Chapter 3: Rainbows Aren't the Happy Symbols of Adolescence We Thought They Were…

A cold wind seemed to blow towards Daine as the three other exorcists glared at her from their yoga mats. An icy gale, perhaps. She shivered. How was she supposed to know that yoga was a form of "exercising" and not "exorcizing." Everyone else had thought it was a good idea at the time, anyway. So it wasn't really her fault. How had they ended up like this, anyway? Oh, yes, that's right…

When they entered the yoga room, they knew at once that something was wrong. There weren't any akuma, for one, and it is a generally accepted rule of thumb among exorcists that exorcizing generally requires some form of thing to exorcize. Another, a woman introduced herself to them as their "teacher." Why would fully-fledged exorcists need a teacher? The woman immediately assigned each of them to a mat and told them to wait. The following two hours would end up being a shocking insight into the notion of "cruel and unusual punishment" that the naïve, young exorcists had never seen coming.

Win was perspiring. In fact, had she been aware of anything but the horrific pain in her back, she might have had the sense of mind to be scared of simply dissolving.

"Good, now, imagine that your belly button is free of the chains of gravity…your hands and feet are like the trunks of trees, firmly rooted in the earth…"

The teacher, a tall, thin woman with a face oddly reminiscent of a frog's and legs to match, poked Win in the stomach, HARD. Win groaned, keeping her hand on her stomach to prevent seasickness. She didn't know how much more of this she could take. The woman walked around her, inspecting her posture.

"You are 'the Rainbow,' a gentle arch that climbs high into the sky…"

Gentle arch Win's ass! She was doing a backbend on the tips of her fingers of one hand and the tips of her toes. She was stretched out like a rubber band…or like people put through the rack, a medieval torture device. Yes, maybe the latter was a more suitable analogy.

"Now, breathe in deeply and count to ten. One…two…three…four…five…six…seven…"

Win was practically turning purple here. Her fingers were feeling the strain, and the sweat that was running down her arms was making her fingers slip on the stupid yoga mat. Why the hell did she have to do "the Rainbow," anyway? What. The. Hell.

"Maintain your position, dear, while I go to help the next one…"

She strolled off, her breezy voice fading as she did so. Win, in her upside down field of vision, noticed Allen looking at her with sympathy and Kanda snickering in his own, expressionless way. She closed her eyes and concentrated on not going on a killing rampage of sorts. ANYTHING would be better than the suffering she was enduring now! Her muscles were literally shaking in protest, and the salty droplets of sweat running down her face were stinging her eyes. It was at this point in time that Win knew for a fact that she hated yoga.

The teacher did indeed move onto the next one. Daine ended up laying on her back, her hands draped over her collarbone, her knees slightly turned inwards and her feet further apart. The yoga instructor looked at her disapprovingly.

"How is it possible, girl, that you cannot even manage 'The Playful Wolf Cub?' Such a simple position!"

Daine squeaked as the woman forcibly moved her feet further apart. Her knees had automatically bent to try and preserve her decency, as her exorcist uniform consisted of a short-but-not-that-short dress, as opposed to pants or what Win was wearing, shorts that cleared the bottom hem of a skirt-like over-garment by a good few inches. The yoga teacher didn't seem to mind.

"Spread your legs further apart! It's crucial to the position!"

Allen made the mistake of looking over from his mat at such an…odd exclamation. At first, all he saw was the yoga instructor bent over Daine. And then, apparently satisfied, or perhaps giving up, their teacher stood up abruptly and moved away. At this point, Allen turned a fiery red and immediately looked away. Why? Because his mat was directly below Daine's and he risked having a too-good view. He cleared his throat awkwardly. Kanda glared at him, if only as a way to turn his attention from Daine, whose mat was across from him.

Both boys were thinking something along the same lines: Since when had baby wolves made poses that looked specifically designed to seduce every guy that came along? Daine's pose was, indeed, so suggestive that Allen-who had averted his eyes from a side view of Win's "Rainbow" because he found it too risqué-chose instead to focus his gaze on her once more. Really, to avoid looking at Daine, he could either look at Win or Kanda. It was a clear choice. Kanda, though, probably wouldn't have noticed if Allen had chosen to force himself to stare at him. The bad-tempered exorcist was standing with his arms crossed, glaring at the ceiling and muttering under his breath. No one caught what he was saying.

