Chuck vs the Jill Ride

by ersk4

Sarah and Jill must team up and work together in order to save and protect Chuck – which leads to some interesting conversations and confrontations. This story takes place some time in the second half of season two of "Chuck."

8. The Final Problem

CHUCK VS. THE JILL RIDE

SUMMARY: Sarah and Jill must team up and work together in order to save and protect Chuck – which leads to some interesting conversations and confrontations. This story takes place some time in the second half of season two of "Chuck."

DISCLAIMER: I don't own "Chuck."

NOTE: Time for some recommendations!If you're not reading "Chuck vs The Sound of Music by quistie64 and "Chuck vs Life, Love & Lies" by uplink2, please check those two stories out. They are definitely worth reading!

ANOTHER NOTE: Now brace yourselves because this chapter is rough on Sarah. But don't worry! It will be OK soon.

CHAPTER 7 – THE FINAL PROBLEM

It had been a long day, a long hot day.

Still trying to avoid regular traveling patterns, Sarah, Chuck and Jill decided to travel during the daylight hours instead of during the night on this day. And that proved to be a mistake.

The temperature got up to 100 degrees by noon and when their car's air conditioning gave out, traveling conditions turned miserable. After about two hours of enduring the heat, they finally found a mechanic in one town who could fix the AC. But there was one problem. He didn't have the right part. He located the part in another town, some 60 miles away and said that he could have the part by tomorrow and fix the car then or they could drive to the town themselves, get the part and then have the AC fixed in that town at a mechanic that he knew.

They opted for the latter alternative and spent another hour driving in a hot car, got to the town, got the part, got to the mechanic and got the car fixed. And by that time, it was around 6 p.m. and all three of them were tired, cranky and hot, especially hot. So they found a motel, got a room – after making sure that the air conditioning worked in the room – and stopped for the night.

And now, late in the evening, they were sleeping. Well, at least I'm trying to sleep, Sarah thought.

She lay in bed still wide awake with her thoughts racing. She had been thinking about Chuck. She couldn't stop thinking about the curly-haired nerd. Her curly-haired nerd, she thought territorially. Ever since realizing and finally admitting to herself yesterday that Chuck had been somehow communicating with Jill while she was in prison, she had wanted to talk to him. To talk to him alone. She had hoped all day long some opportunity or chance to do this would occur. But it never happened. Jill was always there. Always there, Sarah fumed.

She rolled over onto her side and tried to get more comfortable in the bed. After a few minutes, she rolled back the other way. She sighed. She just couldn't relax and go to sleep. There was just too much on her mind. And since it all concerned Chuck, that made it all the more difficult to sleep.

She rolled over to the side of the bed and looked down at the floor where he slept, thinking that seeing him might provide some calm or peace. Much to her surprise, he was awake and stared right back at her. Sarah didn't know what to say. She had assumed that he was asleep like Jill.

"Hi," he whispered.

"Hi yourself," Sarah whispered back.

"Are you all right?"

"I'm fine."

"Uh huh, yeah, right. Does someone who's fine, toss and turn in bed and sigh 23 times in 27 minutes?"

"You were keeping count of that?" she inquired.

"Well, it kind of got to be a game and helped to pass time. But it didn't have the same effect as counting sheep." He sat up, placed his arms on the edge of the bed and then rested his chin on his arms and looked at her with an inquiring eye. "Seriously though, what's wrong? What's bothering you?"

"I'm fine," she repeated. Chuck frowned and looked more intently at her. Sarah turned away for a moment and then turned back. He was still frowning and still looking at her. She sighed.

"Now the total is at 24," he said. And he still looked at her waiting for an answer. Waiting for a real answer, not an "I'm fine." But she wasn't going to tell him about what she had been thinking. She couldn't. She just didn't want to talk about it with Jill right there in the next bed. She finally took an easy excuse.

"I just can't relax and go to sleep. Everything just keeps going over and over again in my mind and I can't get to sleep," she explained.

Chuck said nothing in reply. He got up and sat on the edge of the bed and then reached over, gripped her shoulders with his hands and turned her over on her stomach. Before she could protest or even say anything, she felt his hands on her shoulders and back, massaging, rubbing, and stroking. It was so soothing and comforting.

