Sorry for taking so long to update! I've had a mass influx of craziness into my life in the past few weeks...
Anyway, this is a long update to make up for it, although I have a feeling you'll all hate me by the end. Also, I'm useless at summaries. If anyone has a better idea for a summary for this, I'd be really, really grateful! Similarly, if anyone is bored and thinks they might want to beta for a really irritating, disorganised person (and trust me, I won't blame you for not wanting to) like me, then please let me know!
'We live in denial about what we do. We do this because we are afraid.'
Richard Bach
Lily allowed herself a relaxed smile as she stood; face tilted upwards taking the full brunt of the shower's spray. The hot water cascaded over her face and down her neck, soothing her worries and calming her. The Head's Tower was finally free of the decorations, and spending all day putting them up was the cause of her aching shoulders. The prefect's, Lily's and James's hard work was starting to pay off, and the Great Hall looked beautiful. Rich swathes of cream satin hung over the walls, bows of lazy pastel colours drooped artfully over pillars and the floor shone a rich mahogany, polished and buffed in a way it wasn't usually, what with the hundreds of feet that walked through it each day.
James's mistletoe-charm had worked brilliantly, and the prefects had had much amusement while decorating trying to lure each other under it. Shrieks of laughter had echoed through the hall, decorating forgotten until Lily finally got them back under control. James had found it highly amusing and had just been egging them on.
The stage had been raised by Professor McGonagall, by transfiguring the flooring higher. The Weird Sisters, when told what the theme was, had asked for three armchairs, a chase, a grand piano and a harp. Lily wasn't exactly sure what they planned to do with the harp, seeing as she was certain none of them could play the harp... but who was she to ask? Petunia had wanted to play the harp for a while, but as her father had promised the fancy had passed, Petunia moving on to bigger and better things; boys and makeup.
Smaller tables, seating between two and six people, had been set up around the edge. None of the tables or chairs matched each other exactly, but they were all of the same style and Lily was pleased with the outcome. It projected a feeling of lethargic elegance, opulent even yet not quite pretentious. A gigantic, glittering chandelier floated eerily against what appeared to be the night's sky, although of course it was just the Great Hall's ceiling. Wide, lace-shaded lamps lit the darker corners as they cast shadows like falling leaves.
Lily thought it was perfect.
With a groan, Lily grabbed some shampoo and massaged it into her hair, thinking hard. She was going with James to the ball, of course, as they were heads together and were therefore expected to open the dance. Once the dance had been opened, then the first contestants of the dance competition would take the floor, while Lily, James, Dumbledore, McGonagall, Flitwick, Slughorn and Sprout would mark the dancers on their performances. The buffet would be served while the marks collaborated and then the winners would be announced. After that, the Weird Sisters would play their more usual style of music until the closing dance, when it would be back to the traditional style to close the ball.
Lily was terrified, strangely enough, about opening the ball with James. They'd been practicing to Lily's favourite song, the Irish one, for days now. Not that they needed the practice, particularly, but their performance would be polished and flowing. Lily was certain of it. However, James, damn him, had insisted that they incorporate his style with her's. Their routine was a strange sort of battle for dominance between the two of them, flitting from Lily's whimsical, mournful style to James's powerful, boisterous one. It was somewhat unorthodox, and Lily was worried people would be disappointed.
Rinsing her hair and then running a fat dollop of conditioner through it, Lily bit her lip. Her mind went over and over what Slughorn had told her – James would be shunned if she went through with his wild plan to try and replace Apolline with her, even if it was just short term while his parent's saw that he didn't want an arranged marriage.
"Lily?" James shouted through the door "Lily, the reporter's arrived... what do I do?"
Lily frowned; that was early "Er, invite him into the Tower, offer him some tea and a biscuit, make small talk and then tell him to set up in the Great Hall. Mention in passing that he's early and commend his time-keeping skills, and tell him the ball starts at half seven. Then, er, guide him down to the Great Hall and leave him there." She yelled back over the sound of the shower "I'll only be a minute."
She could just make out James's footsteps as he marched away, presumably to do as she had suggested. The thought of leaving some poor reporter to James's rude and often ridiculous humour had her hurrying to wash the conditioner out, turn the shower off and towel herself dry.