"You there, with the white hair…Yes, you shall be next."

Allen nearly jumped four feet off his mat-no easy feat considering that he was sitting cross-legged. The teacher immediately came over and gave him a shrewd look-over.

"Young man…might you be able to do pushups?"

Allen looked at her, rather concerned, before nodding.

"Sure I can. Um, why?"

The teacher moved her head, once, sharply in what MIGHT have been a nod.

"Demonstrate."

Out of habit, Allen got into a handstand on his thumbs and did his pushups that way. It would turn out to be an awful mistake. When he had done a few just to prove he could the yoga teacher immediately started muttering something about "a real challenge" and assigned him a position called "The Break-dancer." When she had stalked off to her next and final victim, Allen was left balancing on one thumb, his legs forming a right triangle parallel to the ground with his free hand trapped in a peace sign. Daine and Win stared at him for a moment, appalled. Win thought that his pose was ridiculous and that he might hurt his thumb! Daine made a mental note to get some hot water and towels to ease the horrible ache Allen was bound to have in his back, twisted about as it was and bent to the side. She spared Win a glance and then made another mental note-to do the same for Win.

Win, having already fretted about Allen's thumb, had now turned her thoughts to Kanda with glee, anxiously awaiting the punishment he would soon receive. Let none have the audacity to think that she had missed his quiet snickering earlier-Win practically had a built in sensor that alerted her whenever Kanda was mocking her. The torture he would, no doubt, soon be assigned was one of the greatest gifts karma could give to Win. The teacher walked once around Kanda, inspecting him. Win sniggered. The teacher, then, clapped her hands loudly, stopping in front of him.

"You seem to be the perfect candidate for 'The Heavenly Swordsman…'"

Win vaguely wondered if it had anything to do with the sword at his waist but just waited. Kanda glared at the woman, not bothering to shake his head.

"No. I'm not moving."

The yoga instructor looked him up and down once more and suddenly let out a delighted peal of breezy laughter. It was an awful sound to Win. Still, she waited. The teacher clapped suddenly before turning to the other three exorcists.

"You see? This is what you should aspire to! Such excellent form! Such dedication! A mastery of a truly difficult pose!"

Win's jaw would have dropped to the floor had her face not been upside down. As it was, it might have touched the ceiling.

"What pose? 'The Angry Girly-Man?'"

If the teacher heard her, she must have ignored her, because she continued practically singing Kanda's praise.

"The crossed arms, the firmly planted feet! Why, I have never seen 'The Mountain' so perfectly executed in my entire life!"

Kanda, with a pointed look at Win that clearly read that he had heard her disparaging comment, turned to the yoga-instructor frog-woman and said, "thank you."

Much to Win's disappointment, the teacher didn't seem to catch the blatant sarcasm and animosity in his tone because she melted. Once again, to the unfortunate Win's disappointment, "melted" didn't mean that out of nowhere someone threw a bucket of water on their teacher and she disintegrated well and properly, but rather that she "melted" as in "swooned" and turned a bright, blazing red and looked as though she would, at any moment, throw herself at Kanda's feet and screech, "TAKE ME!"

It seemed that Win was not the only one who realized this because Kanda looked as though he were itching to unsheathe Mugen and hack the woman into a thousand pieces. Though Win had been hoping that Kanda would have to suffer as she and Allen, and Daine, in a way, she was well-enough satisfied with this fascinating turn of events and was content to watch as the yoga instructor took in a sharp breath, her muddy brown eyes shining with Kanda's perturbed reflection. Allen, still standing on his thumb, looked positively baffled as to how-even such a horrible, sadistic woman as their teacher was-any human of the gentle persuasion-the gentle persuasion meaning a woman, of course-could possibly have "the hots" for Kanda. It was beyond his comprehension.

