Part Eight:
Claire Bennet: "Maybe being different isn't the end of the world, it's just who I am."
Claire, to Zach (Homecoming)
I pick up both shirts by their hangers, holding up one in front of me, facing the mirror. I frown a bit at my reflection. It reminded me a bit of my old school's team colors. The red was lovely, but it was so bright, eye drawing... I toss the shirt on my bed.
I hold the other shirt up to me. Yeah, this was perfect. The bright emerald green shirt hung nicely on my frame. I felt comfortable. It wasn't overly attention drawing. I would probably blend in with most of Forks. That thought brought a smile to my face. And yes, it accented my eyes making me feel more feminine and not so much like I trying to hide my looks.
It was decided. I hung up my red shirt and grab my mascara wand off my vanity. I lean in close to the mirror, extra careful with my eyelashes. I even swipe on lip gloss and spritz on perfume. I smiled at my reflection, happy with the results. As I walk out of my bedroom I don't grab my grey sweatshirt off my door knob like I normally do.
I tromp down the stairs and into the kitchen. The smell of bacon wafts over to greet me. Mom stirs something in the skillet. Dad has finished his breakfast and is taking his plates to the sink. Lyle, crunches on his bacon as Mr. Muggles stands on his hind legs and licks his chops, following every move he makes carefully.
I take my seat, dishing myself up. Lyle looks up from the table cloth, the clacking of the serving dishes announcing my presence to him. His bacon drops to the floor to be snatched up by Mr. Muggles.
"You look like a girl!" He hisses.
"Thanks," I finish dishing up, sitting back in my seat. "If you take another bath you'll almost be clean enough to be human."
Lyle kicks me under the table. I kick him back. He scowls at me and tries to figure out what has become of his bacon. Mr. Muggles sits by his seat patiently watching. Noah Bennet (Butler) has moved to the entry way to find his shoes.
Sandra caught our tones however and comes over to the breakfast table under the guise of pouring orange juice. "You do look very nice today honey." Mom smiles at me knowingly, not that she actually knows what she thinks she does. Lyle dutifully finishes his breakfast and I smile sweetly, accepting the juice she pours for me.
I try not to examine the reasons why the sudden concern in my appearance. It just felt nice to look nice I guess. There wasn't anything wrong with that. And that was all there was to it. Why do they have to make a big deal out of it? So I don't usually go the extra mile while getting ready in the morning like I used to back in Odessa? It wasn't like I have much of a motivation to do so now. Everything has changed. Go to school, survive; come home. I wasn't going to improve my social life. After high school I didn't even know where I was going to go or what I was going to do. Come what may I wasn't planning on sticking around in Forks for the rest of my life.
Lyle races off to grab his back pack. I take another bite of my eggs. I wonder how Lyle has been dealing with our situation. At least he doesn't have an ability to hide I concede. But it probably hasn't been a field of flowers for him either. Lyle runs back to the entry way, back pack in hand. He heads out to the car.
Dad walks up to Mom, kissing her good bye. He comes over and squeezes my shoulder, leaning down, giving me a kiss on the cheek. "Remember…" He says with a pointed look. I interpret his look, translating, and I know what he means. I nod. He smiles at my acknowledgement then he leaves out the door.
I look back at my plate. My appetite has diminished in size, my food tastes bland like I'm eating card board. On autopilot I finish, hug my mom goodbye and head out the door myself.
I'm about to open my truck door when what is hanging off my side mirror catches my eye. It was my purse. How did it get there? I know it wasn't there last night. Who brought it here?
I snatch it up, going through my stuff. It all looked in order. No missing money, nobody helped themselves to an award. The person didn't even leave a note. They must have figured out where I lived and dropped it off. I say a silent thanks to who ever took it upon them self to return it.
All my I.D. is fitted away in their appropriate compartments. I pull my fake drivers license out. My picture stares back at me. My brow furrows as I look at the information on the side. There is nothing in my purse that has my address or anywhere I might be located… But, also this is Forks and pretty much everyone here has lived here their whole lives and they know everybody else. It makes sense that some one here could figure out where I live. Yeah, that has got to be it.
I look out around my new neighborhood now that it is day light. Every one is out living their daily routines. Parents off to work and kids off to school. No one notices me. I climb into my truck. I best be off as well.