She flung some casual trousers on and grabbed a granddad shirt off the chair by her desk, buttoning it up hastily and towelling her hair quickly. A scowl in the mirror and Lily was heading out to meet the reporter.
"Anyway, Lily's set it all up. All the credit to... ah, here's the genius herself!" James said with a flourish, standing up to fetch her tea and handing it to her. She offered him a smile before blowing on it, taking the last remaining seat at the little breakfast table.
"Pleased to meet you Mr..." She began, eyeing the tall, willowy man. He had grey hair, a large round nose and strangely small ears
"Louthy. Parsley Louthy." He introduced himself. While James's face remained impressively impassive, Lily wasn't fooled; she could feel his amusement buzzing through their link.
"Lily Evans, Head Girl. Thank you so much for getting here promptly. Have you seen the Great Hall yet?"
Parsley shook his head, sending his hair flopping wildly "No, not as yet. James was just telling me what a brilliant job you had done of decorating it."
Lily blushed a little and tugged on a strand of wet hair. "Oh, well, James and the prefects played just as big a part."
"Nonsense!" James burst out "You know the ball would have been a mess if you'd not taken over running it."
Lily couldn't help but grin at the thought of James's original ball plan. "Well... yeah, you might have a point there."
Parsley cocked an eyebrow, creating a veritable sea of wrinkles on his forehead "There sounds like a story here...?"
'Should we tell him about planning it? He was originally just here to photograph and write a small article on the ball for the Prophet...' Lily sent James, blissfully unaware of Parsley's lightly disbelieving look as he watched the two heads in front of him blatantly converse without speaking.
James shrugged 'Don't see why not. He's not exactly evil-looking, is he? I can't see what's wrong with telling him.'
"Alright." Lily allowed out loud "Well, James and I weren't friends, really, before we became head's. In fact, I think it's fair to say we hated each other, didn't we?"
James snickered "Yeah, and that's putting it nicely."
Parsley looked intrigued "Go on." He prompted
"Well, I was going through some trouble... and James pretty much took on the roll of doing both the head girl's and the head boy's responsibilities so I would have time to... sort things out. Eventually everything came to boil and we ended up yelling at each other. For the first time ever our argument actually helped us both get stuff off our chests, and it made me realise just how overworked James was." Lily started, trying to keep specific details from him
"My friends, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew had been helping me, but there's only so much time in the day. I'm Gryffindor quidditch captain, Head Boy and all round brilliant guy..."
Lily snorted "With an ego to prove it."
James grinned at her "Yeah, well, that's where you come in, isn't it?"
Lily laughed "I make it a personal goal to deflate his overgrown ego at least once a day, else we'd all have to walk single file in the corridors just so there would be room for his head."
Parsley laughed a little, shaking his head "So, tell me how this ball became what it is now."
"Well... I've always loved the idea of a Regency-styled ball. My... mother loved that kind of thing, and I guess I just picked up that from her. When James showed me his plans for the ball, it turned out that, well, he was just going to hope for the best. No entertainment had been organised, there was no theme planned and..."
"Ah, but I had sorted the music!" James burst in
Lily took a gulp of tea and nodded "Yeah. You had. Anyway, with a bit of a helping hand I got myself more or less back on my feet and took on a much bigger role in organizing the ball. I've danced since I was a young girl, and to save money, it was decided that James and I would teach dance class to the ball-aged students, and then there would be a dance competition judged by the head's of house, Professor Dumbledore, James and I. Hopefully our pupils will all have fun!"
Parsley nodded "Sounds like they will. So you and James ran a dance class... are you two going to be doing a demonstration this evening?"
"You'll have to wait and see." James said with a lopsided grin. Lily's stomach did a little jump, which she accredited to her nerves for their opening dance.
Soon enough, James had taken Parsley down to set up in the Great Hall and Lily had retreated to her room to get ready. Setting some music playing Lily sat at her vanity mirror in just her cream lacy underwear, twirling her hair through her fingers. What to do with the veritable river of red?
"Why Lily, darling, you can't do your hair until you've decided what you're wearing." Mrs Evans told a thirteen-year-old Lily as she got ready for Beth's one-year anniversary of teaching at the dance studio party.
Lily had shrugged, frowning "Erm... why does that matter?"
