Nomg guys. An update that didn't take a month? Is the world coming to an end?
...maybe. Naw, I'm just giddy because Skyrim is less than a month away! I keep going to my pre-order screen, smiling at the release date.
And I know it's been a while since I've done this (and I owe everyone replies soon...just need time!), but I was shocked! Anonymous-you've been around since Bad Beginnings was started? O-O That's, like, forever. Or it seems like forever to me. Just, wow. Thanks for dropping a line and I'm glad you've enjoyed these stories for so long! I'm glad you're not sick of me. *hugs*
On a more serious-ish note, I have a few questions for you, my readers! One...did you guys really have any questions about Daybreak? Like, loose ends, or maybe just general questions or something? I feel bad for taking so long to fill in the profile bit, and the songs will be easy, but I'll also need questions (or need to know if there are enough questions to really put such a section there). If you don't feel comfortable submitting the question as a review, or if you don't feel like reviewing but want to ask a question, just pm me! The worst thing I'll do is talk a lot, promise.
The other thing is a tad more personal. As you can imagine, I've been thinking up stuff to put in here, and one thing I'm excited about doing is Saorise's past (and once that hits this little Omake, we are so going to a M-rating). But it will be revealing to the rest of her character and...I kind of want to do a comparison. What you think of her before and after you know about her. Like, your thoughts before her past, after her past, and see if there's a lot of little change. And, of course, I want to know what you thought of her (I'm so nosy).
However, since this doesn't have anything to do with the story (or at least, not this chapter), just pm me those thoughts, to those who would. And you don't have to! This is really just me being curious. Saorise has been...one of the most complex and evil characters I've ever created and worked with, and seeing how she both impacted the story, and you the readers as well, I want to know how she left you feeling. How you feel about her in the end.
So yeah, pm me those things if you wish! And enjoy! And accept my apology for the overly long A/N.
"You can do this, Hope."
Hope just closed his eyes and nodded, leaning into the back of the chilled leather seat of the cab. He swallowed when he felt calloused fingers on his hand, then brought his palm up and let Lightning's fingers lace with his. Hope nodded again and opened his eyes, glancing at Rygdea, then at Lightning, before looking down at his legs.
I can do this.
His head was buzzing and he could feel the blood pounding in his ears, the pulsing following his heart. He looked out the window, the buildings rolling by in gray and tanned blurs, and he let his eyes mist over.
"They'll ask you tons of questions. They'll probe you. Judge you. Sneer at you. Strength now, sure. But back then you didn't have it. Back then you were still just a weak, sniveling little kid, and you haven't graduated to much since. What makes you think you can look someone in the eye and tell them about what happened? About all the things you let happen to the people you care about?"
Someone grabbed his shoulder and shook him until his head fell forward. Hope blinked and looked up, spotting the black leather of the seats before looking at Rygdea. The man's eyes were dark and he worked his jaw before speaking.
"Don't go down there, Hope. You'll be all right. Don't go down there though."
Lightning squeezed his hand, her eyes searching his face, and Hope nodded. He took a deep breath and for a moment, his heart slowed down and he thought, I can do this.
The car started to crawl and his heart screamed, No, I can't.
"I can't go in there," Hope mumbled as the car screeched to a halt. Rygdea leaned up to pay the cab driver while Lightning pulled on Hope's arm. She opened the door and eased Hope out of the car, Hope shaking his head the entire way. "I can't go in there. I don't want this. Let's go home."
"You know we can't do that, Hope." Lightning's voice was flat and Hope flinched, lightly pulling away from her. Her grip tightened and he was led up the walkway, the cab slowly pulling away from the white colored building. Rygdea joined Hope on his left side, squeezing Hope's shoulder.
"It'll be all right," Rygdea said, smiling.
"You don't know that." Hope pulled again, harder this time, but Lightning didn't loosen her grip. They reached the clear glass doors and Rygdea led the way in. In Hope's head, the little voice was whispering, "Don't go in there."
"Please don't make me." The doors swung shut behind him, and Hope knew it was too late. Clean air hit him like a steamroller, lightly scented with lavender. The waiting room was baby blue, with little white carnations running along the paper. There were large, soft blue chairs lined in the room as well, with only two people seated amongst them. There was a lady with short brown hair at the counter, a clipboard in front of her and a pen lodged behind her ear.