It feels like I'm getting more stares than normal. I'm probably just paranoid. I kind of am normally anyways, with good reason. It is probably all in my head. But still…
"Remember, not much longer until La Push time." Mike snapped and pointed his fingers at me as we passed in the hall.
I give half smile. "Yeah, I remember." He looks me up and down appreciatively. I shift my weight from one foot to my other, fingering my school bag.
Before my secret and all the chaos basking in attention had been wonderful, felt natural. Now when someone stares a little too long I feel they're seeing right through, like they can read all my secrets. I had come to associate attention as being a bad thing. But now, like this, is doesn't feel so bad, kind of normal. It is actually pretty flattering. And I'm not even trying. Or is it still all in my head?
I see Angela and Jessica by their lockers. Angela spots me and makes her way over. She grabs my arm in an excited little hop and smiles. She still hasn't come down off her cloud. Jessica frowns slightly, shuts her locker and catches up, her attuned sense obviously detecting that she is missing something.
"Okay, what did I miss?"
The real question is what things did she miss? Or was there only supposed to be more than one for them? It somehow felt like more to me.
"Only one thing could make you have that kind of glow." Jessica astutely concludes. "Ben asked you didn't he?"
Luckily for me Jessica is only so observant to the surface, normal things of life.
Angela doesn't have to say anything for Jessica to know she had guessed correctly. She lets out a little squeal grabbing Angela's arms and doing her own excited little hop.
"We so have to go dress shopping!"
"Mike asked you?" Angela inquires, excited to spread the joy.
"No," She said to Angela, frowning slightly, looking at me over her shoulder. "But he will."
I just roll my eyes as I fall behind them. For both our sakes I hope he asks her already.
Angela heads off to Psychology and Jessica to World Literature. I open the door to Biology. I slip in to my seat and of course Edward is already at his place.
Nothing else jumps to mind. I'm not really sure what mood he will be in today. "Hey." I slump my bag on top of the desk and drop my purse to the side of the chair.
He turns himself to fully face me. "Good morning Claire."
"Today class," Mr. Banner walks to the back of the room to operate the projector. The class quiets down. "We are going to be watching a film." Some of the students' faces light up. Mr. Banner gives a pointed look to each of the especially perky looking ones. "This isn't a time to gossip with your neighbor or catch up on lost sleep because you were up too late watching TV last night. I want you to pay strict attention because there will be a test. Take notes." The students slumped down; their bored apathetic expressions already in place as they share knowing glances with their partners.
I pull out my own notebook, flipping to a blank page, pencil in hand. I look to the front of the room where Mr. Banner pulls down the big screen above the white board. Then the lights are turned off.
Even though it is overcast, light pours into our now dim class room from the windows lining the left side. My eyes drawn, I casually shift them to glance outside when I notice Edward is still looking at me. He is a silhouetted from the light leaving his face in shadow. I can't read his expression.
For second it feels like I can't look away. His eyes seem to glow faintly…almost….maybe…
Some body pulls the blinds down. I blink, breaking contact. My eyes adjust to the decrease of light but my gaze is steadily pointed downward to my hands in my lap.
For half a second I consider that maybe he has just zoned out but the notion is just as soon discarded. Though subtle, he is very intent. Edward gives the impression that he doesn't do anything without a reason; everything has a purpose, though maybe minuscule and I can only guess as to what purpose.
"Going native?" He murmurs.
"Excuse me?" I whisper back
"The color brings out the emerald of your eyes"
Oh, a little surprised, I feel a warmth blossom in the center of my chest. For some reason I can't look him in the eyes again so soon.
"You should wear color more often. You're vibrant; don't wash yourself out to fade in. There is enough darkness." He looks from the movie that is playing, that we aren't paying attention to, to the shadows in the corners.
"Do you always speak your mind?" I ask fingering my pencil as I check the location of Mr. Banner across the room.
"Sometimes," He cryptically responds.
"You enjoy this too much," I mutter as I try to focus on the film. He chuckles.
His laugh seems to seek me out, running along the length of my spine, like a breath of winter air filled with some scent I couldn't describe… It makes me very aware of that feeling in the air, the same that I experienced last night. It feels like electric currents are emanating, concentrated by me. Something seems to be moving under my skin, buzzing, tickling, tingling, it races beneath, begging to be released. I want to release it but I don't know how.
My breath comes a little faster. I have to narrow my eyes and strain my ears to make sense of the film. It all seems to become jumbled; just a blur of images and buzzing noise.