Mrs Evans chuckled "Why Lily, don't you think hair is just as much a part of your outfit as your dress is? After all, if you've got a slim line, tight fitting dress then you might go for a straight, sleek hair do, or even go for messy curls to contrast it. Or, on the other hand, if you've got a poufy dress you might go with straight hair to balance it out, or curly hair to compliment it. If you've got an interesting neck line then you might go with an up-do to show it off, or if it's strapless then you might go with a down-do to give you a bit more dignity. So... what are you planning on wearing?"
Lily had just stared dumbly.
She chuckled. Such a fond memory, one that she'd not even given a second's thought for at the time. That was her mother though, through and through.
First on the list was, without a doubt, her eyebrows. They were a difficulty, having been one of the things she'd ferociously controlled after... the summer. A very thin, slightly crooked line of dark red hair over each eye. Lily scowled. She decided the best bet would be to use a hair-growing charm like the one Sirius Black had hit Seve... Snape with that had made his eyebrows grow until he couldn't see out from under them. It was a charm, though, and Lily was naturally good at charms. Confident she could control it, Lily aimed her wand and performed it non-verbally with as little magic behind the spell as possible.
Of course, because this was Lily, it went wrong. In fact, she seemed to have two fat, hairy red caterpillars on her forehead instead.
With a groan, Lily decided she'd better just get her tweezers and hope for the best.
Three time of over-plucking and having to grow them out and start again later, Lily had two elegant, matching brows which looked much more at home on her face than the spindly little lines had. She moved on to her skin, charming the slightly-blotchy shade to a creamy white and allowing a slight blush onto her cheeks. The freckles she mostly tried to ignore were covered, leaving her skin soft and smooth rather than speckled and a bit dry. The change made her eyes and lips stand out more, perhaps more than she'd anticipated as her eyes had a perpetually surprised look in them.
She darkened and thickened the lashes, again with charms, and then rummaged through her draws to find her pallet of eye-shadows. It had a birthday present from her parents two years ago. She chose a rich, thick gold colour and a darker, bronzer colour for the creases. She was a dab hand at applying eye-shadow, so it took her only one try to have it as she wanted. Her mother had taught her well.
Her eyes looked dramatic and captivating in her now-pale face, and so she decided to use a gentle colour-lightening charm on her lips, turning them from their usual blood red to a softer petal-pink. It made her look much more delicate, and drew attention to her eyes.
Bored, finally, with makeup Lily squirted on some perfume, charmed her nails the same gold as her eye-shadow and did a quick hair-removal charm on a patch on her knee that she'd missed in the shower.
She started on her half-dry hair, frowning for a while before setting it in thick curls and transfiguring a good handful of hairpins into little cream flowers, which she used to pull some of her hair from her face, half up and half down with some soft sticking charms. Not trusting her hair to hold, she sprayed it with what felt like half a bottle of hair spray as well. The result was a mass of vivid red curls, dotted here and there with tiny cream flowers, some of which pulled tendrils of hair out of her eyes. She felt beautiful, a feeling Lily wasn't overly used to.
"Lily?" She heard James call "You ready? The ball starts in ten minutes and we're supposed to be opening it!"
Lily's stomach did a flip and she only just refrained from twiddling her hair, catching herself at the last minute with the thought of messing up her hard work.
"I'll just be a moment James; you go down ahead and wait for me there!"
A pause, and then "Alright. Try not to be late."
"I won't be!" She snapped back, but from the sound of things he'd already left.
She turned back to her closet, eyes flicking from one dress bag to another, thinking hard.
There, in front of her, was the door. Tall, much taller than her, carved out of a rich, dark oak and smoothed by millennia's usage. Just the other side of it, Lily could hear chattering and laughter and faint, background music. Her hands went to smooth her dress a little, trailing over the delicate lace.
Then, before she lost her nerve, she pushed the door open and entered, trying vainly to convince herself no one was staring at her. They were though; she could feel their gazes as if each eye was a breath of cold air on her neck. Her eyes sought James, trailing through the crowd of extravagant dresses and robes, perfect hair and sharpened nails.
Eventually Lily tired of playing hide-and-seek, and instead opted to use the link to find him. It wasn't difficult – he was stood almost directly behind her and Lily wondered how on earth he'd either snook up on her, or she'd not noticed him. Turning she took in his always-messy hair, sparkling hazel eyes and rich blue robes. Her mouth curled involuntary into a smile at the sight of him.
