This might have a few errors in it!
This is the way you left me, I'm not pretending
No hope, no love, no glory
No happy ending
Mika, Happy Ending
"Lily?" James asked cautiously, leaning over the back of the armchair she was curled up on "I saw you running down past Hagrid's while I was at practice, and then you turned around and went back to the castle. Is everything alright?"
"Yes." Lily replied sharply "Everything's fine. Don't be so nosey."
James's weight left the back of her chair, and she relaxed for a moment, thinking he'd gone when he appeared, knelt down in front of her. From this angle her hair wouldn't cover her red eyes.
"What's the matter?" He asked eventually, gently trying to prod her through the link although Lily slammed it brutally shut "C'mon, Lils, we're friends, remember?"
Lily's face pulled into a grimace and she lifted her eyes to his, scrambling wildly for something to say that wasn't 'I won't be helping you with that French tart, even though you've spent loads of money on a dress for me and been nothing but nice to me even though we hated each other from the moment we met.'
"I've just had a letter from my sister telling me not to bother sending her a Christmas present."
"Oh, Lily." James said softly, gathering her awkwardly into a hug though she still sat in the chair "You're a terrible liar."
Lily gave a watery chuckle, casting around for something to say. So James knew her too well to be fooled by her pitiful lies. Hardly surprising, seeing as even Frank Longbottom could see through her lies and he hardly knew her at all. "Alright. So she didn't actually tell me, but I know that's what she meant anyway, when she told me to stay at Hogwart's this Christmas. That was her way of saying 'leave me alone. Forever'. And I've not even had time to buy anyone any Christmas presents this year and... Oh Merlin this is so selfish, but each Christmas my parents would try to out-do each other in their present buying, so Tuney and I would always get loads of amazing presents..."
James winced sympathetically
"And, well, Tuney would always get me a new charm for my charm bracelet, but it got broken when the... when the... when it happened. And then Mrs Next Door would bake me and Tuney a box of her special chocolate biscuits every year, but I won't be going home this year so she'll probably give them to Tuney but she'll eat them. And Mr Number Seven would buy me something small, like a new hair band or a chocolate Santa, and my stocking's still at home and there's no one to fill it this year..." Lily trailed off sadly. What had originally been a diversionary tactic had ended up upsetting her. Brilliant.
"How about... hold on a minute, have you handed our potions essays in?"
Lily nodded
"Alright, where was I? Oh yeah. How about you and I go to Diagon Alley in the morning, maybe Sirius, Remus and Peter might want to come too? You can buy your presents, us Marauders can buy any last minute presents as well, we can drop any that are going to people in London off, and we could finish by going ice skating?"
Lily blinked in outright surprise "Don't you, erm, want to know the real reason I was crying? Why are you being nice to me when I lied to you?"
James looked a little confused himself.
The next morning Lily slipped out of bed, took a hot shower and cried a bit, before calming herself and getting dressed for the day. If James had done as he'd said he would, then she would be going to Diagon Alley today. With that in mind she found herself her favourite dark blue skirt, fairisle jumper and a big grey trench coat with red buttons and her soft brown boots. The outfit was like a huge hug or a mug of soup on a freezing day.
With a deep breath Lily ventured out of the safety of her room, her father's voice ringing in the back of her mind – 'You'll be fine, Flower. You always think it will be worse than it is. You'll be fine, and if you're not I'm here to fix it.' The tower was empty, although the fire burned cheerfully in the hearth. On the sideboard in the kitchen was a mug of tea under a heating charm and a muffin with a note.
Morning,
Got you a muffin – I seem to remember you telling me you liked them more than toast, which was the other choice. And some tea, my fellow tea-lover. McGonagall's gone visiting family, so I've asked Dumbledore if you, me, Sirius, Remus and Peter could go to Diagon today. He said we could go so long as we brought him a galleon's worth of lemon drops back from Coralline's Confectionary, which is just off Diagon on a smaller alley called Brawley Alley. You're probably familiar with it – it has about seven book shops on it.
Don't take that the wrong way! I'm not meaning you're obsessed, just that you're clever.