Damn, where is an ice cold bucket of water when you need one? But, you know, not that sticking your head in a bucket in the middle of biology class is normal or anything; unless of course you're dissecting a frog…. Okay, thinking of frog guts is not helping…
I make myself stare at my desk, something that isn't moving, the calm that feels like a raging storm every where else. It felt like I was at the amusement park only I didn't feel sick, just very attuned… to what I have no idea. I want to get off. I don't understand it, part of me wishes to dive in further and investigate this anomaly while another part of me is saying it is best to leave things as they are.
I close my eyes and hold my breath; counting to ten. 1, 2, 3, I shift in my seat, 4, 5, crap, knocked my pencil and it is rolling off the table, oops, right, okay, 6, 7, some one behind me coughs, 8, 9, -
"Claire, are you alright?" Edward's finger tips brush the side of my sleeve, gaining my attention. I gasp slightly. My eyes snap open and I clutch my pencil so hard I almost break it in half.
Breathe Claire, just breathe.
"Huh, uh nothing I'm fine. You startled me." I put a finger to my lips, pointedly looking from the screen, to him, then back again. He doesn't show a flicker of emotion. He just returns his attention back to the film… probably cause the blinds are pulled down. It is the only other thing to watch.
I silently sigh in relief. The electric feeling is still there but it has slowed down from a raging river to creeping molten lava. It rests on the fringes, just waiting for any reason to run rampage on my normally steely nerves.
Maybe there is really something in the air. Maybe there is some sort of charged particles or 'insert scientific reason'? But I seem to be the only one affected right? Edward is sitting like a statue as normal, no fidgeting of any kind as far as I can tell. Was I going crazy? This has to be me. Maybe it was my ability. It was like when I accidentally touched Edward. It only seems to come to the foreground when the lights go off….
I mentally shove my squabbling thoughts as far as I could for the moment. This was something I could think about later. The movie, pay attention to the movie….
That was what I did. Mind over matter, I sat almost as still as Edward, paying attention and taking extensive notes. The paying attention part wasn't hard. I let myself get absorbed by it for the simple fact that it was fascinating, well, to me anyways. It is pricking something in the back of my mind where an idea is forming.
The lights turn on finally, thankfully. I breathe a sigh of relief. Mr. Banner walks to the front of the room to discuss a few points about the video, drawing on the white board.
What I did next well, I didn't know what came over me, or maybe I did and that was the frightening part. Ever since Edward's look he gave me the first day and what he said during that one lab I always feel guilty whenever I pass up a chance to answer or ask a question. I tried to rationalize it by telling myself there should be at least one class that I could be myself partially. Besides wouldn't not standing out at all be standing out?
"Mr. Banner?" I ask, raising my hand. He turned, peering over his glasses at me, a little surprised for being interrupted. "In the video a newt was shown to be able to regenerate a new limb. Do you think it'd be possible over time for people to do that as well?"
Some of the students give me strange looks. What I'm asking, in their minds anyway, is only in realm of fantasy. Asking such a question…. Ah, what they don't know. Even this has Edward's attention.
"Well, there is a lot of research going on concerning stem cells. The next phase may involve phasing out superfluous body parts such as the appendix, wisdom teeth, and even the pinky toe."
"I read somewhere that some people may have already developed a new genetic code. Do you think that is possible?"
"Claire, to tell you that I'd have to have a degree in genetics." Mr. Banner turns back to the white board, signaling that the discussion is over. Some of my classmates still stare at me but when I look at Edward he is wearing that thoughtful look again.
"Why do you keep doing that? Have I sprouted another head?" I surprise myself for being so snappish. Something about him gets under my skin and I am annoyed that he affects me so much.
He only smiles that dazzling smile of his that normally makes all the girls swoon. "Now, Claire, we can't rule that out what with the possibility of there being a new genetic code." He is back to teasing, trying to sweep it all under the rug again. That wasn't going to fly with me right now. But still, why did it feel like I was treading dangerous waters?
He notes my expression and like whys, his also changes, from playful to serious. He leans in close, his face just inches away. For the moment he drops the charade.
"See, I have this theory that people break down into two categories. There are those who see what there is at face value and those who look deeper. They perceive and act on life as they see it. This person follows the rules of conventional logic, of what they know. They never question the slight abnormalities they come across for they never think that there might be something out of place."