"L-Lily!" James stuttered out
"James." Lily returned quietly, wringing her hands together as James stared in morbid horror at her dress
"Lily... Lily I thought... I thought you... I thought we..."
"I'm sorry." Lily whispered, looking up at him as her eyes flooded softly with tears "But it wasn't the right thing to do. I'll... I'll still be Sirius's date to the Potter Ball, but I'll just have to..."
"Wear the other dress." James finished, looking wide eyed at the cream silk Lily wore.
It was a beautiful dress, a delicate shade of true cream, ruffles and lace in small enough quantities to accent it's style yet not enough to overpower it. It laced up down the back, leaving Lily's back bare but for the ribbon itself as it criss-crossed down her body. A square neckline, gentle elbow-length sleeves and a full skirt that hid Lily's feet and trailed a little behind her.
Lily had no doubt it would have been at least as beautiful as Apolline's dress.
"Aha!" Slughorn cried, descending on Lily "It's my favourite head girl! Don't you look the pretty picture, my dear!"
Lily barely refrained a cringe, her hand tightening on James's arm. Slughorn was the one who had stopped her from ruining James's life. How awkward.
"Thank you, professor." Lily returned slowly "How are you?"
Slughorn nodded, sending his chins wobbling "I'm quite well. Oh! Well, look at that. I think you're just in time for your opening dance! Off you go, off you go!"
With that, he gave the two heads a healthy push towards the rapidly emptying dance floor. The Weird Sisters shuffled around their set, putting drinks down and picking instruments up, giving them a lazy tuning. Professor Dumbledore strode up onto the stage and clapped his hands, effectively silencing the vast hall.
"How lovely it is to see you all here! Hogwart's so often feels lonely this time of year, so it warms my heart that such a ball is being held here! Now then, our very own head boy and girl, James Potter and Lily Evans, who have organised this ball and taught you all for these past weeks, will be opening the ball in just a few moments. After that, the first contestants will take to the floor, and Hogwart's first Dance Competition will commence! I hope you all enjoy it, and a very merry Christmas!"
With that, Dumbledore stepped down once more off the stage, crimson robes adorned with stars and moons twinkling in the light from the huge chandelier. The hall lights dimmed exactly as Lily had asked Professor Flitwick to arrange, and the band struck the first chord, with it a spotlight falling on Lily and James. Lily's stomach whirled and flipped like a leaf in autumn, and she felt certain she would be faintly green under the colour-charms on her face.
The tune itself was familiar though, comforting and haunting and beautiful. Slowly but surely the hundreds of faces faded away, the music taking her into its embrace, her body performing well known motions. Finally letting her worry leave her Lily opened the link as far as she could, knowing their dance would be better if she did. A smile tugged at James's lips, she noticed, as she did so.
"Alright?" He whispered
"Yeah." She returned, before her eyes widened a little as he took her control off her, pulling her dance into his dance and forcing her to follow him. Faintly she could hear the 'oohs' and 'ahhs' of the students and staff, but all she was thinking about was how to win back her control of the dance. Soon enough it became a fluid battle for power, swirling and whirling with the music. James's eyes were sparkling and he seemed to be fighting a grin, one hand soft and steadying on her hip, the other mischievous and boisterous in her's.
Lily thought it was perfect.
All too soon though, the music fell back to its slumber, leaving Lily and James to the roar of applause, panting lightly from the exertion and grinning like fools.
The competition itself ran smoothly and mostly without hiccups, if you ignored the two screaming girls fighting over Sirius, Alice and Frank stopping dancing halfway through their routine to have a good snog and Lucius Malfoy tripping a Ravenclaw fifth year up with a well placed jinx (who had somehow ensnared a date from Narcissa Black) as the pair danced past.
Lily awarded her highest marks to a pair of Hufflepuff fourth years who had clearly put a lot of effort into their routine. Lily knew that when she had first started to teach them, they had fallen over each other three times in the first song. James, predictably, awarded Sirius the most points for 'an inspired dance... and having two dates'. She didn't know what the teacher's had awarded and to who; she only knew about James because she'd snook a peak through the link before James had realised what was happening and blocked her out.
"Attention, please!" Dumbledore called out, standing up "The judges will now take some time to calculate the winners; please enjoy the Weird Sisters while we do so!"
