Thanks to my beta Angela, aka jacobsangel88, for her tremendous work with this chapter and for supporting me in whatever choice I make about this story. Happy belated birthday!

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know I'm alive but I feel like I've died
And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made
I try to keep warm but I just grow colder
I feel like I'm slipping away
~Superchick (Beauty From Pain)

Chapter 2

Everything was black. Dark.

I loathed the dark, remembering the nightmares I used to have as a teenager. They had been different from night to night, but they had one thing in common: it was always dark. When I'd been dreaming of Renée – who had been living in Phoenix, where the sun was always shining – she'd been surrounded by the darkness that was passively lurking, waiting for the right moment. I had wanted to save her and started running, frantically shouting at her to run too, but I never reached her before the darkness slowly started swallowing her, one body part at a time. I hadn't had any other choice than to watch her, screaming in despair, barely able to breathe. As soon as she was gone, the dark started creeping toward me and the suffocation set in. When the darkness had reached me, my breaths were so shallow that it felt like I had a snare around my throat, tightening every time my chest heaved. Just as I'd thought I would die, I had woken up gasping, my heart beating loudly. I'd been so frightened that the first thing I'd done in the morning was to check in the mirror for marks on my throat. But of course I hadn't found any.

This time was no different. The darkness was there, the feeling of being suffocated was as well. It was like there was a black hole in the center of the darkness, pulling me further and further into it.

The snare tightened.

It became harder and harder to breathe, and I started freaking out. I frantically tried to grab the rope around my neck but my hands grasped nothing but thin air, my nails scratching against my throat in my attempt to find it. It had to be there. But there wasn't.

I couldn't do anything to stop the suffocation, the dark, the pull towards the black hole. I would die when I reached it. I just knew it. So I did the only thing I could come up with. I screamed.

It was hopeless. The echoes of my screams bounced off the walls I knew were out there, somewhere. But my strained breathing stopped me from screaming as loud as I wanted to, and I knew no one would hear me. The black hole was suddenly very close, and the oxygen to my lungs was cut off completely.

I tried to draw a breath, but it felt like the air got stuck halfway and when the sound reached my ears, I noticed I'd made a strangled wheeze. That, combined with the dark, really made me start panicking.

I'm gonna die like this. Suffocated. In the darkness. Alone.

I started to get dizzy.

"Bella …"

I desperately tried to remove the snare again, but just like the last time, my hands grabbed nothing but skin and air, and when I lowered my hands, I gasped. I tried to gasp, but the limited access to my lungs made it come out like a strange hiccup.

My hands were red with blood.

"Bella!"

If there was something I couldn't stand apart from the dark, it was blood.

Suddenly the red on my hands switched to black, and I looked up to see the black hole in its full nature. Black. Dark. There was no doubt that I would end up like Renée. Torn apart, limb by limb, until there was nothing left.

And I screamed.

~X~

Suddenly everything was light. The change from the dark to the light was too sudden, and while I was waiting for my eyes to adjust I couldn't see anything other than the blinding light.

Was this heaven? Had I died?

As I was pondering about whether I was dead or not, I became aware of other things. When my eyes were blinded, my other senses got stronger, and soon I heard the wind blow in my ear. It sounded like it was storming, but there was a strange sound I discerned in the wind that I couldn't place. Was someone crying? It sounded like someone was sobbing or screaming, but it was too faint to know for sure.

Out of habit, I swallowed. But as soon as I did it, there was a searing pain in my throat. A fire flared up, burning wildly, until it controlled itself and became small and barely noticeable.

I became even more confused. If I was in heaven, why did I feel pain?

With that realization, I could state that I wasn't in heaven. But where was I?

As if I'd been under water, my hearing suddenly became stronger, clearer. The wind was gone, replaced by a sound that I could identify as my short, desperate breaths, and the cries in the storm were replaced by my tearless sobs.

"Please, Bella. Wake up … everything's gonna be fine, just … please …"

In that exact moment, the light stopped blinding me and my vision returned. My sight was blurry, but I could make out the familiar bronze hair that had yet to be brushed, and my eyes flickered down to the red, full lips that I'd kissed more times than I could count before focusing on the eyes. Oh, the green. I'd forgotten how beautiful they were. The eyes of my angel.

Maybe I was in heaven. My heaven.

Somehow, as soon as I looked into his eyes, my pulse slowed down and my breaths slowly became steadier with every inhale.