Hope closed his eyes and took another deep breath, only to have it hitch when he heard his name.
"Estheim. Hope Estheim. Doctor Rilon will see you now."
"Oh...no, come on guys." Hope hated the desperation in his voice. How small it sounded.
Lightning released him and he brought his hand to his chest, breathing deeply and begging his heart to slow down. He shifted his shoulders, feeling eyes on him as he opened his own eyes and looked down at navy blue carpeting. He felt a big, gruff hand and a slender, firmer hand grab him on either shoulder and lead him toward another set of clear doors.
Hope looked up when they stopped, blinking at the woman he saw in front of him. She was tan-skinned, her long black hair held on top of her head in a bun. Her brown eyes looked at him through a pair of thick, black glasses, and she gave him a small smile.
Hope blinked but the woman's attention turned to Rygdea and Lightning, nodding at the two of them. "You must be Rygdea, the one I spoke with on the phone," she said, her voice airy and light.
Rygdea grinned and nodded, patting Hope on the back. "See, she's nice."
"You know that's not it."
Dr. Rilon's eyes softened and she looked at Lightning, tilting her head to the side. "I'm sorry, I don't know who you are."
"Lightning Farron." Lightning was crisp, her eyes going up and down the psychologist, taking in every detail. Her relaxed stance as she stood in front of them with a small clipboard, her mauve sweater and black dress pants and flat top shoes, and the small gold chain that hung around her wrist. "I'm Hope's girlfriend."
Hope blushed, glancing at Lightning and smiling before looking back at the doctor. He hadn't noticed Dr. Rilon's quick nod to Lightning and Rygdea, or the tiny half-steps backward they had taken.
"It's good to meet you, Ms. Farron. Now, Hope, I can tell you're nervous. But you don't have anything to worry about yet-they recently got new magazines, so whenever you have to wait for me, you'll actually get to read something recent. For a little while at least."
Hope shook his head, glancing back when he saw Rygdea and Lightning take a full step back, but a light touch on his shoulder brought him back to Dr. Rilon. He swallowed, his right hand starting to shake and his throat and mouth impossibly dry. "Th-that's really not it, Dr. Rilon. I-I don't think I can really do this today." Hope's eyes widened as he was brought through the doors, Dr. Rilon's fingers tugging lightly on his arm. He shook his head, looking down at the floor.
"I-I think I need a little more time. I'm not ready for this yet." He was talking faster and his heart kick-started when the doors closed behind him, Dr. Rilon leading him down a hallway. "Or-or maybe I need to bring Rygdea or Lightning or something. I don't know, I just don't think..." He trailed off when Dr. Rilon stopped in front of a wooden door, the words Doctor Chinal Rilon stamped on the wood with black, blocky letters.
Dr. Rilon gave him a soft smile and pushed the door open. "It's not much, but it's better than some of the other offices. I have a couch and everything! Perfect for your usual psychologist, huh?"
Hope let out a shaky breath, stepping inside. Like the rest of the building seemed to be, there was navy blue carpet and baby blue wallpaper, although the doctor's had dark blue columns for a pattern instead. There was a bookcase shoved into the corner of the room, some books pressed neatly against one another, while others laid on the wooden shelves as if they had recently been picked up. There was a statue of an angel on one shelf, and several blue birds on another.
The door snapped shut behind him and Hope glanced at the indigo couch, sitting on it. He watched the doctor move to her desk, but instead of sitting behind it, she grabbed the black, cushioned chair and rolled it towards the front. She grunted when the chair caught between the small space between the desk and wall, pushing against it with several huffs before it finally came loose. Dr. Rilon shook her head, rolling the chair in front of Hope and collapsing into it, her cheeks dark.
"Sorry about that, not a lot of room to move in here." Hope nodded, biting his mouth and looking down at his hands. He jumped when Dr. Rilon leaned over in her chair so she could peer up at him, jumping and backing away from her.
"So, do you just want me to talk?"
Hope shook his head, running his hands through his hair. "I don't want to be here. I don't want to talk about anything."