With that, the Weird Sisters struck up a loud, raucous starting chord, nodded once to each other with wide grins and set off playing a song that Lily was sure had more swear words in it than all of the fourth years had ever used, combined. The students seemed to love it though, cheers and whoops meshing with the loud song.
"Well then." Dumbledore said with a smile, motioning to the door "Lead the way, Horace."
Following Slughorn into a room behind the High Table, which Lily had never even noticed before never mind about been in, Lily couldn't help but feel ridiculously relieved. She'd done the opening dance with James, and it had all gone perfectly smoothly. Plus she'd enjoyed it, and James seemed to have done too.
She spent the entirety of the time in that room playing a strange sort of hide-and-seek with James, hiding her conscience from him and trying to find his at the same time. It was a strange sensation, lightly tickling, and James was much better at it than she was. On more than one occasion, Lily had to stifle a giggle when James would catch up with her, his conscience brushing over her's lightly, often when she was least expecting it. It made her ears buzz a little and her nose itch like she was about to sneeze.
Finally, Professor McGonagall burst out "Oh for goodness sake you two! Behave yourselves... whatever it is you're doing!"
Lily and James grinned at each other, James even going as far as to 'high-five' her through the link
McGonagall glared at them "Listen, you are the head students of this school; act like it!"
Slughorn laughed his booming laugh "Ah, Minerva, leave them be. They've worked very hard to organize this ball, we should at least allow them a little lee-way, don't you think? After all, their classmates are just through that door, enjoying themselves."
McGonagall looked like she was about to retaliate when Professor Sprout jumped in
"Let's not fight, Minerva, Horace. Why don't we just let Lily and James go and enjoy the ball with their friends?"
A little muttering later and Lily and James slipped out of the room into the hallway outside. The bitter winter air flowed through from the open door, leading out onto the snow-blanketed grounds, barely visible in the light from the half moon. A shiver crawled up Lily's spine from the chill, but she disregarded it, heading for the open door with a soft swish of satin.
She grinned at James as they stood in the doorway, looping her arm through his
"Isn't it beautiful?" Lily asked, quietly as though to preserve the night's silence
James nodded with a grin, stepping out onto the path and tugging Lily with him "It sure is. Remember that day when we woke up really early and had a snow-ball fight?"
Lily nodded, and the pair reminisced for a while, wandering the freezing grounds under the faint moonlight. A heating charm from Lily kept them both warm, and they found themselves looking down to the Whomping Willow. With a roguish grin, James tiptoed forward towards the tree, branch in hand, and prodded a knot. Much to Lily's amazement, the tree stilled, and James waved her over.
Cautiously, not quite sure if this was some hideous prank of his, Lily made her way to him.
Unworried, James pulled his robe off and transfigured the bottom of it to be waterproof, giving it a shiny, faintly plastic look. He laid it down on the snow under the now-still tree, and patted the space beside him. Eyebrows raised at his lazy display of transfiguration skills, Lily settled beside him, taking her time thanks to the corseted bodice of the dress. Grinning as she finally got the dress comfortable, she lay back, looking up at the sky through the spindly branches of the Whomping Willow.
Lily wasn't sure how long passed with them sat there, watching the stars in peaceful silence. The clouds drew in quickly, thick and heavy, hiding many of the stars from view, although Lily didn't mind overly. It was still beautiful, just in a different way. Loathed though she might have been, she eventually broke the silence with the faintest of whisper
"We need to get back, James."
'Why?' James sent her, giving off a rich, lethargic vibe 'Let's just stay here. No one'll notice.'
'We're judging the competition! Of course they'll notice! Come on – get up.' Lily returned, struggling to her feet and using her wand to smooth out the creases in her dress, thanks to lying on it for the past however-long.
The pair hurried back to the Great Hall, slipping into the crowd and weaving their way to the front
"There they are!" Slughorn announced, spotting them and pointing the two heads out to the rest of the staff members "Good, good, hurry up now you two! The results have been calculated!"
Lily's hand tightened around James's in excitement, and then she dropped it as if it were on fire, having only just noticed she'd been holding it in the first place. Damn it. How embarrassing.
"In third place... Graham Leafton of Ravenclaw and Marlene McKinnon of the same house!" Dumbledore announced as the crowd clapped and cheered, and the two seventh years made their way up to shake Lily and James's hands, and to receive their gift vouchers for Daisy's Dancing store in Diagon Alley.
