She then slurped it from her fingers and, having looked around to see what she was doing, Andrew noticed John staring at him and his gargantuan lunch.
"What's your problem?" he asked, but was ignored as the attention of the room was once more drawn to the Basket-Case. She had opened her own sandwich and had tossed the meat filling up above her head, where it stuck onto the main sculpture in the library. She then opened one of her many pixie stix and poured the sugar onto the buttered bread as the meat fell to the floor. After taking a mouthful of Coke and swishing it in her mouth, she emptied two more pixie stix and put the empty containers into her can. The girl then crushed some Cap'n Crunch on top, putting the sandwich together and taking a loud bite.
"Wow," murmured Aideen, returning to her search for lunch as John went over to and sat down by Brian. He pulls the Brain's lunch bag over to him and placed a can of Coke in Brian's hands.
"What're we having?" asked John, folding his hands in front of him and glancing up at Aideen, who had turned around when she heard him steal Brian's lunch bag. He winked at the redhead, but she ignored him this time.
"Uh," stuttered Brian, "it's your standard, regular lunch I guess," he replied nervously. John reached into the bag and pulled out a pastel-coloured thermos, placing it on the table between them and staring at it.
"Milk?" he questioned.
"Soup," corrected Brian. Nodding once, John reached back into the bag and slapped Brian's hand away when he tried to reach for his lunch. The Criminal pulled out a juice box and held it in his hand, staring at it for a moment. "That's apple juice," said the Brain when John didn't comment.
"I can read," John huffed, placing it beside the soup as he took out the final item in the bag. "PB & J with the crusts cut off," comment John monotonously. "Well Brian, this is a very nutritious lunch," he continued, "all the food groups are represented," he shook his head and scoffed. "Did your mom marry Mr. Rogers?"
"Uh, no, Mr. Johnson," replied Brian, taking the comment seriously as Claire and Andrew smiled at each other in amusement.
"Ahhh," John nodded, as if understanding, and he stood up, walking to the centre of the desks. Aideen abandoned her search for her non-existent lunch to watch. "Here's my impression of life at big Bri's house," he announced.
"Oh, great," she sighed quietly, looking towards Brian before looking back to John.
"Son!" he called out on a booming voice, "Yeah, Dad?" he replied to himself, this time in a child's voice, and he continued in this manner throughout. "How's your day, pal?" the Criminal asked, "Great Dad, how's yours? – Super, say son, how'd you like to go fishing this weekend? – Great Dad, but I've got homework to do! – That's all right son, you can do it on the boat! – Gee! – Dear, isn't our son swell? – Yes Dear, isn't life swell?" he picked up a more motherly voice this time before he mimed Brian's parents kissing. The charade ceased being even a little funny when he impersonated Brian's father punching his mother in the face.
Everyone was quiet as John sat down; all the fleeting smiles that had appeared during his act had disappeared and most were now frowning or glaring at the Criminal. Brian had gone from being slightly amused by the show to looking at his desk in embarrassment, knowing it was all false but still feeling the need to correct everyone. It was Andrew, in the end, who spoke up.
"All right," he began, "what about your family?"
"Oh, mine?" asked John innocently, "That's real easy." He stood again and pointed forwards, mimicking his father, "Stupid, worthless, no good, God damned, freeloading, son of a bitch, retarded, big mouth, know it all, asshole, jerk!" he spat before shifting his stance to imitate his mother, "You forgot ugly, lazy and disrespectful," he said before John slammed his hand back to slap his invisible mother, "Shut up bitch! Go fix me a turkey pot pie! – What about you, Dad?" he asked, now as himself, "Fuck you! – No, Dad, what about you? – Fuck you! – No, Dad, what about you? – Fuck you!" he reached out and pretended he's his father hitting him before he finished, sitting back in his seat.
"Is that for real?" asked Brian after a moment of silence as everyone took in what they just saw.
"You wanna come over sometime?" offered John sarcastically. Andrew rolled his eyes in disbelief and spoke up.
"That's bullshit," he rejected, "It's all just part of your image, I don't believe a word of it," the Jock stated and John actually looked hurt for a moment before he stood up again.
"You don't believe me?" he challenged.
"No," confirmed Andrew.
"No?"
"Did I stutter?" mocked the Jock. John walked to him and rolled up his right sleeve, unveiling a circular shaped burn scar. Andrew saw it and looked away, wincing a little – not only at being proven wrong, but also because what John had shown them was true.
"Do you believe this?" he sneered, "Huh? It's about the size of a cigar – do I stutter?" mocked John when Andrew was silent, "You see, this is what you get in my house when you spill paint in the garage," he told him, beginning to walk away backwards, "See I don't think that I need to sit here with you fuckin' dildos anymore!" he roared, turning around as he walked over to a map table and threw all of the maps on the floor. He then climbed up on top of the table and up to the second floor balcony, sitting with his chin rested on the safety bars with his legs hanging.
"You shouldn't have said that!" yelled Claire at Andrew, scolding him.
"How would I know, I mean he lies about everything anyway!" said Andrew to defend himself. Aideen just looked at John for a moment, looking down at her gloved hands and tights-covered legs with a wince. She stood quickly, hurrying to the door and opening it enough to look out, but not enough to be noticed.
"What're you doing?" asked Claire with a huff, folding her arms as she watched the meeker girl. Aideen ignored her and continued to watch their Principal as he put an orange in his mouth and then attempted to pour coffee out of his thermos. However, rather than releasing a stream of the liquid, the top came off and the coffee spilt all over his desk.
"Oh, shit!" she heard him yell as she ducked back into the library, closing the door softly. Hearing footsteps echo down the hall, she ran back inside and stood by the table that John had used to climb up, reaching up and tapping his foot.