Anyway, so then I went to ask the boys if they wanted to come, and Sirius and Peter were both like 'yeah, yeah, what a brill idea!' but then Remus gave them The Look, and they both were like 'no, no, Diagon Alley? Us? No, we don't want to go to Diagon Alley'. So I dunno what Remus was on about with that, but either way looks like it's just gonna be me and you. Hope you don't mind. I don't mind.
Er, again, don't take that the wrong way. Not sure which way is the wrong way, so take it however you want. So long as you want to take it in a good way.
Well, I won't be long – I've just gone down to the quidditch pitch to find my broom. I left it there last night after practice cos I'd seen you crying so I ended up, erm, running after you. In the middle of practice. And I just sorta abandoned my broom. On the pitch. And Sirius didn't think to bring it back to the castle with him, idiot that he is. So yeah, won't be long.
James
Lily tried to stop the smile worming its way onto her face, but failed somewhat and ended up getting butter all over her face as she attempted to eat her muffin with a grin the size of her mother's shoe collection.
"Hey!" James called, the sound of him stumbling through the portrait and slamming it shut ringing through their tower "Ready to go?"
"Ah, give me a minute!" Lily returned, hastily swiping the butter off her face with the back of her hand and glugging her tea in one. "Kay, I'm good!"
The two of them stepped up to the Floo, Lily going first with a jolly "Leaky Cauldron!"
Lily was only slightly off balance from the trip and ,as usual, stepped out daintily into the pub. She turned around just in time for James to fall messily out of the fireplace and land on top of her with a disgruntled 'Umpfffh!'
"James!" Lily groaned "You're far too heavy to fall on top of me."
James blushed bright red and jumped off her, hand going to ruffle his hair, dislodging soot all over his face. Three old ladies sat in the corner drinking Gillywater and nibbling Fairy Cakes tittered amongst themselves, seemingly caught between outrage and amusement.
"Young people these days." Lily overheard one of them saying
"Come on." Lily huffed, grabbing James's sooty wrist and tugging him out of the pub. She pulled her wand to enter the alley, paused for a moment before tapping the bricks and cast a cleaning charm on him
"Thanks." He muttered sheepishly "Sorry about that. I'm a bit, erm, clumsy when it comes to flooing."
Lily just shook her head in exasperation. Surely, considering how good he now was at dancing, he would be able to stay upright in a floo? Mind you, her father had used a floo once, to get to the Ministry of Magic with her when she had to register as a muggleborns
"I think I'm going to throw up, Lily." Her father had confided, completely ignoring the grandeur of the Ministry that he had just flooed into "Actually going to throw up."
Lily winced, ears going red as tall, imposing passers-by shook their heads and laughed to each other "Daddy, you'll be alright. Just... just take a few deep breaths."
But it was no use. The usually calm and collected red-haired man was bent double, retching into a nearby bin, face pasty white and slightly green around the edges. Lily gingerly rubbed his back, feeling awkward to be offering her father support when usually it was the other way around.
Suddenly Lily's eyebrows rose as she recalled what had happened after that
"Here." Said the man, dull blue eyes creased with laughter lines, messy greying hair perched atop his head "Scourgify. First time in the Floo, hmm?"
"Thank you." Lily had said courteously but quietly. After all, she didn't know this man "Yes, my father's a muggle."
The man had laughed a little "Yes, I'd worked that out."
"Oh." Lily had replied, blushing again "Well, erm, thank you sir, but we really must be going."
The man had nodded "Quite alright. You'll be wanting floor five, I'd guess. That's the temporary home of muggleborns relations while their new office is being built."
Lily smiled weakly and left, dragging her queasy father behind her
"James, is your father going grey, with blue eyes?"
James turned to look at her, one eyebrow raised "Yeah, how'd you know?"
Lily shrugged "I think I met him when I went to register at the Ministry. He helped me when my dad threw up after being in the Floo."
The wall swung open then, revealing Diagon Alley in all its Christmas glory, shoppers bundled up in thick robes, carrying handfuls of bags. Children eating candy canes and marzipan fruits and roasted sweet chestnuts. Sound of a choir carolling somewhere in the distance, lights on all the shops and trees decorated with Fairy lights. Snow clung to rooftops and drifted behind benches in a way that it did not in the muggle world. Lily assumed they must charm it to stick in some way. However they did it, it certainly added to the idyllic mood.