Apparently, it was also beyond the comprehension of Kanda himself, because his gaze lifted for a moment to the girl across from him before returning to glare at the frog woman, as he had dubbed her in his mind. He had a most excellent reason to chop her into little bits, as far as he was concerned, in that other stupid yoga pose alone and the difficulty he was having in not looking at it-the shrewd would understand this-and his hand was itching to take the hilt of Mugen in an iron grip and slash at the air until he was satisfied.

He was saved from the charge of the murder of the yoga teacher by Allen's shout of "Daine, watch out!" and the consequent yelp that came from said female exorcist.

A crowd of akuma burst in through the door, a blade-like appendage tearing through the mat which Daine had been laying on, missing her by literally a few inches. She had rolled away in the nick of time, and the akuma's scythe-shaped arm rose once more.

"INNOCENCE, INVOCATE!"

Allen had taken the initiative, as the first person to spot the akuma, and jumped to Daine's rescue. He parried the akuma's blow with his anti-akuma weapon and used his free hand to help Daine stand up. Before anyone had a chance to do anything, Kanda, eager to vent his frustration, had already leapt into the air, with his invocated weapon and was coming down on the akuma with a frightening looking concentration. Win had already engaged another akuma, as several of them were making their way through the door. She swiped at its arm with the claws that had grown out of her knuckles, her innocence, gritting her teeth.

"How did they get here so fast?"

Allen tore through a third akuma, as Kanda had taken the responsibility of the first off his shoulders.

"They must have been hiding in the waiting room! I saw them posing as the a group of people waiting for their turn in the gym. And then-"

The akuma he was fighting disintegrated. Allen wheeled around just in time to jump out of the way of a barrage of bullets, sent his way by two akuma that had just entered. He engaged the two with a swipe of his hand.

"A bunch of them showed up in front of the ones posing as people and attacked Daine!"

A wave of nausea took over him and he staggered back, barely lifting his hand up to shield himself in time. He glanced at Win, who was viciously clawing at the akuma in front of her. She was closest to the door and was starting to be pushed back. Every time she managed to take an akuma down, more flooded through the door to take its place. Kanda was struggling against a Level 2 akuma, faltering in his movements. And Daine-where was Daine?

"WIN! HELP!"

Though it wasn't him that was called, Allen swiveled around, too quickly, it seemed, as he promptly was hit with the urge to throw up. Dane had been picked up by another akuma, a Level 2, and it wasn't the one that Kanda was currently fighting. He swore and scrambled up to help her.

Suddenly, she turned white and Allen looked behind him to see what had scared her. Kanda had been thrown to the ground. He wasn't looking too good at all. Win too, had been driven back-she had been thrown across the room with such force it was a miracle she hadn't hit the wall. The akuma were gaining. Another wave of dizziness hit Allen and his knees buckled. There were too many.

"ALLEN! WATCH OUT!"

He raised his arm slowly, but just in time. The akuma were swarming around the exorcists. Allen gritted his teeth and threw himself into the fight. Daine was still in the akuma's grip. It was taunting her.

"Fight me, little exorcist! Or I shall kill all your friends!"

Daine winced but thought quickly-it had been toying with her for a few minutes, clearly trying to goad her into a fight. Perhaps she could turn its strategy against it, and get him to let her go. She needed to get to one of the others to do the only thing she was good for.

"No! I won't fight an akuma like you. You're not worth my time! I mean, you can hardly even pick me up, even less do so much as throw me across the room!"

The akuma might have glared at her, but she wasn't sure.

"What are you talking about, little exorcist? Can't you see how much power I've got?"

Daine shook her head, glancing back at her friends out of the corner of her eye and fighting to keep the tremor out of her voice. Things weren't going well for the exorcists at all. In a fair fight, things would have been different. But the seasickness was acting up as soon as they took their innocence off their stomachs.

"Nope, not at all. I'd only be able to tell if your were strong if you could throw me as far as that lame level 1 threw my friend. But I know you're weaker. After all, level 2 means second place right?"

She had been trying to make it angry and it seemed that she succeeded.

"I'll show you, little exorcist!"

The akuma lifted her up and hurled her across the room.

"See? See? That was easy! I am the strongest akuma!"

Daine coughed, rolling on her side. Daine 1, Akuma 0.

