Light Bulb Musings
29 Palms Marine Base
Base Hospital
"Ms. Beckett, he just experienced a panic attack, that's all. Shortness of breath is to be expected. He's no spring chicken and the trauma he's suffered would freak anyone out. He passed out because he refused to breathe – wait, not refused – couldn't, really. I asked you not to get him all wound up and now I'm telling you – whatever you did, don't do it again."
The nurse had come in and injected something into his IV port that softened all the sharp edges of the world and he floated along, just letting his mind run free.
Q: How many Becketts does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. She just hangs on to it and waits for the world to revolve around her.
He laughed out loud, startling the nurse that was finishing up taking his blood pressure. She looked at him and smiled, curious to hear what he could possibly find funny enough to laugh out loud.
"Sorry. Private joke. Really funny until you realize it's true. Must be the drugs. Good stuff. Can I get another hit from you magic needle?"
The nurse was smiling when she walked out of his room and gave Kate a sympathetic look. "He's higher than a kite and as charming as a snake. I'll bet he's a handful when he gets frisky!"
Kate blushed a deep red and let her mind float back to the last time he'd been 'frisky'.
'Breathe – just breathe and let it happen again. Oh, God, not that!'
She'd tried to push him away because the teasing of his tongue and the heat of his lips on her was driving her mad with desire and the need to have him inside of her but the handcuffs behind her back rendered her hands useless – just as she playfully suggested.
It had been her idea – the handcuffs – and now she was loving every second but wishing – no – praying – that he'd stop finding new 'playgrounds' everywhere on her body. When he ran his lips over her ribs in an open mouthed kiss she swore her heart was jumping out of her chest and when he licked the fine sheen of perspiration from her breasts, she thought she'd go mad.
"Ms. Beckett, I asked if you wanted to go back in to see him? It's okay. We're done with him. Just don't get him so worked up, okay?"
He's going to take one look at me and he'll know and then he'll lick his lips and – oh, my God, I'm getting hot just thinking about –
"Oh, yeah." It's not him that's getting all worked up here. Six weeks without a Castle Classic…I'll be so ready to jump his bones.
Kate walked back in and resumed her position at his side, resting her palm on his forearm and rubbing it lovingly not daring to look at him. But she did.
He gave her one of his brightest smiles and then, oh God, he ran the tip of his tongue across his lips.
"Thirsty, Honey? Wait a second." Kate got a glass and filled it with ice water from a plastic pitcher and put a flexible straw in it and leaned over and held it so he could sip the water.
She couldn't help herself. She wiped of a droplet of water from the corner of his mouth and then gently kissed his lips, running the tip of her tongue over them.
"I'm sorry. I just had to do that, Castle. When I get you home and healthy – " He smiled, knowing what she was hinting at.
"Rick, I want to laugh with you, y'know, Eskimo laugh, for the rest of my life." She leaned over him and whispered, "And I want you to use the handcuffs again, baby, ohhhh" and she laughed as his face got red and he flashed that smile that was normally followed by some fooling around. She wanted that back.
There was a voice in the hallway demanding to see 'My husband, Richard Castle. Where is he?"
Castle looked up at her and whispered, "Save me, Kate. Hide me. Don't let her near me. It's Meredith and she'll overwhelm us, use us and then discard us like yesterday's newspaper."
The nurse had been right. He was higher than a kite but right about Meredith Rogers' presence. She was overwhelming. It was always about the drama diva and her needs, her wants, her publicity.
Kate moved quickly and intercepted her in the hall. "I'm Kate Beck – "
"I know who you are. I also know just what you are. You're the reason he's here instead of in Los Angeles or New York. Well, I want to see him with my own eyes and make sure he's all right. Step aside, please. I reallyhave to make sure he's okay."
Kate blinked and then felt her eyes begin to burn. How did she know – how could she know?
"Fine, but don't upset him. He's just coming out of a panic attack and I don't want you jeopardizing his recovery. Do not upset him, Meredith, or you'll find yourself on the 'Do not admit' list."
Meredith just snorted and stepped around Kate and gasped.
"Oh, Ricky, what have you done to yourself? Everything's going to be fine, darling, I'm here for you. Well, until tomorrow when I leave for Asia."
Rick raised an eyebrow at her comment. Beckett would have company on the light bulb-changing ladder – Meredith would be able to give her pointers.
Kate was standing in the doorway, leaning casually against it, but watching Meredith like a hawk. One hand. If she laid one hand on Rick…
"That's what I wanted to discuss, Ricky. I'll be gone for 3 months and I know you'll want to recover without all the drama of New York so I'm giving your – your girlfriend the keys to the Canyon house and, of course, the beach house. I want you both to stay there and recuperate in comfortable surroundings."
Rick raised an eyebrow almost imperceptibly but Kate knew it was a question for her to answer.
"Why, Meredith, that's the answer to our prayers. Rick can't fly and a cross-country trip is just too much for him right now. Thank you, we accept your kind offer and hope you enjoy your trip. I'll leave you two to reminisce. Lanie's leaving tomorrow and I'd like the chance to thank her, too. Remember what I said, Meredith – about the panic attack."
Kate pushed off the wall and left, a huge smile on her face. The major concern she and Lanie had had was taken care of by, of all people, Castle's ex-wife!
Canyon House
Los Angeles, CA
The ambulance ride to Meredith's home was hard on Castle but he never said a word, just catnapping and then waking with a start, he'd see that Kate was still sitting in the uncomfortable jump seat and he'd stare at her or smile and then go back to a restless sleep.