"In second place... for their excellently amusing three-people dance, we have Sirius Black of Gryffindor, Sophie Walters of Hufflepuff and Adele Tatleford of Ravenclaw!"
James whooped loudly, letting out a piercing wolf-whistle before shouting "Go Padfoot!"
Laughing, Lily shook her head as Sirius strode onto stage, girl on each arm, blowing kisses to the crowd. They too were awarded two gift vouchers between the three of them, although Sirius kindly gave his to Adele, so both girls had their own prize.
"And the winners... Lucius Malfoy and Bellatrix Black!" Dumbledore called out
Lily couldn't deny that they had been the best. Perhaps not the most deserving of the win, but they were the best dancers even if they had already had dance tuition. They both had a dark, commanding and dangerously beautiful auror which together created a brilliant dance routine. They strode up onto the stage in stony silence, accepted their prize with self-satisfied smirks and strode off again. Sirius, who had gravitated towards James, gave a loud groan of disgust.
"Them." He grumbled "Lucy the Ponce and Trixie the Demented Pixie."
Lily laughed. In the muggle world, being called a 'pixie' probably wouldn't even be classed as an insult... but here, Lily knew enough about Cornish Pixies to know Sirius wasn't being complimentary.
"Hey, where did you two sneak off to?" Sirius asked, suddenly suspicious. He grabbed Remus away from his date "Remus, did you see Lily or James any time recently?"
"They're right in front of you." Remus deadpanned
"No! Well, yes, they are... but that's not what I meant!" Sirius returned with a light scowl at being confused
"We, er, we were, erm... we were..." Lily began, biting her lip as she begged her mind to come up with something. Damn it! Why couldn't she come up with things when she needed to?
"We were helping add up the scores." James said simply, sending an amused glance Lily's direction "Where did you think we were? Off on some romantic moonlit walk, eh Padfoot?"
There went her stomach. Again. She really needed to get that looked at.
Sirius laughed loudly "Yeah right. I'd almost forgotten how funny you were at times. Imagine – Lily Evans and James Potter off on some moonlit walk, without killing each other! Ha!"
Remus, however, stayed surprisingly quiet.
Lily enjoyed the rest of the evening dancing with professors and students alike who asked for a dance. She chatted to Professor Slughorn about a new potion theory on heating and cooling ingredients and the effect on their performance in certain potions, with Professor Sprout about similar – how the temperature a plant grew at would effect it's uses, with Professor Flitwick about the theory of the Patronem Charm, and how that may have uses to cure depression.
She danced with Sirius once, as official practice for the Potter's ball. Not that the Potter's ball mattered anymore. She caught James's forlorn expression many times through the evening, and didn't need their link to tell her that he was mulling over the plan that she ruined. He probably wouldn't even understand why she'd done it, and he wouldn't agree with her reasons even if he did understand them. That was just how James was.
She didn't think she'd want to change him, either.
She enjoyed a few dances with Remus, who was quiet and looked at her with an odd gleam in his eye, as if she were an interesting Rune's problem. She danced with Peter once, but he stepped on his feet so many times that she had to all but limp over to a seat afterwards. He was shorter than her as well, which felt awkward as she wasn't very tall by anyone's measure, and was used to looking up at people (and dancing with partners taller than her) rather than down. Still, she felt a real sense of companionship with him, knowing about his sister's death as she did. She pitied the fact that he seemed the least-important Marauder, and had mentioned it to James more than once. James had replied that Peter had always been quieter; it was kinder to just let him sit in the shadows where he was comfortable.
She danced with Frank and endured the glares from Alice for doing so. She danced with a boy in Ravenclaw called Aakash Patil who'd had a crush on her for longer than she could remember, simply because she felt mean saying no to him, terrified as he looked at having asked for a dance in the first place.
The last dance, she saved for James. She rationalized it because they were Head's together, and he was her... her friend and she'd opened with James so she had to close with James. Her stomach lurched a little, but Lily knew that was only because she was tired from such a long night, and because her feet still hurt from dancing with Peter.