Lily's face lit up with childish glee as she grabbed James's wrist and tugged him through into the crowds, green eyes alight with excitement. James followed in bemused silence as Lily dragged him into shop after shop after shop, buying the odd thing but mostly just zipping around the shop with a grin on her face before once again braving the cold in search of that elusive, perfect present. Lily was just so overwhelmed that she was going Christmas shopping; something she'd already written off as 'not going to happen' since her parent's death.
Shopping with James was nothing like shopping with her parents had been. James was perfectly willing (although maybe not happy) to just follow her around as she went from shop to shop, being picky as always. Shopping with her mother had been nothing like that, of course, because Mrs Evans only shopped in the most expensive shops, so Lily would spend hours sat in Harrods glaring glumly at the younger children playing in the children's department, wondering if she really was too old to join in.
"Look at these!" Her mother told her, red nails tightening around a box of... something "Aren't they just brilliant!"
"Erm, what are they?" Lily asked, peering at the things her mother was so pleased with "And who on earth are you buying them for?"
"Mrs Next Door, of course." Her mother had replied, as if Lily was being stupid for not realising sooner "And they're macaroons. Very nice, from France."
"I... see." Lily replied, eyebrows curling up her forehead "They look, erm, brilliant."
Lily's mother had laughed "Oh Lily, you have no idea what they are, do you? I'm surprised you've never had them before actually. They're a little like meringue, I suppose, crispy on the outside and soft in the middle. Either way, they're certainly one better than the chocolate biscuits she'll give us!"
Ah, Lily realised, so it's nothing to do with how nice they are or how much Mrs Next Door will like them. No, they were being bought because they were 'one better than chocolate biscuits'. What a surprise.
"Tell you what, Lily, they serve them in the cafe here. Once we're done shopping, I'll buy you one so you know what you're missing!"
Lily laughed quietly as she led James into a gardening shop, looking for something small for Frank
"What am I missing?" James asked, dragging his feet a little and setting down a few of the bags he'd been carrying
Lily grinned "Just thinking of when my mother used to take me Christmas shopping... hey, do you think we could go into muggle London? Just, you know, for a bit? Because then I could buy Petunia and Mrs Next Door and Mr Number Seven and Beth, my dance teacher, a present as well."
James nodded "Sure. I mean, I only asked for permission to go to Diagon but so long as no one finds out then I guess we could."
Lily turned to scowl at him "James! I thought you'd asked permission to go to London, not Diagon; so no, we can't just break someone's trust like that!"
"Relax!" James said with a crooked grin "We won't be breaking anyone's trust unless they find out. And they won't find out. C'mon, it'll be fun!"
Lily looked around guiltily, as though expecting Dumbledore to peer around the door and tell her off "James, I don't know..."
"We'll buy him two galleon's worth of lemon drops instead of just one..." James goaded "Go on... he won't mind..."
Lily bit her lip for a moment, before looking up again at James, who seemed to know instinctively that he'd won.
"Brilliant!" He said with a wide grin "I've never been to muggle London before!"
"Would you like a napkin?" The waiter asked politely, barely refraining a wince at the mess on the table.
Lily rubbed a hand over her forehead "Please." She said
Lily glanced around the little cafe they were sat in, perhaps just in case someone she knew walked in. It was a cute, quaint little place with dark wood and book shelves in the back, armchairs and low coffee tables instead of the more common plastic or wooden cafe tables. It sold expensive and excellent teas and coffees, and the odd good pastry as well to men in shiny black shoes who smoked cigars and read the Financial Times, like her father. In fact, this place was almost made for Mr Evans, and he had loved it. Because it had been his favourite place, it had been Lily's as well. She was now thinking she should have taken James to a playgroup somewhere and given him a cup of ribenna and a milk biscuit.
"James, stop it!" She hissed, making a grab for the straw that James was slurping his tea through "That's for cold drinks!"
"How do you know?" He asked curiously
"Because it's only thin plastic and it'll melt if you use it with hot drinks! Please, just try to behave yourself for once!"
"Melt? Ohh... that's why it tastes so funny!"