She had discovered Chuck's splendid massaging talents months ago during a late night at his apartment. They had finished a mission and had the debriefing at Casey's. After that, it was really late and she was exhausted and as she and Chuck left Casey's apartment, she complained about having to drive back to the hotel. Chuck suggested she just stay over with him. Sarah immediately agreed.

They climbed in through the Morgan door and once inside the apartment, Sarah sat down on the edge of the bed and let out a little groan and muttered how her back, neck and shoulders were killing her. And then she felt Chuck's hands massaging her shoulders. And it felt really good. It was like magic how he took away all of the soreness, tension and stress. And she didn't want him to stop. When he paused, thinking that she had enough, she immediately lay down on her stomach on the bed, and demanded more. And he gladly complied. At times, she had to will herself not to moan out loud in pleasure at his touch. It was wonderful and soon under his magic fingers, she fell asleep.

She had never forgotten that massage and tried to take advantage of those talents whenever possible. She glanced over at Jill. She appeared to be asleep or pretending to be asleep. And what do I care what that bitch thinks about Chuck massaging my back? To hell with her! In fact, let the bitch wake up and see this, Sarah suddenly thought.

His hands moved expertly up and down her back. It didn't take long for her to relax. And soon she started to feel drowsy. As his hands continued to massage and she thought about how great it felt, her eyelids started to ease shut. And soon she was asleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Sarah opened her eyes. She looked around and could tell from some light penetrating the motel window curtains that it was morning. Or afternoon, she thought. She had no idea how long she had been asleep. Chuck's massage had really done a number on her. She stretched and yawned quietly. She felt and glanced around her bed. Alone, no Chuck.

Disappointment filled her mind. Once again, she found herself wishing that he was in the bed with her. She had hoped that after the massage and she fell asleep that he joined her. But no, she was alone. Why don't you just tell him to get into bed with you? a voice inside her head griped. Sarah leaned over the side of the bed, ready to wake up Chuck. Blanket, pillow, but no Chuck. She quickly looked at the other bed. Empty; no Jill.

She shot out of the bed and hurriedly looked around. Bathroom door open and bathroom empty. She looked at the table. No car keys.

Jill! Jill had run off with Chuck! Sarah thought in panic. She grabbed her jeans lying on the bed and quickly jerked them on. She grabbed her shoes and got them on. She started toward the door but stopped when she heard a key in the door knob. She looked with hope. The door opened and in walked Chuck and Jill talking. Chuck was carrying a bag.

Sarah's first thoughts were relief – relief that Chuck hadn't left her. And then shame filled her. How could she think that he would do that? But that was followed by concern and jealousy as she noticed once again how casually and normally he and Jill talked as they entered the room. So into their conversation were the two that at first they didn't notice Sarah standing there. But as Jill giggled at something Chuck said, he turned and saw Sarah and smiled at her.

"Hey! Good morning!" he said brightly. Then he frowned as he noticed that she didn't return the greeting and he got a closer and longer look at her. "Are you OK?" he asked as he set the bag on the table and moved toward her. Once again, he looked closely at her, studying her. And evidently what he saw worried him as he reached over and gripped both of her shoulders.

"Are you OK?" he asked again only this time, softer and with more concern.

Sarah said nothing at first. Then she grabbed his hand. "I need to talk to you," she said as she pulled him out of the motel room and down the hallway.

They walked through the hallway with her hand firmly grasping his the whole way. She glanced backwards to see if Jill was following. Fortunately, she was not. Sarah guided him to a room with ice and vending machines.

Chuck looked at her again with concern. "Sarah, what's wrong? What's going on?" he asked. Then a look of realization appeared on his face.

"You…you didn't think that we…I…that I abandoned you…did you? You didn't think that, did you?"

Although Sarah thought that she kept her expression neutral when he asked that, something on her face must have made Chuck realize that she had been thinking exactly that. He immediately moved forward and embraced her. She returned his embrace and buried her face into his chest, luxuriating in the feel of him and in being held by him. This trip and everything else had been wearing on her and it had been a while since Chuck had held her. She relished having his arms around her and didn't want it to end.