"The other type is more of what I'd call an abstract thinker; they're capable of seeing the world from different points of view, some that may not be considered logical. Now, they may be simply curious, observant or may be acting on some previous experiences or clues that form their present state of mind that allows them to consider other courses. They can look deeper than appearances. They see what the others miss."
"Of course there is always more to a person than what we see first hand." I give him a condensing look. "Your theory is limiting and reductive. You can't know what someone else is thinking. Maybe they notice more than you think they do but they just choose not to show it. Perhaps they just discard the notion as unlikely and move on with their lives."
"I like to call it a neat expression of a larger truth." He cast his eyes heavenward.
"Oh? And how did you come to this conclusion?" I prop head in one hand, very tempted to make an eye roll myself.
He shakes his head, turning away; closing off the subject. "Well, we come to a quandary then. See, to come to the same conclusion as I you would have had to be in my world, had my life experiences and past."
"That's circular reasoning." I check the time until class was over on the wall clock across the room. "Whatever, how did we get onto to this ridiculous topic anyways?"
"You asked." He supplies. "I only told you what I was thinking."
"Uh huh," I give him a dubious look. "Is this what you do during class? Just think up new philosophies?"
He pretends to seriously consider the question. "Yes."
"You can't find this class that boring?"
"We aren't all as highly fascinated with the subject as you." He counters, maneuvering the conversation more towards me, a subject I tend to avoid.
I cast him a look before I shove my notebook and pencil into my bag. A restless feeling had entered my legs, making me want to get up and run, from what and to where I didn't know.
"I might also be a little jaded toward the subject." He says vaguely.
I glance curiously at him.
"You can't think you're the only one to have been in advanced placement." He supplies tiredly.
The bell rings. Students shove their school materials into their packs to head off to the next class. I sling my bag over one shoulder, myself eager to leave. I push into the tide of students filing out of the classroom. A tired Mr. Banner wanders off in search of coffee at the teacher's lounge.
A voice I'm beginning recognize too well cut through the noise, clear and sharp, finding me out, making me freeze. "Claire,"
I turn to look back at Edward who still hadn't move from his seat. We're the last two in the classroom. His eyes are bored but also hold a glimmer of amusement. He leisurely reaches down to the floor and holds up my purse. "I think you forgot this."
I forgot it again! Why did I forget simple stuff when I was around this guy? What was with me lately?
Glowering, (mostly at myself than Edward) I snatch my purse out of his hands with a gruff 'thanks'. Edward doesn't bat an eyelash. In a second all his stuff is neatly put away in his pack with it casually slung over one shoulder. He throws one arm across the door, blocking my way out of the classroom.
Startled I take a step back from him and his intent gaze. "What?"
He gives an effortless, slow Cheshire-like cat grin. "You're so transparent Claire."
Where is this all coming from? First I'm bright and colorful then told I shouldn't be dark and now I'm transparent. Go figure. And really, for someone in my position being told I'm transparent isn't very reassuring.
Slightly irked, I brush off his subtle, mysterious, cobwebs he is forever draping everything in. "Are you going to let me pass or what? I seriously don't know what you want. This may come as a surprise to you but I actually can't read your mind you know."
"I do know, but that isn't the point." He comes back, still looking unaffected.
"So what is the point?" I fold my arms in front of myself.
Edward leans in closer, his mouth next to my ear. His breath hits my neck and the whole area is alive with a tingling sensation. My ears prick forward to hear the words he so quietly says next.
"You are a hard girl to read Claire Butler. The others might not see it, nor may not recognize it if they do. You see the world differently I think, yet you pretend to react to life no differently than the rest. Then you go and break forth from that mold you have cast yourself in like this out of the blue. What I want to know is why?"
Forget dangerous waters. I had entered a mine field.
"Okay, so if I'm from the second category then what does that make you?" I counter, pleased with my quick comeback and also being able to side step the question.
"Touché." He concedes, he also avoiding the question.
"That's way cliché." I push on his arm to let me pass which he does.
"What? And that's not okay?" He puts to his heart theatrically in mockery of hurt behind me, simultaneously disappating the tension that had been rising.
"Ugh, no way." I crinkle my nose as I look over my shoulder as him. "Seriously, stop though. This is getting way too Princess Bride."
"You've seen it?" His face still gives nothing away.
"Yeah, it's a classic." I say as of course.
