CHUCK VS. THE JILL RIDE
SUMMARY: Sarah and Jill must team up and work together in order to save and protect Chuck – which leads to some interesting conversations and confrontations. This story takes place some time in the second half of season two of "Chuck."
DISCLAIMER: I don't own "Chuck."
NOTE: Here is another "Thank you!" to mxpw who not only gave me an idea for a previous chapter but also gave me the idea for part of this chapter. Thank you mxpw!
CHAPTER 5 – TRYING TO DO WHAT'S RIGHT
It was all so oppressive and depressing, Chuck thought as he walked, escorted through the prison hallways. You would think I would be used to it by now, he mused. He knew the routine perfectly: walk alongside the guard, remain inside the lines on the floor while doing so, stop at the checkpoint station, wait for the gate to open, continue walking alongside the guard and do the whole gate thing again at every checkpoint station.
Yes, he knew the routine perfectly. But he had no idea how many checkpoint stations he had to go through in this maximum security federal prison. A bunch, he thought sadly. Nor did he know how many guards he passed. A bunch, he thought dejectedly.
You would think I would be used to this by now considering how many times I've done this, he thought again. But he wasn't used to it. Anything but. He would never get used to this.
The guard escorted him to a room. Not the visitor's center, Chuck thought gratefully. At least that was one thing they had given them. They didn't have to meet in the regular visitor's center filled with other people seeing prisoners. At least they could be alone in a place of their own. Well, almost alone, he thought as they arrived at the room and he glanced around and saw the four guards, one in each corner of the room. He sat down at a table to wait.
"They're bringing her in now. It will only be a minute or two Chuck," the guard who escorted him into the room said.
"Thanks," he replied.
"No problem Chuck," the guard said.
He looked up at the guard's departing figure. He had come to this prison so many times and each time this same guard escorted him and always addressed him by his first name. Yet he had no idea what this guard's name was.
The door on the other side of the room opened and in she came. And it was just like the previous times. Two guards escorting her. One on each side of her. She in ankle and wrist chains. They brought her up to the table and she sat down on the opposite side of the table, facing Chuck and the guards stepped away.
She sat there and looked at him but didn't say anything. They always did that; didn't say anything to each other until the guards had moved away and taken up their positions in the room.
Seconds later, once the guards were away from them, she smiled at him.
"Hey Chuck!" she said brightly.
"Hey Sarah," he replied.
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Chuck bolted upright from where he slept and just barely suppressed a yell or scream. He quickly looked around and breathed a sigh of relief. He wasn't in prison, Sarah wasn't in prison, she was right there. It was all a nightmare. A horrible nightmare, one of the worst ones he had ever had in his life, he thought as he bent his head down into his hands and tried to calm down.
"Chuck!" Sarah exclaimed. She was by the bed in a second and checking him over. "Are you all right?" She grasped his chin gently and turned his face to look directly at hers and studied him intently. He shuddered slightly as he still felt a little shaken by the nightmare but quickly tried to calm himself and not look wild-eyed or panicked.
"Chuck, are you all right?" Sarah repeated as Jill, sitting over by the television, looked on with concern.
He nodded, not trusting his voice to do anything but squeak or sound silly or cause Sarah more worry. He ran one hand through his hair and then lay back down on the bed. Sarah kept looking at him, worried. She reached down and stroked his head and hair, hoping to relax him. Although he didn't want to go back to sleep for fear of having that nightmare again, he couldn't help it. His eyes eventually shut and he fell asleep again.
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Even after Chuck had calmed down and gone back to sleep, Sarah felt concerned. He was still sick with that bug or virus or whatever it was. The doctor said that it would probably pass within 24 hours and yet more than 24 hours had passed and Chuck didn't seem any better.
Well, all of the traveling they had done probably hadn't helped him, Sarah thought guiltily. After seeing the doctor yesterday, they had debated whether or not to stay in the motel until Chuck was better. He had insisted that he could travel and so they did. He spent the entire journey stretched out in the back seat of the car and pretty much out of it. And when they stopped for the day and Sarah looked at him as he got out of the car, she regretted not staying put at the motel and letting him rest. He did not look good. And now, the next day, he still did not look good.
