Disclaimer: Let's see, I don't own Naruto, I don't own~ JC Penny's obviously, I don't own the song Where Them Girls At, and I don't own My Own Worst Enemy, or Christian Slater and as a side note, don't watch My Own Worst Enemy I thought the show was pretty lame.

Chapter .2

Kana PV

It was around 12pm meaning my 'exciting' birthday had ended. And I was sitting on my bed with my laptop in front of me, I was trying to catch up on the newest Naruto: Shippuden episodes, I had stopped watching the show for a few weeks and I was getting behind, sadly.

I was watched my laptop screen happily as Sora and Naruto argued with each other, and Sakura watching them in embarrassment. Yeah I was that far behind in the series. But who could blame me, I had insisted on watching Naruto THEN Naruto: Shippuden. Totally worth it.

And in total honesty, I was a Akatsuki fan girl. They were the most bad ass organization ever! I seriously used to be obsessed over them, but when I turned fifteen the obsession toned down, thank god. But I still freaked over them. I almost cried was Sasori died. . . . .

Okay, I had a few tears spill but whatever! Damn Sakura. . . . Yeah, I really hated that pink haired bitch. But the only way I COULD like her if she was her independent self, and toned down her beatings on Naruto and just gave up on Sasuke.

But then again, I could always dream. . . .

I shut my laptop and flopped back lazily onto my bead, I stared at the ceiling tiredly.

I wondered idly if my wish would come true, thinking back, it sounds really impossible. But then again, they say nothing is impossible. But mine was really, really, impossible. I giggled. Rubbing my face into the flat pillow.

Wouldn't that be something though, the Akatsuki, alive breathing people, who were my friends, now that would be something. . .

*~*~* Fear the 1 Week time skip! :3 *~*~*

Akatsuki PV

"Oh my god, how the hell am I supposed to make my money when I'm a fucking five year old!" Kakuzu exclaimed loudly.

"Oh fuck your money! How the hell do I make sacrifices to Jashin as a toddler! Wait. . . . . .Are their any orphans around here, they might work. . . .I just need a knife. . ."

Pein glared at the Jashinest in irritation. "Oh shut up Hidan." He only glared in return, Kakuzu was sitting in a tiny plastic chair fretting over his newly discovered financial problems.

Itachi was being his usual stoic self, which wasn't much of a change, Kisame was. . . .crying? Pein had no clue how to describe it was like he was laughing at the hilarity of Itachi being a five year old bishie and reminiscing about his horrible childhood.

Probably both. Sasori was. . . . . He had no idea what that man. . . Or er, child was doing. The red-head was occupied with a nearby Barbie, which had about half of it's hair length cut. Deidara was¾

"Shut up Tobi!"

"But Tobi doesn't want to be small!"

"Well you are so, shut up!"

"ZETSU-SAN!" Tobi wailed pathetically.

"Oh god-"

"Not, now Tobi."

The two Zetsu's said tiredly. Yes, TWO Zetsu's, it may be hard to believe but it's true. Somehow, the two were their own being, with complete features.

"But Zetsu-San!"

The two Zetsu's shook their head in union. "Hell no, do you have any idea how it feels like to have your tissue torn apart?"

"And then get the worst hangover of your life in the mix!"

Tobi shook his head, but then replied cheerily. "No~ but Tobi has a bad headache too!"

They groaned, sometime talking to Tobi was like talking to a wall, and sometimes walls were more intelligent, with their signs and all.

Pein watched as the so called S Ranked criminals were bickering back and forth like children, and ironically they all were, how the hell could this happen.

"Pein, what the hell is going on?" He sighed as he heard the irritation leaking from Konan, she picked the most beautiful days to act like a total bitch. . . . . .

"And don't be thinking about calling me a Bitch you asshole."

Pein groaned again. Sometime's he had no clue on how she always new. . . . .But god, that's what he seriously loved about her. Not that he would admit it.

"Sorry. . . ."

Hidan snickered as he listened to Peins apology, he made a whipping motion with his hand. "Leader-san is so~ fucking whipped!" Even Kakuzu snickered as he heard, it was oh so true too.

Konan glared furiously at the Jashinest. "Oh shut up Hidan." He glared in return.

"Make me bitch!" Just as the five year old version of Konan was about to kick the hell out of the tiny Jashinest, the door swung open.

"Good morning my little Sun Flowers!"

Every one froze, staring shockingly at the women in the door way, she was rather large, for someone in her early 30's (or so the members thought) she had a large grin, and red chubby cheeks, she seemed absolutely ecstatic.

Hidan was the first to break the shocked stares of silence.

"Who the hell are you!" The women then scowled. "That is a bad word Hidan honey." She gently scooped up the boy, who was struggling greatly to get out of the fats women's grip.

"What the hell! Let me go! Jashin will smite you bitch!"

The women scowled. "Your mother must have a dirty mouth for you to pick up all that fowl language!" Hidan scowled.

"How the hell would you know about my mother!"

"Uh. . . Leader-san?"

Pein looked at Kisame wearily. "What Kisame?"

"Are you going to stop Hidan?" He asked curiously.

Oh yeah. . .