"What?" he snapped as he looked down with a scowl. Aideen winced and his face softened, "Oh, it's you. What do you want, Angel Face?"
"P-Principal Vernon left his office," she told him.
"So?" he frowned, pulling his legs back up and jumping down beside her.
"W-Well," she stuttered, backing away a little, "Didn't you w-want to go to y-your locker?" the girl asked meekly. John paused for a moment, thinking, and then grinned widely.
"Let's go, Sweetheart," he said, taking her hand and leading her to the door briskly. "Any of you Barf-Bags tagging along?" he offered, turning briefly to face the others. All of them looked to consider this, but Brian was the first to stand up, soon followed by Claire and Andrew. The Basket-Case was the last to leave, hurrying after them when they all crept out of the door.
They walked in a small group, Bender and Aideen taking up the front with Claire and Andrew just behind them. The Basket-Case and Brian brought up the rear of the rag-tag team of delinquents. Claire suddenly thought of something and bit her lip, speeding up her pace to walk with John and Aideen. Andrew gave her a questioning look, to which she rolled her eyes and tapped John's shoulder.
"How do you know where Vernon went?" she asked snappily.
"I don't," he admitted with a shrug and her eyes widened.
"Well then, how do you know when he'll be back?" she demanded to know, but Bender just grinned.
"I don't," he repeated, turning and smirking down at Aideen, "Being bad feels pretty good, huh?" the Criminal suggested. Eyebrows pulled together, Brian approached Andrew.
"What's the point in going to Bender's locker?" he asked the Athlete.
"Beats me," the teen shrugged in reply.
"This is so stupid," sighed Brian, "Why do you think – Why are we risking getting caught?"
"I dunno," Andrew sighed, his eyes narrowing in annoyance.
"So, then, what are we doing?" asked the Nerd.
"You ask me one more question," the Jock scowled, "and I'm beating the shit out of you!"
"Sorry," Brian apologised meekly. They finally made it to John's locker and he let go of Aideen's hand, opening the door while moving her back from it. A home-made guillotine fell, shocking the redhead, and John ignored it as he opened the top compartment of his locker.
"Slob!" the Athlete accused, wrinkling his nose as John pulled out a large, mouldy bag.
"My maid's on vacation," John replied sarcastically. Out of this bag he pulled a smaller one, and then a smaller one, and finally a bag of marijuana.
"Drugs," Brian realised in whispered awe.
"Screw that Bender," growled Andrew, "Put it back!" he demanded, but John ignored him as he took Aideen's wrist again and walked back towards the library.
"Drugs," the Nerd repeated, "The boy had marijuana," he squeaked. Looking at him once, Claire rolled her eyes and walked after Aideen and John. "That was marijuana!" said Brain again, hoping that someone besides him cared.
"Shut up!" snapped Andrew, shoving away from the lockers and briskly following the other three. Brian then looked at the Basket-Case, who was standing there with her mouth open in shock.
"Do you approve of this?" he asked her. She slowly closed her mouth, but Brian turned and left before she could answer. Frustrated at being ignored, the Basket-Case stole the lock from John locker, dropping it into her bag before taking off after the others.
"We'll cross through the lab, and then we'll double back," said John to the five following him.
"You better be right," warned Andrew. "If Vernon cuts us off it's your fault, asshole!"
"What'd he say?" asked Brian, directing his question to Claire, "Where're we going?"
Before Claire could answer, everyone stopped, seeing Principal Vernon down one of the halls. Eyes widening, John pulled Aideen down the hall, the others following, but they once again skidded to a halt, scrambling in the other direction, when Principal Vernon appeared in this hallway as well. After a few more attempts to escape their oblivious Principal, Bender stopped the procession in their tracks.
"Wait! Wait, hold it! Hold it!" he said, his grip still firm on Aideen's wrist, "We have to go through the cafeteria!" he told them. Andrew stepped up to disagree.
"No, the activities hall," he challenged.
"Hey man, you don't know what you're talking about!" warned the Criminal.
"No, you don't know what you're talking about!" the Athlete yelled back. Aideen shrunk away from him and John scowled while the Basket-Case squeaked in urgency. "Now we're through listening to you, we're going this way," he said finally, leading everyone in the direction he chose. John and Aideen, since he was still holding her, stood behind until the Basket-Case prompted them to move, stomping her feet and running after the others.
"Is this the wrong way?" asked Aideen innocently. John just sighed as they continued, eventually coming to an iron-gate blocking off the Activities Hall.
"Shit!" swore Andrew, banging on the gate.
"Great idea, Jack-off!" yelled Bender sarcastically.
"Fuck you!" yelled Andrew in reply.
"Fuck you!" interrupted Claire shrilly, glaring at Andrew, "Why didn't you listen to John?"
"We're dead!" groaned Brian. Aideen bit her lip and looked worried. John looked down at her and tightened his grip on her wrist for a brief moment before letting go altogether. She looked up at him in questioned and he just shrugged, smiling slightly.
"No, just me," said John, replying to Brian's previous statement.
"What do you mean?" asked the Nerd. Shaking his head, John placed his hands behind his neck and sighed.
"Get back to the library," he told them, stepping forwards and putting his bag of marijuana into Brian's trousers, "Keep your unit on this!" he warned, "And look after Angel Face for me, alright?" he smirked, tapping her on the chin before running off, singing I Wanna be an Airborne Ranger.
Aideen starred after him in awe for a moment before she was tugged along by Brian. The five remaining members of the Saturday detention ran off to the library, taking advantage of John's distraction. Unable to do much else but go with them, Aideen smiled slightly.
"Thank you," she whispered.