"Win!"

Her friend turned around, one hand on her stomach, the other swiping wildly at an attacking akuma.

"Daine! Are you-"

"You look like you could use a little pick-me-up."

Win grinned in relief, nimbly dancing over to where Daine lay. At least, that's what her graceful twirls and claw swipes and lunges and kicks appeared to be. A dance.

"You bet I could! You want to go anywhere after this?"

Daine nodded, lifting her arm. Win backed up so that she could reach it without having to use her hands, as one was busy warding off akuma and the other was clamped over her stomach. Daine reached forward a little until she took hold of Win's ankle, just for a moment.

"Yes, please. To Allen or Kanda."

There was a sudden eruption of power and Win leapt forward in a flash, her claws longer, now, glinting as she slashed at three akuma that had been closing in on them. There were three small explosions and the akuma crumbled to dust. She disappeared in a flash, and with no more than a strong jolt, Daine was dropped off literally on Allen's back. Win took over fighting the akuma around them for a minute. Daine held onto Allen so that she could stand.

"Allen, put your hand on your stomach."

He did as she said.

"Right, this should help, after, take me to Kanda, please?"

She was sounding a bit tired, and Allen nodded with a solemn smile.

"Sure."

Her fingers skimmed his arm and he too felt the sudden rush of strength. He used his cannon-like innocence to clear a path between the akuma, a more direct tactic than Win's elegant zigzagging dance. He did as Daine had asked and took her over to where Kanda was fighting the first Level 2. She was quiet on his back. Allen frowned at this, but went on.

"Hey Kanda!"

The Japanese exorcist turned around. Allen motioned at Daine on his back.

"Daine told me to bring her to you."

He raised an eyebrow but jumped back to where Allen was as he evaded the scythe-like arm that had first attacked Daine. Daine, who had closed her eyes, slipped off Allen as best she could. The moment her feet touched the ground her knees gave out. Allen caught her, pulling her back as akuma came at them. He passed her to Kanda, jumping at the closest akuma. Daine shivered slightly and grabbed Kanda's shoulder.

"Put Mugen on your stomach."

Rather than complain, Kanda did as she suggested, gritting his teeth. Daine, her eyes still closed and her knees trembling from strain, moved her hand up his shoulder, as if searching for his face. The pale white skin of her wrist eventually brushed his jaw. Just as with Allen and Win, there was a sudden disturbance in the air and Mugen glowed all the more brightly. Kanda turned to glare at oncoming akuma.

Behind him, without his support to stand, Daine fell. Elsewhere, a rather stupid Level 2 akuma was searching for his prey.

"Little exorcist! Little exorcist, where are you hiding? Did my strength scare you away? Don't worry…I promise not to take it easy on you."

Just as Kanda leapt forward to engage the Level Two with the scythe-like arms, Allen the one who was coming after Daine, and Win a group of new akuma freshly in the door, the worst happening yet occurred. There were two sudden rushes of air and gleeful cackling. Allen and Kanda paused for a moment to inspect the damage. The tide of the battle, never in their favor, had gone from simply being against them to being completely over their heads.

"LEVEL UP! LEVEL UP!"

A brand new Level 2 akuma was to Win's right.

"WEEEEEEEE! LEVEL UP!"

Another one popped up to her left. Allen barely had the presence of mind to save himself from a nasty blow. The akuma that was after Daine seemed to have some special ability to adjust its body weight. In other words, all of his blows were of lead. Allen gritted his teeth as the akuma's hand, weighing, quite possible, a literal ton, came down on him.

There were now four Level 2 akuma in the yoga classroom. More regular akuma were pouring in through the door. The power they had received from Daine was coursing through their veins, and somehow was keeping the seasickness at bay. Regardless, though, they were hopelessly outnumbered and an exorcist down. Win, the only one with two anti-akuma weapons, as well as the one who best synthesized the energy given to her by Daine, parried simultaneous blows from the brand new Level 2's. Her feet tore up the floor as the force of their attacks pushed her back. She was lucky to have claws on both hands, but even then…

"Crap."

Rainbows Aren't the Happy Symbols of Adolescence We Thought They Were…/End.