He considers me for a second. "Huh, not many people your age have seen it."
"My age? Don't you mean our age? You can only be a couple months older than me. You're seventeen right?"
"Something like that," He grins to himself, obviously him being the only one in on the joke. His eyes lose focus, drifting off.
These conversations just keep getting weirder and weirder. "Um, I got to go. I got Literature next." I merge with the other students. Yet, through all the bodies pressing and passing me by I could swear I could feel his gaze following me. I practically fly to my English class.
I look over the list of books we'd be reading this term. Next on the list was Tuck Everlasting by Natalie Babbitt and then Dracula by Bram Stoker. I slip the paper in my bag.
I prop up my face with one hand as I gaze longingly out the window. The cold fresh air would be very welcome now. Just a little bit longer and then I could go out. There is a ten minute break after Literature.
Really, I have been trying to concentrate but I am unable to. My mind keeps replaying the biology scene over and over; from Edward's uncanny perceptiveness to my strange reactions and my stupid, impulsive question. WHY? I've gone for weeks without any major slip ups. Why now?
The restless feeling from earlier will not leave. My legs ache for me to get up and run. My heart beat is faster than normal. I'm sure I'm flushed and I've broken out into a cold sweat. It feels much too crowded in here, like I'm suffocating. What is with me?
Mike tried to talk to me before class. Thankfully since I had been running late he was cut off by the teacher. Still, he has kept staring at me through the entire class and that doesn't make me any more relaxed.
When the bell rings I shoot off like a cannon with my destination set firmly in place in my mind. I come to the last corner before the doors of the school when a voice that also more familiar than I'd like calls my name. I consider just pretending like I didn't hear but I know he'd just hunt me down later.
"Claire?" Mike walks down the hall. "You were acting kind of funny during Biology and during Literature. Was Cullen bothering you?"
"No," I say not really able to come up with anything else. My brain had overloaded today.
"I could always-"
I put up a hand, stopping him. Whatever he was considering, (I had a pretty good idea of what). If it ever came to a fight between the two I was pretty sure Mike would get his ass handed to him. Edward just had that look to him. I couldn't describe it, all I knew was that he shouldn't be under estimated. If I've learned anything it is that. There was something about him…
Anyways if Mike thought he was being macho, trying to impress me, well, it wasn't working. No offense intended to Jessica's taste but I kind of found Mike annoying.
"It's fine." I give him a smile to placate him. "What's up?"
"Well, you know the dance coming up…"
Yes, I know it is. Kind of hard to forget with all the flyers posted on every available surface, even my locker. Then with a happy Angela floating around from being asked by Ben and an equally unhappy Jessica moodily grumbling and casting not so subtle glances at Mike, well…. It really was hard to keep from my mind.
"So I was wondering if…"
I felt like one of those little cartoon characters where the light bulb flashes over my head. Oh no! Please no!
"…you would like to…"
I cut him off again.
"I can't."
His bottom lip sticks out like a child's. "Why not?"
"I mean I'm not going." I know that sounds weird so I try to come up with something better as I go along.
"I'll be out of town. I'm going to…" I quickly think trying to remember my Washington state geography, especially the Olympic Peninsula. I had looked at maps of the area before coming here. What was that nearby town, Port Vegas? No, that didn't sound right… Another town, even a city… Oh, right!
"I'm going to Seattle." That was nearby right?
He gave me a strange look. "Why?"
I sighed. Yeah, Seattle was a little bit out of the ways. "I'm going shopping for…" Well I can't say dresses because I'm not going to the dance… "Books, I'm shopping for books. The selection here is really limited. I'm thinking of picking up the selections from our Literature class." I pull the list out of my bag and show it to him as proof that I wasn't (though I was) making it up as I went along.
"The school library probably already has plenty of copies."
"Yeah, well I'd like copies of mine own. Later I can read them again."
"You'd read them again?" Mike gave me this weird face. Obviously he hadn't taken me for the reading type. Well that part of my cover had gone over well.
"Sure, of course I would. Besides, I think it would be fun to visit the surrounding area too."
"Can't you go another weekend?"
This guy would just not give up would he?
Fine, I'll use my second to last bullet in my arsenal next to flat out denial. If straight forwardness didn't click with this guy than I was going to check his forehead for a scar for evidence of Sylar like activity. "You know, I think you should ask Jessica. I think she has a crush on you." I could practically see the light bulb going on over his head now.
