BELLA POV
I felt my eyelids flutter, and cursed inwardly. I should've known I'd be too much of a coward to go through with the whole suicide thing. I'd been planning to do it for weeks - life was far too hard to live without... Edward. I literally mentally sighed his name. For the first couple of months I couldn't even say his name. Everywhere I looked I remembered Edward humming me my lullaby, or kissing me, or keeping the bad dreams away. Keeping me safe. For months, I could smell him on everything. Edward promised to leave nothing to remind me of him - but he left everything. Yeah, the physical memories might not have been there, but what about the mental ones? The ones that I could remember? I can still picture his smell. I inhaled deeply and jumped with a start. I could smell his smell. Maybe I'd whacked my head or something...
I tried to shift, expecting to roll onto the comforting cool grass of the meadow, but my eyes flew open in shock when I found instead a firm pair of arms holding me. I half shrieked when I saw who it was. Edward. Memories before I'd fainted suddenly come flooding back. He's here? For real? I kept asking myself. I didn't realize I must have been staring up into his face for literally about five minutes. I hadn't seen his face in so long.
Edward smiled down at me. I was cradled in his arms. Edward's arms were the only arms I ever wanted to be cradled in.
He had that smile that he used to reserve especially for me on. That beautiful crooked smile that I used to adore so much... I closed my eyes again. Why couldn't I wake up already? This dream would only make it harder to live without him! Or was this a nightmare? Torturing me in the worst possible way. The only thing I truly wanted, the only thing I could never have.
"Bella, love. I'm supposed to keep you awake." The voice I remember so well told me, jostling me only a little bit.
I let my eye lids flutter open again. I was in the Cullens house. It was strange that I still remembered it so well after not being in it for so long. I doubt I could remember it if I would awake... My subconscious mind really was playing tricks on me.
I let my eyes flutter closed again. Wake up, already, Bella! I told myself sternly.
"Bella, please!" The voice said again, only a bit more strangled. I huffed in annoyance, and tried to twist out of his arms. Maybe it'd be easier to drift out of my dream if I wasn't lying in my angels arms. But they held me firm, and I groaned. My subconscious had a better grip on me than I imagined. I really couldn't wake myself up from this one...
When Edward left, the nightmares came. I had to teach myself to wake up at my demand, since Edward wasn't there to ward off the nightmares like he used to.
"Leave me alone! I'm tryn'a wake up!" I growled at him, my voice coming out slurred.
"You are awake, love." The voice said, coming nearer. I almost jumped out of my skin when I felt his cool lips come down on my forehead.
"No, I'm not! This is gon'na make everything so much worse!" I groaned.
"I'm here, Bella." Edward said, and for the first time since he'd been trying to 'wake me', I popped my eyes open properly. Was it really true? Was I awake? Was he here?
"I'm here, love." He told me, again. And then I opened my mouth, and howled.
I cried for the months of my life I'd thrown away for him. I cried at the fact I was willing to give myself to him so simply, so easily. I cried for the fact that I probably wasn't even awake, and this would set me back about 3 months in therapy.
The angel had a pained expression on his face, and he wiped away at my tears in vain with his cool thumbs.
"A-Are you really here?" I asked him, bringing one hand up to touch his face. I sighed in relief through my tears when I felt the strong contours of his jaw, the coolness of his skin.
This was real.
He was here. With me.
"Don't cry, Bella. Please. I'll go if you want me to, I didn't mean to -" He started to say, to which I more or less screamed at him. I had never quite voiced how much I'd wanted him back.
"No!" I screeched, clinging to the t-shirt he had on - the one he left me in all those months ago... "Y-You can't leave me. Ever. Ever!" I sobbed, wanting more than anything.
I heard him sigh, and he clutched me tighter.
"Never again, Bella. Those months were the most painful months of my life, I'm far too selfish to ever do it again." He told me, kissing my eyebrows, my hairline, my eyelids, my cheekbones, any place he could get. I sagged against him, happy to hear he was here for good.
"Never again, Bella. Never." I nodded against his chest, wrapping my arms around his neck. I placed a few light kisses along his jaw, and calmed down enough to stop crying.
"How do I know you're not just saying that though?" I asked him, cringing when my voice came out thick and gravelly, like it always did after I'd been crying.
"Trust me, Bella. I'm far too much of a selfish creature to ever leave you of my own accord ever again. If you want to send me away - then so be it, but I could never leave you ever again." I nodded and just inhaled his scent for a little while. I wanted to bottle that scent. I wanted to drown in that scent.
"Can you ever forgive me, Bella?" He asked, almost sounding guilty. I nodded viciously against his shoulder.
"Already have." I told him, and he kissed my forehead again.
"You forgive far too easily, Bella. If you wanted me to grovel, if you wanted me to beg, I would've. If you didn't want me at all and moved on, I would've gone. Believe me when I say this, I'm okay with waiting for you if you need time." He told me, and I almost laughed at his sweetness. He was just too cute.
"All I need, is you're promise that you'll never leave me again."
He shook his head quickly.
"I couldn't. Bella, you've got to understand... There's been something - I haven't been telling you..." He appeared to be struggling with himself.
"What?" I asked him, eyebrow raised. What could be bigger news than being a vampire? I wasn't surprised by much nowadays, let me tell you.