"Hey…we just went out to get some breakfast," he explained while he continued to hold her. "That's all. We weren't leaving. We…I would never do that. I didn't wake you up because you had so much trouble getting to sleep last night that I thought you could use the sleep."

He stopped talking and stroked her hair and then tried to move her head upward to look at him. But she kept her face buried in his chest as she wanted to stay there and not leave. He stroked her hair again.

"OK, from here on, I will wake you up and let you know where I…we, where we are going. I'm sorry about that. But I really thought…oh, never mind. I…we won't do that again. OK?"

This time she did look up at him. She nodded.

"OK then…let's go eat that breakfast we got," he said as he let her go and started to walk back toward the room. But Sarah grabbed his arm and stopped him.

"I still need to talk to you," she said.

He stopped and turned back to her. "Talk to me about what?"

"Why were you talking to Jill?"

Chuck looked puzzled. "Sarah, I thought we had already discussed that. We just talk, OK? It's nothing to get concerned about. And this morning…well, we…we just went out to get some breakfast and we just talked while we did to help pass—"

"I don't mean just now, I mean in the past, before all of this happened, you talking to her then."

Sarah watched him carefully. For a moment, he looked puzzled and then surprise and some guilt formed on his face. Then she knew. She had confirmation of what she had suspected.

"You've been writing to Jill while she has been in prison, haven't you? You've been talking to her and visiting her, haven't you?" she accused.

What Chuck's expression changed to upon hearing her words, Sarah wasn't sure. Guilt? Surprise? Fear? Dread? Regret?

"Oh…you found out about…." He didn't finish. Nor did he say anything further. Sarah kept trying to read the look on his face, trying to figure out what he was thinking at that moment while she waited for some explanation from him, any explanation. But he said nothing more.

"Chuck, why were you talking with Jill? I thought that after all that she had done to you, that…well, I thought that you were finished with her. And you were actually visiting her in prison? Chuck, what is going on?" Sarah asked, trying to fight back the feelings of hopelessness and fear that started to fill her.

He sighed and then ran one hand through his hair. He appeared to not know what to say.

"Chuck, that was really dangerous and foolish to go off by yourself like that. You could have—"

"Sarah, I was in a federal maximum security prison. They are kind of security conscious, you know? Come on, it's not that big a deal."

"NO BIG DEAL?" She wanted to grab him and shake him. He visited Jill in prison and says it's no big deal?

"It's not, it's no big deal," he emphasized. "I just needed someone to talk to, I just—"

"Needed someone to talk to? Why didn't you come to me Chuck? If you needed someone to talk to, why didn't you come to me? I thought you trusted me?"

"I do trust you Sarah! I do. It's just that….I just needed someone to talk to…to talk about everything…and I didn't have anyone."

"What do you mean? What do you mean you didn't have anyone to talk to?"

"Well I don't! Who…who could I talk to about…about my spy life? None of my friends or family can know about it. And…well…could I talk to Casey? That would be like talking to a statue. Well, maybe not a statue because a statue wouldn't grunt. But you know what I mean. You talk to him about something, anything, he makes you feel worse. And—"

"Chuck! You can talk to me! You can talk to me about anything! Why wouldn't you come to me if you needed someone to talk to?"

He got silent and appeared to be seriously thinking about his answer. What was going on? Usually Chuck talked nonstop about things. But now, he didn't seem to have anything to say.

"Chuck, you do know that you can talk to me about anything? Anything! You know that, right?" she persisted.

Silence again. Didn't he know that he could talk to her about anything? Didn't he know that? How could he not know that? she wondered. Surely he did. She tried again.

"And why would you talk to Jill? Especially after all that she has done to you. Not to mention that this is the woman who has betrayed her country, committed treason and TRIED TO KILL ME!"

She had raised her voice on that last part and she could see that it hit Chuck hard. He actually looked sick for a moment. Then he avoided looking at her. He bent his head down and stood there and rubbed his hand through his hair and bit his lips several times. He slowly let out a long breath. Then he started to turn toward her but chose instead to face away, to not look at her, as if it would pain him to say what he was going to say next to her face.