"Bella? Oh fuck, baby, you scared me," Edward said, sighing in relief. The corner of his mouth lifted slightly and his eyes sparkled as he looked into mine. There was a slight hint of worry in them, and his smile was soon replaced by a frown. "What happened?"

I shut my eyes, trying to remember. I had been so sure it was real; so sure that I had died. "I – I had a nightmare. There was a … a – and everything was just so … so dark."

Even though I knew it was a nightmare, I was still shaken up. With the memories of the dark, the screaming, and the suffocation, my pulse started to speed up. My senses were on alert, automatically searching for the danger that no longer existed.

It was just a dream. It's over now, Bella. Don't be such a chicken, I ranted over and over in my head. I have Edward, he won't let anything happen. It was just a dream …

I was silly, I knew that.

But nothing prepared me for my reaction when I felt Edward tenderly stroke my cheek.

"Bella, turn around."

"Do you know how that made me feel?"

"… hurt, betrayed …"

"You lied to me, baby."

"… start packing your bags …"

"… over …"

The memories of last night came flooding over me. I opened my eyes wide and stared into his eyes with horror.

Oh my God … My brain was working overtime in processing everything. I couldn't help the gasp that escaped me, and my hand instinctively covered my mouth in shock.

Edward moved his hand from my face and started stroking my hair in a soothing gesture. "Bella, it's alright. It was just a nightmare, okay?"

Yes, it was just a nightmare. When I woke up, I thought I had escaped it. I'd thought I would find solace as soon as the dream was over. But I realized that I couldn't escape from it. Not ever. Because this was the real nightmare.

"No," I breathed.

"What? It will be fine, don't worry," Edward said reassuringly. He made a move to stroke my cheek again, but I recoiled, trying to get out of his embrace.

"Don't touch me," I snapped. I struggled to get up on my feet, but my clumsiness decided to strike in my haste and I stumbled, which left me with no other choice than crawling backwards.

I was breathing heavily by the time my back hit the cabinet doors. I willed my eyes to hide the fear and show strength, and I made eye contact with Edward. His mouth was slightly open, his eyebrows pulled together, his eyes staring at me in confusion.

"Bella?" His voice cracked.

"Don't," I snarled.

"Bella, what's wrong?" he asked as he slowly walked toward me.

My heart cracked a little to see him confused and hurt, but he knew exactly what was wrong. Was this just another game of his?

I glared at him.

He walked the two remaining steps and sat down on his knees, all the while his eyes searched mine.

Don't show weakness, be strong. Don't waver. He'll crush you.

I'd pulled up my knees to my chest and my hands were in clenched fists, lying on top of them. Edward slowly put his right hand on top of mine, grasping it lightly, caressing my knuckles. "Tell me, Bella. Please."

His hand was so warm. The tingling I'd felt for the past five years was still there along with his touch. As much as I hated my body for responding, I couldn't help closing my eyes at the feeling. A split second passed before I cursed myself for dreaming away and I forced my eyes open again.

Edward was still looking at me, but his eyes were genuine now. Honest. And they were filled with worry.

"Please," he whispered.

His pleading threw me for a loop, and my resistance melted like ice cream on a hot summer day.

"But … last night …" I opposed weakly. Edward's eyes brightened when I opened my mouth, but darkened visibly by the time I closed it. My gaze alternated between his eyes and our entwined hands in my lap. It didn't slip my notice that his hand had stopped moving, no longer caressing my knuckles.

"You know I didn't mean that, honey," Edward said lightly.

"Mmm," I murmured. What was I supposed to say? 'What part did you not mean? The part where you said you loved me?' No, thank you. I settled for a safe 'mmm', but Edward was having none of that. He put his finger under my chin, tilting my head up, and my eyes automatically focused on his smoldering gaze.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he apologized. "It's just that … there's this case that has taken so long and we're finally going to court, and Ben has been putting me through hell to make sure he'll win this case," he explained, gesturing with his hands. He sighed in frustration and hid his face behind his palms. "I'm so sorry."

I could barely make out the words, and I was surprised at the sudden agony in his voice.

"Hey," I said, gently prying his hands from his face. "It's okay," I found myself saying. "It's okay."

He hesitantly looked up at me. "Really? I promise it won't happen again," he added quickly.

"Yes, really," I said, suppressing a smile when his eyes lit up.

Suddenly he threw his arms around me, embracing me in a tight hug. "I wouldn't know what to do without you," he whispered, his breath tickling my ear.

My heart skipped a beat and I smiled in response, even though I knew Edward couldn't see it.

