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Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.
Feelings
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"I'm sorry for leaving the grocery store like that."
It's been a day since I've spoken to my mom but I just had to figure some things out. I was still upset but I was attempting to move forward. Mom had a grave look on her face before giving me an apologetic smile.
It dawned on me how selfish I was being. If I'm upset about this wedding, I could only imagine how she must be taking it. Even if the divorce was over a year ago, it still probably stung.
"It's fine, sweetie," she said softly. "I know this must be hard for you."
"How about you?" I asked, walking to the island where she was. "This must feel awful."
"Well its not exactly a comfortable feeling," she laughed but I knew it was forced. Mom always did her best to be strong. Whether the situation, she was always the shield. But its hard for her to be the shield when she was the one that needed shielding.
"So was that why you didn't want dad to see me?" I asked gently.
She nodded. "That didn't work out so well, didn't it? I just didn't want you to get hurt. Your father wants to bring his fiancée over to meet you."
"I don't want to see that home wrecker in person," I said in disgust.
"Clare."
"You know it's true."
She didn't disagree. So I was guessing she didn't want that woman here as much as I did. But I would like to see dad, no matter how angry, frustrated or annoyed I was with him.
"As much as I would love to put off this dinner," she started, voice tense and strained. "I think it would be best to have you see your father before the wedding."
"I want to see him," I agreed. "But I just don't want to see her."
"We'll talk about it later," she ran her hand through my hair before tucking a curl behind my ear. "You know I love you, right? I'll always love you and your sister."
She was starting to tear up and I wrapped my arms around her waist.
"I know," I murmured against her shoulder. "I love you, mom."
We hugged for a few minutes before she pulled away and laughed, wiping the small tears away.
"Tell you what, let's invite Alli over tonight. We could have a girl's night," she suggested.
"That sounds awesome! I'll call her," I beamed but suddenly remembered the party tomorrow night. "Mom, can I ask you something?"
"Of course you can," she smiled encouragingly but I had a feeling it won't last.
"There's a party tomorrow night and a friend invited me to go…"
Her smile faded slightly and she crossed her arms. Her full authority mode on.
"And who is this "friend" you speak of?" she inquired.
"Do you remember our neighbours? Their son, Eli invited me. We've been hanging out together."
"Eli Goldsworthy?" she gasped. "You've been spending a lot of time with him?"
"Yeah… It's not a bad thing, right?" I asked, worried she wouldn't approve. "At first I couldn't stand him but then we got to know each other and he's actually really nice."
I smiled when the thought of him came to mind and I couldn't understand why my mom was mirroring the same thing.
"What….?" I asked in confusion.
"My daughter likes someone. I am so happy for you," she exclaimed happily before giving me a kiss on the cheek.
Oh. My. God. I didn't even know for sure my feelings for Eli but having my mom know and congratulate me? Oh this is so weird….
"Mom, we're just friends," I said, a little too stern.
"Stay in denial all you want honey," she laughed. "So tell me… how is Eli?"
"He's really awesome," I smiled. "He's funny, witty, cute-"
I clamped my mouth shut and felt my face go red. I covered my face with my hands, groaning in embarrassment.
"Aww, it's fine sweetie, I think this could be good for you," she soothed, giving me a hug. "But you be careful, I don't want him to turn out like that KC boy."
I knew my mom was still bitter about KC breaking my heart but I'm completely over him and I don't think Eli would treat me that way.
"Trust me, mom, you don't have to worry about Eli," I reassured.
"Alright," she sighed, smiling. "Go call Alli."
I left the kitchen and couldn't remove the smile on my face.
.
.
"You sure I can go?"
"I don't see why not."
"Not helping!"
"What do you want me to do then?"
"Ask him!"
I sighed and walked out on my balcony. Thankfully, Eli was on his balcony so it would be easy to get his attention. He was wearing his headphones and reading a book so I decided to lean over my railing.
"ELI!"
He pulled out his headphones and closed his book, smirking when he saw me. I felt my heart flutter but ignored it.
"You thought you could scare me?" he asked, amused and I almost rolled my eyes.
"No, I actually needed to ask you something," I stuck my tongue out teasingly. "For this party tonight…. would you mind if I brought someone?"
"Tell Alli its fine," he said nonchalantly and I laughed.
I poked my head inside my room and smiled at Alli, who was nervously sitting on my bed.
"You're in. See I told you it was fine."
She jumped up and attacked me, muttering "thank you" a gazillion times as she suffocated me with her tight grip.
"I'm not the one you should be thanking," I said, pulling away from her and crossing my arms.
"Thanks, Eli!" she yelled on the balcony before running back in my room.
I giggled at her enthusiasm and realized how much I've missed her. We've talked on the phone a lot but we haven't been spending too much tome together. She's been busy with Drew and I've been hanging with Eli.
But it was fun having her sleep over last night. Girl's night was so much fun; it was exactly what my mom needed.
"So… how did Eli end up asking you to this party?"
She had an evil smile on her face and her eyes were popped out of her sockets. Ah, she wanted some details.
"You make it sound like he asked me on a date," I said, pulling out my journal before taking a seat on the bed.
"That's because it is!" she said loudly. "Have you guys kissed yet?"
"What? No! And who said we were even dating?"
"Me, Drew, your mom, me, almost everyone," she gave me a pointed look and her tone sounded knowing.
"Wait, what? How does everyone think this?"