"I'm not going to lie to you Sarah. And I'm not going to make up some story about my reasons for talking to Jill and visiting with her, like telling you that it was to grill her for information or some spy stuff like that. I will be honest with you about this. And you're right, Jill has done all of that and probably a lot more." Then he did turn to her and looked right at her. "And I have never – never – forgiven her for trying to kill you. And I never will. Never!"

He let out another breath before he continued. "The truth is that my reasons for talking and visiting Jill were totally and completely selfish and self-centered. It was all about me…just me. I just…I wanted to…." He stopped, shook his head and sighed. "It sometimes gets hard for me…it gets really hard for me to have to deal with all of this…this…being the Intersect, trying to be a spy, going undercover, hiding everything from Ellie, Devon and my friends, lying to them, staying in the car while you and Casey risk your lives, knowing that you're in danger and I'm not a spy like Bryce or Cole who could rescue you, constantly seeing you risking your life for me and I can't do anything to help and…and…it just gets really hard and difficult for me. It has been especially hard throughout all of these recent missions with all that happened. And…." He didn't finish.

As she heard what he said and saw the tortured look on his face, Sarah realized that it didn't often occur to her about how the spy life and being the Intersect affected him and how hard it was on him. And she realized and understood that he did need someone to talk to and someone to listen to him. But why didn't he come to her to talk? Why did he go to Jill?

She reached out and squeezed his arm and then slid her hand down to grasp his to emphasize her support. "Chuck, I understand. I do. Beckman, Casey and I do tend to take you for granted and forget that you haven't had the training that we have had. And I do understand you needing someone to talk to. But why didn't you come to me? You could have talked to me," she said softly.

Again his face filled with pain as he looked like he really did not want to say what he was going to say.

"Well…that…that didn't work out too well that one time…remember?" he replied.

"What do you mean?" She had almost shouted. She felt defensive and angry about what he had just said. But what did he mean? He didn't have to go to Jill in order to talk to someone. She especially didn't want him to go to Jill. He could come to her to talk, to talk about anything. Didn't he know that? Why wouldn't he know that?

"Well…it's just that…that last time…." he explained. And then his voice trailed off and he stopped and looked away.

She reached up, grabbed his chin and turned him back to her, back to look at her. "Chuck! You don't think you can talk to me?"

He looked sad again. "Talking to you didn't…didn't work out too well that one time…remember?"

Sarah shook her head in puzzlement. "What do you mean?"

"Remember that case that we worked on, that one with that boyfriend of Anna's after she and Morgan broke up? Remember how Morgan got dragged into it? I was having a tough time spying on and doing those things to Morgan. And it bothered me, it really bothered me a lot. I tried talking to you about it, but…well…."

Once again, he turned away from her. Sarah did remember that case and she did remember Chuck trying to talk to her about Morgan. He spilled out all of his concerns, fears and troubles about the whole thing and how Morgan had been such a good friend to him and how he considered Morgan to be family. And what did she do after he opened up to her like that? What did she say in response?

"You just went into spy mode and talked about the case," Chuck said, finishing her thought.

She felt badly. "Chuck…I…I told you later that I…I explained to you why I didn't say anything that time. It was because I had never a friend like that. I didn't know what it was like…."

Chuck nodded his head. "I know, I know. That wasn't your area of expertise. I know. And I understand." He tilted his head back and looked up at the ceiling for a moment. Then he looked back at Sarah.

"Then we had that case in the suburbs and I asked you—" He clamped his mouth shut, evidently not wanting to rehash what had happened then. "Anyway, after that, I was feeling so down and things just really got to me…it just all hit me and I felt so alone and down and…and I just wanted someone to talk to so bad. And…and then a…after that…a letter came in the mail for me. It was from Jill. She just wrote me out of the blue. Her letter said that she was lonely and…well, I kind of felt sorry for her. And I was feeling bad and…and…I wrote her back. We exchanged a few letters. Then all of that other stuff was going on and then in one letter, she asked me to visit her. I thought and thought and thought about it and just did it. I faked going out on a service call for the Nerd Herd and went out and saw her. And we talked and she listened, she listened to me. I didn't tell her anything secret or confidential or anything about the Intersect. She already knew I was a spy, so I just talked about that stuff in general and about my life. I mostly just talked about…well…how hard it was for me sometimes to balance the two lives and not go crazy. And she listened, she listened to me."

