Chap 3~ how to say I love you
It was a warm and clear night. The stars glittered bright on the dark, black sky above. The light of the bright full moon illuminated the dark night.
Arthur stood in front of the window in his chambers, looking outside into the night, breathing in the lukewarm summer air.
His day had been busy but still he wasn't able to sleep yet. He had too much on his mind and on his heart.
He was thinking about Gwen. Of course.
He cares about her more that anyone. And he has said it a few times until now.
The first time he has expressed his feelings for her was when he first kissed her.
But actually this couldn't really been taken into count because he wasn't truly aware of his feelings himself. He was probably as surprised as Gwen about that kiss.
When he had looked at her at this special moment he felt a sudden urge to kiss her.
Afterwards he realized step by step how much he really cared for her.
Ironically, his first formulated declaration of his feelings for Gwen he gave to Merlin.
However, he knew very well that this love was dammed. He's a prince. She's a servant.
Sure, it didn't matters to him at all.
But his father would never allow him being with a commoner and a servant.
Arthur sighed as he thought back on this painful awareness. The painful truth that he was in love and that it was a forbidden love. The only hope he had, was that once he is king he can change the rules and be with Gwen.
Merlin told him if she felt the same way she would wait for him.
But he didn't know if she felt the same. And after seeing her with Lancelot he was quite sure she didn't. He had almost given up.
When he was enchanted with a love spell that only a kiss of true love could break, it was Gwen who broke it. That was the moment when he decided not to give her up.
Besides, Merlin had told him how she had reacted on the news that he was in love with Vivian (because of the spell of course). And that she had wanted to meet with him.
So that was the first time when he told her. He told her that he loved her.
His heart broke again when she said, that she cannot be his queen and made him realize again that they couldn't be together. At least not yet.
Arthur leaned against the window frame and closed his eyes.
Guinevere.
He wanted her more than anything. Even if it was completely insane.
But he would be happy.
He would do anything for her.
He would refused to marry someone else. He would risk his life to save her brother. He would give up the throne for her and leave Camelot to be with her.
He admitted his love for her to his father and he said he would always love her when Uther sentenced her to death.
Arthur did some more to show how much he loves Gwen. He sent her flowers and wrote her love letters. He went on a secret romantic picnic with her and complimented her.
But nevertheless, he thought that it wasn't enough at all. He thought all that didn't expressed what he really felt. He even couldn't describe it to himself.
He thought she deserved more. That she deserved someone who could make her happy.
He wanted her to be happy.
Although he wasn't sure at first if she wants to be with him, too. He knows know that she'll wait for the day he becomes king and they can be together.
Gwen woke up but she didn't open her eyes. She tried to make out what had woken her up. There were no other noises than the ones she already got used to. Like the wind shaking the windows and whistling through the cracks in the walls.
It was colder she recognizes, and rolled on her back. There was no resistance. With still closed eyes she reached out with her right arm and touches the empty side of the bed.
She opened her eyes. It was all dark until her eyes adjusted to the darkness that lay around her. There was only the dim light of the moon that shone in through the window.
In the window she cold now see a dark silhouette.
Quietly and slowly she removed the sheets and stood up. She tip toed on her naked feet because the floor was cold.
She walked over to the window and looked into the clear night sky.
Arthur turned his head as he felt her besides her. She knew he couldn't sleep. He didn't need to tell her. she also knew what he was thinking about. She didn't want to disturb him so she said nothing.
They just stood there in silence, staring into the dark night.
After a wile Gwen started shivering and Arthur noticed. He put an arm around her and hugged her. She smiled at him and he knew it was alright now.
Gwen watched Arthurs face. His eyes flickered, his gaze was restless. He seemed impatient. Gwen rested her head on his shoulder. She knew what was on his mind.
She wanted to comfort him. But she didn't know how. He was impatient but he didn't want to push her.
It wasn't long ago that Uther died and Arthur got his rightful place on the throne. The day everyone had awaited. And everyone knew now about their relationship. Now everyone was waiting for the day that Arthur will propose.
But he was waiting for the right time and the perfect moment. Gwen was very sure of that. Though she wasn't sure of her own feelings about that. She didn't know if she was ready yet. Ready to become his wife. To become Queen.
She pressed her self closer to him. Beneath her hand that rested on his chest she cold feel his heart beating. His heart, she knew, belongs to her and she wanted him to know that he had hers too.
She let out a quiet sigh. Arthurs shifted and faced her.
"What is it?" he asked breaking the comfortable silence. She looked up to him.
"I know what is on your mind, Arthur." Gwen said after a moment.
He smiled a little; she could barely see it in the dim moonlight.
"So? You do?"
She didn't answer.
"I wish I could make it easier for you." She said instead.
"We're together now. That's all that matters." He placed a soft kiss on her temple.
"Since when are you so easy to please?"
She teased him a little. She liked to do this. And she almost won every of their teasing battles.
"What does that mean?" Arthur said and tried to look not amused.
She gave him a brief kiss on the lips. Then they fell silent again.
Again it was Arthur's whispering voice that cut into the quiet.
"I just…want everything to be alright. I just want you to be happy."
She faces him.
"I am happy."
He said nothing but she could see the question on his face.
"Because I'm with you." She added.
She sensed how Arthur's body relaxed.
She smiled at him and cupped his face in her palms.
"Everything will be alright. We'll be alright."
"How do you know? How do you know that I won't screw everything up?"
While speaking her thumbs stroke Arthurs cheek, comforting him.
"I know you won't."
For a moment they only look at each other. Gwen felt she got lost in Arthurs deep blue eyes.
"I love you Arthur"
She said it for the first time and it was the easiest thing she had ever done.
~The End~