"Really?" He asked like the idea had never occurred to him. It probably didn't. Boys…
"Definitely," I assure. "If you hurry you can catch her before her Spanish class." I give him a little push in the right direction, not giving him a chance to think about it. He looks kind of confused but goes anyway, probably still trying to figure out what just happened. I hope he doesn't figure it out too soon. Right now I had some of my own figuring to do.
I lean against the wall with a sigh of relief. Now I could have a nice quick breathe of fresh air before heading off to class myself.
"So are you really going to Seattle?"
I gave a small yelp. Edward is leaning against the wall too, only a few feet away. It was like he appeared out of thin air. I didn't even hear him come up. His face has on his trademark smirk.
I didn't plan on running into so many people. I just wanted a breather. Besides, we had just talked a class ago. I don't think he ran into me by accident over here. It was like he sought me out. "Where did you come from?"
"Around the corner." He answers as if this should be obvious.
I narrowed my eyes at him. I could have sworn he was silently laughing at me. And now he has gone from serious to playful…
"Why do you care?" Okay, I tell myself, calm down and stop being so snappish. He really is going to start to suspect something if he doesn't already the way I'm getting all defensive.
His expression changes once again. Him and his mood swings…
"You ask so many questions." He stands in front of me, my back against the wall. I can feel my heartbeat quicken.
"So do you." I try to have the annoyance from earlier seep into my tone but it won't. It just comes out as a breathy whisper.
One of his hands is braced against the wall over my head. His gaze is penetrating, trying to rifle out my secrets. "Yet you answer so few." It comes out as an earthy, gentle, growl as he references my side stepping from earlier, not that he didn't do any of his own.
I swallow. "Did anyone ever tell you you're really weird?"
He gives a small laugh. "I've been called much more than that."
I feel like stamping my foot. "I don't understand you at all."
"Let's keep it that way."
"Well same goes for me too then." Seriously, that was the best I could come up with. I decide to flounce away and at least get the last word. The back school door was only a few feet away.
His hand shoots out to grab my arm which is thankfully covered by my emerald sleeve otherwise I could just imagine the electric tingle I would have felt. I turn back around and face him; mostly because I don't think I could break free of that gentle iron grip even if I wanted to. "What?"
"You still haven't answered my question."
"You didn't answer mine."
"So we're back to this already then?"
Why was I even playing this game with him? He was just going to annoy me to death otherwise.
"Okay, so I wasn't planning on going to the dance and… a friend was hoping to go with the guy who asked me…so yeah." I explained vaguely. Are you satisfied now? I mentally asked. I felt like tapping my foot. I resisted.
He has taken a step back giving me my space but nevertheless raises an eyebrow at me.
I sigh. "And I might actually go to Seattle. I've been meaning to do some shopping anyways."
"Seattle," He sounds skeptical, "by your self?"
"Nothing is official yet. I haven't actually decided yet if I'm going." My eyes flash and I take half a step closer, my face only inches from his. "And yeah, I would probably go alone. I'm a big girl and can take care of myself."
He looks me over, all my barely over five feet of me, then raises the eyebrow higher.
"Don't give me that look." I complain. For some reason, I'm struggling not to grin when a moment ago I was getting annoyed. What is with me?
"What look?" He asks, his eyes twinkling.
I could feel that electrical feeling start to creep into the air. Not good, I had to ward it off somehow.
I playfully punch him on the arm, which I noticed is hard, firm; very muscular perhaps? Then with a roll of my eyes I start walking down the hall and away from my previous destination. I obviously wasn't going to find any peace today. Edward matches my stride, easily keeping pace with me.
Did I actually punch Edward on the arm? What is with me?
"Will you be taking your truck?" He asks.
I don't even wander about that fact that he knows what car I drive. The parking lot is only so big and only about half the students drive. Anyone is going to notice the new car, or, I should say my truck.
"What else would I take?" I ask, turning my head to watch his face as I walked.
"Do you think it can make it?" He asks, keeping his face straight. I can't tell if he is serious or is just teasing me again. Why is teasing me so much all of a sudden anyways?
"That truck has been around along time." I say in its defense.
"That is kind of my point." Edward says.
Okay, now I'm kind of getting annoyed again. I really need to lighten up but I can't because my stomach is tied in knots from being so careless in class earlier.
