No Gangsta Love

Disclaimer: I don't own them just Jay and the KOB*K is mine.

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Ch6: What the Heart Needs

He confessed! He confessed! What the hell he lied right to my face. I don't know what came over me but I take the confession and storm the interrogation. I throw the confession at Jay it hits him in the face, he couldn't swat it away his hands were cuffed to the table.

"Catherine..." Brass says sternly.

"I need to talk to him" I say I feel tears fill my eyes, hurt and betrayed was only part of my feelings. Brass looks at Grissom I assume Grissom agreed because Brass left. "read it!" I yell in anger I feel a tear flow down my cheek.

"I... I know what it says"

"you promised me that you wouldn't do anything to get yourself thrown back in prison. And get taken away from Chance and McKenna, Carly, and Lindsay"

"I lied..."

"how could you do this, Jay? You're self-fish! If you cared about your children than you would never want to be away! You only care about yourself and our poor kids have to pay because they have a self-fish father" I cry he reaches and grabs my hands his eyes red and glassy.

"do you..." he clears his thought fighting his own tears "do you remember when we went out to eat for our anniversary and we came home and the twins had colored there arms? Carly and Lindsay were trying to wash them before we got home, Chance said he wanted arms like me" Jay says his voice cracking "I'm sorry" he cries. I realize just then he's innocent.

"me too"

It was our third anniversary Jay took me out to the restaurant where he proposed. We went ate a wonderful meal and when we came home and Carly and

Lindsay were in the bathroom washing Jay's dress white shirt.

'what are you doing?' Jay asked turning the water off, he took his shirt from there backs.

'umm... I spilt grape soda on it' Carly said standing in front of Lindsay.

'grape soda?' Jay said looking at the purple stain. Chance and McKenna came running in with purple scribbles on there arms.

'look we got arms like you daddy' McKenna said, I felt her arms they were wet and the ink was spreading. Jay picked up Chance looking at his arms.

'it's my fault I fell asleep and when I woke up they were coloring each other' Carly said as if preparing for a scolding.

'don't worry it's fine' he thinks Carly is the killer, why?

"you're not helping anyone by doing this" I say still angry he turns and looks at me as I grab the handle.

"I'm done talking to you"

"you're throwing your life away!"

"what life? I'm not like you, okay? I never will be. I'm sorry that our priorities are different. I can't change me" he stands and stares me down.

"don't look at me like that! Don't try to make it look like you're a martyr!" I yell he looks down "a martyr is someone who is put to death or endures great suffering on behalf of any belief, principle, or cause..."

"you think I doing this for me! Then I guess you don't know me as well as you think!"

"I know you're not a killer"

"I confessed five murders to you! I am a killer!"

"you may have been then but you are not one now! He was stabbed on the left side your left hand barely works..."

"stop!" he yells "it is better if it goes down like this"

"what about Chance and McKenna? What do I tell them?"

"they'll forget about me" he says sitting down.

"I can't let this happen"

"why? After everything I've done it's better this way"

"no... No it's not" I say softly.

"says who, you! I said it before and I'll say it again. We are the same we don't think the same we don't act the same... This is what is right!"

"Jay listen to yourself!"

"you think that I'm proud that our kids are going to grow up with me an ex con as their father! I may not be the best father but I love my kids!"

"then why would you do this?"

"...I... Love my... Kids" he starts breathing harder. "this is... My fault"

"Jay are you alright?" I stop and look he starts to breakout in a sweat.

"my chest..." he says passing out, Brass and Grissom come rushing in. I run to Jay and check for a pulse it was weak and erratic.

"Jay!" I cry grabbing his head Brass uncuffs him laying him down listening to his chest.

"he's having a heart attack" Brass says "Grissom get the AED!" Grissom took off tears start to fill my eyes and realize he has no pulse. Brass takes out his knife cutting Jay's shirt open and starts doing chest compressions. "how long has Jay had a heart condition?" I look confused at him as he motions to a medical alert bracelet. It reads 'this person has a HEART CONDITION andDIABETES'

"I don't know... I don't know... I don't know" I mumble

Grissom comes in and applies the AED and sends a call out to paramedic.

"stand clear" the machine says I hear a zap and Jay's chest.

"I got a pulse!" he said I grab Jay's hand.

"Jay can you hear me?" I say squeezing his hand.

I wait anxiously at the hospital with Grissom. The doctor had said that Jay had a foreign blockage in his heart Jay gave me power of attorney when we got married. In our divorce proceedings he didn't change his mind.

Jay's doctor came out I run over to him.

"how is he?" I say with my stomach churning.

"he's in recovery right now. He had a heart attack the foreign blockage seems to be a fragment of a bullet, ma'am"

"is he alright?"

"his heart took a big hit. And there has been permanent damage, only time will tell"

"can I see him?"

"I'll have a nurse get you when he wakes up which should be soon"

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