Lily slapped a hand to her face "James, please! You're really embarrassing me!"
James pasted a mildly confused expression "Why? Is this not normal for muggles?"
Lily would have believed him if it hadn't been for the mischief she could feel overflowing from their link. As it was she gave him a dirty scowl "Stop it, James, I know what you're doing."
James flashed her a grin "Aw give me a break, Lils. You've dragged me around the entirety of London today while I carried your bags like some kind of house elf."
"Shh!" Lily reprimanded, glancing around once more in case someone noticed James's reference to magic, but James only rolled his eyes
"It's fine. They won't notice." He assured her "Now then, I'll do you a deal. You tell me about your Christmas traditions, and I'll quit slurping my tea through this thin piece of melting plastic."
Lily bit her lip, setting her earl grey down so she had a hand free to twiddle her hair with "I don't really want to talk about it, James."
If Lily was expecting James to honour her statement, she was sorely disappointed. James just picked his straw up and his tea up and took a big breath, poised ready to slurp when Lily's eyes widened
"Alright! I'll talk!"
For the first time since Lily was a baby, it had snowed overnight, and stuck at the Evans's, The Crescent. For the first time that Lily could remember, it would be a white Christmas. As always, Lily woke early on Christmas morning and scurried through to her sister's bedroom, jumping on the older girl's bed to wake her up
"Tuney! Merry Christmas!" Lily giggled, dragging her sleepy sister out of bed and tugging her to the windowsill "Look, it's snowing!"
Petunia rubbed her eyes and looked down at her seven year old sister "Lily, it's still dark. Go back to bed, or Father Christmas won't come."
Lily tugged at her sister's pyjama top but the effort was futile; Petunia stumbled across the dark bedroom, stubbed her toe on a toy she'd left out the night before and curled up under the pale green duvet, falling asleep again.
The young red haired girl tried to do the same as her sister, trundling back to her own room and curling up under her own bright orange duvet and willing sleep to come, but it just wouldn't. The room was too light from the streetlights reflecting on the snow outside, and the little red numbers of her alarm clock were moving far too slowly from 4:17 to 4:18, where they lingered and dawdled to 4:19, but Lily didn't bother to wait and see how long they took to get to 4:20. She was up and out of her bed again, padding along the dark corridor to her parent's bedroom.
The door gave an ominous creak, and Lily tensed thinking she'd have scared Father Christmas away. But there was no indication that this was the case, so she snook inside. Her father was a deep sleeper, and he didn't like the cold anyway. No, her best bet was waking her mother up. All it took was a gentle prod, and Mrs Evan's blinked her sleepy eyes open and peered at her daughter
"What are you doing here, Lily?" She whispered
"It's snowing, Mummy."
"Really?" Her mother asked, eyes sparkling with sudden excitement "Happy Christmas, sweetie!"
"Happy Christmas, mummy." Lily returned with a toothy smile "Can... can we go and play in the snow? Tuney said it would scare Father Christmas away."
Lily's mother gave her a secretive smile "I think, Lily, if we're really, really quiet, Father Christmas won't mind just this once. After all, you've been a good girl all year, haven't you?"
Lily nodded enthusiastically, and the pair dressed sloppily in the darkness of the house, hats and scarves and coats and wellies being shoved on over pyjamas, Lily's mother carrying her downstairs because she wasn't big enough to miss the squeaky steps, fumbling for the key, wincing as the porch light came on, and then running down the street as fast as she could, panting as her breath came in huge clouds and the fat, cold flakes clung to her hair like a cat curling around her legs. The sound of her mother's laughter, her true and happy laughter that was kept locked away the rest of the year, only to be brought out when it snowed.
Lily and her mother made snow angels, sledged down the hill in the park on a tin tray her mother had found in the garage, made snowmen and had snowball fights. By the time it was getting light two hours later, Lily was exhausted, cold and happy.
"Come on, sunshine, let's go home. We'll sneak in, take our coats and boots off and put them under the stairs where no one will know about them, tiptoe upstairs and get into bed again... and we'll not tell the other two. It'll be our little secret, how about that?" Her mother had proposed as she carried Lily back up the street
"Of course, when we got back my dad was there with two hot chocolates ready for us, and Petunia was all but bouncing in her chair wanting to open her presents. Turned out Petunia hadn't been as able to go back to sleep as she'd made out, and had woken my dad up when she found out I was missing." Lily told James with a grin "That Christmas, they bought me my first pair of dance shoes. Before that, I'd just danced in bare feet."