Dr. Rilon nodded, sitting back up in her chair and straightening herself out. "I want to make one thing clear Hope, if you don't mind I call you that. You can tell me anything you want. Or you can tell me as little as possible. And no one, is ever, ever expected to pour their hearts out on the first day. The first week. The first month. The first six months. The first year. Anything like that. Each case and patient is different. Everything is confidential, and you really control what's brought up in here."
Hope blinked, glancing up at Dr. Rilon through his bangs. He scrunched his nose, tilting his head to the side. "Then, what are we supposed to talk about?"
Dr. Rilon smiled, all her teeth showing. "Well, the best thing we can do right now is get to know each other. And I'm sorry to say, I can be a bit of a chatterbox, Hope. Anyway, what do you want to know about me? Ask me anything, and I'll do my best to answer."
Hope blinked again, shaking his head slightly and leaning back. "Um...I don't know." Hope started looking around her office, trying to find something to spark a topic. His eyes fell on her bookshelf again, stopping at the blue bird figurines. "D-do you, do you just like birds or do you..." Hope trailed off when he looked back at her, then letting his eyes snap back to his lap.
Isn't this just the best? I wish I could get a few sentences out without feeling like a moron.
"Why, yes I do!" Dr. Rilon chirped. "I make birdhouses in my spare time. My yard is a tad full of them, and some have started to just pile up in my house, but I just can't help it. Sometimes I'll paint them, and other times I won't. I guess it just depends on the artist's mood, huh?" Dr. Rilon crossed her legs, smiling serenely. "Anything else you want to ask me?"
Hope fiddled with his fingers in his lap, swallowing again. Slowly his shoulders eased and he took a quick breath, cheeks warming at his next generic question.
"What was your worst subject in college?"
Hope sighed as he walked out of the room, Dr. Rilon smiling as she followed him. As they approached the clear doors, Lightning and Rygdea both stood up, meeting them as they entered the waiting room.
Dr. Rilon nodded, turning to Rygdea. "We had a really nice session today, Rygdea. I'll talk to you again for the appointment next week, and if you want to make any changes, just let me know." Rygdea nodded, grinning as he clapped Hope on the back.
"That wasn't so bad, was it?" Rygdea asked, taking the clipboard Dr. Rilon handed him and signing a few lines on the pages, skimming the text before and after.
"I guess not," Hope mumbled, smiling slightly when Lightning gently shoved his shoulder.
"Don't sell yourself short, Hope. You were great." Dr. Rilon gave him one more toothy smile, her eyes softening. "I'll see you next week. Maybe I can learn a bit about you. Like your favorite color maybe? Or you can tell me what school was like. Or..." Dr. Rilon glanced at Lightning, smiling and bobbing her head. "Who knows?"
Hope smirked, feeling hot around his neck. "Yeah, who knows."
Dr. Rilon shook his hand, then thanked Rygdea when he handed the clipboard back. The woman at the counter called another name, and this time a stout man stood and waddled over, taking off a ball cap and bowing slightly at the doctor. Hope watched as they walked down the hallway, into the very same room he had been in for nearly an hour.
"Are you all right? I know you weren't really sure about it, but do you feel better now that you've actually been there?" Hope glanced at Lightning, jumping when Rygdea pressed his hand to his back and started to lead him out of building, pulling out a phone and muttering about late cabs.
Hope nodded, smiling and grabbing Lightning's hand. "Yeah, I think I'm doing all right now. It's just-I was scared about what we were going to talk about. But...it turned out to be such small, little things. I kind of feel silly...for worrying, you know."
Lightning squeezed his hand and glanced at Rygdea, making sure he wasn't looking before pecking Hope's cheek. Hope chuckled, Because men don't giggle, right?, rubbing Lightning's fingers and taking a deep breath.
Yeah, everything's okay. Way easier than some of the other stuff I've had to do.
"So, what is your favorite color?" Lightning asked, smiling lightly.
Hope blinked, glancing back at the building for a moment, then at Lightning. His eyes lingered on hers and Lightning's face softened, opening her mouth to speak. But Hope cut across her, still looking into her eyes as he leaned over to kiss her.
"Blue."