"Hidan, quit it already." Hidan stopped his cursing slowly, before settling with glaring at the woman, the woman beamed at Pein, crouching in front of him. "Now, you must be Pein." He nodded slowly. The women pointed to Konan. "And you must be his little sister, Konan?"

"What! Sister!"

Pein stared at the fat women in shock. "B-but! She. . . . Huh?"

The woman rolled her eyes, she stood up patting the non existent dirt of her pants, she smiled at the small five year olds. "Okay children! Ready to meet your long lost mommy?"

Kisame followed after the women, eyes sparkling.

"What the hell are you following her dumb ass!" Hidan yelled loudly.

Kisame ignored him, skipping after the women. "I knew my mommy was alive!"

Oh god. . .Pein thought miserably. Kisame has a mother complex. . . .

The rest of the Akatsuki followed after them begrudgingly. 'Were the hell were they?' Most of them wondered, aside from Kisame who was still in his own little wonderland. Their were three things everyone could agree on though.

1) Using chakra was practically impossible, for some unknown reason.

2) They were not in Amegakure anymore.

3) Pein was now Konan's sister. . . . . Great.

The women looked over her shoulder smiling still, Hidan silently pictured himself scarifying her to Jashin, and when she went to hell he hoped she got freaking violated. . . .

"So, how do you kids feel about flying?"

Everyone looked up confused, even Kisame came out of his happy bubble.

"Fly?"

Kana PV

I tapped against my phone in irritation, mom had dragged me off to the mall, much to my dismay, and god, you do not know how much I hate going to the mall. And what sucks the most is that were I live, we don't have a decent mall, we'd have to drive down to Puyallup to get near the super mall.

So~ I was sitting in some god forsaken area of JC Penny, waiting for my mom to finish her shopping.

My cell buzzed in my hand, I slid the screen up to see my keyboard, for the past hour I was texting, possibly my best friend. Me and Ivan knew each other for about four years already. We met at school when I was in either sixth or seventh grade, he was REALLY anti-social back then.

Are you guys still at the mall?

Yeah. . . . Sadly, god how long does it take to pick a summer dress!

Lol, sucks to be you! :P

=.= I hate you so much

Luv ya too, so when are you parents leaving for their honeymoon?

I don't know, but does three months sound long?

Yeah.

Damn =.= Who the hell goes on a honeymoon for that long anyway!

Uh rich people?

Well we're not rich!

We're not! My parents just save lots of money so they can blow it on heir belated honeymoon's!

Yeah belated honeymoon, my parents had to cancel their first since I was already on the way, so they still love using it as a excuse to go on long ass honeymoons. At least I get to stay home alone, every other time they left I had to stay with 'family'.

The last time they went I stayed with my Uncle Royce, nice guy, smoked allot though. . . .

"Okay, Kana what about this yellow one?" I glanced up at the yellow summer dress she wore.

"Pretty." She grimaced.

"Really? I thought I looked fat in this, what about the red one?"

I rolled my eyes "I thought you didn't like the red one?"

"I don't! I just liked the design!" I groaned.

God this was why I hated shopping, unless if it was with friends, then I could handle it. But with my mom, sheesh~ She could take forever sometimes.

My phone buzzed again.

Wow, nice parents.

I snorted at his comment, yeah my parents were nice, but when it came to my wants and desires it was wither to expensive, or just plain stupid, which was true! I admit it!

So many girls in here, where do I begin?

I seen this one, I'm bout to go in

Then she said, I'm here with my friends

She got me thinking and that's when I said

Where them girls at, girls at?

Where them girls-

A few of the employee's glared at me, shit. . . .

I answered my phone quickly. "Hello?"

"Yes, is this Kana Dixon?"

"Yes. . . ." Who the hell was this. . . . . I glanced back at the phones screen. *Unidentified Number* Man, why does this always happen to me. . .

"Okay, good, my name is Amanda Highwind. I work for the International Adoption Agency-"

My eyes widened. Why the hell am I getting calls from a adoption agency! If mom found out about this-

"Does this look good sweetie?" I nodded not even glancing at the dress, now was not the time.

"-and we have some good news for you!"

"N-news?"

"Mmhm, it seems that five years ago you gave children up for adoption,"

CHILDREN! HOLLY FUCKING JASHIN! Did I have a secret life that I didn't know about? Like the guy Christian Slater played on My Own Worst Enemy!

"O-oh? Uh well-" I gave a nervous laugh. "I don't remember ever being pregnant miss."

The woman on the other line giggled. "Oh no need to be embarrassed sweetie! The good thing is that you are taking them in now, and they are very excited to see you!"

"Oh?" Noises could be heard from her side of the phone, their was cursing and screaming? Oh Jashin, did I get the evil children no one wanted to adopt! Or did I really give birth? Pssh, I know I would've remembered the pain. . . .

"Yes! We are at the airport right now, and we should be on our flight in a little while, so, expect us in a about three days!"

Jashin I hated her cheery voice. . "Yes, but-"

"Bye!"

The line went quiet and I was left staring blankly at a line of dresses.

But what had just happened? Okay. . . I somehow have children. . . . Last I checked I was still a virgin. . . . .

My phone buzzed, another text from Ivan.

Helloooooo? You their?

I texted him back slowly, still trying to process what had happened a few seconds ago.

Hey Ivan want to know something?

Uh, sure? O-o

I think I was pregnant.