"What I mean is do you think you might want company for your trip? I could drive my Volvo." He says quietly.
My initial reaction to this is: If he drives we're both going to die.
Then: Okay, so he will but I won't stay dead. I was the lucky (or not so lucky, depends on how you look at it) winner of the genetic lottery.
And hey, not like I haven't been in a car crash before anyways…
Nope, I really don't want a trip down memory lane right now. And for all I know he could just be like the passenger of that other car… The knots that seem to have taken up permanent residence in my stomach twist painfully.
But, I really don't think so. He doesn't seem that way to me… I guess; I don't know what I'm thinking. I need to get back to what he just asked. Do I want him to come with me on my supposed trip? Yes or no?
I try to picture it in my head. This could be potentially awkward. There would be the long car ride. He'd probably want to play some indie label rock, something cool. I'd probably want to play something relaxing to calm myself from the electrical tingly inducing close quarters. Besides, what would we do? What would we say to each other? We obviously can't bring ourselves to be around each other for an extended period of time with out poking at the others more private (and in my case more dangerous) thoughts.
Not to mention having him follow me around as I go to stores… It wouldn't be like how I used to go shopping with Jackie or how it could have been with Jessica and Angela. How do you go shopping with a guy? I try to picture Edward opening up doors, holding bags for me and giving his opinion on items I'm looking at.
Okay, that is almost as funny as the time he started singing Tik Tok at the CD store.
Really, if I think about it, Edward isn't bad company at all. He can be funny and intriguing. Who says it has to be bad? It could be...pleasant.
I can't believe I'm thinking this, even considering it. I can't have any one that close, I just can't, especially him. He is too observant by half. No…
I surprise myself my impulsively saying, "We'll see. I'll let you know when and even if."
Then I find I'm walking away. This time he doesn't try to stop me. I feel like throwing my face in my hands for the fact that my brain is obviously off gallivanting elsewhere, obviously not in a world with logic and my tongue has decided to spew whatever words take its fancy.
But the part that really makes me feel like screaming: I also find the prospect of having Edward accompany me to Seattle, well…
Oh God, what is with me?
"Oh my God! Guess what!" Jessica excitedly squeals to me over my cell phone. I have to pull it away from the side of my head, my ears ringing momentarily.
"No, I don't know. What?" I say going along with it. Of course, I had a pretty good idea of exactly what. Hmmm, so Mike didn't chicken out.
"You'll never believe it!" She squeals again though this time it doesn't reach piercing levels. I could imagine Jessica's excited, flushed face. I don't know how she was able to contain herself until after school.
"Try me," I say, knowing this is all the nudging she needs. I pull my homework out of my back pack and get situated at my desk. She proceeds to tell me a lengthy description of "exactly" what happened from her point of view.
She tells me how Mike asked her out right before Spanish class. Then she has me help her (though mostly her) go over a thorough analysis of everything he said, trying to glean as much as possible out of it and any possible motives or intentions.
I go along, putting my two cents in here and there, steering her back to reality when she strays too far. But mostly I work on my Algebra 2 homework.
She also says she is calling because she has to cancel our shopping trip we had planned for the day after La Push. Mike was taking her out again that night as well. Well good for him.
Of course she is also calling because she wants to rub it in my face a bit. And of course she doesn't say that but I know. I had a lot of experience about these kinds of things from all those years with Jackie. I know better than to let it get to me. I avoid the slight temptation of telling her that I turned him down and set them up. But if I learned anything this past year it is that keeping some things to oneself is a wise decision. I won't hold it against Jessica. Okay, maybe a little…
Eventually after an hour long phone call we hang up; though I'm pretty sure it could have gone longer if I didn't cut it short. And now I've completed all my homework.
I open the top drawer on my desk, pulling out a plastic bag. Inside is the glow in the dark star pack. I use my desk chair to be able to reach the ceiling. I arrange them into constellations, like how I remembered the night sky to look like back in Odessa Texas, laying in my back yard. Leaning back a bit to get a better look at my work, I breathe a little wistful sigh, thinking of all the- huh, WHA-!
I've slipped off chair, falling backward on to my hard wood floor.
Oh perfect.
I rub my back. Sometimes, having the power to regenerate is a blessing. I sure would have felt that in the morning. My chair luckily has also come away unscathed.