Starting to feel overwhelmed, I stood up and went to my dresser, placing my journal on top and quickly jotting something down. I needed to remember to take my journal to the party, because I was observing for my story. This wasn't about Eli and I or my feelings for him. It was strictly professional and platonic. Okay that sounded too businesswoman.
"Clare, are you okay?" Alli said, and I heard her come over to me. "I didn't mean to sound pushy-"
"No," I shook my head quickly. "It's not that. It's just… he doesn't like me that way, Alli."
I was spun around in an instant and Alli was giving me a stern look.
"How could you say that? It's so obvious, Clare. You just need to make a move."
"I can't… It probably isn't the right time for me to be dating someone anyways," I whispered.
"And why not?" she asked sassily, hand on her hip. "You deserve to be happy with someone."
"Let's just forget it," I dismissed, waving a hand. "Now, what are you going to wear at the party?"
Ali smiled before walking over to her bag and picking out an orange sundress with spaghetti straps.
"I always pack extra clothing, just in case," she shrugged, giggling.
"I can see that," I laughed. "The dress is pretty."
"Thanks, but the real question is: what are you going to wear?"
"I was thinking some shorts and a top, you know, the usual."
Alli blinked, a monotone expression on her face that clearly stated my wardrobe choice was unacceptable.
"We'll just have to fix that, shall we?"
"No, no, Alli it's fine. You really-"
"I'm not giving you a choice in the matter."
Oh boy.
.
.
A white dress, black tights, with a gray cardigan was Alli's choice for my apparel. She had to go all out and do my hair and make up also. Thankfully, Alli didn't use much make up on me as she did with her, so I didn't really look different then how I usually looked.
"Alli, was this really necessary?" I asked as we walked up the steps to Eli's while I tugged on my dress.
"Absolutely and stop tugging on your dress!" she scolded before knocking eagerly.
I almost ran away when Eli opened the door. I was worried for him to see me dressed like this but by the looks of it, he didn't have a problem with it. In fact, it took him more then a few seconds to stop looking at me.
"Hey," he said. "Ready to go?"
Alli and I nodded in unison and on our way we went. The walk took awhile but it wasn't too bad. I was sort of worried it would be awkward but Alli and Eli slipped into conversation quite smoothly and I joined in every once in awhile. My journal was in Alli's purse and I was itching to grab it. I hope this party lives up to it's standards for ideas…
"Here we are," Eli said after turning a corner.
The house was planted at the end of the road and it looked really quiet on the outside. I thought maybe we were early but as soon as we entered, music was blasting and dancing bodies was all I could see.
"OOH, Clare I'm going to go dance," Alli said.
"Umm… Alli, I don't think…" I held a finger up to stop her but she threw me her bag and ran into the sea of people.
Someone grabbed my arm and I jumped.
"It's just me," Eli shouted over the music. "Come on, I need to show you something."
He held onto my hand as he led us through the dance floor and over to another room. Teenagers were draped everywhere and from what I could gather, couples were there. One couple was making out heavily while another was in a middle of an argument. But I suddenly didn't feel like observing. The beat of the music was starting to get to me and I needed to dance. I threw my journal in Alli's purse before pulling it over my shoulder.
"I don't feel like observing at the moment. I feel like dancing!"
I tugged on Eli's hand boldly and brought us on the dance floor. People were crowding us and there was barely any room to breathe, but I think that was the point. Without realizing, I shook my hips and threw my arms in the air.
"You are a crazy one, Edwards," Eli chuckled.
"Aren't you going to dance too?" I asked, hyper, jumping in time with the beat.
"Nahhhh, but I am going to do something fun."
I narrowed my eyes at him but he only smirked and walked away. Shocked that he left, I followed after him. He entered a room in the far corner of the hall and it was dark and, surprisingly, empty.
"Eli, what are you doing?" I asked, squinting my eyes to see him better.
"Shhh," he hushed before lifting a window up and climbing out.
I quickly ran over to the window and sighed in relief when he was standing on a semi-roof, I believe? Cautiously, I went out the window and stood beside him. He was looking down, and I followed his gaze to see a swimming pool many feet below.
"What do you say we go for a swim?" he suggested, flashing me a side smile.
He walked over to the edge and I grabbed onto his arm, afraid for him and me.
"Are you insane? No way!" I said in panic.
Eli lifted Alli's purse off my shoulder before dropping it below. What the heck was his problem?
"What's the matter, Clare? Are you scared?" he taunted teasingly.
"Yes," I said in a heartbeat. "I'm terrified right now and why did you throw Alli's purse below?"
"You'll need to get it," he stated.
"Why-?"
My question was cut off when his arms wrapped around my waist and pushed us in the air, a petrified scream escaping my mouth. We hit the water in a matter of seconds and he still held onto me when I pushed up from the water, breathing heavily and coughing violently.
"I… can't… believe… you… did… that…"
He didn't say anything as we tried to catch our breaths. My arms fell on top of his for support until the coughing went away. I realized his arms were still tightly wrapped around me and everything seemed to go silent. He stepped forward to me and looked deeply in my eyes. My breath hitched when he slowly inched his face closer to mine.
This was it. He was going to kiss me.
He leaned in closer and my heart leaped in my throat, the anticipation swallowing me alive. I closed my eyes and just when our lips were about to touch, something in me decided to pull away. I don't know why I chickened out because I really wanted him to kiss me, but I just couldn't.
"I should… go find Alli," I muttered, looking away from him.
I got out of the pool before he could say anything and grabbed Alli's purse before going inside the house.