February 7, 2011
Arizona hardly slept that night. She was too wired with excitement for her lunch with Callie and the buzz from their late night conversation never really wore off. Her body was on fire in the best possible way. Callie told her about her time in the Peace Corps, her famous chicken piccata, and some of her favorite surgeries. Arizona noticed how she didn't talk about her personal life, except for her best friend Mark, and she was hesitant to ask in case she didn't like the answer. It was absurd, she knew, but something about Callie was so familiar. The way she threw her head back when she really laughed, the gestures she made when she was excited, even the way Arizona could predict what she was going to say next by the way her brow furrowed. Best of all, there was this look Callie would give her, a mix of amazement and . . . something else she couldn't quite pinpoint, but she was looking forward to figuring out what that other thing was.
The clock next to her bed read 12:15 PM. Callie would be here any minute. Arizona checked her reflection in the TV across from her and tried to make her hair look more presentable. She was a little surprised by how nervous she was. They were just having lunch. There was nothing to be nervous about. She closed her eyes and tried to push the butterflies back down.
"Hey," Callie said softly, startling Arizona out of her reverie. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you!"
"It's okay," Arizona replied with a shaky laugh. "I kinda zoned out for a minute. What'd you bring me?"
"Pizza. I wasn't sure what kind of food you liked and figured everyone liked pizza." The real reason was that pizza was kind of their thing. Some couples went wine tasting or tried the most exotic restaurants, but she and Arizona ate a lot of pizza. Callie wouldn't have it any other way.
"Oh, I love pizza. There was this great place down the street from the hospital in Vancouver that the nurses would take me to sometimes."
"What was it like in Vancouver?" Callie asked as she handed Arizona a slice and moved to sit in the chair next to her bed. She really wanted to know more about what this ordeal had been like from Arizona's side. There was so much that they were still in the dark about.
"Cold." Arizona faked a shiver. "The doctors and nurses were really nice to me, just like everyone here. Though now that I've spent more time here I think they were doing it because they felt sorry for me. I had no memories, no friends, no money. I didn't even know if Sarah was my real name."
"It's not. Your name is Arizona," Callie wanted to say.
"But here . . . here it feels different. Here it feels like you want to be friends with me for me, not because you feel sorry for me." Arizona looked down, not planning on being so open with Callie. Really discussing her feelings was new to her and it felt strange to be emotionally vulnerable. She didn't have a reason to be so vulnerable before. She looked up shyly to meet Callie's eyes and was met with a smile that made her butterflies come roaring back.
"We are your friends," Callie said sincerely. "You think Bailey would gossip with you if we weren't?"
Arizona laughed softly, relieved. They continued to eat while Callie steered the conversation back to the happenings around Seattle Grace. She could tell Arizona was a little uncomfortable being so open and wanted to make her feel less nervous. The nerves in the blonde were easy to pick up on and Callie found it endearing. The brunette on the other hand, hadn't been so comfortable in months. Arizona had this amazing ability to calm her while simultaneously making her feel like every part of her was on fire. It felt so good to feel like that again.
"Do you mind if I ask what it was like when you first woke up in Africa?" Callie was sure it was a sensitive subject, but she was so curious.
Arizona's face darkened as her eyes fell from Callie's face to the floor. "You know what? Forget I asked. It's none of my business."
"It was scary," Arizona said softly. Callie was right; it was a sensitive topic, but the blonde needed to get it off her chest. The fear she felt when she first woke up still followed her. "I was disoriented and confused and couldn't communicate very well with anyone at the clinic where I was treated. It was extremely isolating and incredibly lonely. I didn't know what was wrong, had no idea who I was, and had no one to talk to for days. Then I found myself waiting in an airport and didn't know why. A nurse, Nancy, had flown all the way from Canada to pick me up and fly back with me. I was so relieved to finally have someone to talk to who could tell me what was going on. Sometimes, though, when I wake up I have that moment of panic before I register that I'm here and not in that clinic."
Arizona barely had time to wipe a lone tear away before Callie's arms wrapped around her in a crushing hug. The blonde relished the comfort and returned the hug with the same force. She had been desperate for human contact and somehow being held by Callie made her feel safe and secure for the first time.
"I'm so sorry you had to go through that alone," Callie said, her voice thick with emotion. Reluctantly, she pulled away and met Arizona's watery blue eyes. "I know you haven't known me long, but I'll always be here if you need to talk."
"Thank you, Callie. I really appreciate that."
There was a knock and both women turned to see Derek standing in the doorway. "I hate to interrupt, but I want to go over the latest films with you." Arizona nodded and motioned for him to come in.
"I've got to go anyway," Callie said grabbing her coat. "My shift starts in a few minutes. If you want I can stop by tonight."
"I'd like that." Callie smiled and gave her a small wave as she headed out the door.
"So, Sarah, I'd like to do your next surgery in a couple of days. Dr. Altman wants to give your body a chance to recover so we don't risk another cardiac arrest. Your last CT showed that the first bleed and the contusion we found are healed and the last bleed doesn't seem to be growing, so it seems like everything is set."
"That's great."