I right myself and my chair. No one has come running to my room to demand to know what the loud thump was. Dad is still at work, mom is off walking Mr. Muggles and who knows what planet Lyle is currently on. He's probably using this golden opportunity to visit the mother ship.
I find it too quiet. I don't mind quiet, I really enjoy it, especially after a long day of school or talking to Jessica. But today as some days it feels like it is missing something.
I sit on the edge of my bed, my gaze traveling along the bare white walls. There was my new bed, dresser, closet, night stand, shelf, desk and chair. The only possessions that I had from my previous life were contained within those boxes stacked in the corner. Inside were a few framed photos, books, my stereo and other miscellaneous items.
I don't know why I didn't finish unpacking. I guess doing that would make this official. There really was no going back. My old life was done. I rip the duct tape off the box on top, opening the flaps and peering inside. This one was filled up with yearbooks, journals and a few other books.
The corner of one stuck out, catching my eye. I pulled it out from under the pile. It was Activating Evolution, the book by Dr. Chandra Suresh. Zach gave it to me back in Odessa as a present, when we were still friends, when he still remembered me.
I closed my eyes for several seconds. I willed myself not feel sorry for myself. It wasn't going to help. I missed my old life, yet I didn't. I couldn't go back yet I was hesitant to embark on an uncertain future. I just sometimes felt so…alone.
I remember the day Zach gave it to me. It was right after I was announced the homecoming queen. He explained to me that I "rocked the freak vote". All my old friends weren't my friends anymore and now the ones who weren't were. That was how I won. Then he gave the book to me pointing out that there was a part on cellular regeneration. I thought it was a nice gesture of friendship.
Later Jackie came over to us, still bitter about losing. She mocked Zach for being gay and I punched her. I still can hardly believe myself. I actually punched Jackie in the face. After wards I felt a release. I was truly and finally free from those bonds I was tied under before. I had taken the last straw and tossed it over my shoulder, breaking free.
Now I was back again.
I flipped open the book. I went straight for the chapter that was about regeneration. I had read it before. That was why I asked the question in class. I run my fingertips along the title, considering.
Now, again, an idea is forming in my head.
So maybe my science teacher can't answer my question. I already know a new genetic order exists. I and my old friends are proof of that. I can regenerate…but can I regenerate like newt can? What are my limits?
I wonder…
I went down stairs and peeked into the kitchen. Mom wasn't back yet thankfully. That would make this easier. I went for the knives drawer. I pulled out an especially sharp one and then returned to my room.
I sat there for a moment staring at the sharp blade. So I'd done some pretty drastic things in testing the limits of my abilities. I had documented them at one time with Zach. It didn't of course mean these experiences were pleasant or I didn't mind. I just… I just needed to know…
I run a finger over the blade tip, barely breaking the surface of the skin. It is already healed before I pull my finger off. My regeneration was working perfectly as normal.
Obviously I wasn't going to cut off my hand or something. It would suck to find out it didn't really grow back. But I'd be stuck with it. I pull off my sock. My pinky toe should work. After all, it is just a superfluous body part anyways. I could risk it.
I place the knife at the base of toe and press down. I clamp my mouth shut, biting my lip hard, drawing blood but not making a sound but a slight grunt of pain. Then it is over. My eyes screwed tightly shut, it takes me a second to gain the guts to look at my stub.
"No way," I breathe.
It tingles painfully. First the bone grows out then the muscles and tendons, then skin. Then it looks just like it did before. I wiggle my toes then poke it with a finger. It is completely normal. Now I have my answer.
I deliver a clean knife back to the drawer. I spend the rest of the evening carefully unpacking each item from the boxes. The wind rattles the branches of the tree against my window. I hear my dad's car pull up the driveway. The familiar noise of mom busying herself in preparation of dinner can be heard.
I skim over old journal entries and browse past year books. I smile bitter sweetly at the photo album that survived the fire. Reverently I take each, and place them on my shelf. Then I turn out the lights, laying back on my bed, watching my glowing stars.
A/N: Hey there! Sorry, I know it has been a while….okay, a LONG while. It has felt like forever for me. Sorry it took me so long to update. I've wanted to but it has just been one thing after another. :(
It was really nice though to leap back into this universe and lose myself to the story. It is a nice escape from real life. Thank you for all your patience and kind words. I made this chapter extra long just for you! :)
HannaXD: I gave Alice her cookie but for some reason she saw it coming 0_0