Herrroooo! It's Major Dover...with a special addition of the comedy roast of the Twilight Saga.

We did our research and found a religion based on Twilight! Oh the Lulz to be had!

Enjoy my little tampons :)

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Voxy: Cullenism, the one religion in the entire world that worships glittery and pedo vampires.

Major Dover: Ah, I can picture it, getting up on a Sunday morning, dressing in your best outfit from hot topic, your "I heart Edward Cullen" tee shirt. Your ripped pants and your converse shoes. Smearing your eyeliner so you resemble a f*cking raccoon and teasing your hair so high it gets caught in your ceiling fan.

Voxy: "BUT MOOOMMMM, THIS IS LIEK HOW ALL THE GURLS DRESS UP, WE WIRSHOIP EDWARD AND EMMETT CUZ THEY R LIKE HAAWWWTT, WE MUST PLZ THE GOD STEPEHNIE MEYER!"

Cordial Craig: Yes, they have cardboar cut outs of all the vampires, and kneel before them asking for immoratality, "Oh all hail thee sparkling vampires, may we be blessed with Emmetts abs and Edwards greasy mussed up hair"

Major Dover: They must have a hidden church out there somehwere, just in the woods, out of sight, I bet its decked out with like all stuff from hot tpoic, all the twilight posters, merchendise, whatever the hell they could get their hands on.

Cordial Craig: It's all decked out in black and red, the 13 year old followers have the cloaks from the new moon movie, god, what a scary image

Voxy: You know, they probably have a sixth sense, so if like a jacob fan or harry potter fan came in they would go batsh*t chasing them around with baseball bats

Major Dover: "GGAHAAHAHAAHAHAAAA! A Jacob FAN! GET HIM AND RAPE HIM!"

Cordial Craig: "WE MUST KEEP OUR CHURCH FREE OF THIS FILTH, THIS IS A PLACE OF SPARKLING BUSINESS"

vOxy: The followers are only allowed to drink red liquids, like Red pop, cherry kool aid...water that has a used tampon as teabag for some of the more hardcore fans...what?...it could happen..

Major Dover: What if they sacrifice poor animals? Offerings to please Edward and his clan.

Voxy: "I read somewhere Edward likes mountian lions the best, but I couldnt catch one so I just decided to use Fluffy, my neighbors cat, we will sacrifice him to please Jeebus Cullen"

Cordial Craig: And they buy hard copies of all the books and set them at the top of their alter, shine them and sh*t, pour glitter on them, make it all official.

Voxy: "Today, fellow followers, we will read a passage from New Moon, chapter 3, and we will discuss what it means, and then at 3 p.m we will search the woods for any sign of vampires, because its rumored Emmett has been hunting around here"

Major Dover: "Perhaps I shall leave Mr. Snuffles, my dog, tied to a tree to please Emmett, I'm sure he will find him delicious"

Voxy: They spend a good hour worhsipping the hack Stephenie Meyer, and going on to te internetz and bashing anti-twilighters.

Cordial Craig: "All you anti-believers will be banished to James Cave muahahahahaahahaaaaaa!"

Major Dover: Seriously James's Cave? The hell that's suppose to be bad? I'd tip over a Starbucks just to be trapped in a cave with him.

Voxy: But if your good, you get to spend enternity with the Cullens, holy f*cktits really? What I've always wanted as an afterlife, spending it with a pedo vampire, his awkward bride and their family. God yes!

Major Dover: Have fun with that, I'll be in the cave with James, making mudpies...and loud noises

Cordial Craig: I'll be in the back of cave, chatting with Stephen King and JK Rowling.

Voxy: You know all the followers try to go around and convert others, like f*cking mormons. Except for, I like mormons, I'd just set the Cullen twats on fire.

MAjor Dover: "Hi, have you heard about Cullenism?"...THE F*CK IS THAT? ARE YOU RETARDED? GO PLAY IN TRAFFIC, NO I DON'T WANT YOUR SH*TTY BOOKS, NO EDWARD IS NOT GOD, DEAR LORD...HERE IS A MATCH, SET YOURSELF ON FIRE

Cordial Craig: Their fanbase is 13 year olds with braces and zits, the other 2% is twi-moms and 16 year olds without boyfriends.,...or future life goals

Voxy: Oh, gosh, you know what? They probably makeout with cardboard cutouts, and have kinky sex tantra or something.

Major Dover: 0.o I'd like to NEVER see that. That would be up there with 2 girls 1cup

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Oh yes, we did go there!

I love you all my special fans, thanks for reading our bashing :)

More to come of course.

Cia