The two ambulance attendants got Rick situated in the master bedroom and then carried in the couple's meager luggage and departed leaving Kate and Rick really alone for the first time since the crash. Kate was tired and stiff but kept remembering Lanie's parting words.
2 Days Prior
Palm Springs Airport
"Lanie, I can't begin to thank you for being here with me. I – "
"Kate, you're my best friend. Where else would I be? Now, some words of wisdom – grovel, beg, whatever it takes, but get this behind you and Rick. He's going to be sore and achy for weeks and you're not known for your compassion. KatherineBeckett, do not give me that look. He going to bite your head off and hate you when you fuss over his but suck it up and do it. You'll both be grateful in the end. Now, I gots to get my fine fanny back to N-Y and a certain Puerto Rican hunk that talking on the phone to is just not enough."
"I'll try, Lanie. Really. I just don't want to smother him."
"Don't blow it, Kate. You'll only get one chance at this. Take advantage of the isolation and work your magic on him. Just don't take 3 years this time, okay?"
"I'll try, Lanie. I – "
"What are you – a broken record? Don't try, do."
Canyon House
Los Angeles, CA
Rick was sitting on the edge of the bed trying to remember the layout of the house he and Meredith had purchased 18 years ago. It was not furnished in the same way it had been when he'd received the first major book deal and an advance that allowed them more left after expenses than the price of a Happy Meal. Back then, all they needed was a bed. And a kitchen set. They were young and stupid and thought making love and the occasional meal would be enough.
The view out the window hadn't changed much but he'd judge it better when it was dark and the city lights were aglow. Rich now it looked like it had the last time he'd been in this bed and that was 10 years ago. He was definitely done with deep-fried twinkies now that he had Beckett in his life.
He frowned for a moment, remembering a meadow with dead grass that crackled under foot but shook it off when he heard Kate asking if he felt like lunch or something to drink.
"I'd really like to use the john but I'll be damned if I can remember where it is, Kate. It used to be where the walk-in closet is now. It was there when we bought the place. Can you find it?"
She turned away to cover a moment of sadness and jealousy. …when we bought the place…
"Just sit tight, Rick. I'm on the case." She found it right where he said it had been. Meredith had just installed mirror doors on the entire wall. The walk-in closet was beside the bathroom entrance – an easy mistake for someone to make.
Kate helped him in and was going to stand by in case he needed anything but he just gave her the hairy eyeball and she scooted out but stood near the door for safety's sake. She heard the flush and then another sound – oh, a bidet. She blushed deeply realizing she hadn't considered the need to – 'oh,hell this was going to be a journey of discovery for the both of us'.
"Hungry, sweetheart?" after getting him back into bed – well, lying on the thick comforter.
"Yeah, a little but it'll keep." He thumped the bed beside him with his cast, his way of patting, and smiled. "You look tired, Kate. Lie down beside me and take a nap. You're tired after the trip, I can tell. I napped but you were always there watching me. Now it's my turn."
"Uh, Rick, I'm down the hall – "
"What? Why?" His mind flew through various rationales that Beckett could contrive but nothing seemed to fit the situation or her response.
"I don't want to risk hurting you. I've hurt you enough already."
"Beckett, get your sweet fanny over here. Just don't expect a Classic for a while, okay? Not quite up to it but I'll be back on my feet in no time."
She didn't need to hear it twice. She kicked off her shoes and pulled the tank top she wore over her head and slipped off the skinny jeans and lay down beside him, not touching him but rolling over on her side so she could see him.
"Rick, what do you remember about the crash itself? Do you blame me? Do you hate me somewhere down inside where it'll fester and rot and finally kill us? I need to know, Rick. I won't cry and I won't leave, but I have to know. I need to know."
"Kate, I don't even remember getting on the plane. I remember grabbing the very last seat way in the back and feeling very lucky to have gotten it. That's my last memory of that day. Everything before that is pretty jumbled up but I remember nothing at all after getting my boarding pass."
"I – I'm sorry. It was my fault but you haven't answered my question. Do you blame me? Do you hate me?"
"Kate, I'm going to marry you. I couldn't hate you, baby, ever. I'm just not wired that way. Now, please, skooch over here and let me at least put an arm around you. These casts…"
It was dark when Kate woke up but Rick was still asleep so she eased her way from under his arm and dressed and went to the kitchen.
Meredith had left a list of cardiologists, orthopedists and several physical therapists and personal trainers for them. She also told them to 'exercise my cars' weekly and not to worry about cleaning. The service came once a week and a maid came weekly and would do the washing and ironing.
Kate felt guilty for her original feelings towards Meredith at the hospital. She carried a lot of guilt around and felt that she had to unburden herself somehow and figured if she just talked to her future husband, he'd help her root out her fears.
Her biggest fear: that he would turn inward and lose the spark that made him so special to her. She had an idea and at first blush it seemed ridiculous but if she would bring Natalie and her son back into the equation and let Rick see that she wasn't jealous or untrusting of their friendship.
Kate whipped up omelets and fried some ham and took Rick a tray. She was balancing the tray and trying to open the door at the same time.
Castle half woke and wondered why it was dark. His consciousness still lagged behind and when he couldn't move his fingers and felt weighted down, for just a moment he was back in the broken plane, upside down and freezing cold.
He couldn't stop the gut-wrenching scream of "Kate!"