The writer searched among the people who had called him and then spotted Lanie. When the woman was before Rick he did the best to seem normal, he tried to smile, but in vain.

"What has happened? Kate is ok?" Fearing the worst she put her hand over her mouth and started to shake her head not wanting to think about that eventuality, already feeling the tears forming in her eyes. Castle understood that the coroner had thought the worst seeing her expression, so he immediately went to reassure her.

"Yes Beckett is fin, indeed she is awake". This time he spoke with calm voice, happy to give her the news about her friend, seening her sighning and remove the anxiety that had wrapped her in a fw moments. But nothing could escape to Lanie.

"What happened Castle?". She asked insistently but not out of curiosity but because she sensed that something unpleasant had happened.

"Beckett and I are over". Lanie dragged Castle by the arm until he was seated on a bench next to her and then asked him again.

"Did she tell you?"

"No, she didn't. I spoke to Josh". Castle wanted to take of that weight, to explains his reason to someone and someone as Lanie was perfect. She knew how to listen, but even more she was very good at giving advice.

"He said that i'm between him and Beckett. I'll always be the odd man out and because of me they can never be truly happy. I'm Kate's unrealized dream, but Josh is the reality and it is time for me to go away and so i do. Josh will give her what she wants, not me. I'm too unpredictable, too impulsive, and we all know that she need stability in her life.". How difficult was to say those words. For each of them corresponded a stab in the heart, but deep down he knew that this day would come. He just don't imagine so soon. Lanie took his hand in her and trying to shift his attention on her.

"You know what Kate needs in her life?". Castle replyed no so she continued.

"She needs to live and Josh doesn't make her feel alive. Only you can, and if you leave now everything you have done for her in these 3 years will vanish. It is thaks to you if she has a life outside the precinct. Before, she lived only for the murder of her mother, and you are well aware. Do you know how many times she has come out for a drink with Esposito, Ryan or me, before you arrived? Zero. She was closed in herself, had very few friends. But you, you brought back that girl who was her. Rick don't run away or we lose her again"

Castle smiled sincerely at the effort that her friend was doing to convince him to retrace his steps but he had made a decision, he could have no doubt about it.

"Beckett has all of you, she won't feel my absence, indeed you probably will spend the day plotting behind my back for revenge". Commented the writer trying to get that sense of humor but finding it extremaly difficult at the time. Having nothing else to add he rose from the bench giving a kiss on the cheek of the coroner.

"Thanks for everything. And check her for me". So he began to walk away from the woman who loudly ask him.

"And you'll be ok Castle?" The man didn't stop, not even turned, he raised only the hand in greeting.

"If you don't call me to ask how she is i'll call you"

Castle opted to return home on foot. He didn't care about the distance, he just wanted to be alone with himself and thinking helped him. He had lost Beckett and it hurted, but he had other things to go forward. He had a beautiful daughter, the envy of many parents, a mother quite irritating, but at the same time he would never change her, a great job, thousands fans. What more could he want? The answer was obvious but for his own sake he hid it in the darker recesses of his brain. He began to think about anything else. He thought of how conclude the book, to arrange a tour for the next weeks, to schedule meetings with the publishers. To do everything he could to keep himself busy. He aso thought to return to Los Angeles and followed the shooting of the film. After almost an hour he finally came home and just opened the door he found Alexis clutched in his arms. How to tell her about the decision he had taken.

"You are late. You had to take me to Beckett". Alexis reminded him before take her jacket ready to go, but Castle stopped her immediately.

"Alexis we have to talk". Inviting her to sit on the couch remembered the reaction of Lanie he added.

"Beckett's fine. She woke up". He said watching his daughter who , like him when he learned the same news, began to hop around the room happy.

"perfect. One more reason to go. Come on dad, i'm sure that kate will be glad to see us". Alexis tried to pull him by the arm but the man didn't move, once again feeling sad.

"Sit down Alexis". She only then noticed that something was wrong.

"Dad?"

"For a while it is better that i don't go to visit Beckett. You are free to do it whenever you like, i'll bet even she cannot wait to have your company. As for me i have closed." New tears formed in his eyes at the memor of the decision took for the woman he love. His daughter immediately embraced him not understanding well the words of his father, having no clue about what happened between him and Josh.

"Dad tell me what happened"

"I gave a Josh a change to make Beckett happy. I don't see her again"

"And Kate knows?"