Sarah cursed silently. They should have stayed off the road yesterday and let him get well. More to worry about, she thought. And speaking of worrying…. She glanced at Jill sitting in a chair and watching television.
She tried not to think about what Jill said yesterday. But she couldn't help it. Dammit, I've thanked Chuck and praised him, Sarah thought. She had helped get him his Stanford degree and she had told him "Good job!" many times.
Still, what Jill said about Chuck being used had really hit her hard. She had to consider the source and she had to consider Jill's motivations. But there was truth in what Jill said. Chuck wasn't a spy. He hadn't asked for this life. It had been thrust upon him and his entire life had been uprooted and he had been forced into all of this. Thank you Bryce Larkin, Sarah thought angrily. And not for the first time did she curse her former partner for what he had done to Chuck.
And not giving Chuck credit for all that he had done. Did they really appreciate him enough? Or did they take him for granted?
She glanced over at him and sighed. We do underrate him. She could recall how many times it was not the Intersect that saved them but Chuck. He did it all with his own skills and talents. But yet, we always think of him as the Intersect. When was the last time Beckman called him by his name? Sarah wondered.
Dammit, he is a vital member of the team. And not because he's the Intersect. And we need to make sure he knows that. He really is that guy. If only I could get him to realize that.
Sarah recalled that time in the case with Jill when all of those people had gotten contaminated in that room. Chuck had helped save everyone and when he had walked out, everyone had cheered him. He had looked so surprised at that. Like such a thing hardly ever happened to him. She had been there and seen all of the people cheering and applauding and thought how he deserved that. And she immediately joined in on the applause. And then Jill swooped right in on him and got him.
She glared at brunette who didn't look up from the TV. Psycho stalker bitch, she thought angrily.
And what also bothered her was Jill's knowledge about everything. She knew about the Lou situation and what happened there. She knew about Chuck's spy work and that he wasn't getting paid nor officially recognized. And she knew other things as well. How? How had she known all of that?
Did Chuck tell Jill all about that when they had gotten back together a few months ago? Not likely, Sarah thought. Beckman had ordered the pair put under surveillance and Sarah had listened to every second of those tapes. Every second. She had wanted to know everything – everything – he had done with that brunette bitch. And he had never mentioned Lou nor had he talked about how he was treated by the CIA and NSA during those times.
So how Jill did know all of that? A thought came to her. A thought that had been nagging at her ever since that day in the warehouse when Chuck was supposed to meet with Jill. He had acted strange then. Well, not strange, Sarah amended, but different. He had a different attitude about meeting with his infamous ex. And that's another piece to the puzzle, she thought.
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Something's wrong, Sarah thought as she washed her hands in the motel bathroom. It was early evening and the trio had spent the day at the motel hoping that Chuck would get better. And he had. Sarah could easily see that. At least he looked better physically. But something was wrong with him. She had thought that all day long. And she still thought that.
For most of the day he had been quiet, withdrawn and hardly talked at all. He didn't seem to want to talk to either her or Jill. Even though he wasn't 100 percent well, that was still strange for him. He was always talkative. And with her and Jill not really speaking to each other, Chuck usually carried the conversations and tried to include both women in them.
But today, he seemed to prefer silence. Jill tried several times to start a conversation. But he didn't respond much. Jill eventually gave up and switched on the TV. And that was how most of the day went.
Something's wrong, she thought again as she wiped her hands dry with the towel and then set the towel on the rack. And she wanted to find out.
But how? she pondered. She wanted – needed – to talk to him alone. But exactly how could she with that damn brunette around? She considered asking for a private conversation. But then Jill would get suspicious and raise hell. But when she came out of the bathroom, she discovered that the opportunity had presented itself. Chuck was standing there alone. No Jill. Sarah looked at him.
"We need to talk," he said with a serious expression on his face.
Sarah glanced again around the room. Jill was definitely not there.
"Where's Jill?" she asked.
"She went out to get dinner. So we need to talk while she's gone."