Edward pulled back, his fingers lightly stroking down my arms. "I have to go to work," he said hoarsely. He cleared his throat before continuing, "I'm probably gonna be late tonight, I have tons of paperwork. And Ben will probably give me more," he muttered.

"I won't wait up for you," I said, my mouth quirking up into a grin.

"Don't," he countered, flashing his crooked smile. He stood up, grasping my hands and pulling me with him. He let go of my hands and I subtly placed them on his chest. I gazed into his eyes, feeling the safe rising of his chest underneath my palms. "I have to go," he whispered.

"I know," I sighed.

He crouched down a little in order to look into my eyes more directly. "Take care, will ya?"

I nodded, unable to stop the smile from spreading all over my face. "I will."

He nodded once, smiling, too. He turned around and walked to the hall, putting his coat on. He went out of my sight, and I could hear his footsteps nearing the door.

"Edward?" I called.

He peeked his head around the corner, his hands grasping the door frame. "Yeah?"

"Good luck."

"Thanks," he smiled. He grabbed his suitcase, and after a few seconds I heard the door close.

I staggered toward the table, my knees starting to wobble more and more. I sat down on one of the chairs, placing my elbows on the table, slowly caressing my temples.

Welcome to another episode of Bella Cullen's life. Hope you enjoy the show.

I laughed to myself, miraculously finding some irony in my life. My life was like a roller coaster – it went up and down. Either you could choose to join the ride when it was slowly crawling upwards: it went slow, and it was also easy to get on. But, it was boring. And how would you ever know when it would go down again? You could continue upwards for all eternity.

Or, you could choose to join the ride when it was on the way down, fast as lightning. Harder to get on, but once you were in the carriage, you could enjoy the ride. All you had to do was jump from the top. Was it safe? No. You could miss the carriage entirely, and then you had to face the consequences. Every day I was standing beside the carriage and had to make that decision.

And honestly, why would I ever choose the boring ride?

My stomach growled, snapping me out of my musings. Glancing at the clock, I decided to eat some breakfast. I pulled out the milk from the fridge, grabbed the cereal in the other hand and sat down at the table. I was starving, but I was positive I couldn't handle eating an omelet. I usually made omelets on the weekends as I didn't have the time to make it on the weekdays – I prioritized other things, such as sleeping in. I may have lived for my job, but without a good night's sleep, I wasn't going anywhere. And as my presence wasn't needed at work anymore, I could sleep in and make omelet.

The pros about not having a job almost outweighed the cons. Almost.

My stomach churned at the idea of an omelet for breakfast, and my hands were still shaking a little. Making an omelet now was just bound to end in a mess. So cereal had to do for now.

I was just raising the spoon, mid-chew, as I remembered what I'd done all night. I dropped the spoon and rushed to the bathroom, quickly coming to a stop when I looked in the mirror.

"Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no," I groaned. "My face!"

My eyes were bloodshot and puffy, not to mention the big bags under them. My hair was in a mess, standing up at all sides, looking like a huge bird's nest. It looked like I hadn't combed my hair for months, or like I'd had sex all night. And I could definitely eliminate the latter.

But worst of all was the make-up. There were black blotches on my cheeks and forehead, and now dried streams of mascara under my eyes. I was filled with horror. I've smudged it all over my face. I couldn't, wouldn't, go outside today. Not when I looked like this. Not a chance.

I found the make-up remover and desperately tried to remove the mascara. Thank God I didn't have any foundation …

"Oh, no," I moaned as I was struck by another realization. Edward had seen me like this.

Crap.

Not only had he seen that I had cried, I had looked like … like a … witch. With really bad make-up.

I couldn't for the life of me understand how he could have endured looking at me. I looked awful.

Suddenly, I burst into laughter. My knees buckled and I fell down on the floor, laughing like crazy, clutching my stomach. I couldn't stop. Every time I thought I would calm down, I giggled, and another fit of laughter started.

I couldn't remember the last time I laughed this much. I really should mess up my make-up more often.

And I started laughing again.

~X~

After a while, I finally composed myself and the laughter died down. I stood up and tried not to laugh as I looked into the mirror, removing the rest of the make-up. I tried to brush my hair, but decided that I couldn't do anything about it, and I stripped out of my clothes and took a long shower.

Walking out of the shower, a cold gust of air hit me, making me shiver. I quickly found a towel and wrapped it around me. When I'd straightened my hair somewhat, I went upstairs to find some clothes.

Hesitating a little, I grabbed the knob and opened the bedroom door.