James smiled "You're really good at telling stories, you know. It's like I can actually see it happening."
Lily shrugged a little "Maybe you're picking things up through, you know, the..."
"Oh." James said, eyes lighting up in realisation "Well, it's really brilliant to be able to actually see things as you did. Was... were there any other things you did at Christmas?"
Lily laughed a little at James's interest in her life, but glancing at the time had her shaking her head. Instead the pair paid the bill for their tea and pastries and left the cafe quickly thanks to the waiter glaring at James. They'd had all the muggle presents wrapped in the stores, and James proposed that the two apparate to Lily's friends and family handing them out. Lily, of course, wasn't all too keen on breaking any more rules, although again James managed to win her over with a promise of buying Dumbledore more lemon drops. The way things were going, Dumbledore would have tooth rot.
"Alright, hold tight." Lily told James with a grimace, concentrating harshly on her Aunt and Uncle's house. With a small pop the pair arrived in the living room, where Petunia was watching TV. She jumped up, shrieked, and ran from the room
"Some welcome." Lily said dryly "Well, let's go and see if anyone's... Don't touch that! Jeez, James, that's Aunt Poppy's favourite photograph!"
"But... it doesn't move! The people in it are dead!" James exclaimed, looking scandalised
Lily laughed "James, don't tell me you didn't know muggle photographs don't move. That takes your stupidity to a whole new level. Now please, just don't touch anything." Lily pleaded, before calling out "Aunt Poppy! Uncle Albert! Petunia!"
There was silence for a while, giving Lily the chance to look around for a moment. Aunt Poppy and Uncle Albert's house was a lot less modern and didn't smell lightly of cigars or that perfume her mother had loved. Aunt Poppy and Uncle Albert were childless, proven by the fact that they had a cream carpet and a pale suit whereas the Evan's house on the Crescent had deep red carpets and dark leather chairs, which cleaned easily and hid the odd stray stain from whatever the two Evans girls had been doing that particular day.
There had been a cream carpet, Lily remembered, in the living room. She and Petunia hadn't been allowed in there on a day-to-day basis, rather only on special occasions or when they had visitors. That way the damage was at least limited. The sudden flash of red had made it all the more traumatic, all the more vivid. All the more unexpected.
"Goodness, Lily, you gave Petunia a good fright just arriving unannounced like that! And... Oh, who is this, Lily?" Aunt Poppy asked, standing in the doorway and openly eyeing James who shifted uneasily. Good, Lily thought. Let him suffer. He was the one who was making her deliver her presents like this.
"Well?" Aunt Poppy prompted
"Erm, Aunt Poppy, this is my friend, James Potter. I just wanted to deliver Christmas presents..."
"Friend, hmm?" Aunt Poppy repeated, sceptical "I doubt it, young lady. Petunia's been telling me all about your exploits!"
Oh brilliant, Lily grumbled to herself. So now Aunt Poppy's sided with Petunia.
"Friend." Lily said firmly "Friend, friend, and only friend."
James shifted guiltily from foot to foot, and Aunt Poppy seemed to take this as all the confirmation needed as she gave a disbelieving 'hmm'.
"Ah, well, erm, merry Christmas! Hope you like it! And here's Uncle Albert's present, and here's Petunia's. Well, gotta dash! Still got lots of presents to deliver!" Lily rushed out, flinging a hasty grin in her Aunt's direction before grabbing James's arm and popping them away.
"Shit." James bit out, glancing down at his bleeding hand "Are you alright, Lily?"
Lily looked over at him and nodded, eyes widening when she saw James's hand. She should have known better than to apparate when she was distracted like that, damn it! What had she been thinking, getting him hurt like that? Stupid, stupid, stupid Lily!
"Oh Merlin are you alright? I'm so sorry!" Lily cried, hurriedly pulling her wand and casting the best healing charm she knew off before siphoning the blood off
"It's alright." James told her, rubbing the angry flesh tenderly "Just a little chunk of my hand, nothing major."