The dance was gentle and nothing special in terms of dance moves or extravagant flare. It was just a dance, a dance with James that she wouldn't have swopped for anything. They chattered quietly through the link about how much a success the ball had been, carefully skirting around the issue of the Potter's ball and Apolline, and the dress Lily shouldn't have worn but did. Lily fretted internally over this barrier, this flaw in their conversation. Had she ruined everything? Was their friendship (and why did her stomach do that?) now about to crumble and fall, just like her friendship with Sev-Snape had done?
Then the ball was over, and everyone gave a huge round of applause for Lily and James which made her blush under her makeup-charms. They were presented with a huge bouquet of flowers, and then the hall filtered clean of occupants, slowly and lazily like a puddle drying up.
"Hmph." Lily gave a contented hum. "We did it. And it worked."
James laughed loudly, almost forced, and it echoed through the now empty (and very messy) hall. "It did work. Didn't I tell you not to worry?"
"Aw don't ruin it now by being a prat." Lily chided gently as the pair finally left the hall, out into the hallway they had escaped to during the scoring earlier in the ball.
"Look." James said, stopping Lily with a hand on her arm and turning her to the doorway, open to the night still
Lily gave a soft gasp, setting the flowers down on a windowsill nearby and gathering her skirts in one hand, running out into the night. Snow blew in the wind as it fell, little shards of ripped up paper being tossed through the paws of young children invisible in the night.
Lily laughed as the snow soaked her hair, stuck to her dress and her nose and made her eyes sparkle. She didn't worry that she'd singlehandedly taken James to his doom by wearing the wrong dress (there she was, being melodramatic again), or that Sirius seemed to think she was doing something... fishy with James, such as a romantic moonlight walk, or that she couldn't lie to save her life. She didn't bother that the wrong people had won the dance competition (really, Malfoy and Black? They only showed up to one of their lessons!), that Slughorn had been watching her oddly, or that the reporter had been strangely interested in her. She didn't even spare a thought for her parents, be it the smell of hair burning when Petunia tried to use their mother's curling tongues and got it wrong, or the sound of the newspaper rustling in the morning.
She was just Lily. Just Lily and just James, laughing and shivering lightly to the sound of crunching snow, looking up at the falling snow until their neck's hurt from the strain. And somehow, laughing breathlessly in the cold, dark night, creating plumes of smoke as their breaths condensed air around them, they came to stop at the top of the path leading down to Hagrid's hut.
"Beautiful." James murmured suddenly, hand coming up cautiously, slowly, like he was trying to pet a wild animal, to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. Lily stiffened for a moment, but then it was done; tucked behind her ear and out of her eyes.
Lily opened her mouth to say something, although what on earth she could say she wasn't sure. James spared her of that by pressing a finger to her lips, silencing her.
"Shh." He told her, mouth quirking up into a crooked smile
So Lily did as he told her, standing in silence in the snow, watching the flakes instead of watching him as he came closer and closer. Blinking as the flakes stuck to her eyelashes instead of noticing his eyes flicking to her lips.
Then, finally, her eyes met his again, dragging them away from the surroundings. He was close, close enough to notice that his skin wasn't as freckle-free as she'd originally thought. Close enough to notice that his eyes were shot through with gold, not just brown as she'd first thought. Close enough to see a little bump in his nose where he'd broken it in second year playing quidditch.
Close enough to see him pause, see him give her an option to turn away. Close enough to wonder if he could tell her stomach was whirling worse than it had ever done before. Close enough to wonder if he could hear her heart jumping like a chocolate frog.
She considered pulling back. Thought about it perhaps a bit too much. He was a taken man; he was engaged despite it being against his will. She was doing the wrong thing. He was her friend, not a romantic interest. He had such soft looking lips and... what would Sirius say – he'd tease her something awful. What would her past self had said, knowing that she would give in to him? Wait... who said anything about giving in? She didn't have to give in, right? Was letting him kiss her 'giving in'? What would Professor Slughorn say if he knew she'd gone against his advice? Or Professor McGonagall if she knew her two head students were out after curfew?
What if she wasn't a very good kisser? What if he pressed his lips to her and she didn't know what to do? What if he wasn't a very good kisser? Could they still be friends? What if she didn't want to be anything more than friends and he did? What if it was the other way around? What if Apolline found out? What if James's parent's found out? What if she pulled away? Would that ruin everything? Would he hate her? Would she hate herself? Would she hate herself if she went through with this?