Fine by me, Sarah thought as she sat on the edge of one of the beds. She briefly wondered at how he had convinced Jill to go get food and thus leave the two of them alone. But then she dismissed those thoughts as she tried to read his expression and figure out what he was thinking. He looked really serious and she wondered if she should be worried about what he wanted to say. She waited for him to start. He studied her for several more seconds and then turned away and started pacing. Eventually, he spoke.
"I've been thinking, thinking a lot about what is going on here and what we're doing. We're off the grid and on the run and we're—" He stopped talking and pacing and turned to face her.
"You're committing treason, aren't you?"
Sarah said nothing as he waited for an answer. She hadn't expected that.
"Aren't you?" he repeated when she made no response.
He wasn't going to give it up until she did answer, Sarah quickly realized.
"Chuck, that's none of your concern," she finally said.
"So I'm right. This is treason and you could go to jail," he said.
"Chuck, it is my job to keep you safe. And I will do that job no matter what."
He looked aghast at that statement. He shook his head and started to pace again but then stopped.
"Sarah, I won't have you sacrificing and destroying your career, your freedom, your life – everything for me…for, for this damn Intersect. No, I won't do that, I can't do that. And I won't!"
He would have said more but stopped when Sarah rose from where she sat on the bed and walked right up to him and faced him closely. Then she reached out and took both of his hands in hers.
"Remember when we were held hostage this past Christmas?" she asked.
He shuddered but nodded.
"I promised you then that I would do anything to protect you and keep you safe. And I meant it. I will do anything to keep you alive and safe," she told him.
"But Sarah you could go to jail!"
"That doesn't matter. What matters is protecting you."
Chuck shook loose from her hands. "What do you mean, it doesn't matter?" he said with his voice rising in volume. "It matters a lot. A LOT! I can't let you go to jail because of me! I can't live with that! I can't live without you!"
Their faces were just a few inches apart when he said that and Sarah could see close-up the resolve, determination and emotion in him. And all of that had been at a peak when he said those last five words – I can't live without you!
That and his nearness did things to her. Wonderful things! She could feel her heart and pulse pounding and she kept alternating at staring into his eyes and at his lips. Oh, those lips looked so inviting. She started to lean in toward him.
But then he pulled away and started pacing again. What will it take for us to get just one damn kiss, Sarah fumed. Annoyed at another opportunity lost, she grabbed his arm and stopped him.
"Chuck, you are what matters, you are what's important." She gripped his arm tighter. "Anything else doesn't matter. No matter what, I will do everything I can to protect you from anything. I will not let anyone or anything hurt you or take you away!" She paused to let her words sink in. Then she added "And besides, what could we do to change this?"
As a look appeared on his face, Sarah cursed silently and regretted asking that question. She knew that look. He had an idea. Oh, she was not going to like this. She frowned but that didn't stop him.
"Well, I've been thinking. I've been thinking all day about this. And I think I know what I could do. I could…." He hesitated as he saw Sarah's frown grow and her eyes narrow. He swallowed but continued.
"I could turn myself in."
"WHAT?" Sarah shouted.
He held up his hands. "Wait! Wait! Hear me out! Just hear me out! OK?"
Sarah still frowned at him but said nothing. He continued.
"We – I, I could find a police station or military base or something and then just turn myself in. I could say that I escaped from those guys who took me. Never even mention that I was with you. I could say that I was by myself. Then you could just say that you were trying to find me and never did," Chuck rambled.
Sarah stopped him, not allowing him to speak any more.
"NO!" she said emphatically.
"Sarah!"
"NO!"
"I can't let you go to jail," he said.
"NO! We stay together. I'm not letting you out of my sight. And besides Chuck, what would you do if the men who took you disagreed with your version of the story? I fought with them and rescued you from them. They saw me. And one of them knows me. We worked on a case a while back. So that kills your version of the story," Sarah said.
"But…well…I could—"
"NO! You're staying with me. And that's final Chuck. I'm not letting you out of my sight!"
He didn't reply. But one look at him and Sarah could tell he was thinking something again. She reached up and gripped his cheeks with one hand and turned his face to hers.
"And don't you think for one second – not even one second – of trying to sneak off on your own and turn yourself in Chuck! If I have to, I will tie you up to prevent that after, after I physically hurt you!" she threatened.