He paused for a moment and looked sad. "It probably wasn't the brightest thing to do. I know that it was disrespectful to you to do that. And it was probably very selfish of me. And yes, it was Jill. But I was desperate. I really, really needed someone to talk to…and…who could I have talked to about all of that? If I had tried Casey, he'd just say 'Man up!' or 'Grow a pair!' and insult me. And I wanted to talk to you about it Sarah. But I tried that once and you didn't know how and, and…well…when the letter came from Jill, I just thought…thought that maybe, here…finally…here was someone that I could talk to."

Sarah cursed for how she acted when Chuck opened up to her about Morgan that time. Now she felt even guiltier and angrier with herself. If only she had talked to Chuck and had just listened to him that time, then he may not have turned to Jill.

"So you have been visiting her for a while?" she asked in a quiet voice.

After a moment, he nodded. "Just a few times. I faked going out on Nerd Herd service calls and swung by there once or twice. And I…." He stopped talking and turned away as if he still found it difficult to look at her while he talked. Now a lot of things made sense to Sarah. Like that letter that Ellie asked her about and why he didn't seem upset about seeing Jill in that meeting in the warehouse. She didn't know what to say. And he kept babbling.

"All of it, the letters, the visits was just talking, nothing more…I promise…I just needed someone to talk to. I just had days where everything was really getting to me. I needed, wanted someone to talk to, I really did, otherwise I would have gone crazy. And don't worry, I never said anything about that the Intersect, not a thing, she doesn't know anything about that. And I didn't say anything specific about missions. I was mostly just talking about myself and my life."

Sarah swallowed. I wasn't worried about the Intersect, she thought, that wasn't what concerned me, that didn't concern me at all. But out loud, she said, "But Chuck…Jill, JILL? Do you know how it makes me feel knowing that it was Jill that you turned to?" She surprised herself with a rare moment of honestly expressing her emotions and feelings to Chuck. It was hard for her to do. But she had to say it. And somehow she managed to.

He cast his eyes downward and shifted his feet uncomfortably. "Maybe like how I felt when I knocked on your door hoping to spend some time with you and Bryce Larkin answered? Or maybe like how I felt when I saw you with Cole Barker? So yeah, I have kind of an inkling of how it feels," he said quietly.

Sarah winced and lowered her head. Now she found it hard to look at him. She swallowed several times while trying to think of how to reply to what he had just said. But words were really hard to come by. He too seemed to unable to talk for the moment and they both just stood there not speaking for a few seconds. And then Sarah finally broke the silence. "Had it really gotten that bad for you?" she asked.

He didn't say anything. Instead, he looked directly at her and nodded.

And for a moment, Sarah could see all of the pain and sadness from her not talking and listening to him about Morgan, her rejecting him for that suburbs house date, Cole Barker, Orion and everything else in his eyes. A part of her understood why. But still…why Jill? She looked up at him.

"Well…Chuck…if…if that's what you want," she finally concluded and turned to go back to the motel room.

Chuck's hand gripped her arm and turned her back to face him. Sarah was shocked at what she saw. His mouth was in a stern frown and his eyes flashed with anger as his grip on her arm tightened. She had never seen Chuck look this angry. In fact, in all the time that she had known him, she had rarely seen him look angry at all.

And for a moment, Sarah thought that he was going to yell at her. But then something inside of him seemed to switch off or he regained control because the anger, by all appearances, faded away. He let go of her arm and then he spoke to her very quietly and slowly. And although spoken quietly and slowly, the words had just as much impact on Sarah as if they had been screamed at her.

"When has any of this ever been about what I want?"

Then he turned away from her and walked back to the motel room, leaving Sarah in stunned silence. She didn't know what to say. And as he walked away, she tried not to think or feel that he was walking away from her forever.

END CHAPTER 7

NOTE: Everyone, please remain calm! It will be OK, I promise. And it will be OK in the next chapter!