"Bella; these months have been the hardest months I've ever lived in my life. You are my everything. My life, my love, my home. I would be happy with whatever decision you made, whether you lived with me as a human, whether you wanted to be changed to vampire, or whether you didn't want me at all. But the thing that made those months hardest to spend away from you, is because... You're my mate. You were no longer something I just wanted, you were a necessity for me to live. If you wanted me to leave, I'd leave knowing I'd made you happy, doing something you wanted. I knew it... From the moment I saw you, you'd have to be mine. I'm saying this now, that I'll never leave you, for as long as I live." He told me, while I just sat there with my mouth opening and closing like a fish.
"Edward, I - "
"You don't have to return the feelings, Bella. You don't have to feel the same. As I said, if you want me to leave, I'll leave, because I know it's something you want, that'll make you happy. You just need to kno - "
I cut him off by sitting up and kissing him full on the lips. I moaned when I touched his lips to mine for the first time in six months. Never had anything felt so good, so right.
He skimmed his hands up and down my sides, then rested them on my hips. I pulled away and hugged him as tight as I could, knowing it wouldn't hurt him.
I collapsed back into his arms, finally happy, finally sated.
"I'm so happy." I sighed.
"Me too, love." He told me.
I twisted in his arms so that my back was pressed to his chest, his arms wrapped around my hips, and my legs resting in between his. Pretty comfy way to sit if you ask me.
"Bella!" I heard one of the many voices I'd missed so much over the past few months - Emmett. He was running down the stairs, loud as ever, with Rosalie trailing behind him. He came round to what I realized was the living room sofa me and Edward were sitting on and swooped down to hug me, but backed away when Edward let out a ferocious sounding growl from behind me. I jumped and Edward tightened his grip around my waist, to the point it was almost painful. A good painful, though.
Emmett looked rather shaken while Rosalie just smiled down at me and gave me a hug. I raised an eyebrow at Emmett when Edward allowed this, and he just shrugged.
Alice came bounding down the stairs, positively beaming. She ran to me and Edward and pulled me into a hug, talking excitedly into my ear the whole time.
"I'm so happy you're back! You have no idea! We'll go shopping soon, I need some summer clothes, we've been up in Alaska, it's always freezing! Not even I can make a bulky coat look good most of the time." She told me, pulling back and shaking her head. I giggled, in spite of everything. What the hell was wrong with me?
Jasper simply nodded at me, which didn't surprise me - he wasn't much of a touchy feely person from what I can remember, apart from with Alice.
Esme and Carlisle were standing in the door way. They had that proud Mom and Dad look on.
Esme gave me a short but firm hug, whispering in my ear how much she missed me, while Carlisle gave me a very fatherly smile.
"Do you mind if I have a word with you, Bella, in my office?" Carlisle asked. God, it'd been a while since I heard that!
Edward did that snarling thing again, and I shivered as his cool breath rushed down my spine.
"You can come too, Edward - if you must." He added as an afterthought. I felt Edward nod behind me and he swung me up into his arms, making me squeal. He carried me up to Carlisles office, and I breathed in that familiar musky smell of old books and wood.
Edward sat down in the chair opposite Carlisles on the other side of the dress, plonking me down on his lap side ways, cradling me again. I blushed as Edward trailed small kisses down my neck and collarbone, obviously enjoying the new angle.
Carlisle cleared his throat, and Edward stopped with an air of annoyance.
"I assume Edward's told you about the..." Carlisle gestured with his hands vaguely, obviously not wanting to give anything away if Edward hadn't told me.
"Mate, yes." That sultry voice said.
"Right - good. Well, Bella, you'll notice a bit of a change of behavior from Edward, I'm afraid. With all mates, for the first few months, they are very possessive and eager to claim their mates. When Emmett and Jasper found their mates, they went away for a few months. I bought Esme an island, not long ago. Completely deserted, so no danger of any injuries or deaths. But obviously you have Charlie to worry about - so it's slightly different - "
"I don't mind. I could just tell him I'm going college or something." I cut in quickly, feeling my cheeks heat at the conversation.
Carlisle grimaced. "But you see, you're the only case of a human-vampire mating, so we'd worry."
"Worry?" I asked, not fully understanding.
"We'd worry you'd come back a vampire. We'd have to just warn the Em and Jaz to keep clear of you for the first few months, and you can carry on as you used to."
"I don't think that'll work, Carlisle. If Edward plans to move back here, he won't like seeing me with Charlie, Jake, even his own brothers. I think it's probably just best we stay out of the way." I told him, running it through in my head a few times after.
"But incase he changes you - " Carlisle started.
"I thought that was the inevitable. Before Edward left - " I swallowed uncomfortably. "We'd agreed that at some point he'd change me. I don't wanna grow old and I most definitely don't wanna leave Edward." I leaned back into him as I said it, and he let a contented rumble leave his chest.
"It's yours and Edwards decision. If you are prepared to leave Charlie for a few months, then so be it." Carlisle said, with a tight smile.
"I just don't want to put any one in danger." I told him, and he nodded.
Carlisle left the room, leaving just me and Edward curled up on the chair.
"You'd really be prepared to spend a few months alone with me?" He asked.
"Nothing I'd rather do." I told him, yawning.