Fun With Lovecraft
Chapter 2
Shub-Niggurath
Shub-Niggurath, the Black Goat of the Woods With a Thousand Young, looked out her window at the assembled cultists, "IA! Shub-Niggurath! IA! Shub-Niggurath!" "You're annoying me! Go away!" The cultists bowed before their goddess, clearly not understanding what she was saying, "Go away or I'll feed you to my Thousand Young!" "IA! Shub-Niggurath!! IA!!" Shub grunted and went back inside. "Moooommmmm! Andy took my cultists!" "Mom, Tammy has cooties!" "Then don't go around her. Andy, give your brother back his cultists!" "But I'm his sister!" "Really" Shub-Niggurath squinted, when one has a thousand young, one tends to get confused, "Alright Andy, give your sister her cultists back."
Several young clung to her body like leeches, nursing from her countless udders as she walked around to the living room, "Yog! Yog-Sothtoh" "Yes, dear?" "When are you going to do something about these kids?" "When I finish the paper, love." "You've been reading that same paper for two million years!" "It has some good articles..." Shub-Niggurath sighed, "And you got another letter from that Lavinia Whateley woman, you've been ordered to pay child support!" Yog-Sothoth looked up, "I'll take care of it." "Haven't you already, if you had kept your key in your gate instead of unlocking every door in the galaxy, you wouldn't have these problems!" Yog-Sothoth went back to his paper, "Hmmm... Ethanol is driving the price of corn way up... Nyarlathotep has the most diabolical mind I've ever known, using humans to destroy themselves in a futile attempt to cut back carbon emissions..." He laughed gelatinously. "Yog-Sothtoh, I was talking to father the other day and he says..." "FATHER!" Yog-Sothoth jumped from his seat, "You were talking to Azathoth?" "Yes, I was." She stomped a half dozen hooves on the floor, "And he's very unhappy with you fooling around, and when Azathoth gets unhappy, universes die." "I had to, I was summoned! I owed Old Man Whateley a favor!" "Well, daddy doesn't care! Cheat on me again, and you'll be dancing around the Nuclear Chaos until your pseudopods fall off!" Yog-Sothoth sturttered, "Y-y-yes, d-d-dear..." "That's better." She turned, "Nug, put Yeb's temple back where you found it." "But mom!" "NOW!" Nug turned and tripped over the Furnace of Yeb, spilling Black Fire onto the carpet. "Great . . ." After she'd finished cleaning up the mess and wrangling her young into bed, she collapsed on the eays chair, "What a day . . ." Shub-Niggurath noticed one of her young sleeping overlooked on the couch. She picked it up and carried it to bed, lovingly tucking it in.