He gulped.
And that's what Jill saw when she walked into the motel room with several bags of takeout food: a meek and subdued Chuck threatened by a furious Sarah. The brunette scrutinized the scene with a puzzled expression. Then her eyes turned cold as she saw how tightly Sarah gripped his cheeks. Sarah released him but Jill's furious expression didn't let up.
"Well, does someone want to tell me what's going on?" Jill asked.
Neither Chuck nor Sarah replied as Sarah continued to glare at him.
"Well?" Jill asked.
At first Sarah was not going to say anything. But then it dawned on her that she needed Jill. Jill had told her earlier that the two of them needed to present a united front to keep Chuck safe. Time for you to make good on our agreement, Sarah thought as she then turned toward Jill.
"Chuck wants to turn himself in. He wants to turn himself in and say that he escaped from those men who kidnapped him, the men we rescued him from."
Jill nearly dropped the bags of food as her expression changed to horror and shock. "Are you out of your mind Chuck? What the hell are you thinking? What's the matter with you?"
"Jill, just hear me out. Both you and Sarah could be arrested and put in jail for treason. This would be the best way—"
"Chuck! Forget it!" Jill shouted.
"I—"
"Chuck, did it not occur to you that when you turn yourself in that you could be turning yourself in to the same people who want to take you away? What's make you think they haven't infiltrated other areas of the CIA and NSA. So what good would turning yourself in do?"
"Jill—"
"No Chuck! No! You're staying with us where you are definitely safe. And hopefully Sarah's partner or friend or whoever he is will straighten all of this out and then, and only then, do we go back! Understand?"
The look Jill gave him was every bit as fierce and determined as Sarah's. He said nothing but nodded and turned away.
"And don't even think about trying to sneak away! We'll be watching you Chuck!" Jill added.
He stopped for a second but didn't turn around. Then he continued on and went into the bathroom. Sarah eyed the door suspiciously. The window in there was too small for him to sneak out, she thought. Still, if he didn't come out soon, she'd bust in there. She turned to Jill who was emptying out the bags and putting food on the table.
"Thank you," Sarah said.
Jill shrugged. "We agreed to stick together on these things to protect Chuck. He's what matters."
Sarah looked back at the bathroom door. "Yes, yes he is," she readily agreed.
She sincerely hoped that he wouldn't try to sneak away and turn himself in; that any such plan was now out of his head. There was no telling what would happen to him if the people who tried to take him got him. Would she ever see him again if that happened? The thought of never seeing Chuck, of him being taken away or locked up in a bunker or something even worse filled her with dread and horror. She didn't know if she could bear that. She really didn't.
The bathroom door opened and he stepped out. He walked up to the table. There were only two chairs at the table so he sat on the edge of a bed and leaned forward while Sarah and Jill each pulled out a chair and sat. Quiet reigned as they ate.
Sarah looked at Chuck and then at Jill. And what about Jill? she thought. I don't want to lose him to Jill either.
Again she looked at the two of them. Well, one mystery solved, she thought. That's what was bothering him today. But there's still that other thing.
She took a bite of her food and then glanced at Jill. And that other thing involves Jill, I know it does, she thought.
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Jill continued to concern and weigh on Sarah's mind for the rest of the day and then all the next day as they resumed traveling. They had been on the road all morning and after hours of driving, stopped at a convenience store to use the facilities and get some snacks. When Sarah exited the bathroom, she saw Chuck and Jill at the food and drink aisle deep in conversation.
The pair had been talking a lot today. After a couple of days of seeing them like that, Sarah thought that she would have gotten used to it by now. But she hadn't. It still bothered her. And what bothered her more was that today, several of their conversations stopped whenever she got near them. They had done that after she had finished showering and getting ready and stepped out of the bathroom this morning. Then when she put some stuff in the car and came back into the motel room. Then when she came back to the car after turning in the key to the motel office and checking out. And it happened again now as Sarah approached the snack area where the two stood and talked. Jill looked up, saw Sarah, stopped talking, handed Chuck a couple of Clif Bars, said that's what she wanted and then excused herself to go to the restroom. He nodded and then turned to Sarah.