"For now she just need to think to recover. I would only get in the way. Probably even before her wounds are heal i'll drag her in t some dangerous situations dor my only amusement." Castle talked about it not wanting to think about the future. Unable to see a future without Beckett in his life. He remained on the couch hugging Alexis as hard as he could, hiding the pain that tore him.

"She don't like it at all.". Alexis simply said. The confession of her father had left her stunned, she never would have expected this from him, but knowing his father she knew that he had a good reasons and che wuould have accepted, even if it was not so simple.

"She will be so busy that she will have a little time to think about how much she missig a 9 year old boy victim of the effects of sugar". For a second his lips arched in what looked like a smile.

"I'm sorry to contradict you, dad". Enunciated Alexis taking off from his arms and watching him with an expression of reproach.

"more you and Beckett stay away and more you look for each other. Everyone knows that you're meant for each other and yet you don't want to see it"

"It's complicated"

"No. It's actually very simple. It is complicated because you make it. What's hard to confess what you feel for each other?". Alexis was angry, very angry. She had been watching in silence for too long and now she could not stay there too see his father ruining his life with his own hands and do nothing.

"And don't try to answrer me Josh, i'm sorry to say, but this is be the first time i'll slap my father. Nothing has ever stopped you before and now you give up without fighting. Now i go to my room. I'll be back in time for dinner". So Alexis went stamping her feet and slamming the door, leaving a open mouthed Castle on the couch who not recognize his daughter. Everything in that day was falling apart. It lacked only one person to complete the picture.

"Richard Alexander"

Castle opened his eyes, realizing that he had fallen asleep on the couch, watching hir mother walking toward him with threatening pitch.

"What's the story that Alecis told me? You said goodbye to Beckett? I knew that i had raised a child with many problems but i hadn't thought he was so stupid to give up at the best thing that happened in his life" Martha was angry, her face red with anger, her voice strong, serious, authoritative, hands clenching and squeezing gloves to avoid shaking the neck of her son.

"Mom please". Rick got up off the couch and heading away from the woman, he went to the kitchen but she follow him.

"Why did you Rick? Why?". She don't understood. Nobody understood his motives and he was tired of giving explanations.

"What else could i do? Stand there next to her every day, hour after hour, knowing that she will returning home from Josh. To see the smile that forms on her lips or her face light up when Josh call. Stay there to want to take her in my arms but cannot do it because she isn't mine." Castle raised his arms to the sky before desperately ran his fingers through his hair, looking around for something and then he did something he hadn't done for long time. He open one of the doors of the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of whisky starting to drink it straight from the bottle. Sip by sip to feel his throat burning, wanting only erase those memories with more ease.

"Richard this isn't the solution. If only you spoke to her, if you open your heart she would be yours". Martha came to his son, carefully remove the bottle from his hands and placing it on the counter before returning to watch her son who no longer held the tears.

"You believe i didn't think about it? When we were in Los Angeles i was so close". He said starting to not be stable on his own legs not being accustomed to drink with empy stomach.

"I could tell her how much i love her, i could kiss her, icould even maker love to her all night, sure she would have allowed me. But in the end Beckett would hated herself for betraying Josh and i never forgave myself for having made her so sad. And even now if i confessed everything and she broke up with Josh see him with a broken heart will destroy her. So what happened is the vest solution. Everybody wins".

Martha closed her eyes and sighed, patting his son on his right cheek.

"How you're wrong my son. There are no winners, only losers. Both you, Josh and Kate. You have chosen the easy route. You don't have risked and now not only you but other will pay the consequences."

Castle didn't understand the meaning of the words of his mother and didn't know whether to blame alcohol or himself. But it was the same Martha who, seeing the doubt in the eyes of his son, clarify her thinking.

"Kate will stay with a man that she doesn't love, to strive to be happy with him when she isn't.. Josh will be with a woman who doesn't return his love, vainly hoping that she forget you, fighting every day with your memory. And the you, you will have to live with the knowledge that you have fought for insignificant things in your life and you haven't pulled out the nails for the most important. If you are unhappy is all your fault"

Martha wasn't happy to say those words to her son but there was no other way. Telling him that he had made the right choice would have been just a big mistake. Richard had to understand his error. He still didn't know that the fate still had some surprises for him, hoping that the next time Rick didn't fail.