Lily pulled at her hair, face screwed up with apology and worry "Sorry." She repeated
James waved her off "Come on, is this... is this The Crescent?"
Lily turned away from James's hand slowly, letting out a gust of air as she did so. There, with that horrible, unfamiliar red sports car in the drive and some gaudy Christmas lights adorning the porch where her mother usually hung a sophisticated wreath of silver bells, was her home. Was the place she'd grown up. The door her mother had carried her out of that morning they played in the snow. The door Mrs Next Door brought Petunia back through when she went missing. The door Lily walked out of every day of her life until they ripped it all away. The door behind which Lily had always felt safe until it happened.
"Oh god I can't do this." Lily muttered, turning away once more "I can't. Will you... will you take me back, please?"
But James shook his head "No, Lily. You need to get through this. C'mon. I'm here; you'll be alright. Just remember, that house is nothing but bricks and mortar. The things you loved about it were the people who lived in it and the life you had there. Not the bricks themselves. Now then, Mrs Next Door's macaroons?"
Lily took a shaky breath and looked up at James. He held her gaze while she gathered herself, and then didn't comment when she took his hand, clinging to it as though it was a lifeline to a drowning man. She trembled as she knocked on Mrs Next Door's red door, the macaroons clutched tightly in her hand, wrapped in their jaunty red and gold paper.
"Lily? Goodness, sweetheart, it is you! Come in, merry Christmas!" Mrs Next Door greeted them "And who's this, Lily?"
"James Potter." Lily said shortly, paler than usual "I've brought you your Christmas present."
Mrs Next Door smiled kindly, ushering them into the kitchen of her house, layout the same as Lily's house had been yet so different. Lacking the photographs of Petunia's first day of school, lacking the odd dance shoe lying where Lily had left them. Lacking the odd book with a confusingly long title left with post-it notes on its pages where her father had marked it. Missing the gleaming, shining finish that only her mother's polishing could achieve.
"Tea, Lily, James?" Mrs Next Door offered, although Lily declined on behalf of her and James. Didn't want another embarrassing episode like the one in the cafe in London
"So, how is life now, Lily?" Mrs Next Door asked, looking a little too nosey to be simple kindness. It didn't bother Lily though, instead it almost made her smile, seeing such a familiar gesture
"Life's hard." Lily answered shortly and truthfully "But it's getting better."
James laughed then, cutting in "Lily's still doing brilliantly at school though; she's head girl. And she's teaching dancing, and organising a ball."
Lily glared at James. Didn't he realise that this woman only wanted gossip, and that now everyone in the neighbourhood would be talking about 'that poor Evans girl whose parents were killed by terrorists this summer, well, she didn't care much for them, did she? She's head girl at that school of hers, and she's still doing that frivolous dancing of her's... I heard she was teaching it, even! Imagine! Well, she turned up at Mrs Number Three's house with this strange boy, seemed quite cosy if you ask me...'
Had he led such a sheltered life that he didn't realise when people were being genuine or not?
"Well, I'm very glad you're doing alright, dear." Mrs Next Door said kindly, bustling around for a moment before finding what she'd been looking for; a familiar tin of biscuits.
"These are for you, dear, and Petunia to share. You always were so close." Mrs Next Door cooed, handing the biscuits over "Was she busy, today?"
"Nah, she was just watching TV when we went to drop of her present, wasn't she Lily?" James said
Lily tugged at a piece of hair in desperation. It was like someone had handed James a shovel and he was still digging even though he couldn't see anymore.
"Ahh, well, she's had a bit of a cold. She's been resting." Lily lied
"She seemed fine to me." James put in, cocking his head at Lily as if he was confused "Why would you say she was ill when she isn't?"
'SHUT UP!' Lily sent him through the link
Mrs Next Door laughed falsely, pushing the box into Lily's hand and leading them towards the door "Ah, well, maybe it was a passing thing. Give her my love!"
And with that they were unceremoniously led out of Number Three, the Crescent.
"Was it something I said?" James asked
Lily raised her eyes to the dark grey sky above, the promise of more snow to come lingering as a fat cat by a fire would.
"Yes, James. It was something you said."