"You want anything to eat?" he asked with a wave at the food.
"Sure," she replied. She turned and looked at the display of food choices. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see him also looking as if trying to decide what to get.
"So... talking to Jill again," she said as casually as possible.
He turned his head toward her and looked a little surprised. "Well…yeah…uhhh….yeah."
"I've noticed that you are talking to her a lot."
He again looked at her. This time his face registered puzzlement. "Is something wrong?" he asked.
Sarah didn't answer at first. Instead, she reached over to the display in front of her and pulled a bag of mixed nuts from it and acted interested in that for a moment. "It's just…." she started and then stopped. Then she turned and looked directly at him.
"What are you talking about with her?" she said quickly and accusingly. And at the same time, she carefully watched his face, wanting to gauge his reaction.
"Oh…just things…stuff," he answered casually.
"What things? What stuff?" Sarah persisted.
"Nothing important, nothing…not anything to get concerned or worried about, just normal conversation, like movies, books and things," he said.
His face registered absolutely no deceit or lying. Sarah was sure of that. She had been watching him carefully. But one word in his reply almost made her panic. Normal. That word had meant heartbreak for her in the past. Before she could say anything, he continued.
"We're just talking. Anything wrong with that?" he asked.
Anything wrong? That is the woman who broke your heart. That is the woman who tried to take you away from me. That is the woman who is trying to take you away from me again. And there was that word that he used – "normal." The two of them had been talking like a normal couple, she thought fearfully. Whenever normal girls came into his life, that frightened her. It frightened her that she would lose Chuck. He craved and wanted normalcy, the normalcy that he once had before the Intersect. He had broken up with her because he wanted normal. He had dated Jill because he thought he could get normal. Sarah had stepped aside that time and not done anything about Jill because she thought that he so desperately wanted normal and deserved normal. But she thought that they had gotten past that. However, seeing him now and the days past, talking with Jill scared her.
Chuck, noticing her silence, now looked at her with concern. He moved a little closer to her. "Hey, we're just talking," he emphasized. Noticing that her eyes were cast downward, he put a hand under her chin and lifted it upward with one finger.
"Hey, Jill and I are just talking," he said again. "Like you and I are talking right now."
She looked into his eyes and could see his concern. Just the way he looked at her right now made her feel better. Yet, Jill still bothered her. "Chuck…that…woman…broke your heart and deceived you twice…twice! And, and…you're talking to her?"
He shook his head and then looked a little sad. "Yeah…I know Sarah…I was there…remember?" He sighed and looked away from her. After a few seconds, he turned back to her. "Sarah, it's just talking."
No, it's not, she thought, it's normal. Sometimes that word frightened her more than any assassin, terrorist or enemy agent.
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Sarah paid for their food and drinks and then returned to the car while Chuck went to the bathroom. Jill was already in there in the driver's seat as it was her turn to drive. Sarah got in the back but didn't say anything to Jill as they waited for Chuck.
After a moment, Jill turned to Sarah. But she refused to acknowledge the brunette and stared out the window. Jill kept looking at her, waiting for her to turn her way. Finally realizing that Sarah wasn't going to acknowledge her nor start any conversation, Jill sighed.
"Look, we need to talk," she said.
"Talk about what? The weather?" Sarah flippantly responded.
"We need to talk about Chuck."
Sarah's head whipped around to Jill and glared at her. This can't be good, she thought. And she was right.
"I meant what I said earlier about wanting Chuck back," Jill announced.
She looked at Jill with an angry expression. Not even if you have a whole army loaded up to the max with nuclear weapons supporting you will I allow that to happen, she thought determinedly. And she meant it. She was not going to step aside this time. She did not want to lose Chuck to Jill or anyone for that matter. So if Jill wanted a fight….
Jill seemed to take the silence as not hearing because she repeated her announcement.
"Are you waiting for my blessing or approval?" Sarah finally said sarcastically. "Because if you are, you're going to be waiting for a long time. In fact, don't even bother waiting. You won't get it."
"I just wanted you to know where I stood in regards to Chuck. Now I'd like to know where you stand with him," Jill said.
"And why is that?"