And then his lips met her's, and the vast majority of her thoughts turned to soup, leaving behind strange, bazaar thoughts such as 'I wonder if he uses lip balm' and 'why does water in a lake/river/sea look blue, yet everyone knows it's clear?'.
She stood very still, his lips moving against hers but she didn't make any attempt to move hers with his. Her eyes stayed open, going cross-eyed trying to look at James when he was so close. She was too worried about ruining it to do anything different. He pulled back and looked down at her, brows furrowed, and then he pushed open their link. Lily could feel his curiosity, wondering why she was frozen.
He seemed to identify her worry with a light roll of his eyes and a faint smile, before he then tried to sooth her, calm her by sending her calm and relaxed feelings, accompanied through the link by a 'Just relax.'
So Lily did just as asked, melting into his arms and soaking up his warmth in the freezing night. This time, his lips met her's and she allowed him to kiss her, allowed him to move his lips against her's. Gasped as his tongue slid over her lips, allowing him into her mouth as her arms came, almost involuntary, around his neck. His fingers slipped over her back, brushing her bare skin through the criss-cross of ribbon lacing the dress on, making her tingle and shiver. Found herself on tiptoes to get closer to him. Tongues battled for dominance, strangely how they danced; Lily softer yet fiery and James more boisterous yet more mellow.
And then oxygen became a problem and Lily pulled back, biting her now swollen lips and looking up at James through her lashes. He was grinning widely.
"You've no idea how long I've wanted to do that for." He told her
And suddenly it all crashed down on her, what she'd done. She'd made the wrong decision. She'd not regretted it, wouldn't want to make the right decision, but it had been the wrong one all the same.
"We can't do this." She told him, stepping out of his embrace and missing it instantly "You're engaged. I'm still... I'm still messed up. I... I just... I just wanted..."
And then, to her horror, the tears came. Leaking out of her eyes and rolling down her cheeks. Not fast, not sobbing, just leaking pitifully.
"I just wanted to be friends." She finally choked out "And I've never had a friend like you before. You're funny and kind and put up with me being a bit odd and you know how to get me out of my self-pity funks. You know what to say when I brood and you let me have fun away from my books. And you send me funny notes and you know I don't like coffee and you don't mind that I like vegetable soup, even though you hate it. And you know about my family, more than I've ever told anyone else. You came Christmas shopping with me and you bought me a dress which I'll have to pay you back for and... and now that's all gone."
James chuckled softly, although his eyes looked sad "Lily, if that's what you want then that's what it'll be. We'll write this off as just a... just us being affected by the atmosphere, say it could have happened to anyone and forget about it all. You'll not even need to brood over it or consume gallons of milk-less tea, or twiddle all your hair out, or even say 'damn it' far too often. First and foremost, Lily, I want to be your friend."
So Lily ignored the fact that his eyes were screaming that he was lying, and ignored the strange tone in his voice that said he was hurting from her words, and flung her arms around his neck, squeezing him tightly
"You're the best friend a crazy girl like me could want." She whispered in his ear, voice a little jumpy from his closeness. James either didn't notice, or pretended not to. Lily hoped it was the former, but it was probably more likely to be the latter.
When it became clear that it really was far too cold to be outside, the pair turned and trudged up to the Head's Tower, talking if only to fill the now tense silence. Every movement James made be it brushing his hand against her's accidentally, holding a door for her, tipping a smile at some of the portraits he seemed to know... it would make Lily's stomach flutter and her face blush beneath the colour-foundation charms.
Their tower seemed oddly empty, without all the decorations that were now up in the hall. Quiet and peaceful, but still empty. James smiled, said goodnight and went to bed. Lily said she would do the same.
Instead she sat up, drinking gallons of tea, twiddling her hair and brooding.
She might have snook one of the pastries she'd saved with a stasis charm as well. The ones James had given her, all those weeks ago.
It tasted a bit funny, as though the magic was beginning to wear off. But James had given it to her, and for that it tasted better than all the macaroon's her mother had ever bought.
Damn. That wasn't healthy, was it?
Hope you enjoyed it :)
Please leave a review... I'm struggling for Christmas presents from Lily/James to Lily/James, as well as from James to the rest of the Marauders. In fact, pretty much all presents. Except Mrs Next Door's macaroons.
Ashi