"Have you had any memory flashes or confusion?"
"Nope, no new memories, but I did remember that I like girls."
Derek tried to hide a smile. He knew he caught Arizona checking Callie out as she walked away. "What makes you say that? Could be a memory resurfacing."
"Well, Dr. McDreamy, you live up to your nickname with the smile, charm, and perfect hair, but you just don't do it for me. Callie . . . I barely know her, but she gives me butterflies."
/ / /
Callie could not stop thinking about Arizona. She was horrified by what she went through in Africa and felt guilty that she hadn't been there to help her through it all. The surgeon also felt extremely guilty for lying to her about who she was. If, when Callie corrected herself, Arizona got her memories back, she knew the blonde was going to kill her.
The more time she spent with her, the more the lines started to blur. She hadn't planned on flirting with Arizona; she just wanted to be a friend through the process because she didn't want to complicate the process further. The woman she loved thought she was someone named Sarah and while the basics of Arizona's personality were the same, like the perkiness and warmth, the memories and experiences that made Arizona Arizona were blatantly lacking. Still, her heart was drawn to the blonde just the same. Her plan was still stick close, but not close enough to cross the line until they knew what the future of her condition looked like.
"Hey, Torres," Teddy greeted as she collapsed on the couch in the break room. She was exhausted and just wanted her shift to be over so she could go home and sleep. "I heard you saw Arizona again this afternoon. How's she doing?"
"She seems okay. Shepherd wants to do the last surgery in the next couple of days."
"And how are you doing? This is weird for me, pretending we're not already best friends, but I can't imagine how weird it is for you."
"Honestly, it's confusing," Callie said pouring herself a cup of coffee before she took a seat across from Teddy. "I mean, my first instinct is to slip into girlfriend mode and half the time I just want to kiss her. The other half of me is still so mad at her for leaving and I thought that thinking she died and getting her back would make that go away, but it doesn't."
"That's natural. You guys have a long history together and when she gets her memories back you'll still have things to work through."
"And that's the other thing. What if she doesn't get them back? I've been trying to stay positive, but I'm scared she won't remember. I love her so much and nothing will change that, but what if she isn't the same Arizona. She seems like she can be now, but what about long term?"
"Then you'll just have to show her who she is."
Callie sighed and leaned her head against the back of the couch. Teddy studied her wondering what was really going on inside the brunette's mind. She knew Callie was overjoyed at having Arizona back, but she was being oddly reserved and detached about the whole situation.
"What is this really about? I get that you're scared, but you don't seem happy at all right now, when you should be jumping up and down that Arizona is alive." She'd been detached since Derek first told her the news, at first it was from shock, but now it was from fear. Arizona had been coming back for her, but just showing up on her doorstep one night would not have fixed the situation. They had a lot to work through, but she knew they could do it. But what would happen if she never remembered?
"I was unsure about Arizona's feelings after she left. It was hard to imagine she cared at all after she left me standing in an airport and then I didn't hear from her at all. But at least there is a foundation there that we can work through. I'm terrified that if she doesn't get her memories back then . . .," Callie's voice broke and she couldn't keep the tears at bay any longer. "What if she doesn't love me? What if this new Arizona never will? I can't lose her again."
Teddy's face softened and she put a comforting hand on Callie's shoulder. "I saw her today, probably about three hours after you had been there, and all she could talk about was you. You should have seen the way her face lit up. Arizona loves you Callie, that's why she came back. Even without her memories you are still her whole world. Nothing will ever change that."
/ / /
Callie felt better after her talk with Teddy. After getting everything off her chest she felt lighter and more optimistic. She had wanted to go visit Arizona after her consult, but got paged to the pit after a massive MVA was called in. The next six hours were spent doing emergency surgery on a sixteen year old boy. Fortunately, she was able to save his leg and with physical therapy he'd probably be able to play soccer again.
It was well past 2:00 AM by the time Callie had scrubbed out and talked to the family. She knew Arizona would be asleep, but wanted to stop by and check on her anyway. Before she had scrubbed in Callie had sent an intern to tell Arizona that she wouldn't be able to make her promised visit because she didn't want the blonde to think she had stood her up. The intern had come back with a message: "Kick butt on your surgery and bring me donuts in the morning." Callie planned to do just that, but she had one more thing to take care of before she headed home for the night. She'd thought a lot about what Arizona had said about the panic she would feel when she first woke up and short of being there every morning to tell her it was okay, Callie had the perfect idea. She stopped by the hospital gift shop and picked up a teddy bear wearing a Seattle Grace Mercy West doctor's coat and headed up to Arizona's room. As predicted, the blonde was fast asleep. Careful not to wake her, Callie tiptoed into the room and moved the sliding table into Arizona's line of sight so it would be the first thing she'd see when she woke up. She placed the bear and a note on the table hoping they'd help Arizona get over her panic. Before leaving, Callie leaned down and placed a soft kiss on the blonde's forehead.
A/N: Once again, thank you all so much for the reviews. I'm floored by the reaction to this story and appreciate all of your feedback. Hopefully this will help get us all through the hiatus!