The bed was made, the curtains were opened a little; the sun casting a stream of light on the bed, and the floor was as dust-free as it had been yesterday.

I guess I shouldn't have expected anything but the ordinary.

I opened the doors to the closet. His clothes were folded and lying in neat piles.

I really shouldn't have expected anything but perfection.

I sighed and pulled out the first thing I saw: a pair of gray sweatpants and a white T-shirt. I dressed and went downstairs, remembering that I still hadn't cleaned up in the kitchen after breakfast.

I hand washed the dishes just for the sake of having something to do. In a way, I dreaded signing up for unemployment. It would make everything final, officially marking me with the label 'unemployed'. But I was just coming up with reasons to not do it, so I collected all the papers I needed, went to the living room, and signed in on my laptop. I'd heard you could file a claim online, and as I refused to leave the house that fit me perfectly.

Filing the claim went smoothly. I logged in, answered some questions, and went to Edward's office to print out the information. According to the website, I would start getting my benefits next week, this week being an unpaid week.

Money wasn't the problem in the family. Edward was working as an attorney, earning more than enough for the both of us. I just wanted to have something to contribute with. I didn't like feeling helpless, not doing anything to help. And if this small benefit was what I could contribute with, I would take it.

Edward had been a trained attorney for about two years. He graduated from law school with a JD law degree, and now he was working as an associate in a small law firm in Brooklyn. Ben was the owner of the firm, and although I'd only met him briefly once, I could tell he was a great guy. I often heard complaints about him from Edward, but I knew the only reason he was so hard on him was because he could see Edward had potential.

I knew he had potential, too. I knew it because of all the nights I'd been up with him, helping him studying. He'd studied so hard, graduating as one of the best in his class, and I knew one day it would pay off.

I took the newly printed paper and went back downstairs to the living room. I turned off the laptop and sat down in the sofa. I was so exhausted. I hadn't gotten much sleep last night, and now it was catching up to me.

I went to the bookshelves that held my collection of classics, and decided to reread Sense and Sensibility. I'd read it more times than I could count, but I could never grow tired of the classics. I just loved them; loved dreaming away to another time that was much less complicated than the time I was living in. Although the things that were important then, were still important now.

Money.

Life.

Love.

Just more complicated.

I pulled out the book, the edges torn and the cover worn out, but still the same book I'd bought ten years ago. I sat down in the sofa again and started reading.

The family of Dashwood had long been settled in Sussex. Their estate was large, and their residence was at Norland Park, in the centre of their property, where, for many generations, they had lived in so respectable a manner as to engage the general good opinion of their surrounding acquaintance. The late owner of this estate was a single man …

Within minutes, I was fast asleep.

~X~

I awoke two hours later to the sound of a horn blaring outside in the street. I sleepily sat up, coming to the conclusion that I'd fallen asleep. My neck was stiff, and my back hurt from lying on the couch for so long.

I turned on the TV and zapped between channels. One channel was sending some bad comedy, another a football game. I found a rerun of Big Brother, and decided that that would have to suffice.

After watching a few episodes of Big Brother, I noticed it was dinner time. I made a light Caesar salad and topped it with chicken. I wasn't very fond of salad, but Caesar salad was the only salad I liked. And with chicken, it was delicious.

Sitting at the table, alone, once again, the silence in the house was severe. Quickly finishing, I read a bit more before calling it an early night.

I'd brushed my teeth and changed into my pajamas when I slipped under the soft covers in our bed. The day had taken its toll on me, and I quickly fell asleep.

Still half-asleep, I felt the mattress dip and I was embraced by a pair of warm, safe arms. I tried to turn around, but stopped when I heard a low 'shhh'.

"Sleep," a velvety voice whispered.

Smiling, I nuzzled my head against the pillow and went back to sleep. One thought occurred just as I was slipping back into unconsciousness.

This will work out.

A/N: I know, it's been a while since I updated, but I probably won't update faster. School has started again, and I don't have much time to write. But I'll write as much as I can. I hope this will be okay with all of you :)

So, my beta's birthday was last week, and I've been wondering 'what is the perfect present?' That's why I'm going to rec her story "From Phoenix to La Push". It's funny, romantic, adventurous, and there are some hot La Push boys! You want to take a break from this angsty/creepy/weird story? Go read it and review!

We saw another side of Edward today, didn't we? Is Bella crazy for staying? Will this work out? I'd love to hear your thoughts and theories!

Reviews make me write faster…

Thanks for reading!