"I'm just being honest—"
"That's a switch," Sarah snapped.
"And I think you should do the same," Jill finished.
Sarah looked at Jill with an incredulous expression. "And just why should I be honest with you?" she asked.
"I'm not asking you to be honest with me. I'm asking you to be honest with yourself. And to be honest with Chuck. I have feelings for Chuck and I want to be with him."
Sarah's head whipped toward Jill. "Stay away from him!"
She surprised herself with the amount of fury that she said those words out loud. And also surprised Jill, evident by the way the brunette jumped back. But Jill quickly recovered.
"And just why should I stay away from Chuck?" she asked. When Sarah didn't reply, Jill shook her head in annoyance and then glared.
"Should I stay away from Chuck because…because he is yours? Is that why I should stay away from him? Maybe instead of convincing me that Chuck is yours, you should be convincing someone else…someone like…oh, let's see, what's his name? Chuck? Yes, Chuck. Shouldn't you be saying these things to Chuck if you really mean them," Jill said.
Sarah flinched. Dammit, the bitch really knows where to strike, she thought. "It's complicated," she raged at Jill. "It's not easy…the situation that Chuck and I are in. It's…like I said…it's complicated." She mentally cursed again. Talking about her feelings and relationships was definitely not one of her talents. And she had a feeling that Jill knew that.
"Complicated? Let me give you a clue Agent Walker. Being a spy isn't the only thing in life that's complicated. Everything is complicated, every part and piece of our lives are complicated. Just living is complicated. But we do it, we somehow manage to make it work because we want to make it work and we work at making it work," Jill said.
"What exactly are you getting at here? Because I sure don't know," Sarah said.
"I'm saying that your excuses for not acting on or not doing anything about your feelings for Chuck are crap. Maybe it's complicated because you are making it complicated. Or maybe it isn't complicated. Maybe it's something else like…fear, maybe? Maybe you don't want to let your guard down and actually seem like a real person? Or maybe you, the great and mighty Agent Walker, don't want to admit that you actually have feelings for someone? Or maybe it's just you being unwilling and unable to commit to a great guy."
"It's not that easy. I wish it were that easy Jill. You don't how much I wish it were that easy for me and Chuck. But it's not. As much as I wish they did, things just do not magically fall into place and everything is 'Happily ever after'? Real life doesn't work that way. Especially in the type of lives that Chuck and I lead."
"Exactly right! Love and relationships – good and lasting and loving relationships – do not just magically happen. They are earned and achieved – earned and achieved by the two people in that relationship working hard to make it happen. You want a good and lasting and loving relationship with Chuck, Agent Walker? Then fight for it! Fight for it like it's the most important thing in your life. And work for it! Work for it like you want it more than anything else in the world. Chuck is willing, able and dying to work and fight for love. Are you? Are you Agent Walker? Do you love and want Chuck enough to fight and work for him? Or are you just going to keep saying 'It's complicated!' and do nothing? And if you aren't going to do anything, then as I said before, break it off with him and let Chuck move on!"
Sarah glared angrily at Jill. Once again, she cursed at how Jill seemed to know exactly where to hit. The brunette had a point. Her words were correct. But still….
"And what was your excuse?" Sarah said with disgust at Jill.
"What do you mean?"
"You had your chance with Chuck. Twice you had your chance! And what did you do? Twice you threw it all away. You're telling me that if I want a relationship with Chuck to work and fight for it? Where was your willingness to work and fight for a relationship with Chuck then? Why didn't you work and fight for Chuck back in college? Why didn't you work and fight for Chuck months ago? If you wanted to be with Chuck, why didn't you work and fight for him?"
Now it was Jill's turn to look upset and sullen. And Sarah did not let up.
"Do you know how I wish I had a chance like that with Chuck? Twice you had that chance Jill. Twice! If I ever – ever – had that chance, I wouldn't have given up Chuck for anything – ANYTHING!" Sarah declared.
The anger in Jill's face faded and sadness appeared. Then as her head turned and she spotted Chuck walking back to the car, the brunette's expression changed to disbelief.
"Wake up Agent Walker, you have that chance every day," she muttered.
END CHAPTER 5